Please help me to see

[origins44]

Describe this sense as minutely as you can. What sensations, feelings, and thoughts do you notice?

It feels as if there is a general contracting in the body. Like a tension in the head…a pulling. Yesterday it felt like shaking all over the body but from within, an internal earthquake. At times the heart felt like it was racing. The more I sat with the questions “Who is sensing?’ “Who is tasting?” etc. the more strongly I felt the emotions in the body and the more anxious I feel. My mind would quickly go in another direction such as thinking about what needs to be done, what I need to do now and what should be done. This happened every time I would investigate the questions. Then I would notice the thought “I don’t feel connected.” “I feel so anxious.” And round and round.

I had a realization yesterday when I was investigating and it was that there is this fear that if I do not follow the “rules” that the mind has come up with that everything will unravel in “my” life and come apart. As if it would be pure mayhem and no control. Very interesting…

What does the word "I" refer to here? Is there an "I" that could not really be here?

The word “I” refers to the idea of “me”. Who “I” think “me” is and “my” body, the many labels of “me”. There is an “I” that could not really be here if the ideas were removed or not attached to. But even so there is still the experience of a “me”…perhaps it is just the experience of the thought of “me” and not really me at all, just a thought. Still investigating this…

What does the word "I" refer to here? Connected to what?

It refers to the idea of “me” and what “I” think “I” am. Connected to the idea or thoughts of life or what life should be/feel like. What is feeling disconnected? It is just a feeling. I realize now that experiencing the very feeling of feeling “disconnected” is proof that there is no disconnection at all because there is the experience which is not disconnection, it just is. Understanding is on more of an intellectual level but the feeling is closer to peaceful than disconnection as I investigate….

Thank you for the pointing toward more investigation

In gratitude,
Jessica

[Steve]

It feels as if there is a general contracting in the body. Like a tension in the head…a pulling. Yesterday it felt like shaking all over the body but from within, an internal earthquake. At times the heart felt like it was racing.

Excellent observing, Jessica.

Then I would notice the thought “I don’t feel connected.” “I feel so anxious.” And round and round.

Yes! You see what's happening here. The thoughts come along after you notice sensations in the body. They contain labels ("unconnected," "anxious") and they contain the "I" thought. The thought content claims that all these things are real. It claims that there's a "you" who is having experiences properly called "not connected" or "anxious."

But is there any evidence that's a true story? Are you actually experiencing something called a "you" and something called "anxiety"?

Or is it simply what you said first, a feeling of contraction, tension in the head, shaking, the heart racing?

That's very different, isn't it? Let the body feel those sensations. It's perfectly all right. It's just energy. Feel them as deeply as you like. Energy is all that's happening.

Nothing is forcing you to believe the thought stories. They only go round and round when you feed them.

Look! In the midst of the sensations, can you find a separate "you"? Or is it just "experiencing heart racing," "experiencing shaking," with no experiencer to be found?

The word “I” refers to the idea of “me”. Who “I” think “me” is and “my” body, the many labels of “me”. There is an “I” that could not really be here if the ideas were removed or not attached to. But even so there is still the experience of a “me”…perhaps it is just the experience of the thought of “me” and not really me at all, just a thought.

Here's an important distinction. We are not looking annihilate the simple, obvious sense of being present. Whenever we're awake, we feel we're here. Whenever we notice something, we feel we're already here when noticing happens. None of that is going to change as a result of this investigation. Presence will no longer be misattributed to a personal, separate self. But presence won't disappear.

Similarly, we're not trying to do away with the character "Jessica." She's not going to vanish in a puff of purple smoke. You're just going to see that Jessica (or "you" or "I") is simply the name of a character in a thought story that you've been telling yourself for a long time. That's all Jessica has ever been.

And, just as with any other fictional character you encounter, you're free to have the fun of getting involved in Jessica's story when you want to, but you won't believe she's anything other than a fictional character at the end of the day.

I realize now that experiencing the very feeling of feeling “disconnected” is proof that there is no disconnection at all because there is the experience which is not disconnection, it just is.

That's very good.

