The Gate

Hi Kohl
My fault for lack of clarity but long as you are writing "live", so to speak.
Blessings
Lawrence

Lawrence, my notes....ramblings really.

Now I want to prove to you once and for all that you do not control anything. If you have any control whatsoever, tell me what your next thought is going to be. No ? Can't do it? Notice this is a thought about a thought. It is just happening. Also if you could control a thought why don't you just make yourself happy ? Or just make yourself think what you want to think about. No. You can't do it. Thoughts just come and go. Notice again this is just a thought about a thought. There is no YOU doing it.

I could not predict any thought. As hard as I tried I could not do it. I 'see' why, they are not thoughts controlled by a me. I cannot force myself to be happy, sad, mad, tired, hungry, anything. There is a clear seeing of this and there is no I doing the seeing.

As there is no controller there is no YOU to do anything. What evidence is there that YOU are here at all ?
What do you FEEL when you know this ? Where do you feel it? DONT THINK...LOOK
What rises in you to actually KNOW you are not here ?

Standing in front of the mirror after shaving and noticed something I had not noticed ever before. Looking close at the image of my face and eyes noticed ME....there I was.... I could see the me in in my pupils of my eyes as I looked in the mirror. It wasn't me, there was no me to see, it was a reflection of a face nothing more. Standing there I had lots of feelings, emotions, thoughts passing through. Stood there for 20 minutes in total. Don't know why. Didn't matter to me why. It was fine. I don't know what to write about that experience. I don't know the words to use.

Look around you. Is anything there at all?
Notice that where you look " mind" tries to label things. Car, tree road, sofa, computer. These are labels given to you as you grew up.
When you just Look notice all there are are shape form and colour and/or movement. Just like a child without given names everything just " IS."
Watch it all.

I watched and my mind labeled as it should. I can trust it to do that. But there is also just looking and feeling. Today sitting I watched. You earlier stated grace in the moment. There was grace in that. Amazing how blinding thoughts of I can be.

Then Clasp one hand into a fist. Is that fist actually YOU or does it feel "somewhere out there" ?

Very much out there.

Go back into the Deep Looking that you did yesterday. Take your time. Enjoy. It is pure enjoyment isnt it ? Just relax and feel it. You have been doing this. Nothing new. Remember DONT THINK. Go there and then read the next passage
Consider this. Isn't this Looking and Watching) quiet, peaceful, without emotion. DONT THINK ABOUT IT . DONT CHASE IT. Just relax DONT THINK. Hasn't this always been there since you can first remember ? Never changing ? Since you were a child. Watching what has happened. Never growing older. Always the same no matter how your body changed.No matter what sadness, joy . This watching in PEACE without emotion
Tell me what comes up for you. Tell me what is happening. Take your time.

There was looking and thoughts and feelings and sensations. None more powerful than the other but all powerful individually. You wrote about feeling grace earlier. How sweat that sound is ;)......felt compassion among many other things. It was a mysterious feeling, felt big, expansion, feelings of oneness with the surrounding. Don't know how to describe it. Sorry for the rambling.....cannot find the words to gather up all the feelings and sensations when there is just looking at what is here and thoughts being thoughts.

Regards
Kohl

Hello lovely Kohl
What I read is music to my heart. . It all reads like a dance. The rhythm of what is. I want you to remember though that nothing remains static. Nothing remains static. It will come and go and return. What you call "ramblings" is absolutely fine. That is what I wanted from you - perfect. Just express what is happening. That is pure clarity. We are beyond a place of language.
Now we need some cleaning up to do to help you underpin and also for me to know that you "know".

I could not predict any thought. As hard as I tried I could not do it. I 'see' why, they are not thoughts controlled by a me. I cannot force myself to be happy, sad, mad, tired, hungry, anything. There is a clear seeing of this and there is no I doing the seeing

.

Standing in front of the mirror after shaving and noticed something I had not noticed ever before. Looking close at the image of my face and eyes noticed ME....there I was.... I could see the me in in my pupils of my eyes as I looked in the mirror. It wasn't me, there was no me to see, it was a reflection of a face nothing more.

