Getting Glimpses

[Jissi]

Friday, 10:30 pm

I was watching television and completely spontaneously the thought comes into my head, "There's nothing to find."

Followed by a another thought: "Maybe all I have to do IS just relax into it..." :) :)... Then a moment of diaphragm tightening, then telling myself, "Soften, relax...". Ok, that's it for Friday.

[Ghata]

Hi Jissi,

awesome looking :-)

I can't decide if the word weakness is 'merely'a thought/label attached by the mind: there really was a felt sensation of weakness.

If it happens again, have another look. What body sensations correlate to the feeling of weakness, how could it be described?
Is "weakness" the label or the body sensation itself?

Re your question (noticing what is not on automatic; Is anything being done by a separate entity, l?)Apparently not. I cannot find anything (so far)--*laughing*-–. It seems that everything is just being done. Suddenly this has become fun :-)

Wonderful :-)

I notice the doing just being done, and for a split second it is just being noticed as happening automatically. Immediately after that, the brain chimes in and assigns a label to each doing. There is only that split second of noticing non-automaticity, and then thinking happens.

Yesss! :-)

(Btw, it took me several days to see that decisions are just being made, and I still sometimes think that 'I' am doing the deciding, but its becoming easier to recognize that decisions are making themselves.)

What an awesome sidenote :-)

Right, there is nobody deciding. It still might feel that way sometimes, still when you look you won't find that entity that supposedly is doing it.

I was watching television and completely spontaneously the thought comes into my head, "There's nothing to find." Followed by a another thought: "Maybe all I have to do IS just relax into it..." :) :)... .

I wonder what/who is addressed by this thought. What or who could relax into this?

Keep going, your are doing really well.

Sending love,
Ghata

[Jissi]

Ghata-On the forum index it says that you posted a reply to me today, Sat 30 Jul at 03:10h, my time. It is not showing up on my forum thread. The last post I see is mine, from Fri night, 29 July.many suggestions? I'm still learning how to manipulate this LU website. Thanks :)

[Jissi]

Ignore my last message; after I submitted it, your post showed up. Thanks :)

[Jissi]

Hi Jissi,

awesome looking :-)

I can't decide if the word weakness is 'merely'a thought/label attached by the mind: there really was a felt sensation of weakness.

If it happens again, have another look. What body sensations correlate to the feeling of weakness, how could it be described?
Is "weakness" the label or the body sensation itself?

Re your question (noticing what is not on automatic; Is anything being done by a separate entity, l?)Apparently not. I cannot find anything (so far)--*laughing*-–. It seems that everything is just being done. Suddenly this has become fun :-)

Wonderful :-)

I notice the doing just being done, and for a split second it is just being noticed as happening automatically. Immediately after that, the brain chimes in and assigns a label to each doing. There is only that split second of noticing non-automaticity, and then thinking happens.

Yesss! :-)

(Btw, it took me several days to see that decisions are just being made, and I still sometimes think that 'I' am doing the deciding, but its becoming easier to recognize that decisions are making themselves.)

What an awesome sidenote :-)

Right, there is nobody deciding. It still might feel that way sometimes, still when you look you won't find that entity that supposedly is doing it.

I was watching television and completely spontaneously the thought comes into my head, "There's nothing to find." Followed by a another thought: "Maybe all I have to do IS just relax into it..." :) :)... .

I wonder what/who is addressed by this thought. What or who could relax into this?

Keep going, your are doing really well.

Sending love,
Ghata

[Jissi]

Sorry for all the posts. I'm trying to figure out how to use the Quote function.

[Ghata]

Dear Jissi,

thank you for trying to figure out the quote function. If you don't want to get into that any further, it is fine with me. I can read your answers very well :-).

Underneath the reply window there are some checking boxes. If you check " Notify me when a reply is posted", you will get an email when I answered so you don't need to check the forum for an answer.


Unfortunately your reply to my last post isn't there. I am looking forward to reading it.

Sending love,
Ghata

[Jissi]

Saturday, 30 July, 2016

Hi, Ghata: it seems to me that weakness is both a label *and*
a sensation making itself felt. I tried really hard to pin down the sensations in the spine while I was walking today. It's difficult because as soon as the mind says "there is pain here", I have to stop walking (which mostly stops the pain) and do a couple of motions so that I can keep going.

This is nerve pain. The best I can do in pinning down the sensations is: a sense of heat like a small stab from a knife, a burning sensations. Language makes this difficult because these descriptions of felt senses are also labels. There is also something the mind labels "worry" for this specific pain. I can't be more specific about the sensation that is worry , because I'm busy trying to find a way to describe the "pain".

Other sensations: warmth from sun on skin; coolness from wind on face; traffic noises were heard; a warm feeling in "heart" when dogs were seen.

It's pretty clear that these last sensations

Side note:when I do a body scan meditation or mindfulness of the body, I am able to dive into physical "pain" and deconstruct it, be more specific with the nature of the sensation and labels.

