The Gate

Dear Pedro,

it´s like this: the thought "I" triggers a body response

there´s just the vibrations. no image, no sound, no taste or smell, no thought, just bodily sensations.

Here you are finding sensations when you look. What is aware of these sensations? Can you find anything that is aware of sensations? If not, what do you find when looking for what is aware of sensations?

Sending love,
Jim

Hi Jim,

well, awareness is aware of the sensations. there´s no localized awareness, like there´s awareness over there and awareness is aware of the body sensations, no, there´s this open field all around the body, an aware field which is aware of what´s going on, body included.

If not, what do you find when looking for what is aware of sensations?

to be aware of what is aware? well, if i pay attention to awareness itself there´s the open aware field again, it´s not an object. althought the search triggers more bodily vibrations (chest, belly and head).

love,
Pedro

Hi Pedro,

if i pay attention to awareness itself there´s the open aware field again, it´s not an object. although the search triggers more bodily vibrations (chest, belly and head)

Is there seeing/awareness separate from what’s seen/felt, or is there just what’s seen/felt?
Is there any awareness separate from experience or is there just experience?

Sending love,
Jim

Good morning Jim,

Is there seeing/awareness separate from what’s seen/felt, or is there just what’s seen/felt?
Is there any awareness separate from experience or is there just experience?

no, not at all, when i´m truly aware (no thoughts beetwen) there´s no separation beetween me and reality. it´s all the same thing, it feels all is awareness. differents objets, shapes, colours, yes but all the same material, awareness permeates everything. it´s just what is, a big indivisible block of reality.
in what is, i can´t find myself, thought must enter for i know: this is happening, that is happening, i´m here, table is over there, etc etc... without thought there´s no one here. things just happen.

no, awareness can´t be separate from experience, awareness is experience, the knower knows experience but it´s not separate from it, there´s only experience. the act of perceiving is the experience.
once again, it´s language that creates divisions "i´m the knower and i know there´s a car in front of me".

love,
Pedro

Dear Pedro,

Perfect!

but that´s what doesn´t make sense, how can not be an entity? i mean who´s in charge? who´s doing the choices? left/right, popcorn/chocolate, green shirt/blue shirt? there´s got to be something or else how could i live, survive, adapt, evolve...?

A few days ago, you wrote the above. In light of what you see now, how do you now answer those questions you had?

Sending love, Jim

hi Jim,

well, i´m starting to feel that choices, decision making, occurs on a different level than the cognitive level. which level is i don´t know, but since i can´t find the I, the decision maker, and it starts to feel that i´m not in control anyway, that sentence doesn´t feel true anymore.

in fact decisions are made before i think on it, they just pop in. thoughts comes after something that on a gut level was already decided.

so let´s go to math :D

1 - there´s is no I, we just assume (think) there´s an I. and thinking is not factual, it´s believe. so to say I believe there´s an I just for the sake of it, it´s the same to say "I believe in Star Wars" because i saw it in a movie.
2 - decision making run on a pre-cognitive level, maybe subconscious, maybe spiritual, i don´t know. but after inquiry you see that it was never you (Ego, I, Self, whatever...) that took the decisions in the first place.

so to sum up, there´s no I, see. this is all infinite myriads of causes and effects. life happens by itself, and you´re just a pawn in the middle of this, never the player :)

today at dinner i have a peculiar experience, for a couple of moments i couldn´t distingue myself from the food and the plate, the table, my family, it was like everything was in the same dimension, everything was me. but then i start to analyze experience and got lost in wandering mind, "oh, i got to tell this one to Jim" :D

i´m feeling more and more present, happy and peaceful Jim. but the search is still here. the feeling of being separate, incomplete. maybe i´m missing something. on the other hand i´m startin to feel that enlightenment is much more close, simple and ordinary than i imagine. and it´s got something to do with this plain, common, ordinary awareness... i just don´t know what.

love,
Pedro

Hi Pedro,
I'm not going to be able to reply for a few days while I wait for power and internet to be restored after big tree fell and took out our lines. Your looking is going well so carry on until I get back online.

Sending love, Jim

hi Jim, ok, hope everything is allright over there.

i´m reading everyday a quote from the LU site for the last couple of months. today´s quote is eye-opener. perfect timing or cosmic karma :)

"70. That restless, compulsive searching for that one bit of knowledge that one experience, that one insight that will make everything okay is the condition a lot of seekers are in, and it can go on for decades, because there is literally nothing, no bit of knowledge, no specific experience nor insight, that will satisfy you. There is no “you.” Dissatisfaction with what is, is the essence of the illusory self. The self exists (in appearance) due to that very dissatisfaction. "

right in the spot!! makes so much sense. my feeling of "missing something", needing "my 2 seconds of clear sight" is a contradiction. if there´s no me, it doesn´t matter what i do, i will no get there. in fact the search for an experience is another goal of the I, so not only it will not work (the person is never satisfied) but also i may be reinforcing the sense of being a separated self.

