Hi Robyn!
How exciting to be at this point :) !!
I hope this isn't too much of a novel! I've had wonderful fun and even more learnings attempting my answers below.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there is no separate self and never was. It has always been a mental construct that was taken to be real.
The self, the I, Lulu, me, mine ... all of these terms are just labels, just thoughts.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Self or "I" is a label for this body/mind unit, and is a useful convention in language. However the mistake occurs when the "self" is taken to be a real separate entity.
The self thought takes hold in childhood when the infant begins to differentiate "me" from world. This is encouraged by our culture and the differentiation is seen as a necessary step in development. The "me" vs "everything else" is the accepted mental map of how things work.
A world view develops in which the "I" is in-here viewing the world out-there. Thoughts say that the "I" needs to be bolstered by worldly gains, achievements and knowledge, and also that it is under threat and must be defended at all costs. (As though the "I" thought is an evolutionary protection mechanism gone rogue!)
This leads to a cutting off from other "selves", from the perceived world at large and from experience - which is a painful perspective because it is in opposition to reality. (Reality being that everything is and has always been united as part of the flow of Life.)
One aspect that has been noticed in recent days is the role of the "self image" in building up the idea of the separate entity.
So many thoughts of things that appeared to happen in the past, and imaginations (thoughts) of what might happen in the projected future, actually centre around mental pictures of the self appearing in different circumstances. It's been amazing to notice how many thoughts have a small Lulu showing up in image form like a movie character, each time subtly solidifying the fiction that there is a "real me" here.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Things feel lighter. Experience of all kinds is sharper, more clear and transparent.
There's generally a feeling of calm and laughter, although anxiety still appeared this morning on waking (tension/energy in stomach and chest + thought labelling 'this is anxiety'). The difference is that the anxiety is seen as sensation+thought, and not as something threatening a real self-entity, and so it hangs around for a while and then it goes, with no problem.
There's also a new feeling that the dimensions of reality have subtly changed. Incredible! The "world" is larger and smaller both at once.
On one hand, there are sensations that are vast, spacious, oceanic.
But at the same time, when I look out at the streets of the city, there's a feeling that "This" is, literally "It"!
The view that is seen - colours of people, cars, lights, a street, buildings, trees, sky - plus the sounds, sensations etc ... this is all there is. The bounds of this field of experience are literally all there is to the universe at that moment. There is nothing "outside" of this experience.
Things/people/places/experiences that are not here right now are actually only thought. Wow.
This is in contrast to the previous exhausting, anxiety-ridden attempts to hold the whole of the imagined world in mind and mentally deal with or process all of its potential issues and dangers at once!!
Oh, that was so tiring, worrying, uncomfortable.
This is small, simple, effortless. :)
And as I round the corner, or enter a building, a new view becomes "it" - and a new version of "Just This" is all there is. Life feels so simple when viewed this way! And it was always available, just by turning off the thoughts and relaxing. (Thoughts aren't "off" for good of course. They still come and go, and have their uses, but they are seen for what they are.)
Suddenly, mindfulness practices have a new meaning. It's very practical and literal - the arisings of the moment are in fact the only reality.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
- The exercises from Ilona's books around what is real and not real were key. (The kitchen and the unicorn! haha. Sounds like a sequel to The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.)
- Then there was the phrase that resonated from this forum: What makes awareness personal? It was seen that there is nothing that makes this so, and then the idea that "I" was the witness dissolved as well.
- And, when the "I" had significantly weakened but there were still beliefs around "Lulu" as an entity in the world, your question Robyn: "What do you mean by the personality/character?", was another eye-opener! Thank you for that :)
- In the past few days, stopping, letting go of effort and letting the process happen also seems to have been important. It feels like there is more of this to do now. Just letting everything settle.
5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
All of these are just concepts. They do not actually happen in reality.
There's no knowing what makes things happen or how. Life just flows. Happenings occur.
There is nobody here to be responsible for anything.
For example - today I needed to get to an appointment at a certain time. A thought arose that I had time to walk there. Another thought said I could take a taxi.
Thoughts were "discussing" the benefits of each option and the winning thought was saying "yes, walk. It will be good to move through the streets and enjoy that fun new perspective that we've been playing with".
Just as that "decision" was made it was noticed that body had gone ahead, picked up the phone and pressed the button on the app to call a taxi! Laughter!
It's noticed now how often an action will be taken and thought will pop up claiming "free will" or "doership" or "decision-making" just after the event.
6) Anything to add?
Just heartfelt thanks to you Robyn and to all of LU, Ilona and Elena for the amazing generosity and kindness of this community.
What a wonderful movement! What a gift!
An aspect I haven't gone into above is the deep feeling of love that permeates everything now. So much love for the "world".
So much love for LU. So much love for "us" all! :)
xx
Lulu
