My journey

[mclogical]

Hi Lawrence,

When you are not feeling fear, you need to move towards ansering more fully the question about the location of the "I", that you cannot locate.

I can feel the 'I' located in my being. It's a sensation around the torso area all the way towards the head to be exact. It is perceived. If I tell myself that I am not this sensation and that I am not the body where I also attempt to look at this, I start to experience a weird subtle feeling that implies slight confusion because 'what am I then?'. I feel the need to constantly identify myself.

Regards,
Hassan.

[mclogical]

I really really want to see the truth right now.

[Lawrence]

Hi. Hassan

I really really want to see the truth right now.

Let's do this
Don't think it. Just look
The more you LOOK, the easier it will flow

Go into as much detail as you like, again,even if it makes no sense once you write it down.
There is no wrong answer. This is about your experience of looking. You can only experience what you experience while you are LOOKING


Now read this till the end first and again ask you to look and not think.
This time close you eyes. Look, don't think, through those closed eyes. Concentrate on looking. Forget all thoughts. Just look. Notice what is happening in your experience through those closed eyes. Relax into it. When you do this you will see just darkness, maybe will flashes of lights dotted here and there. You will notice sounds passing through, you will notice where your body is in contact with the earth or chair. Read this several times untill you understand the process. Don't think, just follow. If you follow this proceedure as described automatically you will notice that there are no boundries to what you notice, because there are no boundries here. The deeper you look, the longer you look, the more you will fall into the awareness of boundlessness Do this as often as you can for as long as you can.Enjoy it, because it is an enjoyable process. Soon you will notice that all is just a boundless awareness. As it is boundless , how can there be anyone looking , because if it is boundless so who is there to look. A boundless awareness. The longer you do this the more you will notice this. Just keep looking. Don't think.
Open your eyes and this time just look through open eyes. There are colour shap and form added and as you look there are no boundaries, through open eyes. Just look and listen experience, a boundless awareness. Eyes open, eyes closed both boundless awareness. There cannot be two boundless awarnesses. So it is one boundless awareness. Then ask yourself the following questions
1)Where is "I"
2)Who am "I"
3)What am "I"?

Repeat this as often as you can. This process can be repeated throughout your life too !

Best
Lawrence

[mclogical]

Hi Lawrence,

As I sit to look with my eyes closed, untouched by what is perceived. The awareness gets deeper and more profound. I start to realise that the thought movement that I thought I could control takes place on its own.

1)Where is "I"

When looking at this question my awareness expands further. Looking at humanity as whole rather than just me as a separate entity. I can't find the 'I'. As the awareness continues to expand the looking becomes purer. And so when looking continues. The perception becomes extremely unfamiliar. Like I'm an alien that has just been brought here. In fact its as if I was just born. This is the point where the sharp fear of unfamiliarity is felt. I couldn't maintain it. Instantly the awareness contracted to the confines of the 'I' that was previously not located. And so I didn't proceed to the next to questions.

Every time I reach the gate. When I choke, I reset and have to go through this process over again.

Regards,
Hassan.

[mclogical]

haha as I type this I feel guilty of making excuses. I feel like I should just be responding to you with something. I don't want to leave you hanging.

[mclogical]

I feel much less frustration though. I can see through it and don't mind feeling it when it does arise. I've started doing this with most emotions experiences. Some do tend to slip away where I realise afterwards.

[Lawrence]

Hi Hassan

Go and repeat the awareness meditation procedure.
The more you do. The more you will answer your own questions as well as mine.

I type this I feel guilty of making excuses. I feel like I should just be responding to you with something. I don't want to leave you hanging.

Who is this "I" that says it feels guilty ?

Tell me about this "guilt" ?
Where do these thoughts come from?
Regards
Lawrence

[Lawrence]

Hi again Hassan

Let's look at this too

feel much less frustration though. I can see through it and don't mind feeling it when it does arise. I've started doing this with most emotions experiences. Some do tend to slip away where I realise afterwards.

Where do you feel this emotion ?
Regards
Lawrence

[mclogical]

Hi Lawrence,

By doing the awareness meditation I felt like I was falling into something deeper. It felt good but I still need practise in maintaining it.

Frustration
Where do you feel this emotion ?

It builds up around the chest throat and head. But it's only an emotion, its ok.

Who is this "I" that says it feels guilty ?

Tell me about this "guilt" ?
Where do these thoughts come from?

The 'I' that feels this guilt is just a character. It is perceived so it cannot be me. The thoughts of guilt happen by themselves as a habitual respond that is learnt in the past. It just flows. And it's ok to feel the emotions, they are part of it.

More practise is needed in observing an looking. Day by day it is felt more strongly. Once again much appreciating all of this.

Regards,
Hassan.

[Lawrence]

Hi Hassan
Your moving on well in this processs.

The 'I' that feels this guilt is just a character.

Let us try a bit of clarity here. You previously stated the "I" could not be located, so what is this "character" ?

It is perceived so it cannot be me

What is "I" then ?
What is this "me" that is sensed that is different from "I"

Try and rephrase this whole sentence again incorporating all the answers, even if it starts to sound clumsy. We are in the area beyond language now so clarity rather than perfect english is the best approach

The thoughts of guilt happen by themselves as a habitual respond that is learnt in the past. It just flows. And it's ok to feel the emotions, they are part of it.

