The Gate

Yes, the Me perspective I would like to return to is the Non/All personal. It has actually been a drive all my life: Sensing that there is "something other" that is (also) real, behind the reality that we normally take for "normal". If this is a "positive" call to remembrance or a "negative" compensating for my persona not feeling wanted due to experiences and hense the building up and maintaing the seeking/improving-personality... or both... I couldn't say for sure.

Ok, good.

It stikes me as funny, though, that it's been a long time since I have given my "Me" so much attention, as we do now. I wonder if this is just another trick of the "Me" to get attention and be reinforced? On the other hand I guess one has to look and touch a "problem" in order to fix it.

Well, this all sounds well and good until we actually see what is this thing called 'me'. As if there is a 'me' that holds such intent and cunning. We shall see, if you're willing. :)

In these days, writing with you, I do feel a sence of existential threat. Where it is quite easy for me to sence/relax giving up the Me in the head (I could define it as conscious consciousness) I can't seem to jump/fall out of the location/connection in the body where I feel the existential Me/consciousnes abides (the stomack pit).

This is the core of it. But let's unpack it a bit. What is deemed to be existing, such that is under threat?

What if you saw that the threatened being was smoke and mirrors? What then? Happens all the time in Scooby Doo.

Best wishes,
John

Hi John,

Thank you for your time. I really do appriciate it.

I'm certainly willing to SEE.

This afternoon I thought a bit more about my wanting to fall out of Me. It strikes me as a little funny: Me wanting to get rid of Me. Like red paint painting itself red... not to be red, or water dripping away into a pool... not to be water.

Hmm. Perhaps the "not want to" approch is a typical Juri modus. I certainly feel somewhat worn out... but on the other hand will keep on, as it also feels like it keeping on is sharpening the Edge, thinning the veil, making discovery more likely.

I can fully understand the smoke and mirror thing. Now that I had had dinner and my stomack is full and pleased, the exitential angst is dulled :-). However, lurking in both the back and front of my mind is the question: How do I get a grip or tactile feel of this dropping away/changing perspective?

"What is deemed to be existing, such that is under threat?"

Well my answer would be "I". The I is the point of consentration/contraction.

Where it's easy for me to both sense and accept that "My mind" is just smoke, I have more difficulty releasing "I". Not that I don't want to, but more that it feels like I'm duct taped so thoughly with meters and meters of "Me" that I can't get a feeling of how to wriggle my arms out of the cocoon.

I know what freedom feels like. I tasted it. I would really like to feel it again. I'm ready.

But how?

My very best regards

Juri

I'm certainly willing to SEE.

Well, we'll see.

I can fully understand the smoke and mirror thing. Now that I had had dinner and my stomack is full and pleased, the exitential angst is dulled :-). However, lurking in both the back and front of my mind is the question: How do I get a grip or tactile feel of this dropping away/changing perspective?

You may be setting this up as something to achieve, and difficult to achieve, so as to bring about the justified failure that you're looking for. Hey, I gave it a go.

Where it's easy for me to both sense and accept that "My mind" is just smoke, I have more difficulty releasing "I". Not that I don't want to, but more that it feels like I'm duct taped so thoughly with meters and meters of "Me" that I can't get a feeling of how to wriggle my arms out of the cocoon.

That's ok. Remain duct taped. Stop struggling. Relax.

I know what freedom feels like. I tasted it. I would really like to feel it again. I'm ready.

But how?

Give up.

/john

Hi John,

Thanks for your replies.

I'll look into:

"You may be setting this up as something to achieve, and difficult to achieve, so as to bring about the justified failure that you're looking for".

I was once in a seminar where the speaker mentioned both "Fear of failure" as a background psychological mechanism... but more interesting "Fear of succes". This struck me as important, as does your observation above.

I'll see what it feels like to think of these things in a "relax" and "give up" state of mind.

Thanks, Juri.

Excellent. Thanks Juri.

Hi John,

I hope you have had a nice weekend.

I've been thinking :o). This looking into "fear", I think, IS in fact just another way for me to avoid the obvious. Just another game of the mind/me. Letting go, relaxing, just enjoying what is... has been much more pleasurable this weekend than wrestling with fear and the sense and causes of fear.

To help my self let go, would it be right to let go of this focus of i.a. fear... and just be?

---

I've listened to the LU podcast http://www.liberationunleashed.com/LU_A ... wich_1.mp3 where the talk is about where the "I" is.

