The Gate

Oh I'm so sorry Santhan. I'll be at my computer tonight. I'm responding on my phone right now. I'll fully respond in an hour or two

Ok, great! I look forward

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Yes, i am calling the raw physical experience of the moment as my body. I am also referring to past experiences of physical pain or pleasure as body.

Where is the past or future besides a thought/image? Does it really exist?

I see what you mean. The word body itself is a thought. It is not perceived by senses.

Yes. So what I am showing you is that the word body does not equal the actual experience of it. 'Body' is just a word.

There is only raw experience and my attempts to understand it by thinking about it, and naming parts of it.

What is the experience of what we call body in reality. Investigate in this moment now what it's like. Not what you think about it, but how it is.

what I am calling 'I' is the boundary within which I am perceiving this raw experience.

Where is the boundary? Is there a beginning and ending?

Close your eyes.
Where is the boundary?

It's amazing but I can see that the past is not here unless I think about it. But what about memory? Why can I think about only my past, and not the past of everyone else? This past memory of my life's events must be uniquely part of me?

As i close my eyes and experience the body, it's hard to focus on the raw experience. Yet in the moments without word/thought, the body feels pulsing, throbbing, quivering, and constricting - as if this body is holding me inside itself. This sense of being held within is what i am calling boundary. Parts of my body touching each other and touching the floor I sit on are keeping me aware that I have this body. This is also what I am calling boundary.

Yet I also experience this boundary being larger - I ask myself if I am as big as the room I sit in and in that moment it feels like the room is the boundary. In rare moments I can feel a sense of being so large that it's hard to find the boundary.

When I open my eyes boundaries are everywhere - my body, other objects, walls, people are all boundaries.

Santhan


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Yet in the moments without word/thought, the body feels pulsing, throbbing, quivering, and constricting

This is nice. But again, where is the self in experience when those things are happening. Saying "it feels like it holds me" is story. it's not experience. The description above is more accurate in describing experience.

I'm making this point because our experience doesn't have a story. It's just those raw sensations.

Parts of my body touching each other and touching the floor I sit on are keeping me aware that I have this body. This is also what I am calling boundary.

Notice carefully. Close your eyes again. What is the raw experience of "touching the floor?". Take 100% attention to the feeling of touching the floor. Is it really "touching the floor" or just this sort of sensation?

When I open my eyes boundaries are everywhere - my body, other objects, walls, people are all boundaries.

Okay, buy what we really know of these objects is the seeing of them, correct? And where does the seeing end and begin?? Is there even really and ending or beginning or is it more like a seemless experience of seeing?

Checking in.