Grace

[Jadzia]

Exploring what it is like to actually live from "no-self" or flow. During quiet time it is easy to go there -- to spacious awareness or flow. More difficult when with others.

It is thoughts which labels things, adds a word to a raw experience, sorts experiences.
Does one word/one thought ever come alone?
When you look at something right now, is there just one word/label or many?
Are there just labels or are there immediately thoughts added which can be called memory, or future thoughts? Is there a whole bunch of thoughts?

When looking at pain, what is there? A raw experience, yes.

Pain is an arising sensation in flow/awareness. Then a thought arises "I don't like this" --- followed by a strong negative emotion/sensation. Followed by a thought "I need to do something about this pain . NOW!".

What labels the "strong negative emotion/sensation", what adds a whole story and with pain it is a huge one?
What else apart from the label can be found in the story about pain?
And to whom does the pain happen?
To Carter? What makes pain somewhat personal?
Have a good look at the train of thoughts appearing when there is pain, physical or other one.

There is awareness flow as you write, is the experience called awareness any different from the experience pain? And if yes, what makes the difference?

But then I wonder if maybe I can love all of it -- the experiences, the thoughts, the emotions.

What exactly is it which is experiencing anything?
And again, what is telling if experience is preferable to thoughts and emotions?

Love,
Jadzia

[CarterGrace]

Does one word/one thought ever come alone?
When you look at something right now, is there just one word/label or many?
Are there just labels or are there immediately thoughts added which can be called memory, or future thoughts? Is there a whole bunch of thoughts?

There is an experience, then a thought about it. Actually not one thought but a whole arising of bubbling thoughts -- that seem to be noticed/recognized by consciousness sequentially. And can wander into memory or future or an associated string of thoughts that wander off to .............. Mars.

What labels the "strong negative emotion/sensation", what adds a whole story and with pain it is a huge one?
What else apart from the label can be found in the story about pain?
And to whom does the pain happen?
To Carter? What makes pain somewhat personal?
Have a good look at the train of thoughts appearing when there is pain, physical or other one.

The labeling thoughts about a pain just arise -- usually consistent with the Carter character current conditioning.
"This is a minor pain sensation -- it can be ignored." -- or --
"This is a bad pain and I can't stand it. I must do something. -- try and relax and let go of suffering -- damn, the pain is still there -- maybe try a palliative -- hope that will work - wonder if this is chronic -- don't know how my wife stands her chronic pain - blah - blah - blah - oh, this bad pain is still there -- must do something -------"

There is awareness flow as you write, is the experience called awareness any different from the experience pain? And if yes, what makes the difference?

Sometimes, Awareness feels like the boundless space within which experiences happen -- but then, when explored further, Awareness-ing is just the flowing experience of all-that-is. So, experiencing awareness (as content) is no different than noticing pain. But, somehow ?being? flowing-awareness is different than experiencing pain. [Hope that made sense.]

What exactly is it which is experiencing anything? And again, what is telling if experience is preferable to thoughts and emotions?

Poke a sea anenome body and it closes up. Poke a Carter body and it contracts and yells and thinks lots of thoujghts based on its conditioning. Poke the k key on this keyboard and it produces lots of kkkkkkkkkkk's. So the Carter-machine condtioning differentiates between experience and thoughts/emotions.

Thanks and love for your guidance, Carter.

[Jadzia]

There is an experience, then a thought about it. Actually not one thought but a whole arising of bubbling thoughts -- that seem to be noticed/recognized by consciousness sequentially. And can wander into memory or future or an associated string of thoughts that wander off to .............. Mars.

When strictly looking and not leaning in on thoughts content:
What about time? Can something like time be found in AE?
What exactly is found which points to time and to something happening sequentially?
There is this moment, can a beginning or an end of this moment be found?
What is memory and future in AE?

The labeling thoughts about a pain just arise -- usually consistent with the Carter character current conditioning.

Let’s keep this simple.
There is a raw sensation. There is a label=thought.
What happens then? The story of Carter is starting, all content of thought, nothing of which can be found in AE.
Or can you find any bits of the Carter story in AE?

Sometimes, Awareness feels like the boundless space within which experiences happen -- but then, when explored further, Awareness-ing is just the flowing experience of all-that-is.

