The Gate

Hi Delson

:-) - well that couldn't be much clearer!

Ok, I would now like you to answer our 'standard questions' that everyone gets asked here, plus, as you have stated an interest in guiding with us, one supplementary question which pertains to that.

Please answer as fully as you can from present experience, rather than from theory or concepts. Please try to answer in lay terms rather than 'spiritual' terminology:-

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
 
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now. 
 
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
 
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? 
 
5) Please describe how deciding, intending, choosing and controlling events in Life happens. In reality do 'you' make anything happen? Please try to describe the process as best you can, even if gropingly. Don't forget to give some practical examples from your experience, maybe from everyday life (even if there is no real 'you'!).

6) Anything to add?

And then the supplementary question, pertaining to guiding:-

7) I guess you read some of the threads and took a look through the LU website. How do you feel about this way of guiding, pointing to the direct experience and to the illusion of the separate self? Do you feel compliant with it?

Take your time, Delson. Once I have your responses, I will have some other guides take a look and there may be further clarifications asked for, either from me or from others. This is a normal part of our process.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Mark

Hi Mark,

Answers to your questions :)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, the self, me, and I are all the same. The word Self has been used to describe that reality beyond the “I” or “me,” but the sheer experiencing of such a Self indicates that there is an experiencer, or someone experiencing. The Ultimate Reality indicates there is not even an experience, because to have an experience indicates someone is experiencing it. Therefore, there is no separate entity beyond the “self.” To have thus requires an impermanence of that entity which wouldn’t be reality at all. The one true permanence of Reality is nothing, or put in another way, “nothing is permanent!”

In succinct, lay terms, there is no and never was a separateness from the self, “I” or “me” and all three are non-existent.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of separate self is one’s desire for the Truth. The desire itself indicates that there is something to attain, when all attainments are either unveiling or shrouding. The illusion of separate self is the Buddha on the road that must be killed. If one thinks they’ve known the Truth, that is the separate self, but one who knows there is nothing to be achieved knows there is nothing such as separateness and that there is no self. Self, in any context, indicates identity.

The illusion begins when one is on the Path, but in reality there is no path. From my own experience, it seemed to be that I needed to realize the “Self,” but I couldn’t understand how the Self and Identity could be separate. As I contemplated and went deeper and deeper, I came to the nothingness, the truth of all things: that everything is nothing.

I see it as a play now. Just a stillness moving to and fro, without having to realize, contemplate or do anything. I am… that is all.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

There is no feeling. It’s more of a recognition, a remembrance from amnesia. It is the ah-ha moment when one first sees it, but then that too becomes a trap. If anything, the closest is a reconciliation with the Universe, but that too is dampening the true “experience” of the “feeling.”

In all there is no difference. It is more of a clearing away and refining the recollection of the experience to a point where it’s laser-focused for me now. The last few days have indicated this vessel Delson is ready to guide others to join in the Reality.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

A total desperate commitment that I would not get up from meditation until I was given Truth.

5) Please describe how deciding, intending, choosing and controlling events in Life happens. In reality do 'you' make anything happen? Please try to describe the process as best you can, even if gropingly. Don't forget to give some practical examples from your experience, maybe from everyday life (even if there is no real 'you'!).

Now when I decide, intend, choose or control, I do it without being reactive. Yes, in some sense, everything done is reactionary, but now, the process is much calmer, and there is some sense of control. Three years into my practice, I developed certain powers, such as willing the rain to stop, and willing something to happen, but I found it to be a hindrance to my practice towards Reality. If anything, I had taken a few steps away from joining with that Reality. Now, to me, it’s more like being a child in the lap of the Universe. Now I just let things happen, intuiting that the best thing possible only will happen, even it means so-called “negative” events have to occur. It’s an immense faith and trust in life where I let life happen to me willingly instead of letting life happen to me and complaining about it!

6) Anything to add?

Just that I feel like if one decides to know the Truth, everything, even so-called negatives, will conspire for one to know It!

And then the supplementary question, pertaining to guiding:-

7) I guess you read some of the threads and took a look through the LU website. How do you feel about this way of guiding, pointing to the direct experience and to the illusion of the separate self? Do you feel compliant with it?

I have looked at some posts and threads, and this is just one of many ways of showing the Truth. I feel very much compliant to it. Just to say this: if the Buddha were alive in this age, he would’ve just as much used the Internet to answer questions and guide people :)

Hi Delson

There may be some difference in terminology here, or it may be in understanding. Let's find out. When using the term 'self' in LU (not that there are rules) it is generally understood to refer to the 'individual person'. Self with a capital "S" is not usually used as it could be confusing. This may be referred to as Life, or the Absolute, or Existence (not that any of these words really touch the reality of it of course).

Question 1 is not asking whether the (individual entity called) self, me or 'I' are separate from each other, it is asking whether in your experience, they exist separately from the rest of Life (or to use your word Existence) at all. Your answer is sounding rather didactic and conceptual. The question is simply asking about your 'now' experience. Is it seen that there is no 'I' here, or is it seen that there is an 'I' here?

