Looking for a Guide to work with and share my awakening...

[dreamer]

Hi Sami

Looking at it, those decisions which are agreed earlier and have become a part of one's "ego" or knowing. But even underneath them is the being which is doing it and I Am only tends to want to own it. But then again, if I observe it purely what happens, it is just the being within me that does it quite naturally. The I am/Ego might seemingly call the shots, but my being seems to be where all the action is.

Is your being or being?
Is it the being, doing, or is doing simply happening? Can you find a doer at all? Where? How?

The decision happens in the now and it flows from the being -- and often it happens on its own, without much of conscious thinking per se. But I guess you're right about that it is only a thought that questions the fact that I could have decided otherwise.

Does decisions flow from the being or does it seem like decisions is made somehow?
No guesses - look till you know.

Will be back later

Greetings Vivi

[dreamer]

Hi Sami

Well, for example, a friend called and asked if I could come and help with the computer problem tonight. Looking directly at what happened was a feeling of wanting to extend a hand. There was realyl no ego in it, rather just presence and desire to do it. But doesn't that count to making a choice.. Oh yes, there is again that thought which says I could have declined...but that I didn't feel need to do. So if it is habitual-based reaction, then I would ask can you further help me to see through it, please?

Go for a walk. How is decisions made to turn left or right? To walk slow or fast etc.
There might be a thought *I will turn left' and then a left turn is happening and a thought claiming: I decided to turn left.'
Very well. How did the decision happen exactly? Where there a 'you' involved? How? When? Or did it 'happen'.
What is the direct experience? Keep looking for 'the decider' in other situations.

Of course diving deeper into what happens when "I amness" decides it, there is a feeling from the being involved that the brain then translates and gets owned by I am.

What is the direct experience of 'I amness deciding'?

I am still a bit unwilling to completely say that my ego has no say to it. But willing to change this opinion as I am proving myself wrong. :D

Very good ;)

Yes, I can find a direct experience in my head. It feels a bit empty in a sense that what I see, it only interprets it into words or conscious concepts that I can then associate etc. etc. But it seems rather "lifeless" place in the sense that it is my being or presence that is alive. It feels like a major thinking machine with a huge memory bank, but that's about it. The being or presence I feel in my torso-region upward to the end of the skull... but I don't feel I am this body, but rather that this body feels like a vehicle that my presence is occupying for now.. You know, like in out of body experiences, your beingness feels the same although the body is laying on the bed, moveless, but your presence feels the same in spite of the fact that you are not in your body.

We will get back to this later.

It is that beingness within that is alive that is the experiencer, but do I let my ego to take the credit if I say so?

Do you?

I don't see a difference between these two, although I try to ask what in my direct experience would it be. Alive seems more like thought that is owned by ego... but life is all there is to being alive. Now that is a thought too, but I really can't make a difference between those two.

OK, if they are one and the same, what does that mean?

Greetings Vivi

[sam-iam]

Good evening, Vivi! :)

Well, just a quick update what I've been up to, before I answer today's question, re: direct looking. Spent today a greater portion of my day looking directly into my experiences and in lack of a better word, (and I apologize my language in advance), this process is like a "mind-fuck". What I mean is that I tried hard to spot a decision or a thought or an operation that would have originated in my "I am" or "head" as a thinking process... but alas, I couldn't. And that bugs me. :D *Grin*

How I would describe it -- the best answer would be "headless activity" that spins from that beingness. It is starting to dawn, if only by little, but still, that what I conventionally thought that I am the doer, I am or the head is only a thinker -- and an illusionary-like experiencer. For example, my work phone rang. I hear the noise, my brains process the information, but I can't quite say what causes my body to pickup the phone and answer it. It flows from within, not from the head really. And this bugs me, if I am following the process correctly, that things just flow from that void of beingness and happen on their own... and then my body acts accordingly, but it is starting to feel ever more certain that it is just that, a headless vessel.

In a similar sense, day's problems and challenges -- there were some unexpected negative ones -- I did direct looking and realized that my beingness was really indifferent to it. It felt that same flow from moment to moment, while my consciousness deviced all sort of scenarios saying this, that and the other. For example, "how didn't you see that coming, you are stupid." Looking into stupidness, I knew there was no-one there really experiencing being stupid. But that is was just a story, a state, but not really in direct experience, as far as I can see, really part of me. This may sound like irresponsible behaviour, which it is not, but making a distinction between what is real and what is story.

