Looking for a guide

[Pallavi]

Yes we're always afraid of uncertainty :)


Think about the 's' and the 'S' while you're away. How did you get your personality? Would the body exist if 'Jan' did not exist?

Can you be more specific about this deeper 'S'?

If you want quick chats we can talk on PM/Email- I will post our conversation here at the end of each day. Let me know if you want to do that.

[Jan55]

Hi Pallavi,

Thanks for your questions…I have been having fun thinking about this.
This is what I noticed:

Thinking about the s and the S…and there seems to be a me and and I as well!

“me” feels personal, connected to body feelings – feels small, sense of “Jan-ness” likes/dislikes, there is a cosy, familiar feeling to the “me”.

“I” seems to be the controller – bossy. Also wants to inflate itself, feel important… it has a sense of I want, I need.

self – who I am to the world – the outside me – the body. It also encompasses personality characteristics.

Self – the part of me that doesn’t change – feels constant. It isn’t filled up by the I’s possessions – nothing can make it more than or less than it is.

There is also a knowingness in here somewhere. I can go in and check “is this right?” with something in me and and feel a yes or a n.

They are all mostly felt senses that I give a name to.


How did I get my personality? I don’t control my personality, it just is. Partly inherited family characteristics and partly conditioning/cultural/social/learned behaviours, perhaps thought patterns.

Body would exist without Jan. When I’m sleeping or if I was unconscious it still exists. If I was dead body would still be there but it would be like an empty house, no spark or animation.


I’m not sure how PM works. If it’s easier than posting that sounds fine. How will I know when you message me?

[Pallavi]

"They are all mostly felt senses that I give a name to. "

Yes, you see how we name things and start classifying them and then attributing feeling to these names?

Look at an object in front of you. Take a chair. It's a chunk of matter. We then feel its texture and call it wood. Then use it for something and attribute a function to it. Then we name it.

Do this for everything you see around you. Try to look for where they came from.

Is there an actual difference between 'I' , 'Me', 'You'?

Please describe this Self. You need to be more specific than 'what is constant'.

"How did I get my personality? I don’t control my personality, it just is. Partly inherited family characteristics and partly conditioning/cultural/social/learned behaviours, perhaps thought patterns."

That's right. As a baby (apart from genes) were you different from any other baby?

Do you need 'Jan' to breathe, eat, sleep?

What do you need Jan for?

[Jan55]

If I look at everything around me, it all originally comes from another source and then is put together in the form I can see, until it eventually goes in the rubbish and turns eventually into compost or something like that. Is that what you mean?

Is there a difference between I, Me, You? I and Me, no not really, just different ways of labelling. Not sure about the you.

The Self...I'm not sure. There seems to be a sense of being that has always been the same. As I've got older it still feels the same in there as when I was younger. Also I just noticed recently that the sense doesn't seem moved, if Im happy or sad or whatever, its just there ok.
Yes, I think I was different from other babies. All babies have their idosyncracies, some sleep more, cry more etc. than others.

I dont need Jan to eat, breath sleep.

what do I need Jan for? I feel like I need Jan to direct what's happening, to be in control. Not all the time, but there just in case.

[Jan55]

I think I get what you mean about the objects....when it's in this form it's called carpet, but it used to be wool. It's just a label we have made up for the same stuff in different form.

[Pallavi]

"All babies have their idosyncracies, some sleep more, cry more etc. than others."

That is in the functioning (make up). I'm asking were you born as Jan? Someone told you you were right ?

When you spat out a banana, they suddenly decided that Jan doesn't like bananas right?

Do you need Jan to control? Or do you use Jan to control? Do you actually control things?

[Jan55]

Yes, that's right, someone told me I was Jan...it's just a lable for this body.

I"m not sure about the control. I feel like there's a part of me that controls me. LIke when I was driving today I was trying to find my way through traffic, and I thought I have to concentrate now, and I could feel myself gather concentration. Although now I think about it again, I wasn't really controlling my concentration, I just concentrated after I had the thought. So now it seems like a sort of automatic happening in response to the thought.

[Pallavi]

Yes. When you're walking and you suddenly slip and fall, do you blame yourself?
Do you blame yourself for not controlling your fall? Do you get upset with yourself?

Go out, look at a rock. Call it rock. Call it my rock. Is there a difference?

Let's say you paid for this rock and went home and someone stole it from you. Would you get upset?

[Jan55]

Yes, I would get upset if someone stole it from me. But if I look at it, in reality you can't own anything. You can't hold onto anything, or control anything, it just comes and goes. I try, but in reality there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing can be added to me or taken away from me. You just are. But there is still a part of me that wants to hang onto things and call them mine.

[Pallavi]

There is wanting. Is it 'you' that wants?

Look at a child. Give him/her some food. Can you predict whether they will eat it or spit it out in that moment?

[Jan55]

No....I don't control the wanting either! I didn't realise that.

Can't predict about the child, no.

[Pallavi]

:)

Why do feelings become personal then? Why do you get upset?

[Jan55]

I think it's because I say "I am angry/sad etc". By adding the "I" it feeds the feeling. It makes it mine to do something about it. If I just said there is an angry feeling here, it feels a lot lighter.

[Pallavi]

Awesome :)

That's all there is to it. <3

Think about the idea of belief.

Meanwhile, let's look for 'you' in your seeing, touching, smelling, tasting and hearing.

Think about the labels, etc. Look for the truth.

Shut your eyes. Open them. What do you see?

[Jan55]

I'm not sure what you mean: think about the idea of belief...do you mean unquestioned thinking?

If I shut my eyes and open them, looking at things without labels, things become fresher, more interesting. I paint/draw and so I am used to looking at things this way, you can't draw something if you label it, you have to see what's really there: colour, tone, shape, how one shape interracts with another etc... Is this what you mean?
I will try it out with other senses though. I have to go in a minute. So I will investigate this later.