This is all perfect.. just perfect, but I want to take you deeper into realization.
When you, Look , you will also notice that sounds just come and go, when you do not label them. So if you close your eyes and do not label the sound. All you hear are sounds coming, going : cars, voices coming going. You have no certainty of what some sounds are anyway, but unlabeled they have even less credibility. They are just sounds. Sound is just energy isnt it ? The feeling of sitting on a chair or standing is just energy isn't it ? Both energy. These sounds and feelings are seperate and not seperate. Where do you start and the rest of the world begin ? There is none. If you cut off every limb ..you are still there. Where do you start or begin. There is no knowing of that because it is all one. Experience it for yourself.Sound and feeling are just energy that mind is trying to rationalize. Aren't they just both simply energy ? When you open your eyes and look around arn't these colours shapes and form just pure energy that mind tries to rationlize ? Look deeply my friend , using all your senses. Even smells, even the very air you breath - just labels. When you walk down the street and see people, again mind labels them as people. Looking further, all your work colleagues your family and friends, unlabeled aren't they are pure energy that "mind" tries to rationlize. LOOK DEEPLY WITHOUT THINKING. IS THERE ANYBODY THERE AT ALL ? Just a construct. Even "MIND". LOOK DEEPLY AT this "I" this "mind". You know there is no controller because there is no controlling, because there are just thoughts coming, going. When you Look from this "higher" place, this Looking is there actually an "I" there at all in any individual sense. Isn't this the illusion that you call "I". What does it feel like "experiencing" this rather than just concepsualizing. Ramble as much as you like. What FEELINGS COME UP. It is just music.
Blessings
Lawrence

Just wanted to say you are clearly seeing. You don't have to go to the place I am taking you if you are not ready. You can stop here integrate and I will ask some final questions to ensure you are ready to go into the group. For example . Is there free-will ? ..., but my finger and thoughts did there own thing.

Good evening Lawrence, there is a sense that I am not ready for your prior post. Maybe need more time to LOOK and FEEL what comes up.

You can stop here integrate and I will ask some final questions to ensure you are ready to go into the group. For example . Is there free-will ? ..., but my finger and thoughts did there own thing.

Looking for this free will and cant find it. There is no controller that is me so how can I have free will? I cannot decide the thoughts or decide how to change things so how can there be. It seems like free will may mean there is a choice to LOOK or not to look at what really is. Without looking it feels like there is a controller and there is a manager. Maybe that is the free will....to let yourself be tricked into living in the fog or look past it. To be enslaved by self identification and live blinded or to really look at what is right here right now without labels or attempts to judge or explain everything into a label.

Regards
Kohl

Hi Kohl

Good evening Lawrence, there is a sense that I am not ready for your prior post. Maybe need more time to LOOK and FEEL what comes up.

That's fine some of this is for deeper contemplation. Here it is just about realizing i there is "no-self" in experience, but need to know what is being experienced is this, because you have run away from all of it , rather than some of it. So need to verify some things

It was a mysterious feeling, felt big, expansion, feelings of oneness with the surrounding.

So if you cut off every limb ..you are still there. Where do YOU start or begin ?
Again close your eyes. Experience no start or finish to where it all begins. That no seperation of anything, is there ? Whther the eyes are open or closed, including smells, taste or touch. Integrate all you know in this

"feelings of oneness"

Looking for this free will and cant find it. There is no controller that is me so how can I have free will? I cannot decide the thoughts or decide how to change things so how can there be a controller?

Good and then...

It seems like free will may mean there is a choice to LOOK or not to look at what really is.

bang ..the "I" takes control again. Rationalizing what is happening. JUST LOOK. This again is just a thought arising, isn't it ? As soon as I forget to remind you to just Look, you fall back.

Without looking it feels like there is a controller and there is a manager.

Again that's good you are Looking at the feeling

Maybe that is the free will....to let yourself be tricked into living in the fog or look past it.
To be enslaved by self identification and live blinded or to really look at what is right here right now without labels or attempts to judge or explain everything into a label.

and now the "i" has completely reclaimed its position in charge because you started thinking . Notice how easy itwas. Did any "I" choose this or was it a thought just happening. Just Look. Did "you" choose this or was it just a thought arising.
Notice again even your thoughts about this is just a thought arising without control.

Three steps forward..one back. That's normal
Blessings
Lawrence

Lawrence, hope you are doing well. I should preface this post by addressing the previous. Yesterday was an abnormally busy day and found it difficult to write to you with thought. I wrote quickly and didn't articulate thoughts and feelings well. Your comments are understood.

So if you cut off every limb ..you are still there. Where do YOU start or begin ?

Yes I am still here, there is not start or beginning to what is me.

Again close your eyes. Experience no start or finish to where it all begins. That no seperation of anything, is there ? Whther the eyes are open or closed, including smells, taste or touch.

