The Gate

Hi Amrita,

Can we have awareness without an object?

I have been aware when there are no objects, sort of an awareness of the nothingness or an awareness of awareness.

Let's look at the sense of seeing now. Look at any object in your room or environment. Can you find a self or I that is doing the looking?

I think the words "self or I" is confusing me here. It may be semantics, I'm not sure. I guess the answer is no, because yes I'm aware that the images are just appearing within the awareness.

Can you find a seperate sense of self that is distinct from the object you are looking at?

Yes I don't feel my awareness of the object and the object are the same thing. I do feel separate from what I'm experiencing.

Isnt it the case that there are just images (colours and shapes) appearing within awareness?

Yes.

Spend some time exploring looking at objects in front of you. Can you find a self that is looking or seeing or is there simply images arising? Is there a self "inside" looking at world of objects out "there"?

The thing with these exercises is that I can experience it as simply images arising and I can also experience it as there is something here looking at something there. As I'm perceiving the images I'm also aware that I'm aware of perceiving the images. It's like I can choose to experience things as being separate from them or experience that stuff is just happening.

Isnt it the case that seeing just happens without a self needed to look or see?

I think think this line of questioning is very helpful to me because I'm starting to understand that I can choose how I experience things. In this case seeing can just happen without anyone there who is looking per se, although I am always aware of the images. I can also experience objects as them being out there and me being in here.

I don't feel that I'm being clear but I don't know how else to describe my perception. :-D

Thanks,
Etienne xx

Hi Etienne,

I really like your response that you can choose to experience things differently,

The thing with these exercises is that I can experience it as simply images arising and I can also experience it as there is something here looking at something there. As I'm perceiving the images I'm also aware that I'm aware of perceiving the images. It's like I can choose to experience things as being separate from them or experience that stuff is just happening.

What state feels healthier or more real, the feeling of being seperate from images or the experience of "stuff that is just happening"? Take some time to explore these two "modes" of being.

Let's try another exercise which focuses on the nature of thought and thought content. This may help you start to see more clearly that the "self" or sense of "I" is an illusion which we put on top of the raw experience of the senses ie sensations, sounds, images.

Can you see that thoughts about something are not the actual thing they are describing? For example, thoughts about an apple are not the actual apple itself? I know this sounds very obvious but bear with me.

When we talk about actual experience we are talking about our actual direct sense experience of life and not becoming caught up in thoughts about experience because thought can only refer to other thoughts. Actual experience is made up from sound, colour, smell, taste, sensation and lots of thoughts such as labelling thoughts, analysing thoughts, imaginative thoughts etc.

Try this exercise. Put an orange (or any other piece of fruit) in front of you and pay attention to what is going in your actual experience.

What do you see? Can you describe what is happening in your actual experience?

Can you notice colour and shape and the labelling thought “orange”? Maybe there are lots of other thoughts about oranges.

However, in your direct experience is there really an ‘orange’ here, or only colour, shape and a thought ABOUT an ‘orange’?

Can ‘orange’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

For example,

Taste labelled ‘orange’ is known
Colour labelled ‘orange’ is known
Sensation labelled ‘orange’ is known (when orange is touched)
Smell labelled ‘orange’ is known
Thought about/of an "orange’ is known
However, is an orange actually known?

If you pick the orange up and close your eyes can you feel the sensations in your hand separately from the orange itself? Are there not just sensations? Is it possible to really experience the orange outside of thoughts about the orange?

This is what is meant by ‘looking in actual experience ‘. What else do we have but the actual experience of the here and now? And in your actual experience of the here and now can anything resembling a self or I be found?

Warmly,

Amrita

Hi Amrita,

What state feels healthier or more real, the feeling of being seperate from images or the experience of "stuff that is just happening"? Take some time to explore these two "modes" of being.

I have been exploring both states and I think they both have their merit. That being said, "the stuff is just happening state" seems easier to be in - I'm not even sure I'm choosing which state to be in...

Let's try another exercise which focuses on the nature of thought and thought content. This may help you start to see more clearly that the "self" or sense of "I" is an illusion which we put on top of the raw experience of the senses ie sensations, sounds, images.

...

What do you see? Can you describe what is happening in your actual experience?

Can you notice colour and shape and the labelling thought “orange”? Maybe there are lots of other thoughts about oranges.

