Postby Bill » Sat May 02, 2015 7:09 pm
Hi Christine,
Ok, now I would like to post the final questions we ask of all, and the answers that you have already given.
If there's anything more to add, or anything different, as this was about a week ago...let me know.
I will then ask the other guides to take a look at it and see if there's anything missing.
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1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. Couldn't have been. Ever. what a racket. :)
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
It's funny. I see it, then I don't see it. Ebb and flow. Our experiences are stored in our memory banks and the building blocks for "who I am" is created and continuously reinforced. Self is the sum total of individual memories. Whatever experiences they are, I chimes in, claims it and makes it personal, makes it mine. It happened to me. Self is constructed out of the past. Memory says at the age of 1-1/2 yo old I knew that "I was a big girl"..so it starts very young. Our parents teach us our name, where our noses and ears are, teach us "my nose, my ears". Seeing that self is a story hasn't changed one thing except that the internal chatter has a few more moments of quiet. I have not experienced the relaxing I was expecting. Bummer. :)
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Doesn't "feel" different. That may be because I lost the belief in time, past future, a while ago. ... Its never not now, never not this. But I didn't see that an "I" couldn't be anything other than a thought.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It was a post I made in EN about forgiveness. I was laying down because of a migraine and thinking about the thread: "The accumulation of each of our experiences is uniquely our own.. our jumbled mix of memories of preferences, dislikes, of 'good and bad' experiences." Then I saw this is what the self is made of. Thoughts about...
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Heck if I know. I haven't really looked at decisions as they're happening, control, free will etc. If you want me to, let me know and I'll try to give it a go although past decisions to do so have failed. Which I guess is a real life example. I make a mental note to put forth effort or "to do" and despite my best intentions, it doesn't always happen or something else is done instead, My husband will ask why I did (or didn't) do or say something and I have no reasonable explanation. The body seems to be on automatic. Walking, scratching an itch, shampooing hair. "I" don't need to be there, for it to happen. A thought appears "need to do this" ..,like wash my windows. The next thing I know I'm scrubbing the house. (White house, green tree pollen) and the tools to cut tree limbs are laid out and ready. What am I responsible for? I still feel responsible for this life BUT since I saw through "time", I have been less worried about yesterday and tomorrow.
6) Anything to add?
I'm hoping that seeing this, self, will be an ongoing unraveling.
