1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There was never. The feeling of something being separate was caused and perpetuated by thoughts. It felt extremely real until it was seen from a different angle.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of a separate self is simply, and I mean simply an idea about being a separate entity from life. It starts around the age of free when the sense of self gets stronger and more complex.
In my experience, this is how it worked. It starts from a thought that there is a "me" which is separate. From this concept arises the feeling and illusion of "I need to control life to make it go where I prefer" and the definitions keep on building and building to a point where it is stored as a energetic sensation. An energetic sensation is a very realistic and real experience where one actually experiences a separate self because it feels and looks that way. The same way you could say that your computer is separate from you. It's a very realistic illusion. It looks very realistic that things are separate from you, because it looks that way. Body here, rest of the world out there. But with clear investigation it is seen that there is no one separate from these appearances/thoughts. So although they appear separate, they ultimately aren't.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Desperation. A friend on facebook and ex-guide of LU helped me trigger the experience through provocative thoughts which I carefully investigated. To me I was tired of trying so hard for so long. I looked when I asked "who is seeing these words" . I saw that it can't be another thought, because thoughts can't see, you can only have the illusion that you can and basically continued looking at that.
5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
It's awesome I can speak from experience, rather then assumption now.
Decision is something that simply happens spontaneously, like everything else. The same with intention and free will. I can say, that I have the intention and desire to go for a walk soon, but I didn't choose having that feeling. Why didn't I choose sleeping? "I" seem to be completely moved by spontaneous impulses over 'I" obviously can't control. Control is ultimately an illusion but the feeling of it still exists, and I believe is still needed in order to function.
6) Anything to add?
I just wan't to say this realization is nothing I imagined it to be. It's so damn simple, and things feel very similar, (although the perspective is completely different). There is a voice in my head that says "maybe this isn't it" But come one, it's too obvious. Thoughts never had any control of there own.
2. Very painful emotions still arise, even often, but I as Ilona put it in her blog, life is like cards. You have no control over what card you'll pick next is. Sometimes you get good cards and sometimes not. I like that description a lot..
And lastly, my main fear was thought once I had an awakening experience I would loose are desire and motivation to think critically about the world of appearance. That I would take up stance in the non-dual perspective and deny the relative. But the paradox is (and I'm so exited for this) once I saw the world of separation was simply a thought, an illusion, now I can continue exploring the illusion world with even more excitement. I still have so, so many questions I wan't to answer and I will continue questioning everything about life very critically. It's so overwhelming, but interesting.
And thank you liberation unleashed for the work you do and yeah. I would say I am grateful but it feels kinda weird saying that now . Well I guess that's something worth questioning further.
Anyway, I think that's the main thing for now( I feel like I can go on forever) and I feel there's much to more to unfold.
Again thanks to all of you,
Ardi