The Gate

I feel a lot closer to me in this moment with all the senses going.

I just mean there are more thoughts of 'I'ness in the present moment than as a memory. I'll try to write plainer - it's a habit of using long words ☺

'I'Ness is my way of describing the sense of an identity, a thinker, an owner of thoughts, emotions and sensations. Memories are vague and often clearly to be distrusted but questioning the sense of a doer in the present seems a bigger job.

I can't feel it - there are feelings being felt but not by a me. I just got frustrated during a presentation I was making and said something I shouldn't have. I felt bad. This is emotion, thought. I feel heavy in my feet. Thoughts like - soldier on occurring. Imagining further problems.

I reckon identity becomes a thing when it is thought about. I'm like this - this will happen if I don't do that etc. So I suppose the more thoughts there are like this, the stronger the sense of a doer is. It's not like I have a clear sense of self though. Just some thoughts that are to do with that subject which I am now questioning.

I don't believe "sense of doer" exists other than as a thought. It can't be found with any of the other senses.

I don't know - could you help me to look for a doer or absence of one again, perhaps in another way - if I were to say no doer now I feel I wouldn't really know what I was saying. Feels like a step into the unknown.