I look forward to know what you find :)I'm not sure what I am. I can find nothing that is watching the experience. Just that the watching or awareness, itself, exists. I can find no "watcher". But I will keep looking as the day goes by!
Wonderful! Here and now are the entry doors to reality, the only place and time were the illusion can be seen. It can take some practice and repetition until there are no more doubts left. I'm still looking, a year and a half after crossing the Gate, not because of doubts but as a way to drop conditioning. And because it is fun!I don't know if I am totally seeing this, or just "getting" it intellectually. I know I am able to see it, when I look, in the moment. "I" only exist in thinking. The past and the future only exist in thinking. Thoughts aren't real. This moment is real. In this moment there is seeing, hearing, thinking, feeling, moving, etc. But I can find no one directing the show!
Good, let's look at these things one at a time.At the moment, what makes me believe in a separate self is still the feeling I have of being in my body (and not in any other body) and being in my mind (and not in any other mind). My memory of my past still seems real, like it happened to me. It still seems like I am able to make decisions.
Can you describe this feeling - is it a sensation, does it have a center, can you find its boundaries? If you look closer, is it really a feeling or is more like this: a sensation is felt and a thought is "it is me in my body"? Sensations and thought commentary happening without a you at their origin?the feeling I have of being in my body (and not in any other body)
This feeling of being in my body is hard to describe! I've been looking very closely for a long while, and then I realized I was the one looking and not the sensations of "body". So, it seems to me a mis-naming of what "I" am. hmmm... I was asking myself, "Where am I?" "Am I in the sensations?" And I was looking, looking... and realized I am the I and not the sensations.Can you describe this feeling - is it a sensation, does it have a center, can you find its boundaries? If you look closer, is it really a feeling or is more like this: a sensation is felt and a thought is "it is me in my body"? Sensations and thought commentary happening without a you at their origin?
My body cannot experience sensations. My body is sensations.What is truer, is body experiencing sensations or is body being experienced as sensations?
Well, I'm not making the nails and hair grow, or beating the heart, or controlling the circulation of blood or any of that...What makes the body yours? If it is, are you making the nails and hairs grow, controlling the circulation of the blood, the body's weight?
No, not at all.When walking or typing or moving the eyes, does action need a you that controls every move?
I can see a separate body. But I am not sure where I am.Look at a mirror, can you see a separate you? Where in the body could this you be?
Let's go deeper. What is this I that is looking for an I? Don't think about the answer. Look for the I.When I look for the "I" I realize that I am nowhere to be found.
How do you know you are this space? Again, simply look. What do you see doing the looking? Is it a space? Is it an entity? Is looking personal?I am the space that is looking...
As you're probably already aware, they're not really questions in the traditional sense that they require an answer, but they're little invitations to look. That's more important than coming up with answers, for now. So, take your time, and explore this...
No, I cannot find an entity doing the choosing. Hands just raise. But I feel like I had some kind of intention for them to raise. Some part of me read the above and processed it and then the hand knew to move after I counted to three.1) On a count of three, raise the left hand or the right hand and observe what happens. 1-2-3. Take a good look. Do you see an entity doing the choosing? Is there a ‘you’ that selects one hand or the other, in your raw experience? Or is there just raising of a hand?
No one controls the walking. Walking just happens.2) After you read these words, get up and walk across the room.
Who controls the walking? Can you see a definite ‘you’ that controls that walking? Or is there just walking happening?
I am aware of thinking. Of a kind of rational thought process, that is part of the choosing, it seems. But I don't know if the thoughts are causing the choice to be made. Thoughts have no power to do this. So, I guess the conclusion that my mind makes is that because thinking is happening and a choice is being made, this must all trace back to a self that is "doing" this. However, I know through experience that thoughts just happen and thoughts CANNOT make a choice. So, what is making the choice? A self? Where is it? In thoughts?!? No! Behind thoughts? Well, no...3) Choose a drink, for example tea/coffee/another drink or between a couple of objects (blue pen/black pen/pencil). Really do this, don't imagine you're doing it, that would be just thought stuff. Then sit and see if you can find the ‘self' who made that choice? If so, where exactly did that choice happen? Why was one option selected over another? Can you find a choice point (a location of choosing)? Try to describe the process of 'choosing'.
when I read this ^, it seems that you're thinking that a thought can cause an action: thought -> experienceIf I think "I want to raise my right hand". I can then follow that and do it. It seems that the thought comes before the action, sometimes.
I don't quite "get" it. I think I need more time for looking!Could it be more close to this:
---experience----
--- thought ------
or like this?
experience -> thought
An action happens and a thought says "I did it"?
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