Final Countdown

[Ilona]

Hm, that does not answer the question.
Forget the models, forget holograms and all that you know, then take a look, is there a gap between experienced and experiencer? Is there a being having experiences or experiencing is happening? What is true?

Sending love

[Truthcounts]

Revisiting the issue this morning I realized that this inner centered holograum is an appearance itself and needs not to be believed in. That widens and relaxes experience and brings sensations closer.

[Truthcounts]

Dear Ilona,

I have send an additional answer befor I read your new question - I will sit with it later and let you know.

Thank you for your loving guidance!

[Ilona]

Write soon!

[Truthcounts]

Dear Ilona,

I sat with this several times and I could still not get a clean direct experience but some more insights I can share for now.

If there is an illusion of I this illusion is changeable. By allowing the I-feeling to be wide open empty space the sensations come closer or sort of pervading and in that sense not separate. Resistance against the throughflow of experience and corresponding contraction seems to be very much what the ordinary I is. And indeed I have uncomfortable body sensations which are kind of a glue. A feeling safe and loved atmosphere seems to be a prerequisite to open enough for limiting to direct experience and I can hardly create that right away. So next try this evening after work though I will remind myself to look during the day as well of course.

Thank you for keeping me at it!

[Ilona]

Can you see that there is sense of being, aliveness + label on top of it 'i'. Look underneath all labels. There is always aliveness. Name it anything or not. You can call it a sock, it does not matter. Word I is not an entity. No word is an entity.

Does being (verb) need to be identified with anything?
Does naming the sense of being I make this I special?
Can a thought feel?
Can a thought do anything?
Is I more than a thought?

Keep at it!

[Truthcounts]

While reading specialist literature in my office I realized that when reading a sentence there is an inner sequence of scenes running that represents the information in symbolic way, like a comic. This happens very rapid and normally not realized. I came to it when I read a sentence and noticed that I did not get the meaning as I was not concentrating enough. When specifically concentrating on the sentence to understand its meaning I noticed the inner sequence. So it seems when hearing words or reading this is represented by mind internally as imagined sensory perception. This is not direct experience triggering thoughts, which also happens in life of course, but the other way around. So it should be no surprise when people like me who earn their money with reading, listening and thinking are dominated by imagination rather than direct experience. But where does the belief in an I as separate entity come from. I do not grasp yet that labeling alone creates identification. Isn't it more a love for the main actor in my inner movies?

[Truthcounts]

Building up on my feedback from yesterday evening I explored what inner experience comes with it when I think "I", "me" or "mine". I mean which sensations, feelings and pictures go with thinking "I". With "I" this morning it was an inner picture of transparent pillar and a body sensation behind the breastbone, with "me" this sensation is larger and with "mine" I sense my right arm (I am also right handed). It seems words evoke an inner experience for my system to understand them on their channel of experience and so the I is represented by an agglomeration of perceptions with a certain pattern: hearing the word "I", a picture of a pillar, a sensation in the breast. Is liberation just seeing that for what it is? Still exploring ...

[Ilona]

Whatever sensation arise, it that sensation an entity? Or a sensation?
Can a sensation do anything? Can it think, feel, create, control?

The point of this investigation is to face head on that there is no I at all as in zero.


Merry Christmas :)

[Truthcounts]

Yes, merry Christmas, dear Ilona, and thank you for your patience!

Whatever sensation arises, is that sensation an entity? Or a sensation?

It is sensing, not an entity.

Can a sensation do anything? Can it think, feel, create, control?

No, it cannot do any of those.

The point of this investigation is to face head on that there is no I at all as in zero.

Yes, and I see that every perception accompanied by thinking "I" is not a seperate entity to which life happens or which leads a life. I also understand that direct perception is the only real and thinking means a virtual reality. But I also notice nothing that indicates that there was a major change in awareness or a relief in my system. And writing these lines still feels like somebody doing something.

[Ilona]

Yes it feels like somebody is doing something. But if not labelled that, if you look closely, there is just something happening.
Look underneath labels and concepts. Stop looking for something, start looking at what already is. That's the shift. From here to here. From thinking to being.

Flip a few times from thinking to bring to thinking again. See how it feels to be aware of thinking and of perceiving with the whole body.

Feels like someone doing something is just a name on sensation. Find that sensation. Is THAT sensation an entity?

Sending love

[Truthcounts]

Flip a few times from thinking to bring to thinking again. See how it feels to be aware of thinking and of perceiving with the whole body.

I am having a hard time with this. I have no access to flip between being and thinking. This instruction seems to feed my idea of a doer who may go with the flow or resist, who can "be" or divert into thinking. I feel blocked ...

[Ilona]

There is no doer, only instruction followed or not.
Never mind.
Can you find the sense of being, aliveness, aware being?
It is always here. Plus Labelling it i or me. But it is here with and without labels. Like sky is here with and without clouds. Can you see how presence never goes anywhere? Even when you are lost in thought about things that are not happening.
Is that clearer?

Sending love

[Truthcounts]

Dear Ilona,
I understand what you are pointing at. I am currently taking part in a seven day retreat and have good conditions to explore this more deeply.

[Ilona]

Sounds delicious!
Write to me when you are back from the retreat :)
Much love