Hi Jonathan,
Diving straight in ....
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was
there ever?
No there is no "self", "me", "I", at all, anywhere, in any way,shape or form. There never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now .
This illusion starts as language arises, and we are taught to label things, dog, cat, house, you,
me......all children are asked by others "who are you?" and we all reply "my name is ..... and I
am 5, and this is My doggy.....etc" so we all start creating story called ME, this separate I Me
and Mine early on. Its the language we humans use in making distinctions for communication
purposes.
As the years roll by this concept hardens, its MY Toy, MY boyfriend, My car, My House, MY MY MY
My Art .....and its never reflected on, its an unconscious belief, a construct, a perception that
we all use. Thoughts that become our Beliefs.
But in our heads the Thoughts and Beliefs and Attitudes harden, the Me becomes territory that
needs defense, toys are possessions, boyfriends are possessions, houses are possessions, and
fights occur, "give me back MY toy"..........wars are fought....the illusion is solid, there is no introspection, no wondering if things could be seen another way, no inkling that there would even be a reason to look at it another way. Its Me against Them.
Until things dont "feel" good anymore, perhaps its a subtle shift, that comes, a feeling all is
not right in My world, an unease......and searching starts, what for is not always clear, just
searching, books, CD's, "Sounds True", Teachers, lists of people "showing the way"...Buddhism,
lots of Isms...its all headed in One Direction there is an inevitability here...one step leads to
the next, lots of Red Herrings later and "Kathryn" has arrived somehow at what someone is calling a "Gate".
Oh and she has stopped painting because she is searching searching searching!! My Art is
suffering ..I am suffering... Pleae can someone help me? Well that was my perspective last week!
So "what the heck", lets have a look at what this is all about.....OMG.....No Self? No ME? Just
what are these people on about?????
Download APP, read it, do some of the exercises..ask for a Guide...chew on it, wake up in the
night thinking "there's no ME? but I am here......but who is here? Where am I to be
found?"......write to Jonanathon that its "3 am here in NZ and blah blah blah" as if he needs to
know that !!
A few days later.......
.Describe it fully as you see it now.
There is no Self! there is no Me! it was an illusion! HURRAH!! It was a mental construct that I lived My entire life by, everyday protecting My Stuff, exhausting, all this Me against Them, all this illusion is dropping away by this process of Direct Looking and the Guiding process......all this attachment to thoughts..........all the efforting!
As I see it now, there never was a ME to begin with, EVER period!
Over the years this mind has been doing its thing, unbeknowst to ME (hahaha) all along, recording events, deducing information, always running, no one running it, nothing seperate, all the information recorded from all the events that ever happened in this life...good bad or indifferent..its like a Gestalt, and there is a knowing an intelligence about what action to take that is beneficial, what might harm, what is liked.....its all there, data all logged.....no manager in sight....and as such No Me, this is not Self, this is No One, no-one at all.....there never has been...that was a construct, that was "Me thinking I had to be in control" "Just ask me Jonathan"
hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
When something needs to be done, OMG it happens, if Allowed to it will just happen like paintings, they flow they happen, if "I" get out of the way, if "I" take my hands of the wheel, off the brushes and just allow it to unfold, beautifully. Naturally, there is nothing to do. So if paintings happen then it follows that life gets lived by the same process, naturally with ease in the moment.....flowing, no Me, just this and this and this.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
Incredible, Delightful, Delicious, Joyous.....there are glimpses of pure freedom, giggles rise
up, gratitude and relief, relief that "I" dont have to struggle like "I" did.
It is gradually sinking in, there are moments of clear seeing that feel unlike any seeing I have
ever done. Its a new perception, and it just feels so right, so natural.
It feels like a great Zen koan has been answered !!!! It was a leap...a flash of lighting....a
knowing.
Before I started this dialogue there was a "wall", it felt numbing, an impenatrable cloud, no
inspiration, it felt hard and solid.
The past few days of inquirey have dissolved this, this realization that thoughts are not
reality, that there is no self has been a remarkable discovery. Astonishing! It feels lighter,
brighter and easier, there is no struggle, there is no Me to struggle with, for or about.
Extraordinary.....more peaceful....so thank you, so much, for pointing, for being there to point
to "no-one".......Kathryn :)