Now you'll have a lighter approach to the ongoing inquiry. Just look to see whether there's a real "I" of any description whenever you notice thoughts claiming that there is. Look very simply, very easily. "Is there milk in the fridge?" Look! "Is there an 'I' feeling anxious?" Look!

With Love,
Steve

[origins44]

thank you as always, for the wonderful feedback.

But is there any evidence that's a true story? Are you actually experiencing something called a "you" and something called "anxiety"?

the only thing that points to the experience as a true story is the feeling and "my" experience of it. It feels real in the moment my mind placing a label on the feeling and the experience seems to make it stick.

Or is it simply what you said first, a feeling of contraction, tension in the head, shaking, the heart racing?

This also true. Can both be true? I feel all these feelings and sensations in the body and I can see them for their simplicity and also become attached. I notice a story that is labeling experience since the last post.

Just look to see whether there's a real "I" of any description whenever you notice thoughts claiming that there is.

Okay, so I sat with this a while...looked and I know that "I" is a story, a thought, but here is where I got stuck in the investigation; if there is no "me" no "self" then what decides what experiences I prefer to experience, what food I prefer to eat, what music sounds best? This is where I have been the majority of today. Where is a good place to look from here??

Is there an 'I' feeling anxious?"

Yes, there is an "I" feeling anxious but I am beginning to understand that it is just an "I" and it does mean that it is true but getting beyond that....knowing instead of being able to intellectually pull this all together in the head.

With deep gratitude,
Jessica

[Steve]

Are you actually experiencing something called a "you" and something called "anxiety"?

the only thing that points to the experience as a true story is the feeling and "my" experience of it. It feels real in the moment my mind placing a label on the feeling and the experience seems to make it stick.

Or is it simply what you said first, a feeling of contraction, tension in the head, shaking, the heart racing?

This also true. Can both be true? I feel all these feelings and sensations in the body and I can see them for their simplicity and also become attached. I notice a story that is labeling experience since the last post.

Yes, in a way they are both true. But perhaps not in exactly the way you mean.

At such times it may feel as if there's a Jessica, and there's anxiety, and the experience of anxiety belongs to Jessica. It may feel that way very strongly. That feeling may not change as a result of this investigation. Or it may. There are no rules, so don't worry if it doesn't change.

And at the same time, when you take a very small step back and really look at what's happening, all you actually find is heart racing, contraction, tension. You notice experiencing of those direct sensations. When you look, you can find no "you" experiencing them and no such thing as "anxiety." Those are both thought labels.

But don't take my word for it. I'm not here to convince you to adopt new beliefs in place of old beliefs. The point is for you to look and see for yourself. Just look.

here is where I got stuck in the investigation; if there is no "me" no "self" then what decides what experiences I prefer to experience, what food I prefer to eat, what music sounds best?

Ah, good question. Let's investigate the feeling that there must be a "you" to have preferences, make decisions, and generally exercise control over "your" life. Like the feeling "I'm anxious," this can be strong and persistent. But is it accurate? Is it what you find when you really look?

Let's look at control first. Here's a simple question to start:

If you were really in control, would you choose to believe that "I am anxious" or that "I am afraid of losing control"?

And this: Where is the button to push to stop the heart from racing, to cancel the feeling of tension? What can you do to make them stop? What can you do to prevent them from arising in the first place?

Now sit quietly and close your eyes. Notice the experience of hearing. Can you decide to hear or not to hear? Can you decide what to hear?

Open your eyes. Notice the experience of seeing. Can you decide to see or not to see? Can you decide what to see?

Close your eyes again. Notice the experience of thinking. Can you decide to think or not to think? Can you stop and start thoughts at will? Can you decide what to think? Can you decide what the next thought will be? Can you even predict what the next thought will be?

What do you notice now about the feeling that there's a "you" who has control over feelings, sensations, and thoughts? Does it accurately reflect direct experience?

Okay, now what about preferences? Do you choose your favorite foods? Was there a moment when you said to yourself, "I'm going to like broccoli and hate turnips" or "I'm going to like chicken and hate fish"? Can you choose to change your preferences in food?

Do you choose your favorite music? Was there a moment when you said to yourself, "I'm going to like The Beatles and hate The Rolling Stones" (I'm dating myself!) or "I'm going to like Mozart and hate Beethoven"? Can you choose to change your preferences in music?

