The Gate

Hi Hilary
Some lovely looking and noticing going on here!

still doing this over the past week or so and it’s usually felt in the solar plexus.

Solar plexus? Sensation with story attached? Check – have as look?

I love what you have at the bottom of your posts, by the way. I’ve actually found it very helpful over the last day or so with something that’s been going on. That no matter what thoughts come up about something that’s unfolded, no matter what my mind says about it, the unfoldment is the unfoldment. So, regardless of what kind of narrative I put it on it, whether I comprehend the why of it (or not), it’s the way it has unfolded—regardless of anything AT ALL. Love it!

And are thoughts part of what is too?

No. A thought cannot think. It can only do what it does which is make itself known as a thought and then fade away – it might appear again later – but it’s still just a visiting, passing thought. And I cannot make a thought do anything whatsoever.

Do thoughts have power then? Can thought do anything? Are thoughts the enemy? Are they to be got rid of? If so is that actually possible?

Future is 100% imaginary.......... Sometimes wanting/pining/longing is accompanied by sensation in ………

Lovely! Well seen! Keep looking at how this works. Then see what happens to the want after it is seen.

When I look at both “fear” and “want”, they seem to be centred around the fear of relinquishing the illusion of control. This is all very tied in to the investing I’m doing about that there’s no free will, no doer, etc. It’s a sticky one for me.

Can you give me an example of something you do control? Have a really good look.

Also noticing that when I’m reading, I don’t decide ahead of time what I’m going to underline – it just has been happening today and then I think about it immediately after. I noticed it while plucking my eyebrows this morning! haha. Still need to do more observing about choice (e.g., the wardrobe).

Again – fantastic noticing here! Keep looking everywhere and at everything when remembering happens for choice and the 'one' who makes decisions. Look at all types of doing including the wardrobe!
Love and hugs Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah!

I was able to take a look at the beginning of the fear questions this morning. Here's what I came up with. . .

In order to know fear we have to know resistance. Fear is resistance
and ‘I don’t like’. Turn towards this feeling of fear so completely, so fully, allow it into you without the slightest trace of resistance – then turn around and see what remains of the fear. Can you allow this fear so completely, even with the possibility that it might annihilate you?

Yes, I can allow it that completely. In light of everything we're working on, annihilation sounds amazing.


Can you see that what you essentially are already allows that so fully without the slightest resistance to it?

I can!!! ...and I love seeing this. It's similar to something I came across recently a few weeks ago - something along the lines of that we don't have to "allow" or "accept" anything ever, the fact that it's showing up means life has already accepted it fully anyway.

For who or what is it a problem that there is fear?

Really, no one and nothing. I can see that clearly. How could a thought that's on its way to disappearing again be a problem?

Is it a problem for a single thought?

Meaning - do any other thoughts have a problem w fear? If I'm understanding the question correctly, no. No problem whatsoever. They're just thoughts - w their own little lifespans - appearing then disappearing

What is it a problem for after that single thought has gone as it will?
Another thought?

No. It couldn't be a problem for another thought. Fear couldn't be a problem for anything. It would just show up and then be on its way.

In between the 2 thoughts is there a problem?

No, the space between the 1st thought and the 2nd, there is no way there would be a problem there. . . my thoughts haven't slowed down enough for me to see this in actuality, but I can see that there wouldn't be a problem there. That wouldn't be possible.

I need a little more time to work on the rest of the fear questions. More to come!

Thank you, Sarah!!! :)
xx
Hilary

Hi again! :)

Solar plexus? Sensation with story attached? Check – have as look?

Hmm. . . I think I know what you're getting at but I have to look at it when it comes up again. I suppose that doesn't necessarily make sense. . . there's a sensation in my solar plexus and there are thoughts. Two separate things going on. I want to observe this carefully next time though and write more about it later, if that's okay.

And are thoughts part of what is too?

Yes, they most certainly are.

Do thoughts have power then? Can thought do anything? Are thoughts the enemy? Are they to be got rid of? If so is that actually possible?