However, while I'm walking, "I" am definitely attaching to these sensations that get labelled pain. I do not see clearly that the sensations being labelled as unpleasant are simply generating themselves.

[Your question from the other day: Who or what is being addressed by this thought (namely, what or who could relax into it)?] I continue to be "stuck" here. As I think about it now, I think "relaxation just generates itself", however I do give myself an instruction to relax...I have definitely not "got" this.

[Jissi]

Sat night

On the LU site there are links to guides' blogs. I hope it's OK to look at them during this inquiry, because I pulled up Delma's blog and found "Best pointing out directions" there. (I'm happy not to read other guides' blogs, btw, just let me know if I shouldn't. I hadn't really planned to. I was just reading her article that said YOU ARE WRONG..., and clicked.)

This comes from one of those pointing out directions, and for some reason it did click: "...I realized that my guide was telling me to LOOK, not to think."When I looked, I saw it....

So I looked. What did I see? No thing. Very clearly.

The illusion came back within a couple of minutes.

(I know, I know, you've been telling me to look!)

[Ghata]

Is there any I or self?

[Jissi]

Sun 31 July, 2016

Is there any self or I? (Ghata's question for today)

No. When I look, I can find no self.

Not long after I see this, thought happens, and I lose it.

I'm seeing no self for slightly longer periods, several seconds at a time. As I typed the last sentence, anxiety arose, but it came from the thought of losing the clear seeing, not fear of there being no self.

Goal for today, Sunday, is to stay with what is seen, heard, smelled, tasted and felt, and to notice as quickly as possible when thought arises and takes me away from the felt senses.

Motto for today: More looking, more often.

Thanks, Ghata! Hugs to you :-)

[Jissi]

Also, starting to see that looking just arises by itself. It's not so clear about relaxation. I get it, I lose it.

[Jissi]

II Sunday, 31 July, 2016

I get it, I lose it.

There is awareness, then the thought that maybe this is all there is...That this clear awareness of the present moment is "it". Relaxation into that moment-just stay there/here. No one is staying in this moment, presence is just happening.

Then thought, and 'I' direct myself to just be in awareness. For seconds the only awareness. Then thought.

(Earlier today a feeling of active happiness, warmth in the heart, calm. Smiling as I type this.)

[Ghata]

Dear Jissi,

ah, it is heartwarming to accompany your inquiry :-)

Is there any self or I? (Ghata's question for today)

No. When I look, I can find no self.

Not long after I see this, thought happens, and I lose it.

I'm seeing no self for slightly longer periods, several seconds at a time. As I typed the last sentence, anxiety arose, but it came from the thought of losing the clear seeing, not fear of there being no self.

So beautiful, Jissi. Don't worry that the seeing is sometimes clear and sometimes isn't. Even after the gate that will happen. There will be a point when the Illusion of the self is so clearly seen, that it cannot be unseen again, even if it is sometimes clouded.

Also, starting to see that looking just arises by itself.

Lovely :-). Yes, even the looking arises by itself.

When you are out on your walk, watch trees, animals, babies, other people. See how everything moves, wiggles, trees, grass, animals, birds, humans, thoughts, feelings, the body that is here now.
Notice that thoughts are arising dependent of what is being noticed, what is being experienced.

Notice life, aliveness and how everything is happening effortlessly. Turn the focus outside. Notice how everything simply is. Perceiving is happening. It's here, now, alive.

See how seeing just happens. There is no one behind the eyes, no watcher, no observer, only watching, observing happening in the present moment. No agent that switches seeing on and off at will. Mind is doing it's usual business of labeling experience and it is also just happening by itself without an effort.

Share your experience.

Sending love,
Ghata

[Jissi]

A couple of general comments to start: there has been a definite shift in mood. Calm, acceptance and happiness have made themselves felt, and it's lovely. There have been moments of anxiety, but far fewer and not intense. This is all particularly true for today. Also, some behavioural stuff-noticeably absent is the desire to go and buy and eat cookies or chocolate. The body isn't asking for them [thank you, body :-) ].

About your assignment to turn the focus outward: this went well for the first 35-40 minutes of walking. the feet and legs, arms and hands moved. It was a glorious summer day. Eyes saw leafs leafing and shimmering, little kids jumping up and down and climbing, playing-kids were kid-ing. Spectacular colours of a few kinds of flowers in contrast to the various greens of the leafs surrounding them. A red Cardinal flying across the street and onto a tree branch, as birds do :-).

The awareness of processes caused by causes and conditions continues to come and go. Appreciation and enjoyment of the beauty of the sun and leaves and sky was easy, but I had to give myself instructions to see these things. Except for noticing sun on skin, that heat and the physical relaxation it caused made themselves known with clearly no input from "me". The physical sensation just was. Otherwise it was, "Jissi, just look, or "just hear"...

That was the first 35-40 minutes, then the body started demanding attention be paid to it. So the body was bodying.