love,
Pedro

Really good work.
for now please contemplate this https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_ ... 8190465187

Love, jim

fantastic post!!! give me the chills :)

"But if this phantom self is not here, if there is no “me” in the picture (as there isn’t in many ordinary moments in any ordinary day)" - i feel this so many times :)

Result-oriented, me-centered grasping and seeking can fall away, if we’re lucky, but open exploration and discovery continue endlessly because there is no final answer, no final understanding, no finish-line “enlightenment” after which you’re done and everything is neatly wrapped up and tied with a bow—although many teachers and teachings suggest otherwise.

been here :)

That suggestion of finality sets many of us up to seek (or manufacture) that kind of decisive event or final resolution, and then to settle on it with a kind of closure if it seemingly happens. That’s the beginning of dogmatism, fundamentalism and putting on a new set of blinders. Is it possible not to land anywhere, to live in groundlessness, in the openness of not knowing?

love it!!!

We may discover that THIS is the Holy Reality that we have been seeking elsewhere. And THIS is not a “thing.” THIS does not hold still. THIS is not a possession, or an achievement, or a particular experience as opposed to some other experience. THIS is simply the naked, unvarnished aliveness of this moment, the richness of experiencing itself.

more goosebumps :). fantastic post!!!

well, it´s all here isn´t it? there´s nothing to improve, nothing to attain, nothing to fullfill, it´s just this. this naked aliveness, immediate, in-your-face, brutal, visceral, untamed, dynamic Reality. we are chasing a dream.

Dear Pedro,
We now have power and internet, but I still have stuff to handle, so will write more fully in a couple days.

For now, would you say you can see without a doubt that a self is an illusion?
Do you have doubts? Does it feel that something is missing?

Sending love,
Jim

hi Jim,

after the powerful post of Joan Tollifson, the next day at night i felt just this ease, this peace, wich derivated from a kind of saturation for searching something that´s not here right now. immediatly a bliss, peace appeared and stayed with me for about 2 days.

this morning it´s gone :(. so i guess it was just another bliss state that i often feel in the path to awakening.
i feel the search is still here, subtle, but still here. like something´s not right in the present scene and needs to improve.

yeah, about the self i have no doubts that it´s not here, it´s not in control, there´s no I, it´s just believes and social identifications who makes us presume there´s an I somewhere.

netherless, a search is still here, fear and tension. i still feel separated.

love,
Pedro

Dear Pedro,

this morning it´s gone :(. so i guess it was just another bliss state that i often feel in the path to awakening.

A wonderful experience, but NO experience is lasting. Is there a belief/expectation that unpleasant experiences will never happen if the self is seen through?

i feel the search is still here, subtle, but still here. like something´s not right in the present scene and needs to improve.

So there is some thought about something being wrong and an expectation/thought about what might be "better".
Both of these indicate a subtle existence of an "I/self" or a belief in one.

nevertheless, a search is still here, fear and tension. i still feel separated.

A feeling of separation is a thought that there is something here and something else somewhere else. And these thoughts are believed. So look in experience - is there anything that could be separated from something else? Can it be found?

Sending love,
Jim

Good morning my friend :)

A wonderful experience, but NO experience is lasting. Is there a belief/expectation that unpleasant experiences will never happen if the self is seen through?

yeah, i still have this primordial idea of no-self like Buddha beneath a tree, just peace and tranquility, bliss state, and whenever i found myself in that state, it match my expectations. when it´s gone, i feel desiluted and deep down trying to find/know what went wrong for i have fallen into the reactive me again :(.
"what happened?" "how can i prevent that from happening again?". but one thing i learned in my path is wanting to achieve bliss states will never get me there. surrendering, letting life be is the path, but that implies a no-effort, a no-goal attitude, and my mind resistes that, always tries to put me on a method to attain something that i supposely need. sometimes i see through the facade and i know it´s just another mind game and pay no attention to it, but other times i still have this impulse to embark on some method for getting rid of present dissatisfaction.

so yeah, there´s still an expectation that states outside of peace/bliss are abnormal and shouldn´t be here.

A feeling of separation is a thought that there is something here and something else somewhere else. And these thoughts are believed. So look in experience - is there anything that could be separated from something else? Can it be found?

good question. i will pay attention to this through this day. i´ll tell you later :)

love,
Pedro

Jim, i did as you ask.

well, quite frankly there´s nothing separated from each other, everything is interconnected, even the air. in fact everything seems the same!!! like there´s different objets, colours, shapes etc... but it´s all the same material, same dimension, same light, put it as you will :)

as for me, there´s definitely no one separated from the rest of experience. experience embraces all. there´s no me + the world, there´s only experience. in experience there´s everything (the body, the thoughts, the objects, the sounds, etc), there´s no "my body", no "my thoughts", no "my furniture". all that appears is together, nothing is separated. all is one.

love,
Pedro