Question 5 is asking whether there is any real control for you? You seem to suggest: yes. If so, how do you know this? Do you feel that you have free will? Or is there in reality anything more than life moving through an apparent body etc with the label 'Delson'?

Question 7 is really not asking whether you are happy to use the internet for guiding. It is about whether the 'ethos' of LU... ie guiding to see through the illusion of any separate self, is something which resonates with you. Please let me know what you feel about this. Perhaps you feel there is something that we could learn from you? Let me know.

I have also put your answers to other guides and, as I said, there may well be more questions arising.

Cheers

Mark

(sorry, your word was Universe, not Existence).

Best

Mark

Hi Mark,

Understood. So, the "Self" with capital "S" would indicate Existence, in that sense.

To clarify Q1, there is no separation between self and Existence "now." There is no "I" anymore.

To clarify Q 5, right now, it's more like a stream. Before I "thought" I control early on in the journey, but now it's just a continuous process in this apparent body, "Delson"

To clarify Q7, It definitely resonates with me. I feel like this is a perfect place to "guide" others for me right now.

Regards,

Delson

Hi Delson,

Thanks for those responses again. At the beginning you said that you are prepared to go more deeply if necessary, which is appreciated. Hope you are still up for this, as we need to be thorough here.

What we do here in LU is guide (by pointing, and questioning) towards seeing whether there is any separate self at all. Seeing through the illusion. This is done by checking all the places where an apparent 'I' hangs out, eg as the body, as the experiencer of experiences, as the chooser, decider, intender, as the doer of 'my' life etc etc, even as awareness, as consciousness, as an enlightened being etc. Until nothing can be found. All that is left is freedom, what IS, life as IT IS! As you said, beyond words.

It seems that your experiences are still quite fresh, and I would invite you to look at whether the seeing is the same, whether it is compatible with how we work at LU. Whether there is just some language/terminology difference to get used to, or some residue of conditioning or concepts, or whether there is any (unexamined) identifying with a (separate) self no matter how subtle.

In Q5 you haven't really answered the whole question as posed:

"Please describe how deciding, intending, choosing and controlling events in Life happens. In reality do 'you' make anything happen? Please try to describe the process as best you can, even if gropingly. Don't forget to give some practical examples from your experience, maybe from everyday life (even if there is no real 'you'!)."

Could you do it with a couple of simple examples from daily life? eg choosing a drink, controlling something straightforward which happened in the last day.

Thanks for clarifying in your last post about Q5 - "a continuous process" - but can we dig a little further into what you said previously?
e.g. "Now I just let things happen," and "I let life happen to me willingly instead of letting life happen to me and complaining about it!"

Even these suggest someone who could let Life happen willingly or not let Life happen willingly. Is there really that faculty? It may be just some residual conditioning, but what you write suggests some identifying with an individual with some free will and choice. A subtle sense of doership and control? Please consider this for a while and let me know what comes up. I am happy to look into this further with you, if you would like.

Another guide has referred to your phrase: "intuiting that the best thing possible only will happen," and asks whether there is now any Meaning or Purpose experienced in 'life-ing' ?

Q7. Glad to hear of the resonance! You write "if the Buddha were alive in this age, he would’ve just as much used the Internet to answer questions".
Ok, but what is the difference between the approach here and answering people's questions?
Also you haven't yet answered the part about about whether there is something you feel that LU could learn from you. This would be good to know.

Please give careful attention to all the points raised.

Warm wishes

Mark

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your messages.

I am open either way. Ultimately, it is up to LU as to whether they see my experience or words a compatible with the process of pointing and guiding others here.

In reference to Q 5, I see what you are referring to. Let me take the example of yesterday since it’s a concrete, real example. Whatever was being done was only a continuous process, to use the same words as I did before. There is no sense of doership, because there is no doer! All it is, IS! :)

So yesterday, for example, I was at my parents’ home and my mother had asked what to make for dinner. I told her to make a certain dish I enjoy. Now, the difference is that I said because that’s how it’s been, but not because I was choosing. It’s a stream of events, nothing more. There is no engagement, aversion, delight, or sense of ownership. Another example, I decided I wanted to spend time meditating when a friend was on the phone and I told her I would get back to her once I was finished. If she had said not to go, I would’ve been alright just the same.

In relation to free will and choice, I see it as part of the framework of separate self, therefore, it’s an illusion.

Perhaps, the choice of words indicates there is still some individuality. However, the words themselves are only being used for transactional purposes with this world. Therefore, to be absolutely clear, when I said intuit, I mean more of letting events occur untouched and remain choiceless.

The difference referred to in Q7 is this: what’s happening at LU is a direct revelation. It’s concrete, succinct, and wastes no efforts in time or words. It’s an unfolding happening naturally by guiding one to see Truth. Of course, answering questions is entirely different. The words again were primarily used to denote a point. :)

In terms of learning from me, I feel those who need the guidance will learn the operation of being in the world before, during, and after Truth. :)

Regards,

Delson

Hi Delson

Many thanks for that: an enjoyable read.

Thanks also for your patience in this questioning and exploration process. I will send you a private message shortly, once I have heard back from other guides (some of whom are in different time zones).

Warmly

Mark

Hi Mark,

I look forward to your message.

Regards,

Delson