Okay now to your questions...

Is your being or being?

I would love to say my being -- but darn it -- it is just the being, I would love there to be me, but in all honesty there is just the being experiencing.. damn it :D

Is it the being, doing, or is doing simply happening? Can you find a doer at all? Where? How?

There is a strong feeling of beigness, in this persent moment, but other than that, it seems just to happen. Where's the free will in this if things just happen? Doer, in the sense, that doesn't my body move, my lips and voice parts form sounds, walking happens, talking happens, taking care of chores happen, but the body is the doer?

Does decisions flow from the being or does it seem like decisions is made somehow?

That was the mind-blowing part because as in this message's intro part, it seems like my consciousness can process and ponder things, but it seems like everything just happens from the beingness. I can think of moving my hand, but try as hard as I want to move my hand, it won't happen, until it flows from the beingness, from that void and when that happens, the thinking gets "close-circuited" and only afterwards the brain says, "hey look in there, I made you to move your hand." If you get what I mean?

Will answer your latter post later today, now to catch a bite. Thanks!

-sami

[sam-iam]

Hi Vivi,

Go for a walk. How is decisions made to turn left or right? To walk slow or fast etc.
There might be a thought *I will turn left' and then a left turn is happening and a thought claiming: I decided to turn left.' Very well. How did the decision happen exactly? Where there a 'you' involved? How? When? Or did it 'happen'.
What is the direct experience? Keep looking for 'the decider' in other situations.

Something similar to this I have done, and I will do the above for tomorrow -- and report back to you on Wednesday evening after my workday is over.

What is the direct experience of 'I amness deciding'?

Well, it was my "faint" attempt at saying it feels like it comes from the core of being, and just flows and maybe, I'm guessing here, it is the life-force that lives through the experience. :)

sami:It is that beingness within that is alive that is the experiencer, but do I let my ego to take the credit if I say so?

Vivi: Do you?

I don't know the answer, I was just pondering it.

S:I don't see a difference between these two, although I try to ask what in my direct experience would it be. Alive seems more like thought that is owned by ego... but life is all there is to being alive. Now that is a thought too, but I really can't make a difference between those two.

V:OK, if they are one and the same, what does that mean?

Looks like it is the only true substance that is not made up but remains after everything else fanishes.

Until tomorrow! Good night.

-sami

[dreamer]

Hi Sami

When something is pondered and a question comes up, look in DE - what is the answer.
When something 'feels like' something, look in DE and see if it IS so - or if it is a thought ABOUT how it is.
When something 'looks like' something, look in DE - IS it so or is it a thought ABOUT something.
When something seems to be this or that - look in direct experience if it IS so or if it is thought-story ABOUT something.

Enjoy :)
Vivi

[sam-iam]

Hi Vivi,

I have been doing the looking into DE and something is cracking within. Can't find a decision maker, it looks like it is a story or a mask attached to so many other things that I've been taught to be, own, and do from the childhood. Looking into DE of this mask, it feels there is no me, you, they - but instead just one awareness that is all there is. So going for a walk just happens, in this moment of now. Decision to turn left or right, how fast etc. they also just happen. Can't see how I would decide it, it feels like I am having an out-of-I am experience from my "mask" and at that moment when I look directly into the mask, it becomes lifeless piece, and I only experience awareness without any labels, a kind of quiet ecstacy..

When something is pondered and a question comes up, look in DE - what is the answer.
When something 'feels like' something, look in DE and see if it IS so - or if it is a thought ABOUT how it is.
When something 'looks like' something, look in DE - IS it so or is it a thought ABOUT something.
When something seems to be this or that - look in direct experience if it IS so or if it is thought-story ABOUT something.

Will continue toying with these and write you back in about 6 hours time... Thanks.

-sami

[dreamer]

Hi Sami

Sounds good ;)

[sam-iam]

Hi Vivi,

men and promises that are kept -- can't get both in the same package.. hahah ;) So, after a good day at work, sat down on my sofa, with a thought, I will respond, and fell asleep and took a good 5 hours long nap. Oh well, the response is not within 6 hours, but within the same day as promised -- so I am not totally hopeless (just kidding).

At any rate -- here it goes.

Before I respond, I want to bring up one thing that is bugging me greatly -- and since we gate-passers are invited to be totally honest in this process of LU, I can't ignore it. This is not, part of the program since LU is all about knowing there is no separate I am(ness), but what the heck, lets deal with this, since we are at it.