Clearly everything is "flowing". Life is alive with movement, feelings, sounds, sights, emotions, thoughts....it all is the same and all moving.

I spent time today over lunch in a park. Closed my eyes and listened. Rather than use the label energy as you did I will use life. All the sounds, movements, colors, air movements, smells looked like and felt like living life. Without labels it is all just movement of life.

You asked me if there is free will. I will let my first comment stand from yesterday and the rest recognize that the "I" was taking over.


Sincerely
Kohl

Good morning Kohl

Clearly everything is "flowing". Life is alive with movement, feelings, sounds, sights, emotions, thoughts....it all is the same and all moving.

Beautiful

I spent time today over lunch in a park. Closed my eyes and listened. Rather than use the label energy as you did I will use life. All the sounds, movements, colors, air movements, smells looked like and felt like living life. Without labels it is all just movement of life.

Lovely. You are experiencing and have rightly admonished me for using a label like "energy". Wonderful. As you are here in this place of " knowing". Let's change the word "life", not because it is wrong, because it is not. However it can have an identity of somehow being "out there" rather than you being part of it. That you are separate because you are observing it . I am going to change the word to Awareness and re-state that previous post with a lot of adjustment so please read carefully.

When you Look , you will also notice that sounds just come and go, when you do not label them. So if you close your eyes and do not label the sound, all you hear are sounds coming, going : cars, voices coming going. You have no certainty of what some sounds are anyway, but unlabeled they have even less credibility. They are just sounds. Sound is just happening . The feeling of sitting on a chair or standing is just happening.. The same with smell and any physical and thought sensation. However, some"thing" is experiencing this. Some "thing" is simply watching. Isn't this simply Awareness? All there is, is a feeling of experiencing. All you know is Awareness having experiencing. Aren't you simply Awareness having an experience ?
That Awareness has no control : no pain, no suffering. So. Tell me what is this separate "I" that is communicating and seems to be doing something but when examined is doing nothing at all ?

You asked me if there is free will. I will let my first comment stand from yesterday and the rest recognize that the "I" was taking over.

Looking for this free will and cant find it. There is no controller that is me so how can I have free will?

Just to confirm that the statement now stands free and unencumbered by attachment.


I reccommend you watch Mooji's free daily Satsangs from Rishikesh. https://mooji.tv/freemedia/
He is doing some beautiul pointing. I am currently watching /listening today's live broadcast and it is beautiful. It opens the heart.

Blessings
Lawrence

Hello Lowrence,

Lovely. You are experiencing and have rightly admonished me for using a label like "energy". Wonderful. As you are here in this place of " knowing". Let's change the word "life", not because it is wrong, because it is not. However it can have an identity of somehow being "out there" rather than you being part of it. That you are separate because you are observing it .

No, it doesn't feel 'out there'. It feels like I am connected with the air, the ground, the sounds, the smells. There is movement, expansion and contraction in all things just as I breath or just as my mind expands and contracts. It is all the same feeling.

When you Look , you will also notice that sounds just come and go, when you do not label them. So if you close your eyes and do not label the sound, all you hear are sounds coming, going : cars, voices coming going. You have no certainty of what some sounds are anyway, but unlabeled they have even less credibility. They are just sounds. Sound is just happening . The feeling of sitting on a chair or standing is just happening.. The same with smell and any physical and thought sensation. However, some"thing" is experiencing this. Some "thing" is simply watching. Isn't this simply Awareness? All there is, is a feeling of experiencing. All you know is Awareness having experiencing. Aren't you simply Awareness having an experience ?

Clearly what is felt is an awareness having an experience. Nothing more, nothing less.

That Awareness has no control : no pain, no suffering. So. Tell me what is this separate "I" that is communicating and seems to be doing something but when examined is doing nothing at all ?

The communication, feelings, compassion, emotion, thoughts all just happen. When I look all things happen before thought before thinking. I cannot predict how this post will be, it is just flowing faster than there is thoughts. Typing happening on its own followed by thoughts later....but just thoughts that are passing and being what they are because there is not controller to determine what they do or what feeling they might cause. That is why it appears (when thinking overtakes) that this is rambling. It all happens, flowing, living. There is overwhelming sense of compassion that I cannot find words for.

I want to thank you for your persistence and attention to me. I can feel the compassion you have for me and others through the words.