Here we start running into trouble with words and it is important to keep in mind, that something like Awareness or Consciousness are just words, just concepts.
The dropping of the belief system ‘I’, Carter leaves a gap, be careful not to fill it.

This kept in mind we can use the word Awareness to describe something which actually is indescribable.

So, experiencing awareness (as content) is no different than noticing pain. But, somehow ?being? flowing-awareness is different than experiencing pain. [Hope that made sense.]

Hm, in the story yes, outside of the Carter story no. ;-)
If flowing awareness is different than experiencing pain this would point to separation since awareness and pain would be two different things – there is no separation at all.
So have a look again.

Poke a sea anenome body and it closes up. Poke a Carter body and it contracts and yells and thinks lots of thoujghts based on its conditioning. Poke the k key on this keyboard and it produces lots of kkkkkkkkkkk's. So the Carter-machine condtioning differentiates between experience and thoughts/emotions

With there being no separation at all, where do you find the sea anemone, its body, Carter, its body, key, keyboard?

Love
Jadzia

[CarterGrace]

Hi Jadzia -- Sorry for th delay -- we drove to San Diego to visit my miracle son and grand kids. A caring, happy, loving, and thriving family has arisen from selfishness, drugs and rebellion. Amazing and wonderful.

When strictly looking and not leaning in on thoughts content:
What about time? Can something like time be found in AE?
What exactly is found which points to time and to something happening sequentially?
There is this moment, can a beginning or an end of this moment be found?
What is memory and future in AE?

[I assume AE means Actual Experience.]
Time can only be found in content -- a thought-memory or thought-projection. As is the apparent sequencing. But it does capture one's attention. .
This moment has no beginning or end.

Or can you find any bits of the Carter story in AE?

If flowing awareness is different than experiencing pain this would point to separation since awareness and pain would be two different things – there is no separation at all.
So have a look again

There is no Carter Story (or any story) in AE. And yet, and yet -- suffering still seems to arise from pain!

But when I look again, There is breathing, there is pain, there are thoughts. All arise in flowing awareness or AE.

With there being no separation at all, where do you find the sea anemone, its body, Carter, its body, key, keyboard?

I find them in a giggle, a smile, a burst of laughter -- and in sorrow and pain and confusion! :-)

Enough for now. Thank you for you patience and love, Carter.

[Jadzia]

Seems as if you spend your time well.

I assume AE means Actual Experience.

Yes, thank you.

Time can only be found in content -- a thought-memory or thought-projection. As is the apparent sequencing. But it does capture one's attention. .
This moment has no beginning or end.

The illusion wouldn’t be such a success story if it wouldn’t be good and capturing.

All in thought, right?
Memory= thoughts about seemingly past events
Thought projection= thoughts about seemingly future events.
Daydreaming is thinking about future and is usually seen as not showing something real. What about memory?

Is there a future or a past at all?

Can Awareness be found in AE?

Love,
Jadzia

[CarterGrace]

The illusion wouldn’t be such a success story if it wouldn’t be good and capturing.

LAUGH OUT LOUD :-)

All in thought, right? Memory= thoughts about seemingly past events. Thought projection= thoughts about seemingly future events. Daydreaming is thinking about future and is usually seen as not showing something real. What about memory?
Is there a future or a past at all?

"Memory" is a thought-illusion whose content may or may not be consistent with other peoples memory-thoughts.
Time/past/future is a delightful creation/arising in the contents of thoughts. Like a rainbow or iridescent butterfly wings.

Can Awareness be found in AE?

Awareness can not be found in AE like a rock or a cat. But it seems it can be experieinced as a sese of expansion and flow -- and love --- and laughter.

Much love and thanks, Carter.

PS. "MY BODY". I was watching a video by someone I know is very awake -- way beyond the sense of a separate body or doer -- and he was talking about healing energy for the body -- which is puzzling if there is no body. And I realized that AE includes the experience of a world and place and body -- that is thought of as "my world" and "my body". And the "MY" is not possessive -- merely descriptive of actual experience.
This body, like this world is just part of the playground we get to have experiences and play in. Does that make any sense? (And all the "I"s are shorthand for experiences arising.)