However, in your direct experience is there really an ‘orange’ here, or only colour, shape and a thought ABOUT an ‘orange’?

Can ‘orange’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

For example,

Taste labelled ‘orange’ is known
Colour labelled ‘orange’ is known
Sensation labelled ‘orange’ is known (when orange is touched)
Smell labelled ‘orange’ is known
Thought about/of an "orange’ is known
However, is an orange actually known?

If you pick the orange up and close your eyes can you feel the sensations in your hand separately from the orange itself? Are there not just sensations? Is it possible to really experience the orange outside of thoughts about the orange?

This is what is meant by ‘looking in actual experience ‘. What else do we have but the actual experience of the here and now? And in your actual experience of the here and now can anything resembling a self or I be found?

I understand what you are saying and agree, but as I said in my last post I think the words of "self" or "i" are staring to get blurry. I understand that what I am is not an object. However I still experience consciousness and label this as "I" or "my self". If you're asking if I experience a constructed self that is a belief or object, then yes I experience that to a certain extent but I know that it isn't real. However the fact that I am conscious and aware of thoughts and feelings is.

Could you explain what you mean when you say "can anything resembling a self or I be found?"

Thanks again and with warm regards,
Etienne

HI Etienne,



The aim of this inquiry is to "see' there is no self at the centre of experience that is controlling, interpreting or influencing life. There is simply experience (sensations, thoughts, images, sounds etc) occuring within the field of awareness. There is no self necessary to hold it all together. It/life/the universe just simply is. There is no self that can control or change anything. There is just open-ended experience.

I understand what you are saying and agree, but as I said in my last post I think the words of "self" or "i" are staring to get blurry. I understand that what I am is not an object. However I still experience consciousness and label this as "I" or "my self". If you're asking if I experience a constructed self that is a belief or object, then yes I experience that to a certain extent but I know that it isn't real. However the fact that I am conscious and aware of thoughts and feelings is.

Could you explain what you mean when you say "can anything resembling a self or I be found?"

Do you experience an "I" existing or is there just the experience of images, sounds, thoughts, sensations?

Do you identify with this consciousness as "me" or "I"?

Do you exist in any shape or form?

Does that make any sense?

Amrita

Hi Amrita,

The aim of this inquiry is to "see' there is no self at the centre of experience that is controlling, interpreting or influencing life. There is simply experience (sensations, thoughts, images, sounds etc) occuring within the field of awareness. There is no self necessary to hold it all together. It/life/the universe just simply is. There is no self that can control or change anything. There is just open-ended experience.

OK thanks, I understand what you are saying and I do see that. I think what was confusing me before what that sometimes I experienced this fully and sometimes it was not quite this, although I knew that the the truth of my experience was this. I am now OK with the going back and forth and understand that it's just part of my experience.

Thank you so much for your help and guidance.

Sending warmth and love,
Etienne

Hi Etienne,

I hope you are well. In response to your answers I am still unsure where you are with all of this. Maybe its a language thing or maybe you have seen there is no self and its all incredibly obvious and there is nothing really to do here :).

Let's try this exercise and see if there is anything to work with

Pay close attention to your experience and let me know what comes up when you read the following.

There is absolutely no "you" in any way, shape, or form. No "you" thinking your thoughts. No "you" living your life. There never has been a "you" nor will there ever be.

Take those statements deep inside. Really let them sink in.

What physical sensations do you notice?

What thoughts do you notice?

What feelings do you notice?

Lots of love to you

amrita

Hi Amrita,

OK sounds interesting.

There is absolutely no "you" in any way, shape, or form. No "you" thinking your thoughts. No "you" living your life. There never has been a "you" nor will there ever be.

Take those statements deep inside. Really let them sink in.

What physical sensations do you notice?

A sensation in my gut - perhaps fear.

What thoughts do you notice?

Perhaps, but I am here.

What feelings do you notice?

A slight sensation of unease.

Sending love,
Etienne

Hi,

Lets look at these responses more deeply,

There is absolutely no "you" in any way, shape, or form. No "you" thinking your thoughts. No "you" living your life. There never has been a "you" nor will there ever be.

Take those statements deep inside. Really let them sink in.
What physical sensations do you notice?
A sensation in my gut - perhaps fear.

Looking at the sensations in your gut - is there a self that can feel fear? Can you accept the sensations in your gut without resistance?

Are there any thoughts or thought-stories attached to these sensations?