It feels right to me, as the podcast points to, that the I can't be found when examining the senses including the sense" of thought or consciousness. But then a new question arises in me:

- It seems to me that something IS connecting all the moment-to-moment sensorial experiences. Some call this The Witness. This witness (seems) to remember past experiences, and hense can connct the experiences. This is perhaps "just" be a database in the mind, and of cource very practical.

But who is it that uses this database, who is it that looks out of my eyes?

Juri

Hi Juri,

Yeah, you are right. Just games of avoidance. We make it into a problem that we think is solvable, though we know (hope!) :), it isn't. We just don't want to look. Maybe because we don't know how, or have tried and not gotten anywhere. But by making it into something to do, such as 'just be', we make a simple mistake, an error that keeps the seeking ticking over for decades. Its akin to the 'be spontaneous' paradox. :D

The question is this: IS JURI READING THIS?

As you read each word of this, keep a piece of attention on the act of reading.

Seek to identify any sense that seems to confirm that yes, indeed, Juri is present, reading this.

And moreover, that: YOU ARE JURI.

Explore this and share any discoveries.

WIth best wishes,
John

Hi John,

Thank you.

I'll let it sink it to let the consequenses strike me deeper, but noticing what happens when reading is:

- A concentration happens
- The skill of reading does its stuff
- Perhaps its not quite as autonemous as breathing, but certainly doesn't require Juri

Juri is... the sum of Doings, like reading, working, socialising. Like an action figure: Real, but only made of plastic. I've begun to refere to myself (Juri) at "it" and not I". "It is eating", "It is thinking". (I/it is keeping this to my self, though, so I'm not institutionalized ;-).

Who or what am "I", then?

Well, perhaps I really am nothing? They say that Nothing lasts forever. That's a long time :-). I just have to get to grips with, how is (doesn't) feels to be nothing.

Am I/it getting closer?

Thanks, Juri.

Hi Juri,

I'll let it sink it to let the consequenses strike me deeper, but noticing what happens when reading is:

- A concentration happens
- The skill of reading does its stuff
- Perhaps its not quite as autonemous as breathing, but certainly doesn't require Juri

For example, notice what the word 'concentration' points to in experience that is: physical, sensed.
What happens in experience such that the word 'concentration' seems to fit?

Juri is... the sum of Doings, like reading, working, socialising. Like an action figure: Real, but only made of plastic. I've begun to refere to myself (Juri) at "it" and not I". "It is eating", "It is thinking". (I/it is keeping this to my self, though, so I'm not institutionalized ;-).

:) Good to know you've not been admitted. LOL

This definition of Juri is abstract, which is fine. But the Juri we're interested in, is the one you believe yourself to be.

Who or what am "I", then?

Well, perhaps I really am nothing? They say that Nothing lasts forever. That's a long time :-). I just have to get to grips with, how is (doesn't) feels to be nothing.

Am I/it getting closer?

Who wants to know? Juri? :)

It's really very ordinary. We each grow up as a named person. Juri. John.
This idea takes hold, such that feelings, actions, thoughts are UN-QUESTIONABLY taken as Juri's, John's.

But without that ASSUMPTION - where is Juri, John?

Can Juri breathe?

Where is the Juri that breathes? Find him now and show me.

Maybe you feel, 'But I am Juri. Who am I if not Juri?"

Do you need a name, an identity, to eat? To live? When Juri is seen as made-up, will your toothpaste brand change?
Will preferences be discarded? Who's preferences are they?

Many thanks,
John

Hi John,

Thank you very much for these wonderful questions.

They will take a day or two to think about.

I'll be back :o).

Many thanks, Juri.

Hi John,

I've let the search rest for some days, but here are my answers:

- Earlier on you mentioned "smoke and mirrors". When I look to see where or how "concentration" is experienced it is (in my experience) a mental + sensorial focusing, like turning the lense of a pair of binoculars.

- But this concentration also has a "smoke" like quality in that it's non-solid, short lived, imposible to maintain or catch.

- Who wants to know, Juri? Here's the mirror part of "Smoke and mirrors", 'cause it seems to me, now looking, that it's actually the the question that wants to know - ergo the question asking a question to maintain the search for answers that are only reflections of the original question. The question looks at itself in the mirror, and like an animal, doesn't (want to) seem that what it sees is it self.

- But even though this seems a little funny, it's also beatiful, because it's also One looking at One... "one" or I just has to take off the "search" sunglasses, and just see, but not seek.

-Who's preferences are these? Can Juri breathe? One of the first things you adviced was that I should relax. When relaxing the "concentration" of Juri, "Juri" thins out, doesn't actually feel real... is, in fact, just as you say, an assumption. Not important. But also Not, not important. It seems much more natural "just" to start afresh, and see the next happening without this former "Juri" lense.