Thoughts have no power other than to show up. A thought cannot do anything except show up. Thoughts are not the enemy, they're just doing what they do. No, I don't see how it would be possible to get rid of thoughts, so I don't think they are to be gotten rid of. Starting to see how much better it is let myself see them and investigate them, if need be. They are harmless.

Lovely! Well seen! Keep looking at how this works. Then see what happens to the want after it is seen.

Okay. . . will look at this more closely. :) I have always paired the sensation with the wanting thoughts but I see why this may not make much sense, after all.

Can you give me an example of something you do control? Have a really good look.

Right now, no. . . I can't give you anything that I'm certain I'm in control of that isn't based on a habit or pattern, etc. This is one that I have to revisit more fully tomorrow, too. Very sleepy! Hope you're having a great weekend.

Will look at these outstanding questions as well as the rest of the fear document tomorrow. Please ask me more questions, if you like . . . or I can just focus on those.

Next time you notice your attention on something – see if you control where it goes next, how long it stays on something, whether it stays at all or dissipates into thought day dreaming. Just notice. Can you control attention – or does it go where it wants how it wants and when it wants. Same with choice – watch the doing of choice with the thoughts attached. Is the thought coming in before, during or after choice is made? Do you ever find a contradiction between thought saying one thing and hand choosing something else? If choice was fixed and controlled there would be no mistakes ever. Every time you go near that wardrobe – look and notice what happens.

Also, the above is from an older post but can you expand on - or ask me in a way you think would be best - the part about "if choice was fixed and controlled, there would be no mistakes ever"? For some reason, I feel like talking about this more would maybe be helpful. Thank you again, Sarah!!! I hope you're having a great weekend. :)

Hi Hilary
Please let me know if Im giving you too much! OK!
Some lovely seeing again with the fear Hilary. Keep going with it. What happens after the looking has happened? Anything?

Hmm. . . I think I know what you're getting at but I have to look at it when it comes up again. I suppose that doesn't necessarily make sense. . . there's a sensation in my solar plexus and there are thoughts. Two separate things going on. I want to observe this carefully next time though and write more about it later, if that's okay.

Solar plexus – is that a label? What actually does it mean? Is it an explanation of a sensation – ie a story? Is the label the thing? Is the word water actually water – can you drink it? We apply stories all over the place especially over sensations and emotions. Look yourself.

Thoughts have no power other than to show up. A thought cannot do anything except show up. Thoughts are not the enemy, they're just doing what they do. No, I don't see how it would be possible to get rid of thoughts, so I don't think they are to be gotten rid of. Starting to see how much better it is let myself see them and investigate them, if need be. They are harmless.

Have you ever tried to get rid of thought? LOL. When investigating thought – is the content real? Is the answer in the content? Or just in the seeing that thinking is happening?

Okay. . . will look at this more closely. :) I have always paired the sensation with the wanting thoughts but I see why this may not make much sense, after all.

The fear questions can be used to look at any sensation or emotion. Just change the word!

Repeating this: Can you give me an example of something you do control? Have a really good look.

Also, the above is from an older post but can you expand on - or ask me in a way you think would be best - the part about "if choice was fixed and controlled, there would be no mistakes ever"? For some reason, I feel like talking about this more would maybe be helpful. Thank you again, Sarah!!! I hope you're having a great weekend. :)

Control – if you have it – you would have it all the time wouldn’t you? So if you have control – all choice is controlled – there would be no time when it wasn’t? Does that help?
Im on holiday Hilary – so YES I am!
Big hugs Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

Oh, vacation! NICE! :)

I guess the pace is a little fast for me because I didn't feel like I was able to dig in, be quiet and really LOOK (in the way I want to for some of these questions) over the last couple of days.

About the solar plexus stuff. . . well, yes, there is a physical sensation there. . . it's not a thought. There are also thoughts but there is a real, actual sensation in that part of my body at times. :)

The only time it clicks for me that I'm not in control of anything is if I sort of approach it from a different angle. . . what you said at the end of your post is very helpful, too. When I look at things along the lines of: there's never anything that happens outside of life (that much I know), this includes things in my life, so it stands to reason that there is no decision being made by a separate self, a separate "me" - any decisions made are all part of the unfoldment of life, the movement of life. So, no. . . there's nothing I really control. But it's only easy for me to see from that perspective, for some reason.