What do you find when you look? Is there a "you" that decides? Is there a "you" that prefers? Look! Is there a separate self making these decisions? Is there a separate self experiencing those preferences? Or are preferences just experiences that arise involuntarily, with no experiencer? Just experiencing happening. Just noticing experiencing.

Really look! Is there a separate "you" anywhere? Is it there? Look just as simply as you'd look in the fridge to check for milk. Is there a "you"?

With Love,
Steve

[origins44]

Steve,
I read the last post over and over, really gave it some focus and here is what came up...

At such times it may feel as if there's a Jessica, and there's anxiety, and the experience of anxiety belongs to Jessica. It may feel that way very strongly. That feeling may not change as a result of this investigation.

Yes! Just because "Jessica" is feeling an emotion it does not mean that it is "hers". It just is!! There is no owning the emotion because it is purely an experience. The feeling is true, it is there but, the label is not true!!! Only the direct experience of it is (i.e. heart pounding, contracting etc) By labeling the experience it implies ownership or at least causes attachment to the emotion.

If you were really in control, would you choose to believe that "I am anxious" or that "I am afraid of losing control"?

Goodness no, I would not! This is usually where I fight with "myself"...the inner dialog sounds like "oh no I am feeling anxious (insert any other contracting state) I shouldn't be! what do I do? what should I do?" blah, blah, blah.
I never really considered that I did not have to "own" and emotion or at least accepted the experience as just that.

Where is the button to push to stop the heart from racing, to cancel the feeling of tension? What can you do to make them stop? What can you do to prevent them from arising in the first place?

There is no button to push to stop the physical reactions but when asked what can you do to stop? One part of me says "nothing" the other says "well, what about all of those techniques out there? Perhaps some deep breathing, meditation?" and as for the last again, I bit of confusion. The feeling is "nothing. you can't do anything." but then I begin to think and wonder "okay, well I could stop it if I was a more relaxed person or if I knew how to not get caught up in emotions and let them pass etc." but then again "I" can't do anything to make the feelings stop, they just pass (sometimes in a shorter or longer amount of time). when I really look "I" have never made the feelings stop. Ever. geez. Is the control an illusion?? Right now it feels like one.

Close your eyes again. Notice the experience of thinking. Can you decide to think or not to think? Can you stop and start thoughts at will? Can you decide what to think? Can you decide what the next thought will be? Can you even predict what the next thought will be?

I cannot decide what to think or stop and start thoughts at will....I can't decide what the next thought I think will be or predict it either. Thoughts are just there, coming and going.

What do you notice now about the feeling that there's a "you" who has control over feelings, sensations, and thoughts? Does it accurately reflect direct experience?

I notice that it does not feel true. That there is not a "me" that controls feelings, sensations or thoughts because if that "me" was in control they would not arise to begin with and "I" would stop sensations and thoughts that go with it. "I" only think I have control when really there was none to begin with.

Okay, now what about preferences? Do you choose your favorite foods? Was there a moment when you said to yourself, "I'm going to like broccoli and hate turnips" or "I'm going to like chicken and hate fish"? Can you choose to change your preferences in food?

No, I don't choose them. I just know what I like and don't like. I can't choose to change my preference in food because it just is. The only way this preference would change would be if it just did and then there would be the experience of that.

Do you choose your favorite music? Was there a moment when you said to yourself, "I'm going to like The Beatles and hate The Rolling Stones" (I'm dating myself!) or "I'm going to like Mozart and hate Beethoven"? Can you choose to change your preferences in music?

Ha ha! The Beatles are great! but that is just because it is. I looked and could find an entity that was like "from now on we only like classical music" and even if that thought came up to try and change the current preferences "Jessica" has it would not be true. I would end up listening to what I prefer because I just do.

What do you find when you look? Is there a "you" that decides? Is there a "you" that prefers? Look! Is there a separate self making these decisions? Is there a separate self experiencing those preferences? Or are preferences just experiences that arise involuntarily, with no experiencer? Just experiencing happening. Just noticing experiencing.

when I really look there is no one there that is deciding it for me....the decision is already made, it's already there. the only thing that gets in "my" way is when the mind attaches to a decision and begins to think about "oh, what should we do?" But then I do have a question that popped in my head: what about people who kill other people? what if that just is? what about that?