- Breathing takes place with or without Juri. It isn't really so important when relaxing the concentration. Feels like there's much enjoyment possible when not using up all mental powers by BOTH projecting an image within (the "Juri" persona or witness) AND labeling the external object with some name.

- Juri is not necessary. Lables aren't either.

- Being one with the external? Well, no, not in the same way as my precious "Gods eyes" experience, but that was perhaps just one of the many, many ways of seeing. Seeing with Juri. Seeing without Juri. Seeing All One. Seeing seperation. Many, many lenses.

- Seeing without seaking. Feels SO relaxing in my head. Temples and brow let go - perhaps giving the physical and mental faculties the possiblity to see clearer.

- Where is Juri? I can conjure him up as a concentration, but it seems like unnecessary work. Get tired thinking of thinking of it.

Mein Gott I can keep on rambling :-). So I stop.

Juri

Hi Juri,

- Who wants to know, Juri? Here's the mirror part of "Smoke and mirrors", 'cause it seems to me, now looking, that it's actually the the question that wants to know - ergo the question asking a question to maintain the search for answers that are only reflections of the original question. The question looks at itself in the mirror, and like an animal, doesn't (want to) seem that what it sees is it self.

- But even though this seems a little funny, it's also beatiful, because it's also One looking at One... "one" or I just has to take off the "search" sunglasses, and just see, but not seek.

Good. This is that reflexive quality of looking at the looking, catching the question in the act of the question.

-Who's preferences are these? Can Juri breathe? One of the first things you adviced was that I should relax. When relaxing the "concentration" of Juri, "Juri" thins out, doesn't actually feel real... is, in fact, just as you say, an assumption. Not important. But also Not, not important. It seems much more natural "just" to start afresh, and see the next happening without this former "Juri" lense.

Yes! Social identity is a kind of shimmer on the roads.

- Breathing takes place with or without Juri. It isn't really so important when relaxing the concentration. Feels like there's much enjoyment possible when not using up all mental powers by BOTH projecting an image within (the "Juri" persona or witness) AND labeling the external object with some name.

- Juri is not necessary. Lables aren't either.

Life plays its curious tune.

- Being one with the external? Well, no, not in the same way as my precious "Gods eyes" experience, but that was perhaps just one of the many, many ways of seeing. Seeing with Juri. Seeing without Juri. Seeing All One. Seeing seperation. Many, many lenses.

Yes, many different shifts of perception, the experience of which opens up new vistas of experience, and of course, to capture it, we reach for our nearest metaphors - God, consciousness, life, light. :)

- Seeing without seaking. Feels SO relaxing in my head. Temples and brow let go - perhaps giving the physical and mental faculties the possiblity to see clearer.

Yes, Giving up. And then giving up again. And giving up again. Till there's nothing to give up. :D

A quick story. :) My wife spotted lots of wood dumped in a nearby skip. Ever attuned to the possibility of free firewood :D we got it. It was lots of skirting board, hard wood. I set about sawing one, ready to do the whole lot in an afternoon. After two I was shattered.

I decided to reduce the effort by 50%. Did some sawing. Reduced again by 50%. Did some sawing. Reduced again by 50%.
After several reductions, there was barely any effort, only the effort required to move the saw to and fro.
I cut through all the wood, and still had time for tea. :)

- Where is Juri? I can conjure him up as a concentration, but it seems like unnecessary work. Get tired thinking of thinking of it.

It is un-necessary, though interesting to see that Juri/John is held as tension in the body/mind.

When you lay a hand palm down, then, at some point, raise it up to eye level with precision. And do so with barely any effort.
Then do it again as 'Juri lifting his hand'.

You will see some subtle and not so subtle differences between.

There never was a Juri, you made him up. Still it was fun while it lasted.

Best wishes,
John

Dear John,

Thank you o much for your help and questions.

Your word of "tension" is actually a better word than "concentration" that I have been using. It IS a tension - with all that this implies.

I certainly feel the difference when "hand raises" and when "Juri raises his hand". The sawing story once again.

---

So much relaxing to remember. So much enjoyment to experience - to be.

----

It feels as if I have I have got the knack of it?!? Now just putting it into practice.


Thanks, Juri

Hi Juri,

Yeah, explore it. Always being curious about the assumption/location of a conjured up I/Me seemingly doing the exploring, while exploring happens anyway.

Its fun actually to reduce tension by 50% on each deep out breath, till there's nothing left to release. :)

Share any discoveries.
John

Hi John,

Will explore and share :o)

Juri