Off to my appointment. Looking forward to writing more this afternoon. :)

Thank you so much!! xo
Hilary

Hi again! Wanted to get back to this solar plexus part - I think you're asking me more than what I answered before. . .

Solar plexus – is that a label? What actually does it mean? Is it an explanation of a sensation – ie a story? Is the label the thing? Is the word water actually water – can you drink it? We apply stories all over the place
especially over sensations and emotions. Look yourself.

Yes, solar plexus is a label for an area of the body. It is just a name. It is not an explanation of a sensation, just a way for me to describe to you where I experience sensations/energy sometimes. I cannot actually drink the word "water." I feel like I'm missing something you're trying to get me to look at here! :)

Have you ever tried to get rid of thought? LOL. When investigating thought – is the content real? Is the answer in the content? Or just in the seeing that thinking is happening?

I have indeed thought of the idea that I should try to get rid of a thought. It's never worked. In actuality, it's always seemed to just invite/generate more thoughts about whatever it was I was trying to quiet down.

When investigating a thought, the contents of the thought are not real, the occurrence of the thought actually happens and is real, but not the content. It is definitely just thinking happening, passing through.

Can you give me an example of something you do control? Have a really good look.

No. Today, I'm noticing things are happening with or without my input. I feel like I direct my attention somewhere but then, nope. . . it's gone somewhere else. I was watching a YouTube video of Elena giving an interview and was going back to continue it--but, nope. . . ended up heading to the shower instead. I cannot think of anything right now that I am certain that I control.

Control – if you have it – you would have it all the time wouldn’t you? So if you have control – all choice is controlled – there would be no time when it wasn’t? Does that help?

That does help. Thank you. I had an interesting experience a couple days ago - having to do with my not being able to control someone else's actions but realizing that I wanted to separate it out. The idea that I may not be in control of me or them, etc. but still hanging onto the idea that THEY could control their actions (what they do or don't do), with respect to me! Ha! Comedy. Once I let that one go, in this particular situation, it was like a 180!

I'm having a sort of funny day with all of this - and that's okay :) I'm feeling like I don't believe there IS a separate self and it's ringing true that I'm convinced I'm in control of anything - but that it's not fully clicking somewhere in my brain still. . .

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the idea of my body doing things due to impulses, patterns, triggers, habits, etc. I feel like once I get that squared away, it would click more fully. What do you think about that? :) I didn't notice it until later today, but I think there are some little fears hanging out still.

I'm trying to apply the "university" example to what I call the "self." I find that helpful and then a thought comes "Well, what's the big deal? We know it's just buildings, people, books, classrooms, etc. and we can continue to call it 'university.' And 'Hilary' is just a shorthand for the collection of cells, sensations, emotions, thoughts, movements. . .So, what else is there to do?" I can't find the self, I don't feel in charge and I feel just blah today. I think it's remnants of the beginning idea: I can't find proof of it. . . but ultimately, I don't know. I don't see how I can know anything for sure, at this point. And, I guess that's okay but did you have any of this stuff come up for you?

Ha. Sorry if this annoying, I just want you to see where I am with everything! I hope I'm making sense. Like I said, sort of a funny day over here! :)

Also, do you think it's okay if I read Byron Katie stuff? I haven't been but it seems so similar, I thought it might help.

Thank you, Sarah!
Big hug to you from Los Angeles!

Hi Hilary

About the solar plexus stuff. . . well, yes, there is a physical sensation there. . . it's not a thought. There are also thoughts but there is a real, actual sensation in that part of my body at times. :)

Please make sure you ask again if Im not clear!!!!! I wasn’t meaning the sensation itself thought. We can look at direction later. As soon as we hear a word we get a mental image of what that word means – so if I say wave – you see a wave in thought. However some labels come with a story attached – e.g. god. Yes labels are useful if they are used just to point – but if the finger is mistaken for the moon then the label takes on story. I was just checking with your use of solar plexus – that it didn’t have story attached - some mystical meaning. Does that help?

