If you are ready, come in..

[MerlinC]

its true because every thought about me are like tapes that replay over and over. themonarch is full of back story. something I keep around for entertainment but not me just another tide up pakage of thoughts about me.

[Ilona]

Good. Now look at the story of monarch.

Is there a real story? How does story of monarch looks like from different character's views? Take it your mum, a covorker, a friend, somebody that is passing by in the street?
How does the story change depending on the mood? Is it ever exactly the same story? Is ther a real monarch?
Can you see that all story is being told in the present?

Write all that you notice.

[MerlinC]

No any ideas about me are like structures with no foundation the people that are around me only know me threw my past behaviors or what I tell them.so no truth thare only interpertation. the stranger can only assume who I am through assumption based of my appearence to so he is making storys to. when it come to emotions the quilty of thoughts dictate the inner dialog so good thoughts/happy bad thoughts/not happy or conflict which makes almost staticy emotions mixed. alot of the time its the same story like when I doubt an outcome I usauly say,do and think In a doubt pattern unless Im aware of it and have the motivation to change it. My real name is Merlin so you can imagine what crazyness I myself and others have come up with about me tell know but its all BS. I can see that the storys are made in the present because thers no other place in all realty there is just the now.

[Ilona]

What is here now without the story? What is real?

[MerlinC]

Things just are whats real is Im experincing.

[Ilona]

I don't understand your sentence. Please clarify.

[MerlinC]

what I mean is I only know that Im experincing this thing called life but with a false sense of what is which is inner content about inner and outer things. whats real is im aware that the way most people conduct ther lives is through uninteligent drama and thats because they assume ther thoughts are them and this causes everything from stress to war I am aware of my own indentification and drama that Im stuck on I tend to feel my thoughts what ever form they take well only make more thoughts and not liberation so as I said before Im stuck

[Ilona]

Hm is it you experiencing life or life expressing itself as you? As everything. It's all life life_ing.

Is there a gap between experiencer and experienced?
Listen to some distant sound. Is there an I that is hearing it or hearing is happening?
Test it.
See if there is a breather, a walker, a doer of action?
I/ me are words that we use for comunication. But it's just the way we label action- I breathe, I run, I eat, I sleep.
Can I be seen as a part of a label?
I type.. Is there an I in typing?

Digg here, my friend.

Sending love.

[MerlinC]

its me experincing life as sepret. I believe ther is a gap that comes and gos like when I notice That Im doing something I dont like its like being in birds eye view of my thoughts. but as actions like breathing and walking are on auto pilot I cant control thouse things. yes I can see I is nothing but labels but somewhere ther is the factor that I am doing and its apart from I. just like walking or breathing. I hope that makes any sence

[Ilona]

Haha, you say I believe there is a gap. Yes, you believe. But is there a gap? Check it. You have been assuming this and never ever questioned as everyone around supports the same belief.
But take a closer look. Is there a line that separates you from experience? Is there a witness? Does life need a witness? Is there an I that life is happening to?

Dig here, my friend.
Much love.

[MerlinC]

yes ther is an I,Me life is happening to when I feel hate or fear I am the person that has to cope with it. I can kinda see how ther wouldnt be any need for a witness like for example in a human baby. is their a difference between inteligence and ego/mind?

[Ilona]

Inteligence is universal. Ego mind is a concept, it points to a closed mind, that believes in existence of I.

Have a good look and tell me where do thoughts come from?
Can they be controlled? Can a thoughts be cut in half?
Can thinking process be stopped at will? Is I a thought or a thinker?
Answer each question when ready.

[MerlinC]

when I wait for the next thought it doesnt come untell I start labeling the void experience that just happend. when I want to stop a thinking pattern I go to that place and thoughts disaper untell it comes back and I do it again and again untell eventualy thouse thoughts dont show up anymore. when I look for the I in me it isnt around just thoughts about me that are labels and labels about my past,present and what the future is going to be but its often wrong. I couldnt tell you where thoughts come from If I had to answer it would be that they come from no wheres and no wheres is where they go back to.

[Ilona]

when I wait for the next thought it doesnt come untell I start labeling the void experience that just happend.

Is it I that starts labelling or labelling process kicks in automatically?
Is I the labeller?

When I look for the I in me

what is the fist I here? Is there a second I too? How many I-s are there

Examine that closer.

[MerlinC]

labelling and I are the same because thar both constructs of thought trying to define something and it kicks in. finding a me in I is tail chasing. I isnt around to find just thoughts and baggage.