Morning Vince,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Right in this moment when looking for the character called 'Julie' I only find a collection of stories, so no I cannot find a separate standalone 'me' anywhere. The body is not the character called 'me' either as a leg could be lost without the existence of the organism being affected. Therefore there is not nor was there ever a separate 'Julie' anywhere ever.
2) "Describe your experience of the illusion of separate self, how it arises/disappears. Is that process always the same, or does it vary, and if so, how?"
Thoughts arise from nowhere which can either disappear without a response or they can trigger an emotional reaction noticed as sensations in the body. If these are not recognised as being purely sensory feelings a conditioned thought response arises and results in a sense of 'me' being felt from the whole experience (thoughts or pictures, emotion, sensation continued in a loop) which is how the illusion feeds on itself. This is pretty consistently how the illusion is experienced.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
The thoughts are definitely seen through as being empty much more promptly which has resulted in a natural balancing of the emotional responses, so a calmness has been felt. When talking with others I notice the reactions of the body if thought starts to arise to give sensations in the body and see through this more quickly causing the stress to disappear when it is noticed.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The 'three parts of the brain' TED talk was very useful as it was then seen clearly that the process of the mind is just a set of pathways (like a computer) that like to have a conditioned emotional response in order to complete a satisfactory end point (the emotion) and how this feeds itself repeatedly until recognised and then new satisfactory 'end points' can be achieved through new connections being made and old ones severed. The cessation of reading spiritual material also resulted in a real time looking for the 'me' which could most definitely not be found.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decisions: are not made by anybody because they just arise out of nowhere and a reaction follows which can be interpreted as our own. I saw a video with evidence that decisions occur in the pathways of the brain a full 6 seconds before the response from the body.
Intention: these are just thoughts that arise so they are seen through as such until action happens in the moment. the body may either act on them or not, no control over them just like no control over thoughts. I might intend to do some drawing as the thought arises but whether that actually happens depends upon life circumstances which are beyond control.
Free will: If there is no 'me' in actuality then there can be no 'one' to act with free will, life is just happening.
Choice: Choice is illusory and happens after a thought arises that says 'you chose to do that' resulting in a sense that the 'me' is in control. For example when I go to make a coffee and end up having tea instead because a thought arises out of nowhere that I want tea in that moment.
Control: There is no 'me' to control anything, life is just as it is, arising and disappearing in this moment (thoughts, sensations, shapes, colours etc).
Responsibility: I don't feel I can be responsible for anything as life seems to just arise and things are dealt with according to my conditioning. For example when I see through my thoughts I become calmer and act with compassion and clarity towards others, but this is not 'me' taking any responsibility for anything this is just what is happening in life.
It's been good to write the responses to these questions, hope you can see where I might be getting lost or not? If you need me to elaborate on anything then I'll try to do so.
Have a great day,
Julie