The only time it clicks for me that I'm not in control of anything is if I sort of approach it from a different angle. . . what you said at the end of your post is very helpful, too. When I look at things along the lines of: there's never anything that happens outside of life (that much I know), this includes things in my life, so it stands to reason that there is no decision being made by a separate self, a separate "me" - any decisions made are all part of the unfoldment of life, the movement of life. So, no. . . there's nothing I really control. But it's only easy for me to see from that perspective, for some reason.

Can you see this – do you notice this?

No. Today, I'm noticing things are happening with or without my input. I feel like I direct my attention somewhere but then, nope. . . it's gone somewhere else. I was watching a YouTube video of Elena giving an interview and was going back to continue it--but, nope. . . ended up heading to the shower instead. I cannot think of anything right now that I am certain that I control.

Keep looking everywhere – when going to collect food, choice, decisions, clothes, shopping, attention – everything! Even words written to ‘me’!

That does help. Thank you. I had an interesting experience a couple days ago - having to do with my not being able to control someone else's actions but realizing that I wanted to separate it out. The idea that I may not be in control of me or them, etc. but still hanging onto the idea that THEY could control their actions (what they do or don't do), with respect to me! Ha! Comedy. Once I let that one go, in this particular situation, it was like a 180!

Lovely noticing! See the story created around ‘them’ and ‘other’.

I'm having a sort of funny day with all of this - and that's okay :) I'm feeling like I don't believe there IS a separate self and it's ringing true that I'm convinced I'm in control of anything - but that it's not fully clicking somewhere in my brain still. . .

OK – thought will not and cannot understand this. Ever. Period! Thought wants to control – you see this already. It wants to understand because that means prediction which in turn means control. See this yourself. BUT thought deals in objects. It cannot deal in no-thing. Are you the object appearing OR the thing that notices an object has arisen? Are you the reflection or the mirror all reflection appears in/on/for? Thought is an object – it arises and falls away.
This you need to verify yourself – Do NOT take my word for anything! Look.

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the idea of my body doing things due to impulses, patterns, triggers, habits, etc. I feel like once I get that squared away, it would click more fully. What do you think about that? :) I didn't notice it until later today, but I think there are some little fears hanging out still.

OK – a couple of things here – one is want. The thoughts trying to understand. See/notice this. Story in here too – ‘I feel like once …..’ etc. Nothing to do with it – just see it then see if the energy moves.
Second – fears. One way I used was to splurge on paper – kind of let it all out – just write. Go away and come back later – see what resonates – and bring that here if you wish. The idea is not to get rid of anything – and if that is noticed in thought that is also fine. Just see and notice what is – even if its resistance. OK.

Also, do you think it's okay if I read Byron Katie stuff? I haven't been but it seems so similar, I thought it might help.

Help? Help what? Is this thought wanting rid? Just check.
Byron Katie questions can be very useful in unearthing some thoughts, beliefs, story etc….. We do recommend that you stay with this and not other books, teachings etc so as not to get confused. Also remembering what you noticed about thoughts being real but content not. But ultimately – nothing is needed except looking. The need, cure, etc is NOT out there – but inside. Thoughts will want to hunt down and find the solution. Do you see this?
Big Hugs and Love Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah!

I was able to read your last post and found it very helpful. I didn't get home until a little while ago and am pretty tired. I don't want to "phone in" my reply to you--so I'd like another day to sit with everything.

I hope you had a great night!

Thank you!
Hilary

No worries Hilary. Thanks for letting me know.
Hugs S xxx

Hi Sarah!

Please make sure you ask again if Im not clear!!!!! I wasn’t meaning the sensation itself thought. We can look at direction later. As soon as we hear a word we get a mental image of what that word means – so if I say wave – you see a wave in thought. However some labels come with a story attached – e.g. god. Yes labels are useful if they are used just to point – but if the finger is mistaken for the moon then the label takes on story. I was just checking with your use of solar plexus – that it didn’t have story attached - some mystical meaning. Does that help?