Really look! Is there a separate "you" anywhere? Is it there? Look just as simply as you'd look in the fridge to check for milk. Is there a "you"?

No. and there is no milk in the fridge either ;) Seriously though, there is no separate "me" that I can find, only a label, an attachment. But, see why do I still have a sense that there is a "me" lurking about? Sorry if I am sounding redundant with this one...

with much gratitude,
Jessica

[Steve]

Excellent, Jessica! Very well done! You opened the refrigerator door and looked inside -- at the risk of beating that metaphor completely into the ground. :)

Now your job is to focus there whenever a question, doubt, or sticking point comes along. That's where the answers are.

The feeling is true, it is there but, the label is not true!!!

Exactly!

when I really look "I" have never made the feelings stop. Ever. geez. Is the control an illusion?? Right now it feels like one.

You tell me. :) Here's another exercise to help clarify:

Hold your hand a few inches above your leg. (Either hand and leg will do.) Say to yourself, "I'm going to tap my leg sometime in the next 30 seconds." Watch to see what heppens. Also observe whether or not thinking "Tap now!" has any effect. Notice exactly what happens when the hand does tap the leg (or if it doesn't).

Extend this noticing to decisions throughout the day. When you go into the kitchen to get a cold drink, what caused you to get up? Do you notice an actual cause or simply a sequence of events -- feelings, thoughts, movements? When you stand at the refrigerator, what happens at the point when you reach for water, juice, or lemonade? (Of course there's no milk!) Is there a "you" who made a decision? Or do you simply notice that your hand reached for one or the other?

I looked and could find an entity that was like "from now on we only like classical music" and even if that thought came up to try and change the current preferences "Jessica" has it would not be true. I would end up listening to what I prefer because I just do.

The only way this preference would change would be if it just did and then there would be the experience of that.

Good! So exactly what does "what I prefer" mean? What is the direct experience of that?

when I really look there is no one there that is deciding it for me....the decision is already made, it's already there. the only thing that gets in "my" way is when the mind attaches to a decision and begins to think about "oh, what should we do?"

Yes. Excellent observation.

But then I do have a question that popped in my head: what about people who kill other people? what if that just is? what about that?

I'm not ignoring this, but I'll ask you to leave it be for now. It's more of a philosophical question about "the problem of evil." It's not going to be helpful for focusing on the investigation.

But, see why do I still have a sense that there is a "me" lurking about? Sorry if I am sounding redundant with this one...

Perfect! This is one spot where almost everyone seems to get stuck.

The interesting thing is that you already have the answer. Look at what you wrote about emotion:

The feeling is true, it is there but, the label is not true!!!

The same exact insight applies to the sense that there's a "me" or the feeling of being a separate self! It's the same!

It's also helpful to deconstruct the feeling. Look really closely at that. Can you see components to it?

For some folks there's a sensation of tension or tingling around the eyes or forehead that gets packaged up with the thought "I am here as a separate entity." For others it's more in the gut. Sometimes there's a whole cluster of sensations and thoughts that seem to reinforce each other.

Whatever it is for you, you'll find that it boils down to sensations and thought labels. Then you can allow it to be there while not believing in the labels for a microsecond.

Take a close look and tell me what you see.

With Love,
Steve

[origins44]

Thank you so much for the feedback and questions. Today has been quite full and I want to give this some more inquiry before I answer. I will get back to you tomorrow :)

In deep gratitude,
Jessica

[origins44]

Hello, Steve

Thank you for your patience!! Here is what I found...

Hold your hand a few inches above your leg. (Either hand and leg will do.) Say to yourself, "I'm going to tap my leg sometime in the next 30 seconds." Watch to see what heppens. Also observe whether or not thinking "Tap now!" has any effect. Notice exactly what happens when the hand does tap the leg (or if it doesn't).

I noticed that the tapping just happened. I did not think the command "tap now" in order for it to happen. It just happened. hmmmmm....did this a few times and still just happening.