This is excellent, but look even further. Isn't all thinking habitual response from what is in the past ?

DO NOT READ FURTHER TILL YOU HAVE FINISHED THESE TWO QUESTIONS

More practise is needed in observing an looking. Day by day it is felt more strongly. Once again much appreciating all of this

.

Brilliant. Now I am going to rewrite the meditation with an addition on the end
This time close you eyes. Look, don't think, through those closed eyes. Concentrate on looking. Forget all thoughts. Just look. Notice what is happening in your experience through those closed eyes. Relax into it. When you do this you will see just darkness, maybe will flashes of lights dotted here and there. You will notice sounds passing through, you will notice where your body is in contact with the earth or chair. Read this several times untill you understand the process. Don't think, just follow. If you follow this proceedure as described automatically you will notice that there are no boundries to what you notice, because there are no boundries here. The deeper you look, the longer you look, the more you will fall into the awareness of boundlessness Do this as often as you can for as long as you can.Enjoy it, because it is an enjoyable process. Soon you will notice that all is just a boundless awareness. As it is boundless , how can there be anyone looking , because if it is boundless so who is there to look. A boundless awareness. The longer you do this the more you will notice this. Just keep looking. Don't think.
Notice your body, apart from where it is in contact with the chair or the ground can you feel anything at all. Is there any separation between your body and the boundless awareness
As it is boundless awareness. Can there be anybody looking at this ?
There cannot be anyone looking because all there is is this boundless awareness
Open your eyes and this time just look through open eyes. There are colour shap and form added and as you look there are no boundaries, through open eyes.
Is there any distance between you and everything you see ?
Is your body seperate from everything you see ?
Just look and listen experience, a boundless awareness. Eyes open, eyes closed both boundless awareness. There cannot be two boundless awarnesses. So it is one boundless awareness. Then ask yourself the following questions
As it is boundless awareness. Can there be anybody looking at this ?
There cannot be anyone looking because all there is is awareness


So what is this "I" ?

This will be an ongoing question ...

REgards
Lawrence

[mclogical]

Hi Lawrence,

Let us try a bit of clarity here. You previously stated the "I" could not be located, so what is this "character" ?

The character is in the form of belief, which is a result of formed thoughts that have been retained in the past. It is like a veil that is over what is going on within. When looking at other people it looks like they are acting as that 'character'. With some focus it is clear that that isn't them. They are something else underneath the role play, underneath this acting. But it seems as though everyone including me gets carried away and becomes really immersed with this character, forgetting that which is underneath it all.

What is this "me" that is sensed that is different from "I"

This me is behind this "I" or "character". It is the perceiver. Its just awareness. It does not judge. It does not analyse or think. It just sees.

Try and rephrase this whole sentence again incorporating all the answers, even if it starts to sound clumsy. We are in the area beyond language now so clarity rather than perfect english is the best approach

The uncontrolled movement of thought has induced a sensation of guilt in the body due to an uncontrolled event, this has happened because it is the best response the "I" could possibly come up with. This is all being perceived. The perceiver is untouched by this movement. Otherwise this would not have been visible as it is.

[mclogical]

And thank you.

Regards,
Hassan.

[Lawrence]

Hello Hassan
We seem to be flying forward
All these question require more than a Yes or no response, so please answer why yes or no

The character is in the form of belief

If something is believed to exist but cannot be found to exist, wouldn't this be a good definition of an illusion ?

which is a result of formed thoughts that have been retained in the past.

Isn't this what is known as memory ?
Isn't thus memory just a thought in the present moment that just arises in awareness, and there is no chracter or "I" other than as an illusion , extrapolating from what YOU have seen ?

It is like a veil that is over what is going on within. When looking at other people it looks like they are acting as that 'character'. With some focus it is clear that that isn't them.
They are something else underneath the role play, underneath this acting

Isn't this just "the illusion"of "I" trying to replace/ reform itself as something else to try and explain why it just does not exist ?

This me is behind this "I" or "character". It is the perceiver. Its just awareness. It does not judge. It does not analyse or think. It just sees.

Can this awareness control thoughts or actions?
Best
Lawrence

[Lawrence]

the first two questions it is difficult to acknowledge little more than yes or no.

[mclogical]

Hi Lawrence,

If something is believed to exist but cannot be found to exist, wouldn't this be a good definition of an illusion ?

Yes, it's a trickery. But this is only the case if one has looked absolutely everywhere to then conclude this.

Isn't this what is known as memory ?
Isn't thus memory just a thought in the present moment that just arises in awareness, and there is no chracter or "I" other than as an illusion , extrapolating from what YOU have seen ?

Yes, this is why when the movements of thoughts are less than usual the "I" is less apparent.

Isn't this just "the illusion"of "I" trying to replace/ reform itself as something else to try and explain why it just does not exist ?

I am sorry can you please rephrase this?

Can this awareness control thoughts or actions?

The awareness only perceives the movement of thought and action.

Regards,
Hassan.