Yes, that does help. Okay--I simply meant "somewhere near my stomach." No special meaning. :)

Can you see this – do you notice this?

Yes, I do see that. . . in some ways, if I really look, it's all there is TO notice.

Keep looking everywhere – when going to collect food, choice, decisions, clothes, shopping, attention – everything! Even words written to ‘me’!

Okay - still working with this one. :)

Lovely noticing! See the story created around ‘them’ and ‘other’.

Yes! This is ongoing so I'm getting to watch this one unfold while I'm doing all this reading and looking, etc. I'm enjoying being/feeling much, much calmer about a situation like this than I normally am. It's a nice break.

OK – thought will not and cannot understand this. Ever. Period! Thought wants to control – you see this already. It wants to understand because that means prediction which in turn means control. See this yourself. BUT thought deals in objects. It cannot deal in no-thing. Are you the object appearing OR the thing that notices an object has arisen? Are you the reflection or the mirror all reflection appears in/on/for? Thought is an object – it arises and falls away. This you need to verify yourself – Do NOT take my word for anything! Look.

I do see that thought wants to control, for certain. No predictions are possible, only ambiguity. I do see this - I see how much things have shifted for me around the idea of ambiguity anyway. All there is is ambiguity - all the time! There's never a time it's not there.

That question is tricky to my brain! But I am the thing noticing an object has arisen. If I close my eyes and get very still, very quiet. . . I see this. Even if I only do it briefly.

"Thought will not understand this ever." That's good! Thank you. :)

OK – a couple of things here – one is want. The thoughts trying to understand. See/notice this. Story in here too – ‘I feel like once …..’ etc. Nothing to do with it – just see it then see if the energy moves.
Second – fears. One way I used was to splurge on paper – kind of let it all out – just write. Go away and come back later – see what resonates – and bring that here if you wish. The idea is not to get rid of anything – and if that is noticed in thought that is also fine. Just see and notice what is – even if its resistance. OK.

Okay. Will look at this more.

Help? Help what? Is this thought wanting rid? Just check.
Byron Katie questions can be very useful in unearthing some thoughts, beliefs, story etc….. We do recommend that you stay with this and not other books, teachings etc so as not to get confused. Also remembering what you noticed about thoughts being real but content not. But ultimately – nothing is needed except looking. The need, cure, etc is NOT out there – but inside. Thoughts will want to hunt down and find the solution. Do you see this?

Yes. Help what? Sort of silly if it's all just right here and there's nothing to do and no one to do it.

No, I don't think so--I just like what she says/how she says it. It seems very parallel to this. I didn't mean I wanted to actually do her method/questions right now - she has a book called A Thousand Names for Joy (or something) and I just like it, that's all. I won't read it for now though. :) I do see how thoughts want a solution - always looking for answers and like you said before, looking to predict - to know how everything''s going to turn out. It's proving to be a tough habit to break - letting my thoughts run the show - but I want to persevere.

Thank you so much, Sarah!!
Big hug

Hi Hilary

Yes, I do see that. . . in some ways, if I really look, it's all there is TO notice.

And is there resistance to no control?

I do see that thought wants to control, for certain. No predictions are possible, only ambiguity. I do see this - I see how much things have shifted for me around the idea of ambiguity anyway. All there is is ambiguity - all the time! There's never a time it's not there.

And how does this feel?

"That question is tricky to my brain! But I am the thing noticing an object has arisen. If I close my eyes and get very still, very quiet. . . I see this. Even if I only do it briefly. "Thought will not understand this ever." That's good! Thank you. :)

Please verify this though Hilary. Im not here to convince you of anything – OK. Can the sun look at itself?

Yes. Help what? Sort of silly if it's all just right here and there's nothing to do and no one to do it. No, I don't think so--I just like what she says/how she says it. It seems very parallel to this. I didn't mean I wanted to actually do her method/questions right now - she has a book called A Thousand Names for Joy (or something) and I just like it, that's all. I won't read it for now though. :)

I agree! I like her too and she is parallel – she was used here for looking too! :)

I do see how thoughts want a solution - always looking for answers and like you said before, looking to predict - to know how everything''s going to turn out. It's proving to be a tough habit to break - letting my thoughts run the show - but I want to persevere.