Regards
Kohl

Hello Kohl
What you write is music and dance. You are falling into the rythm of what is but you are not quite there yet. Let's look at this part of your response

The communication, feelings, compassion, emotion, thoughts all just happen. When I look all things happen before thought before thinking. I cannot predict how this post will be, it is just flowing faster than there is thoughts.

In reply to this , I repeat the last piece of my post, because this is your next place to Look Deeply,. The question is simple and the answer the strangest most wonderful of all.
"That Awareness has no control : no pain, no suffering. So. Tell me what is this separate "I" that is communicating and seems to be doing something but when examined is doing nothing at all ?"

Blessings
Lawrence

Hi Kohl
just looked at my response and I think there may be a confusion with my question for you. So let me state clearly and unambiguously.
Awareness is just Looking and experiencing. There is just Looking. Looking at every physical action and every pain and every smell , sound and thought. So where is the separate "I" in all this. If all physical stuff is just happening, all thoughts just arising, where is this separate "I" . It can't be found at all. It is just an illusion. It is all imagined. Tell me what arrises in you when you consider this.
Love and Light
Lawrence

Hello Lawrence, hope you are well.

If all physical stuff is just happening, all thoughts just arising, where is this separate "I" . It can't be found at all. It is just an illusion. It is all imagined. Tell me what arrises in you when you consider this.

Freedom, relief, expansion, more acute senses of smell sight and hearing. Deeper compassion for everything.

Hello Kohl

If all physical stuff is just happening, all thoughts just arising, where is this separate "I" . It can't be found at all. It is just an illusion. It is all imagined. Tell me what arrises in you when you consider this.

Freedom, relief, expansion, more acute senses of smell sight and hearing. Deeper compassion for everything.

Lovely. You are moving closer and you are almost there. However I must help you, to help me know what you "feel" about the separate/false "I", because you have not answered where the separate "I" is and and I sense you are still talking from there even though you are Seeing. There can be no full Freedom till you realize and live from the full the Truth.
This "false" "I" . The illusion of "I" started when you were told to label things. As a child you saw a beautiful "thing" flying..it just flew and you wondered at it. Your parent named it "bird" and in an instant it was diminished. It became a "thing". When you were born and a baby , you just Looked. You saw a reflection in a mirror and there was just a reflection. There was no knowledge of what it was. When you were first given name Kohl, you did not answer because it is not YOU, because you don't exist as a separate self. From that moment you became seperate from the world because you believed you were seperate There was no "you" there. Just someone else's thought imposed . That was why when you Looked into the mirror, when you described it earlier and there was a just an image and no "sense" of you there. When you Look you can see the separate/false "I"is no more than a thought. YOU is just everything.YOU learned to play the game and became separate from the world. YOU are not your name. YOU have a body that feels pain and suffering, but YOU are not your body. You are not your mind. The one that believes it is thinking is just thoughts that arise from or in some Universal Universal Conciousness. It is just a dream.

1)So where is this false "I" located ?
2)What does it mean then when "bad" things happen,.ie pain , suffering?: From a headache to your body's and mind's death ?
3)To whom does it happen ?
4)What are you ?
5) What rises within you now ?
Have a great day
Blessings
Lawrence

Greetings Lawrence,

1)So where is this false "I" located ?
2)What does it mean then when "bad" things happen,.ie pain , suffering?: From a headache to your body's and mind's death ?
3)To whom does it happen ?
4)What are you ?
5) What rises within you now ?

1) Nowhere
2) Nothing
3) No one
4) Love and Light
5) Freedom, connections with everything. Everything is one and is the same.

Sincerely,

Kohl

Hello Kohl

1)So where is this false "I" located ?
2)What does it mean then when "bad" things happen,.ie pain , suffering?: From a headache to your body's and mind's death ?
3)To whom does it happen ?
4)What are you ?
5) What rises within you now ?

1) Nowhere
2) Nothing
3) No one
4) Love and Light
5) Freedom, connections with everything. Everything is one and is the same.

We standing very close
!) So what is this false "I", if it cannot be located. How does it work. Please explain in detail in your experience
2)This reads like conceptualization and not enough of a response anyway . Who is it that suffers pain and anxiety, because that is being experienced. It is not " nothing". Tell me what you believe is happening. Lots of ramblings , please.
4) Lovely. This is what is shining. I know this, but can you say something else about this experience.
5) Lovely but tell me what it feels like in your body to realize you are an illusion and just a body, at most, with thoughts and that there is no individual self.

I need lots of ramblings, so to know what you say you are experiencing

We are working our way there
Blessings
Lawrence