1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. There is no actual separate entity that can be called "self" or "me" or "I" and there never was :-)
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of a separate self is the belief that you are an actual person, an individual, someone who really does exist. It's the belief that you are one of many such people, who all exist in their own right and have their own unique qualities. It's the belief that the other people you see are not you, that only you are you, and that you really do exist. The illusion is that you are an actual thing that exists in the world, separate from all the other things in the world. It's the belief and the feeling that you are a walking, talking, thinking individual who is in control of your actions and thoughts, that you can make choices and interact at will with other individuals. It's insanity :-)
I'm not sure how we succumb to the illusion in the first place. If I had to guess I would say we are taught to believe it when we are young. It seems unlikely we are born with a sense of separateness, but because our parents (and pretty much everyone else we come into contact with) believe they are separate individuals, they act that way and treat us as if we are also a separate individual, and so inevitably we come to believe it too. And the longer we experience life in a world of apparently separate individuals, the more that belief is reinforced.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels very liberating to see this. There's laughter, both at having missed it, and at how simple it turned out to be. Everything feels lighter and simpler. It's now obvious that the world doesn't need fixing, not even "my" bit of it. In fact, the very idea of a "person" being able to control or change anything is seriously funny :-)
There's also relief. Relief at being able to let go of "my self", and relief because it feels as if the frantic searching is over. There's obviously so much more to discover, but even so, there is a deep feeling of peace.
The difference between before and after is tricky to describe. The realisation itself was in some ways a small thing, which sounds odd, but it really is just a simple recognition of what is actually the case. There is no cryptic esoteric secret or mystery to be unravelled, and no complicated metaphysical paradox to be wrestled with and understood. It's just the simple and clear recognition, or the seeing, that there is no actual you. But on the other hand it's huge because absolutely everything changes, even though nothing actually changes :-)
Before seeing this, I was on a bit of a mission. There was a lot of driven effort and studying, plenty of frustration and giving up and then refusing to give up. There was some insight, which at the time I thought was progress, but sooner or later I would have to admit I was in fact no nearer to anything and then I would be back to studying, frustration, effort ..etc.
But then it had to be that way, it couldn't have been any different. Apart from the fact we really don't have any control over anything, there is also the fact that before you see this, there is just no way to wrap your head around the notion that there is no you. How can someone even begin to comprehend, let alone accept, that they don't exist? It's ridiculous. So the effort has to go on, there is no choice.
Afterwards, it's mostly just very funny. All the clichés are true. Before I wrote this, as I was preparing dinner, I laughed at the realisation that even though I don't exist, I still have to go shopping, buy food, cook it, eat it, and wash the dishes :-)
But then of course there is no-one really doing that stuff. That's the big difference. All of what used to happen still happens, except now it is just happening, there is no-one doing it. I look at the world of apparent cause and effect and now there is just the flow of life, like a beautiful dance in which everything knows it's part and there is effortless and perfect movement. The people don't look like people any more. A person looks like life dreaming that it is a person, fooling itself just for a minute, until it wakes up.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It was when you asked me if there is a "you" that experiences other objects and feels separate from them. It struck me that I had never asked whether the "person" who is aware of everything is actually real. I had been so tied up trying to figure out how there could be awareness without the sense of someone being aware, that it never occurred to me to question whether there needed to be someone who is aware, for there to be awareness itself. And then it all fell into place and "I" was no longer required :-)
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision, intention, free will, choice and control are attributes of a person, or concepts that we believe as a person. But there is no such thing as a person, so these attributes or concepts are as imaginary as the person that possesses or believes them.
Nothing makes things happen. Everything just happens. As a person we tell our self that there is cause and effect so that we can feel real and own and control our world. But we don't exist and we don't own or control anything. We just like to think we do :-)
I was never responsible for anything because I never existed.
Did I choose to marry my partner? How could I? I didn't exist. It all just happened, there was no-one there, it was just the flow of life.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you :-)