Thought ‘wants’ to look everywhere for a solution – anywhere but ‘here’! Seeking upon seeking! All it takes is noticing this happening! And if it doesnt happen – just keep pick up again when remembering happens! No worries! Thoughts will use any excuse to bash or criticize! Always driving!!!!! LOL.
So try smiling or laughing when ever seeing or noticing happens! :)
Big hugs and a smile! Sarah xxxxx

Hi Sarah! I'm still here - I need to write more tomorrow, please. Thank you!! xo

OK. Sarah xxx

Hello there, Sarah!

And is there resistance to no control?

I started to say no, that there's no resistance to control. . . but there is a little bit. I had a moment of anxiety yesterday that was TOTALLY out of control and is probably only rooted in the fact that I think I DO control. . . so, yes, I think there is resistance.

And how does this feel?

And here, I know I'm contradicting myself a little bit (in light of the above) but I find it to be great! I love it. I've always had such a PROBLEM with the ambiguity surrounding romantic relationships, that sort of thing. . . but once I realized that there's nothing less (or more) ambiguous than anything else in life ever, I found that it was freeing more than anything. Even this situation, yesterday, I know it's ambiguous, I know I can't control it. . . yet, this anxiety came up (anxiety and shyness, really) and there was nothing I could do about it! But I know it's rooted in my still wanting to be in control - what else would I need to be anxious about? Does that make sense?

Please verify this though Hilary. Im not here to convince you of anything – OK. Can the sun look at itself?

Thank you. This is all very helpful. I just meant that it was a helpful statement in helping me look. I was verifying for myself the other day. I took your question and took some time to close my eyes and look. No, the sun cannot look at itself.

Thought ‘wants’ to look everywhere for a solution – anywhere but ‘here’! Seeking upon seeking! All it takes is noticing this happening! And if it doesnt happen – just keep pick up again when remembering happens! No worries! Thoughts will use any excuse to bash or criticize! Always driving!!!!! LOL.
So try smiling or laughing when ever seeing or noticing happens! :)

Yes, it does. This "episode" yesterday was no exception. I'd say this thing yesterday was the biggest, most obvious indication that I'm not seeing through the illusion of self! It was the first of its kind (and caliber) over the last few weeks. There was a lot of selfing going on there! Haha. Very hard in the moment - pretty funny this morning. So, needless to say. . . still having a look! :)

I hope you're having a lovely afternoon.

Thank you for all of your help!

Hilary

Hi Hilary

I started to say no, that there's no resistance to control. . . but there is a little bit. I had a moment of anxiety yesterday that was TOTALLY out of control and is probably only rooted in the fact that I think I DO control. . . so, yes, I think there is resistance.

And where was this resistance? Was it in thought, or a physical sensation or an emotion – or a combination?
Was there a ‘need’ to be rid of this resistance?

And here, I know I'm contradicting myself a little bit (in light of the above) but I find it to be great! I love it. I've always had such a PROBLEM with the ambiguity surrounding romantic relationships, that sort of thing. . . but once I realized that there's nothing less (or more) ambiguous than anything else in life ever, I found that it was freeing more than anything. Even this situation, yesterday, I know it's ambiguous, I know I can't control it. . . yet, this anxiety came up (anxiety and shyness, really) and there was nothing I could do about it! But I know it's rooted in my still wanting to be in control - what else would I need to be anxious about? Does that make sense?

Yes it does. What has been noticed with control – or lack thereof? Where does thought think its ion control?

Yes, it does. This "episode" yesterday was no exception. I'd say this thing yesterday was the biggest, most obvious indication that I'm not seeing through the illusion of self! It was the first of its kind (and caliber) over the last few weeks. There was a lot of selfing going on there! Haha. Very hard in the moment - pretty funny this morning. So, needless to say. . . still having a look! :)

Do you mean thought here not being able to see through itself? You saw this clearly? Then what?
Love and hugs Sarah xxx