Extend this noticing to decisions throughout the day. When you go into the kitchen to get a cold drink, what caused you to get up? Do you notice an actual cause or simply a sequence of events -- feelings, thoughts, movements? When you stand at the refrigerator, what happens at the point when you reach for water, juice, or lemonade? (Of course there's no milk!) Is there a "you" who made a decision? Or do you simply notice that your hand reached for one or the other?

So with this one, I noticed forethought. For instance I would be sitting at my desk and feel like I had to pee so then I would think "I need to get up and go pee." or I would feel hungry and think "I need to get up and get some food." I did notice that the feeling would come first and then "I" would act. But there was still making a decision. I decided to get up and go to the bathroom and to eat, etc. at other times I would just be doing things on “auto pilot” and then realize what I was doing. On the other hand “I” did not give me the urge to pee or hunger, it was already there as a feeling which was followed by a thought labeling it and an action.

So exactly what does "what I prefer" mean? What is the direct experience of that?

It means what is experienced in that moment based on what wants to be experienced. The direct experience of that would be a movement toward one thing or another just because.

It's also helpful to deconstruct the feeling. Look really closely at that. Can you see components to it?

For some folks there's a sensation of tension or tingling around the eyes or forehead that gets packaged up with the thought "I am here as a separate entity." For others it's more in the gut. Sometimes there's a whole cluster of sensations and thoughts that seem to reinforce each other.

Yes, I can see the components or more appropriately, feel them. It feels like a tension in the head concentrated on the eye brows and squeezing in the shoulders…like “I” am trying to hold something together. Feelings of gripping in the chest at times, tightness and holding.

Take a close look and tell me what you see.

Feelings of holding and tightness in the body and while paying close attention today observing which came first the chicken or the egg ;) I noticed a thought that I did not know was there, a label that the mind came up with that “I” am special, unique and different. It is a “self” that was never noticed before today and a label that was placed. I see this, really. Why then does “special Jess” persist when it is seen? I know that it is a label, a thought, “I” is not real, and experience IS real. Also, I noticed that “I” was trying to force this process, to make this work sink in, to make “me” get it.

In deep gratitude,
Jessica

[Steve]

Hi, Jessica. Great looking!

I noticed that the tapping just happened. I did not think the command "tap now" in order for it to happen. It just happened. hmmmmm....did this a few times and still just happening.

Yes indeed! The fact is that thoughts can't do anything, even though thought contents make all sorts of claims that they can.

Test this hypothesis. Don't take my word for it! Test it every way that occurs to you. Does thinking ever "make it so"?

And if thoughts can't do anything, and if "I" is just a thought, then...

Does "you" ever do anything? Look! Is it true that "you" do anything?

So with this one, I noticed forethought. For instance I would be sitting at my desk and feel like I had to pee so then I would think "I need to get up and go pee." or I would feel hungry and think "I need to get up and get some food." I did notice that the feeling would come first and then "I" would act. But there was still making a decision.

Getting up to pee is a great example. It happens regularly in a variety of contexts and accompanied by a variety of thoughts ("Can I make it to the next scheduled break/commercial/intermission? Or do I have to go right now?").

But does the sequence you describe add up to a "you" that makes a decision? Or do you simply notice that a decision has somehow, mysteriously been made (like with the tapping) and then claim it as yours in thought? Look closely. Which is it?

Also notice that the thought "I'm going to get up and go pee now" doesn't relieve the pressure in your bladder. It's like when you dream that you have to pee, and the dream "you" finds a bathroom but can't get any relief. Neither the dream story nor the thought story has any actual effect.

Feelings of holding and tightness in the body and while paying close attention today observing which came first the chicken or the egg ;) I noticed a thought that I did not know was there, a label that the mind came up with that “I” am special, unique and different. It is a “self” that was never noticed before today and a label that was placed. I see this, really.

Very good to notice this!

Why then does “special Jess” persist when it is seen? I know that it is a label, a thought, “I” is not real, and experience IS real.

Check your expectations again. Check them at the door! :) These persistent thought patterns are just that -- persistent thought patterns. Nothing special. Maybe they won't ever change. Maybe they will fade over time. There are no rules about this.