Much love again, Carter.

[Jadzia]

Time/past/future is a delightful creation/arising in the contents of thoughts. Like a rainbow or iridescent butterfly wings.

Yes, it is another of the illusions.

Awareness can not be found in AE like a rock or a cat. But it seems it can be experieinced as a sese of expansion and flow -- and love --- and laughter.

Who or what experiences awareness?
Are experience and awareness two?

Lets have a look at hearing.
Take any sound you hear right now and allow your attention to rest on it.
Can you find a hearer, something or someone, or is there just hearing?

For whom or what is there a playground?
Are player and the playground something different/separate from each other?

Love,
Jadzia

[CarterGrace]

Who or what experiences awareness? Are experience and awareness two?

Awareness experiences awareness -- and ... is experience. When I look. BUT a part of me resists this -- DEFIES IT.
"You Jadzia (and all other teachers including the internal one CAN NOT MAKE ME GIVE UP MY SEPARATE SELF. CAN NOT PUSH ME OFF THE HIGH DIVE!"
Sometimes the resistance is subtle, but its there most of the time. A membrane that separates me from freedom.
And who or what is it, Jadzia may ask, that is the source of this resistance. Is it real. Or just a thought/label. It is just a thought -- but one with a powerful swirl of energy --- an energetic layer of protective NO! energy -- protecting a core hurt self from mothers and teachers and wives and bosses and kids.

The protective layer feels like it needs to be honored and thanked for its years of protecting that sensitive core -- and then Awareness can see that the sensitive core is -- is -- is -- (drum role) -- NOTHING! Just the eye ("I"?) in the middle of the hurricane. The emptiness that includes everything -- all powerful -- all inclusive -- and totally invulnerable in its empty clarity. The eye is awareness/experience itself.

Something seems to have shifted in that monologue. The irony that the resistant defiant protective layer is protecting the infinite power of empty awareness.

Lets have a look at hearing. Take any sound you hear right now and allow your attention to rest on it.
Can you find a hearer, something or someone, or is there just hearing?

The hearer is a thought. The source of the sound (a dog's park out my open widow) is a thought construct. Only hearing -- like a spark of light in the infinite darkness.

For whom or what is there a playground? Are player and the playground something different/separate from each other?

Only playing. Only typing. No Carter. No Jadzia. No Internet. Only awareness experiencing, -- dancing with itself.

Well , maybe "I" have gone off the deep end (jumped off the high dive?) -- but it sure feels good.

Much love and thanks, Carter.

[Jadzia]

What a wonderful read!
Is there still any verification needed?

Awareness experiences awareness -- and ... is experience.

No experiencer, just experience.

Only awareness experiencing, -- dancing with itself.
....just dancing, just experiencing.

For Awareness experiencing itself would mean that there is an outside, from which Awareness could see/experience itself - there is no inside, no outside, there is no separation at all, none.


You honoured and embraced resistance. Best thing to do - always.

For now relax and enjoy.
There is nothing to do, nothing to wish for, nothing to be wished away. What ever happens/appears, relax.

What ever you want to share, share.
What ever questions turn up, ask.

Love,
Jadzia

[CarterGrace]

Thanks Jadzia,
What seems to work best for "me", is when triggered or suffering --
to expand awareness to include all space-time -- within which this body-mind is doing its thing -- whining, hurting, complaining, confused (or even joyous, laughing). Just another arising like the movement of the clouds or the cry of a baby. Compassion/love is extended to this Carter-body-mind (and to all-that-is) but there is no sense of being trapped in it -- of being it -- and a knowing that things will flow and change like the movement of the tides.

Feels like life is opening up -- but who know where this path will lead.

Much love and appreciation for your help, Carter

[Jadzia]

Sounds good!

This might be a word thing, so bear with me:
I guess it is known that awareness/space time/body mind/Carter are an inseparable one? Right?

One thing to be careful off is that now one story/belief is dropped and not to allow the empty space to be filled by another story.

...and a knowing that things will flow and change like the movement of the tides.

This pretty much describes what is.

Feels like life is opening up -- but who know where this path will lead.

Ah, to watch the unfolding that is so much fun, especially when you know the 'you' can lean back and simply enjoy the show.