What thoughts do you notice?

Perhaps, but I am here.

What is the "I" in your statement "I am here"? Is it another type of thought or is it the watcher of thoughts?

Hope that makes sense to you. If it doesnt post back and we can try again.

I hope you are very well

amrita

Hi Amrita,

Looking at the sensations in your gut - is there a self that can feel fear?

No, just the awareness of the sensations and me labelling it as fear. It's like the awareness of a contraction or unease.

Can you accept the sensations in your gut without resistance?

I can accept the sensations and let them be. I'm not sure if there is any resistance but that's another word that is used in different contexts and I'm not completely sure what it means anymore. I used to want to run or fix sensations but now, at least a vast majority of the time, I can let them be. I noticed yesterday that when I have an emotion or sensation in my body that would worry me in the past, now it makes me alert to it and reminds me that I can just let it be - that everything is still OK.

Are there any thoughts or thought-stories attached to these sensations?

Sure, such as be careful or watch out or I don't like where this is going. All of this is seen as well.

What thoughts do you notice?

Perhaps, but I am here.

What is the "I" in your statement "I am here"? Is it another type of thought or is it the watcher of thoughts?

The watcher of thoughts feels right. Behind the thought there is an awareness that I am conscious and here while the thoughts are occurring.

When you said that there is no "you", that didn't seem right because I know that I am here and aware of what is happening.

xx Etienne

Hey,

This acceptance of sensations within experience sounds great Etienne,

I can accept the sensations and let them be. I'm not sure if there is any resistance but that's another word that is used in different contexts and I'm not completely sure what it means anymore. I used to want to run or fix sensations but now, at least a vast majority of the time, I can let them be. I noticed yesterday that when I have an emotion or sensation in my body that would worry me in the past, now it makes me alert to it and reminds me that I can just let it be - that everything is still OK.

When you say,

The watcher of thoughts feels right. Behind the thought there is an awareness that I am conscious and here while the thoughts are occurring.

When you said that there is no "you", that didn't seem right because I know that I am here and aware of what is happening.

How do you know "you" are here? What is the evidence you have to make such a claim? Can it be there is just awareness of what is happening without a self to have this experience?

if you close your eyes and become aware of sensations in your body, can you say the awareness is "you" or belongs to "you"? Is it not the case that awareness is simply there and happening without an I to control it or maintain it? As you go about your life become aware of awareness throughout the day at diffent times. Is there a self that does that or is there just awareness present?

I hope this makes sense to you.

love

amrita

Hi Amrita,

When you say,

The watcher of thoughts feels right. Behind the thought there is an awareness that I am conscious and here while the thoughts are occurring.

When you said that there is no "you", that didn't seem right because I know that I am here and aware of what is happening.

How do you know "you" are here? What is the evidence you have to make such a claim?

There is absolutely no evidence, just the awareness that I am aware. I would not know how to convince anyone else of this :-D.

Can it be there is just awareness of what is happening without a self to have this experience?

Yes there is just awareness of what is happening. What do you mean by a self?

if you close your eyes and become aware of sensations in your body, can you say the awareness is "you" or belongs to "you"?

When I close my eyes and become aware of the sensations in my body, I am aware of the sensations and the thoughts that arise. When I ask myself if the awareness is "me", I'm left with not knowing who I am. There is no answer coming back. Does the awareness belong to me? It's not an object so it is nothing that can be possessed. It just is.

Is it not the case that awareness is simply there and happening without an I to control it or maintain it?

No matter what happens, the awareness is always there, although I may be more or less aware of it at any given moment. There is nothing to control or maintain.

As you go about your life become aware of awareness throughout the day at diffent times. Is there a self that does that or is there just awareness present?

Sometimes I'm in a space where things are just happening and there is just a presence observing everything. It's like the I that was running the show takes a step back and infinite space opens up where stuff happens but there is no one controlling it. At other times, I am aware of the awareness but it feels like I'm making decisions and acting even though I know that the reality is that I'm not.

Does that make any sense?

Sending warmth and love,
Etienne

HI Etienne,

I am aware I keep using the word "self" and you keep asking me what do I mean by that so I apologise for not addressing this sooner. Here is a dictionary definition which I hope makes sense to you,

A person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

It seems from your answers you have a very loose sense of "self" or I-ness already.