The important thing is that you see through them. And you do! It's obvious that your inclination to believe these things is fading.

Also, I noticed that “I” was trying to force this process, to make this work sink in, to make “me” get it.

Also very important to notice. Well done! There often does appear to be a timespan during which the insights sink in, deepen. And it absolutely can't be forced. At the same time, there's nothing to get and no "me" to get it! All that is part of the thought story, as you already know.

Actually, everything that refers to time, past, or future is thought story. Check this for yourself. When you think about the past, is there anything in direct experience that actually links the thoughts to a past event? There can't be! The past event isn't here now to be linked to. And when you think about the future, can there possibly be any reality to that? Or is it merely speculative fiction?

You're doing great! Keep it up, and remember to keep it relaxed. There's nothing effortful about any of these inquiries. Just looking.

With Love,
Steve

[origins44]

Thank you, Steve! I did not have access to a computer today and just got your post. I continue to notice during the day today and will give a more detailed reply tomorrow.

in deep gratitude,
Jessica

[origins44]

Good afternoon!

But does the sequence you describe add up to a "you" that makes a decision? Or do you simply notice that a decision has somehow, mysteriously been made (like with the tapping) and then claim it as yours in thought? Look closely. Which is it?

Yes. This is so simple, subtle.
So, I went on a very long hike up a mountain yesterday and while I was out there did some more investigating. Here is where it went…while en route there was a great portion (the majority) of the trek with no path/trail we had to go off of land marks, maps and such. I began notice that we would find landmark, fixate on it and move toward it, once we reached it there would be another until we made it to the summit and then we did the same thing back. The first thought was “we decided to take this path based on what was on the maps so there was thought first” closer looking…”wait, it was just decided to go up this mountain, it just was. The experience experiencing.” THIS was amazing to see. Same thought with the land marks we chose to follow, “we chose that ridge (tree, stream) to get us where we wanted to go when actually the decision to follow that landmark was already made, a label was just placed on it and a thought followed with more instruction.” I realized that the decision to experience this mountain led to every other experience that brought us there. It was decisions that had already been made and experience had just unfolded into the next experience ultimately leading to the summit…really, ultimately leading to this experience, every experience. Hope that this is making sense.

Check your expectations again. Check them at the door! :) These persistent thought patterns are just that -- persistent thought patterns. Nothing special. Maybe they won't ever change. Maybe they will fade over time. There are no rules about this.

Nothing special. Thank you for this. Thank you.

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When you think about the past, is there anything in direct experience that actually links the thoughts to a past event?

No, it is labeling that leads to the past or future. Not the direct experience itself. I did have to check this one because at first I thought “no, that can’t be if I hear a certain song it will remind me of a past time in my life.” But then I realized that it is a thought about the song that leads to the memory, not the direct experience. Even if the direct experience of a song was contracting of the body, the mind labels this as sadness, which leads to the past story. All thought. Wow.

when you think about the future, can there possibly be any reality to that? Or is it merely speculative fiction?

This is where there is stickiness. “I” want to say, “of course there is, that is how you decide how to get from one moment to the next, that is how you create the future, you focus and then you bring it to you.” Though, the direct experience that is felt in the body is contracting I think this. What if “you” only think that “you” have been focusing so hard to bring something to you and that is why it is there when really the choice was already made; the mind just makes it much more complicated than it needs to be? Are these just believes/thoughts? still looking here….

So, much has been coming through or up or…? Since I have been investigating.

Thank you for continuing to give gentle pointing, Steve!

I am going to the away for three days and may not have access to internet and a computer as I am not sure of the accommodations of where I will be staying. There is the full intention to continue investigating, looking, and of course, experiencing :)

In deep gratitude,
Jessica

[Steve]

I am going to the away for three days and may not have access to internet and a computer as I am not sure of the accommodations of where I will be staying. There is the full intention to continue investigating, looking, and of course, experiencing :)

Thanks for letting me know, and enjoy your unplugged interval!

I'll reply to this more fully later, but for now, if you see this message, try this:

Can you find any example where direct experience gives a direct connection between thoughts about the future and happenings? What would it take to be able to verify a connection? Is it possible even in theory? What would that connection have to look like?