Since circa 1999, I have been a devoted, but not worshipping (I worship no-one), student of Neville Goddard's materials (he was the most amazing mystic I know of) and he had this concept, your Wonderful Human Imagination is the only true God there is. So for past 10 years, I have been a believer of the fact that Imagination Creates Reality, feelings are creative and what I imagine with a feeling comes to pass.

Taking Direct Experience of this -- I can't say I have been always successful, but I have stacks of log books where I have recorded how I have felt, what kind of imaginings I have done in the consciousness, and they seem to match based on the tone. So I take the DE look and realize it too is a story, and am left with a thought should I throw all of this to wasket-bin (which is a big no, no) or rather just keep it by aside for now, and see how it incorporates to this later on.

But I am also all about integrity. When the experience confirms it, I can't go against the experience. It is the base of all, anyways. So I must say honestly and with full heart that this LU process has helped me to grasp that there is no external I AM or ME better than any other process, but now I am left with the difficult part, what to do for my "life-line", and I am not quite ready to say it is bullshit because I have those logbooks :) (or diaries, if I were a woman, logbook sounds more like alphamale :D) hahaha. (Just kidding)

Amyway. I look at them, in direct experience, they are also thought-processes until adopted fully, but at the same time what is my true core. It may be called God, One, Awareness, and many other names -- and this journey is most amazing, to say the least... but still I can't deny that this experience of there is no me, no I am doing it:

Well, I have a serious problem -- what the heck is then the life all about? Just flowing? Taking life as it comes, realizing that there is no me, no I am, no nothing to enjoy. Then why on the earth has mother earth instilled into us certain desires to reproduce, fulfill our dreams, why there are those nagging gravings). My brains want to joke about it -- am I like a bird along-side the song with a same name by Nelly Furtado? :D (teehee)

I take a direct look at these all...

You asked -- when something is pondered, and question comes up, look in DE - what is the answer

I am looking at the concept Imagination Creates Reality - and I looked it at again, but am stuck. It is a thought-concept by brains, yes, but if I have imagined and lived fully a scene - and it happens few days, sometimes more, later, can I deny that the oneness "I am" is part of didn't imagine it?

Say I meet a friend in need. He voices his desire to be this that or the other. So in my core mind's eye I see him happy, fulfilled, leading a life of his dreams -- having sent me an e-mail that a miracle has happened. When I get that confirmation in the not distant future -- do I just discard it, or say well perhaps there was something to this process.

In my direct experience, it is just a story, part of the drama, but he wanted it, so let him have it. Nobody is hurt. Everything is just a dream anyway. We are dreaming it all in unison, so why not enjoy it until we awaken? If it comes within the framework of Golden Rule.

Being awake and realizing that there is no real I AM outside of Oneness, or whatever label we put on it by our brains -- makes me a different, but the dilemma being that at the same time, I am no better, or worse, because that other one is just "me" pushed out. So I feel kind of lonely.

Taking a direct experience of feeling spiritually lonely. It is a story that my brains have built, but since I have this corporal body (which is not who I am), then why not enjoy it to the fullest and share it with other aspect of that all-encomppassing unity.

I am not here to debate, I am merely being honest and sincere and trying to see beoynd the lies, the surface, and letting you know at what point I am at realizing there is no real you, me, them.. only one.

But that one wants to experience, do things.. taking a direct experience in that - there is really no-one out there, only the experience. What a mind-fuck.

What can I say.. Bluescreen. Good night :) (haha, hope you get the joke)

-sami

[dreamer]

Dear Sami

I bare with the seemingly looseness of mens promises ;)

what to do for my "life-line", and I am not quite ready to say it is bullshit

Isn't the Logbooks telling a wonderful story of a life seemingly lived by the separate 'Sami' IN the world? Nothing wrong with the story, it isn't necessarily BS, is it? Now it is seen as the story it is, and can be appreciated as that.

Being awake and realizing that there is no real I AM outside of Oneness, or whatever label we put on it by our brains -- makes me a different, but the dilemma being that at the same time, I am no better, or worse, because that other one is just "me" pushed out. So I feel kind of lonely.

Taking a direct experience of feeling spiritually lonely. It is a story that my brains have built, but since I have this corporal body (which is not who I am), then why not enjoy it to the fullest and share it with other aspect of that all-encomppassing unity.

Time to take a deep look at the body and brain. Be ready to shred beliefs you might not believed existed!