When you say,

When I close my eyes and become aware of the sensations in my body, I am aware of the sensations and the thoughts that arise. When I ask myself if the awareness is "me", I'm left with not knowing who I am. There is no answer coming back. Does the awareness belong to me? It's not an object so it is nothing that can be possessed. It just is.

Does awareness care about what it is aware of or is it just aware? Does awareness just happen or do you make it happen or control it in any way?

Sometimes I'm in a space where things are just happening and there is just a presence observing everything. It's like the I that was running the show takes a step back and infinite space opens up where stuff happens but there is no one controlling it. At other times, I am aware of the awareness but it feels like I'm making decisions and acting even though I know that the reality is that I'm not.

Do you decide to do anything or do things just happen? Are you deciding to read these words on a screen or are there just words appearing? Can you give an example of a decision you feel you have made recently?

Is the presence that observes everything you?

I like the idea of infinite space opening up and stuff just happens without anyone to control it. Can you relax into this sense of openess? Is there anything you find yourself clinging to or can you relax into infinite space? There is no self or I so we are infinite space already if that makes sense.

Lots of love to you

amrita

Hi Amrita,

A person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

It seems from your answers you have a very loose sense of "self" or I-ness already.

Thanks for that. I guess I can say that I don't think then that a self or me exists in the purest sense, although I am aware of the conditioning that fits this definition.

Does awareness care about what it is aware of or is it just aware? Does awareness just happen or do you make it happen or control it in any way?

Awareness is just aware and does not care about what it is aware of. All things just happen. I cannot control awareness in any way.

Do you decide to do anything or do things just happen?

It feels like I decide to do things. Now I tend to do things when it feels right to do them instead of forcing myself to do them.

Are you deciding to read these words on a screen or are there just words appearing?

I'm deciding to sit here and read the words instead of making myself a cup of tea, for example.

Can you give an example of a decision you feel you have made recently?

For example, this morning I woke up and decided when it felt like the time was right for me to get out of bed.

Is the presence that observes everything you?

Yes, me in my purest form.

I like the idea of infinite space opening up and stuff just happens without anyone to control it. Can you relax into this sense of openess? Is there anything you find yourself clinging to or can you relax into infinite space? There is no self or I so we are infinite space already if that makes sense.

If I relax things open up a bit. Sometimes they open up all the way. I don't know if I can really control that. If I focus more internally it seems to help. It reminds me of looking at those 3D pictures where you have to relax you eye's focus to see the 3D image on the page. Sometimes the image appears and sometimes it doesn't.

There is something that seems to be clinging. A fear perhaps. Of loosing control?

Thanks again for your help!
Etienne

Hi Etienne,

Great answers. It certainly seems from what you write that you have a very open sense of self. Lets have a look at choice and decisions since this can be a sticking point for some people. It was for me at least when I was going through the gating process. I got "stuck" on the notion that there must be a "me" or "I' that chooses before clearly seeing "choice" arises without the need for a "me" or "I" to make it happen.

Let's try this simple exercise.

Take one of your hands and put it in front of you palm facing up. When you are ready turn the hand over so the palm is facing the floor. Turn it back so the palm is facing up. Look really closely at what is happening. Are "you" deciding to turn the hand or does it simply turn of its own accord. Do this a few times on both sides.

Is there an "I' that decides to turn the hand?

How does the hand turn on its own?

In relation to when you say,

There is something that seems to be clinging. A fear perhaps. Of loosing control?

Who or what is clinging? And what exactly is it clinging onto? What control do you really have?

lots of love to you

amrita

Hi Amrita,

Take one of your hands and put it in front of you palm facing up. When you are ready turn the hand over so the palm is facing the floor. Turn it back so the palm is facing up. Look really closely at what is happening. Are "you" deciding to turn the hand or does it simply turn of its own accord. Do this a few times on both sides.

Is there an "I' that decides to turn the hand?

How does the hand turn on its own?

Ahhhhhh OK I see what you mean.

In relation to when you say,

There is something that seems to be clinging. A fear perhaps. Of loosing control?

Who or what is clinging? And what exactly is it clinging onto? What control do you really have?

OK I understand. Well I don't really understand but I know that this is true. I see that decisions and control are illusions. A thought occurs then my body moves and there is another thought that thinks that the thought and action are related.

To be honest it's very liberating and a bit spooky (in a cool way) at the same time. There is something that does not want the illusion to end but it seems to be fading.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Sending love,
Etienne