Or is this a more plausible account, one that agrees with direct experience:

You notice thoughts whose content refers to some future happening. Events unfold and a happening happens. :) You notice thoughts whose content claims that there's a resemblance between the earlier thoughts and the happening, and claim that therefore the thoughts must have helped to bring about the happening.

If that's what you see when you look, notice that there's no actual connection experienced anywhere, only thoughts about a connection.

With Love,
Steve

[Steve]

Hi, Jessica. I hope you had a good trip.

When you think about the past, is there anything in direct experience that actually links the thoughts to a past event?

No, it is labeling that leads to the past or future. Not the direct experience itself. I did have to check this one because at first I thought “no, that can’t be if I hear a certain song it will remind me of a past time in my life.” But then I realized that it is a thought about the song that leads to the memory, not the direct experience. Even if the direct experience of a song was contracting of the body, the mind labels this as sadness, which leads to the past story. All thought. Wow.

When you look closely, you find that it's even more radical than this. What is "a past time in my life"? What is the memory of that? Is there a direct connection to an actual past time? What would such a connection be in direct experience? What would it look like, sound like, feel like, taste like, etc.? If there's no such thing, what is the actual experience that we usually refer to as "memory"?

when you think about the future, can there possibly be any reality to that? Or is it merely speculative fiction?

This is where there is stickiness. “I” want to say, “of course there is, that is how you decide how to get from one moment to the next, that is how you create the future, you focus and then you bring it to you.” Though, the direct experience that is felt in the body is contracting I think this. What if “you” only think that “you” have been focusing so hard to bring something to you and that is why it is there when really the choice was already made; the mind just makes it much more complicated than it needs to be? Are these just believes/thoughts? still looking here….

You're looking in the right place, asking the right questions. And the same questions I raised about the past apply to stories about the future too.

Plus this: The idea that you can focus hard to bring something to you reminds me of some descriptions I've seen of the Law of Attraction. Ask yourself whether any of that makes any sense in the light of direct experience. Could experience ever confirm or deny that what's happening now has any connection to a thought about having focused hard in the past? What would such a confirmation have to look like, sound like, etc.? Could it ever be anything but a totally unverifiable thought story? If it couldn't, then what about the story of bringing something to you in the future? What is the future?

With Love,
Steve

[origins44]

Hello, Steve!

It was an enjoyable vacation.
I am going to cut straight to answering your questions as I have been investigating them for the majority of today…

Can you find any example where direct experience gives a direct connection between thoughts about the future and happenings?

The only thing would be sensations in the body, maybe a tightness or expansiveness.

What would it take to be able to verify a connection?

To feel it….that is the only thing I can think of.

Is it possible even in theory? What would that connection have to look like?

In theory? Yes, it would be possible to remember feelings or to relive sensations in the body when the thought is there. But that is through the mind.

What is "a past time in my life"? What is the memory of that? Is there a direct connection to an actual past time? What would such a connection be in direct experience? What would it look like, sound like, feel like, taste like, etc.? If there's no such thing, what is the actual experience that we usually refer to as "memory"?

The” past time” is a memory stored in the mind and I cannot find a direct connection other than sensations in the body when a thought arises of the past. The experience would not look like anything, sound like anything, or taste like anything. There would be only feeling. “Memory” is thought, is a story.

Ask yourself whether any of that makes any sense in the light of direct experience.

It does make sense when I think about the feeling of happiness in this moment bringing more in the future because like attracts like, right?

Could experience ever confirm or deny that what's happening now has any connection to a thought about having focused hard in the past?

Yes, because if I saw a certain situation happening and felt the feelings of it actually happening now it would/could happen.

Sorry if my answers aren’t what you were quite looking for. I feel like I have been wrestling with this all day and still this is not becoming clearer. I understand what you are pointing at (I think) I am just having a hard time getting there.

Thank you for your patience and help

In deep gratitude,
Jessica

[Steve]

Hi, Jessica. The attention you're devoting to this is great.

Can you find any example where direct experience gives a direct connection between thoughts about the future and happenings? What would it take to be able to verify a connection? Is it possible even in theory? What would that connection have to look like?

