The Gate

Hi Ed

No and I know that I'm not in control of anything. I feel detached from my body. I don't know what I am anymore.

How does that feel – is there resistance to that?

Yes the universe. Or reality, something should be eternal. Or there could be a God. There is no way this is a result of matter spontaneously forming stuff.

Should be? But what is actually directly experienced?

I am sure. No I am not sure. My mind is sure.

Lovely answer!

Sarah, what if the mind/body fails to cope with it? What if things just crash? There is Dark Night that I read about and people went through a lot of pain there, I don't want to go there.

OK – breathe Ed.
Firstly look and see the all the future based thoughts written here.
Second – If the illusion of I has been seen – then you ‘know’ it was never there to start with – did you crash? Who is there to cope? And with what?
Thirdly – look to the answers you wrote for the sensation of fear – change the label to pain – what’s the difference?
Who or what doesn’t want to go where? If you don’t exist out of thought - where are you going to go to exist?
Lastly – resistance lies where Ed? What resists? What causes pain from resistance? What wants things different from what they are? Follow the resistance - it will lead you to what needs looking at. Don't be afraid - just look straight at it with love.
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Hi Ed. Im away tonight so will pick up your post tomorrow. OK?
Cheers
Sarah xxx

Alright, deal.

How does that feel – is there resistance to that?

From time to time.

Should be? But what is actually directly experienced?

It's outside of the domain of direct experience.

Firstly look and see the all the future based thoughts written here.

Okay I see them.

Thirdly – look to the answers you wrote for the sensation of fear – change the label to pain – what’s the difference?

No difference no one to feel fear or pain.

Second – If the illusion of I has been seen – then you ‘know’ it was never there to start with – did you crash? Who is there to cope? And with what?

It was there but as an illusion. No one to cope with anything.

Who or what doesn’t want to go where? If you don’t exist out of thought - where are you going to go to exist?

There is some fear in the mind. It is not owned fear. No where to go to exist.
But the way fear is experienced is different. It is dilluted into a physical sensation and not engaged into
countless debates and analysis. But there are still negative emotions going on.

Lastly – resistance lies where Ed? What resists? What causes pain from resistance? What wants things different from what they are? Follow the resistance - it will lead you to what needs looking at. Don't be afraid - just look straight at it with love.

As there is no resistance in this moment I can't talk about it.
Cheers.

Hi Ed

How does that feel – is there resistance to that?

From time to time.

Can you elaborate?

It's outside of the domain of direct experience.

Explain – how can you experience something outside the domain of experience?

Thirdly – look to the answers you wrote for the sensation of fear – change the label to pain – what’s the difference?

No difference no one to feel fear or pain.

OK – so look again with this ‘knowing’. Is fear part of what is?

It was there but as an illusion. No one to cope with anything.

And did doing happen? Did you get up in the morning, get dressed, go to work, chop wood and carry water?

There is some fear in the mind. It is not owned fear. No where to go to exist. But the way fear is experienced is different. It is dilluted into a physical sensation and not engaged into countless debates and analysis. But there are still negative emotions going on.

OK – is this an expectation? Did you expect that negative emotions would go? Vanish? And never be seen again? What would expect that Ed?
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Can you elaborate?

It's probably a different resistance to the one "Ed" would have felt.
Resistance as in the way of confusion.
As in things that made me worried and hold grudges for days now are different.
There is no sense of something vital within being hurt, just a sense of hearing something
and the mind clarifying that nothing is under danger.

Explain – how can you experience something outside the domain of experience?

You can't experience something outside the domain of experience, but you can speculate about it.
Intellectually, in the same way that we speculate about the big bang or properties of atoms.

OK – so look again with this ‘knowing’. Is fear part of what is?

No. Fear was never of what is.

And did doing happen? Did you get up in the morning, get dressed, go to work, chop wood and carry water?

Absolutely.

OK – is this an expectation? Did you expect that negative emotions would go? Vanish? And never be seen again? What would expect that Ed?

No. In many ways Ed expected this and in many ways he didn't. He probably thought he'd survive the ordeal but with things resolved. And now he is gone. So there is no seeking nor expectations.