Have fun!

Love,
Jadzia

[CarterGrace]

Hi Jadzia -- Sorry for the long delay. I did not get notice of your replay and wondered if we were done -- or maybe I had been abandoned (a bit of self arising). So finally logged on and there you were. Yea.

I guess it is known that awareness/space time/body mind/Carter are an inseparable one? Right?

Yes -- all oneness is known -- and seen when I look. BUT a sense of seperate self still arises often.

One thing to be careful of is that now one story/belief is dropped and not to allow the empty space to be filled by another story.

Yes, there is a tenancy for I-Carter to expand to a Thing called I-Awareness (Wow- Carter the God-King!) -- instead of continuing to a No-Thing of flow or awareness-ing or just being -- with no sense of doership or ownership.
My sense is it may take a while for that body-sense do be deconditioned and fade.

Much love and thanks for staying with me. I will check the website more often. Carter.

[Jadzia]

Yes -- all oneness is known -- and seen when I look. BUT a sense of seperate self still arises often.

One could say there is no self and there is a self, both are right or wrong depending in what way one looks.
There is no self separate from anything but there is a self in the story - and the story will go on being told for quite a while.

Yes, there is a tenancy for I-Carter to expand to a Thing called I-Awareness (Wow- Carter the God-King!) -- instead of continuing to a No-Thing of flow or awareness-ing or just being -- with no sense of doership or ownership.
My sense is it may take a while for that body-sense do be deconditioned and fade.

:-) The story does go on, right? Now it is not the Carter as known before but it is the expanded better one.....this sneaky little thoughts, they simply won't do without a good story.

Sounds as if you go on well. It has its own timing, the release of old stories, identifications, beliefs, it will fade eventually, plus some surprises.

Love,
Jadzia

[CarterGrace]

There is no self separate from anything but there is a self in the story - and the story will go on being told for quite a while.

Sometimes (in fact, pretty often) its like the perspective is from high above in spacious awareness looking the humans (including little Carter) playing on sandbox earth. Happily cooperating or angrily hitting one another over the head with their plastic shovels (or atomic bombs!). All of them doing their very best (often very unskillfully) to find happiness/love. Including this self-in-the-story typing away and grinning at the delightful craziness of it all. All of us flowing/dancing to the rhythm of the stars.

:-) The story does go on, right? Now it is not the Carter as known before but it is the expanded better one.....this sneaky little thoughts, they simply won't do without a good story.
Sounds as if you go on well. It has its own timing, the release of old stories, identifications, beliefs, it will fade eventually, plus some surprises.

Part of the story that sometimes arises is "I'm not there yet." or "This can't be it -- too simple -- too ordinary. This 'I' still feels like it sits and walks and talks and even thinks. But, again, when looked at there is just a wind-up action figure puppet Carter performing his part in the story. "
Jeeze -- maybe I'll just take a deep breath, drop thought, and be still.

Much love and appreciation, Carter. [Just noticed that the "Notify me when a reply is posted" was unchecked! -- so now it is checked again.]

[Jadzia]

Sometimes (in fact, pretty often) its like the perspective is from high above in spacious awareness looking the humans (including little Carter) playing on sandbox earth. Happily cooperating or angrily hitting one another over the head with their plastic shovels (or atomic bombs!). All of them doing their very best (often very unskillfully) to find happiness/love. Including this self-in-the-story typing away and grinning at the delightful craziness of it all. All of us flowing/dancing to the rhythm of the stars.

Is there a high above and a down below?
Is there a spacious awareness and a non spacious awareness?
Are there figures acting out or does this only happen in thought?
Where do you find this in AE: “All of them doing their very best (often very unskillfully) to find happiness/love.”?

Part of the story that sometimes arises is "I'm not there yet." or "This can't be it -- too simple -- too ordinary. This 'I' still feels like it sits and walks and talks and even thinks. But, again, when looked at there is just a wind-up action figure puppet Carter performing his part in the story. "
Jeeze -- maybe I'll just take a deep breath, drop thought, and be still.

Is there a place to get to? Does a Gating happen?

Is there the expectation that the chatter of thought stops? Should stop to prove something?

Love,
Jadzia