In theory? Yes, it would be possible to remember feelings or to relive sensations in the body when the thought is there. But that is through the mind.

Exactly. It's through the mind. It's a story.

The ”past time” is a memory stored in the mind and I cannot find a direct connection other than sensations in the body when a thought arises of the past. The experience would not look like anything, sound like anything, or taste like anything. There would be only feeling. “Memory” is thought, is a story.

So which is it? :) Do you ever have direct experience of a memory or a mind? Or is it thought content, story, that says so?

The idea that you can focus hard to bring something to you...Ask yourself whether any of that makes any sense in the light of direct experience.

It does make sense when I think about the feeling of happiness in this moment bringing more in the future because like attracts like, right?

Does like attract like? You tell me! :) It makes sense when you think about it, sure. But can you find any real evidence of it in direct experience, outside of a thought story? What would that evidence look like?

Could experience ever confirm or deny that what's happening now has any connection to a thought about having focused hard in the past?

Yes, because if I saw a certain situation happening and felt the feelings of it actually happening now it would/could happen.

I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here. Can you clarify?

Maybe I can make the question clearer. :) Here goes.

You're saying you believe that when you focus hard on something, it can make that something appear in your future experience, right? (If that's not what you're saying, then please correct me!) And I'm asking, how would you ever know, in direct experience, whether or not that belief is true?

Look at it this way. There are two points on a timeline, time A and a later time B. If I understand you, you're saying something like this:

Time A: Jessica focuses hard on something.
Time B: That same something appears in Jessica's experience as a result of the focusing at time A.

And I'm asking, in direct experience, how do you know there's a cause-and-effect connection between these two events?

This breaks down into parts.

1) How do you know that the something experienced at B is the same something focused on at A? Does your direct experience at B actually include the A something? Or does it just include a thought containing a story about the A something?

2) How do you know there's any relationship between A and B? Isn't that connection a thought story that you notice only after A and B are both past?

So here's my suggestion for a revised version of the scenario. I'm not asking you to accept it as a new belief. I'm asking you to look closely at your direct experience to see whether or not this agrees better with your experience.

Time A: Jessica focuses hard on something.
Time B: Something appears in Jessica's experience.
Time C: Jessica notices a thought containing the story: "This something resembles the something that I focused on. It must have come about because I focused on it really hard."

Sorry if my answers aren’t what you were quite looking for. I feel like I have been wrestling with this all day and still this is not becoming clearer. I understand what you are pointing at (I think) I am just having a hard time getting there.

Don't worry about that. I'm here to help you to see your own experience more clearly.

Look and let me know whether the new questions and suggestions help at all.

Then I'm asking you to change gears a bit. You noticed earlier that thoughts just come and go, totally outside your control. Whenever you notice a specific thought, make a note of its content. This can be just a mental note, or you can actually jot it down in writing if you're able. Look for a few specific characteristics of thought content:

1) Does the thought refer to "I," "me," "my," "mine," or other language pointing to a separate self?

2a) Is the thought about the past? This could include anything from neutral thoughts ("Where did I park the car?" "Did I remember to turn off the lights?" "I enjoyed last night's dinner.") to very highly charged ("My presentation was a disaster. What was I thinking?" "Why did Jane turn her back on me yesterday? Does she hate me?") Just notice if it's about the past.

2b) Is the thought about the future? Again, this could be anything from neutral ("I must remember to pick up the dry cleaning.") to highly charged ("If I don't get a raise, I don't see how I'll make ends meet.") Just notice if it's about the future.

2c) Is the thought simply labeling the present (or very recent past) experience? ("It's a nice view out that window." "I like that birdsong." "Delicious salad.") Just notice if it's a present label.

Then at the end of a day or two, just let me know a rough estimate of:

1) The percentage of thoughts that do include a personal reference or the separate self concept (1).
2) The percentage of thoughts that refer to the past (2a), that refer to the future (2b), and that label the present (2c).

Just rough estimates of percentages are fine. No precision necessary. No detailed note-taking required. I'm just asking you to notice the trends. Of course, if anything else noteworthy comes up while you're doing this, please let me know. :)

With Love,
Steve