Hi Ed

It's probably a different resistance to the one "Ed" would have felt. Resistance as in the way of confusion. As in things that made me worried and hold grudges for days now are different. There is no sense of something vital within being hurt, just a sense of hearing something and the mind clarifying that nothing is under danger.

Do you feel the illusion of self has been revealed? If so what remains?

No. Fear was never of what is.

Check again – are emotions experienced directly? Doesn’t matter the label. Or do you mean the story attached to emotion is not part of what is? Is emotion sensation – does it move – does it arise? Are emotions simply energy passing through?

No. In many ways Ed expected this and in many ways he didn't. He probably thought he'd survive the ordeal but with things resolved. And now he is gone. So there is no seeking nor expectations.

As always, answering in direct experience:

Have you been able to find, a ‘self’ that is the ‘experiencer’?
Or a self that is the doer, or can control what happens?
Or a self that ‘makes’ decisions?
Or a self who ‘does the thinking’?
Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinesthetic)?
Are the five body senses made to arise or experienced by this ‘self’?
Is there a self ‘in here’ which is separate from the world and others ‘out there’?
Is there doubt or un-clarity that in all these cases the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Are you OK Ed?
Sarah xxx

Hey Sarah,
I had my birthday and I was busy.

Do you feel the illusion of self has been revealed? If so what remains?

Yes it does feel that way and nothing remains.

Check again – are emotions experienced directly? Doesn’t matter the label. Or do you mean the story attached to emotion is not part of what is? Is emotion sensation – does it move – does it arise? Are emotions simply energy passing through?

Yes emotions arise and disappear with labels attached to them.

Have you been able to find, a ‘self’ that is the ‘experiencer’?

No.

Or a self that is the doer, or can control what happens?

No.

Or a self that ‘makes’ decisions?
Or a self who ‘does the thinking’?

No, no.

Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinesthetic)?

Yeah.

Are the five body senses made to arise or experienced by this ‘self’?

They are just made to arise, no self to experience them.

Is there a self ‘in here’ which is separate from the world and others ‘out there’?

There isn't a self that is separate.

Is there doubt or un-clarity that in all these cases the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?

No doubt.

Hi Ed
Happy Birthday!

So then Ed – any more questions at all? Anything left that needs looking at?

Have questions ceased?

Has seeking ceased?

Ready for some final questions?
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Thanks.

So then Ed – any more questions at all? Anything left that needs looking at?

No. I feel like nothing else needs lookingg.

Have questions ceased?

Questions like "what do i need to do to feel more fulfilled or bla bla" have ceased. No questions left regarding the experience of no - self.

Has seeking ceased?

Yes it has.

Ready for some final questions?

Sure, shoot.

Cheers.

Hi Ed
Take your time with these – there is no rush (I’m actually on holiday soon – I’ll pm you with the dates). I’ll see if there is anything else that may need looking at when you post back and if not I’ll show some other guides to also check to see if I have missed anything. OK. Please answer in as much detail as you feel is necessary.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No and there never was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

It's the illusion that someone is in control of thinking, doing, feeling etc. It owns experience. For example, instead of singing it's something like "I am singing". It starts most likely when one is still a child.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days

The difference is very subtle. Since there is no solid center for being in charge of what is going on there is a slight relief in how things are experienced. The body feels much more in tune and the mind functions easily.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Hmm, probably writing in my journal about it and "getting" angry because "I" thought that it wouldn't probably work on me. Then I faced the fears, and thought about how if that was true then "i would give up all control over the life" and suddenly my mind realized that there is no control and not an "i".

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

No. Things just happen. Intentions and decisions happen by themselves. There is no "I" behind it. For example when I swim, there is only swimming and not a core that is directing the act.

6) Anything to add?

No.

Cheers.

Hi Ed

Then I faced the fears, and thought about how if that was true then "i would give up all control over the life" and suddenly my mind realized that there is no control and not an "i".

Can you explain this ‘mind realizing’ in a bit more detail for me please. What is mind? Do you mean thought here? Understanding?
Thanks Ed
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Can you explain this ‘mind realizing’ in a bit more detail for me please. What is mind? Do you mean thought here? Understanding?

No, it wasn't a thought it was seeing and realizing. It felt like I was going to faint.
Cheers.