The body is not who you are, you say. Ok. Look if its your body. What direct experience do you have of the body, except what thoughts claim about there being a body? When you sit. What direct experienced do you have of sitting? None! All there is direct experience of a 'pressure' - labelled by thoughts as 'pressure on my bottom from the seat of the chair' Do it!

Put arm on table. What direct experience do you have of 'arm', 'table'?

Can you find a dividing line between body and chair? Arm and table? Where does chair/table end and body/arm begin?

Do you have a head? What is the direct experience of 'my head'? Apart from what thoughts tell you about having a head?

Feeling spritually alone, as you call it, is a feeling - what is the direct experience of 'your brain building feelings'
Except from what you have read/heard/learnt/thought?

Who is alone?


Can you find experience IN a body? or is the body IN experience?
What is the direct experience of a brain processing, producing, existing?

Im on holiday for about a week, 24 hours from now - take your time - do all the experience you can on this.

But that one wants to experience, do things.. taking a direct experience in that - there is really no-one out there, only the experience. What a mind-fuck.

YES! WOW!

Have a great week - oh you Sami - name on a screen ;)

[dreamer]

By the way

What do you know?
What are you?

Vivi

[sam-iam]

Hi Vivi,

Thanks for both posting - I will answer the 1st one tomorrow morning - after I have had a bit of time to experiment with the questions... but this 2nd one I will answer right now.

What do you know?

From looking directly at inner, all is there already, complete as it is. I don't know what there is to know, since knowing is a thinking process in the brains. In DE it looks like everything is just happening, being, taking place the way it is without any involvement from "me". So no need to know anything.

What are you?

Life/experience itself just happening, but it has nothing to do with my body or separate I am. Life that just is there, looking into direct experience of one, unity with everything it just knows to be, it happens as it happens, in this moment of now. Everything else is commentary.

-sami

[dreamer]

Hi Sami

I am back from holiday

In DE it looks like everything is just happening, being, taking place the way it is without any involvement from "me".

yes!

Life/experience itself just happening, but it has nothing to do with my body or separate I am. Life that just is there, looking into direct experience of one, unity with everything it just knows to be, it happens as it happens, in this moment of now. Everything else is commentary.

Yes!

Looking forward to read answers to question 1.

Greetings Vivi

[sam-iam]

Hi Vivi,

hope you had a great vacation. I'm sorry for a short delay on my behalf -- for some reason the system doesn't notify me of new messages -- although I've clicked the message chain to be followed (most of the times, notifications arrive when I visit this site again).

Well, lets get the ball re-rolling. :)

Isn't the Logbooks telling a wonderful story of a life seemingly lived by the separate 'Sami' IN the world? Nothing wrong with the story, it isn't necessarily BS, is it? Now it is seen as the story it is, and can be appreciated as that.

Yes, they do that. However, it is a mind-bending exercise to look at all those things that happened, as they happened. And consider that they are just part of the story.

The body is not who you are, you say. Ok. Look if its your body. What direct experience do you have of the body, except what thoughts claim about there being a body? When you sit. What direct experienced do you have of sitting? None! All there is direct experience of a 'pressure' - labelled by thoughts as 'pressure on my bottom from the seat of the chair' Do it!

Yes, following you perfectly. I agree this is not my body, actually what I see as my body is just energy/visual signals that penetrate my eyes' retinas' and get interpretted in the brain. So in that sense, my body might as well be bits in the web of matrix..

Put arm on table. What direct experience do you have of 'arm', 'table'?

Just the arm laying on the table, but it is not the being. The pressure that the weight of my palm has against the table...but those are physical sensations interpretted by the brain which is only experience, but not "my true being".

Can you find a dividing line between body and chair? Arm and table? Where does chair/table end and body/arm begin?

Intellectually I could describe it -- but in direct experience there is no real difference. It is all part of the experience. The arm and table are not "real" to being other than in the sense of it is all part of all.

Do you have a head? What is the direct experience of 'my head'? Apart from what thoughts tell you about having a head?

Headless :D There is nothing apart from what my thoughts tell.

Feeling spritually alone, as you call it, is a feeling - what is the direct experience of 'your brain building feelings' Except from what you have read/heard/learnt/thought? Who is alone?

Actually, since there is no reality to any external I am, there is really no experiencer of being lonely. It is just a story built around the concepts and thoughts. When I look at being lonely, there is no substance to it because since all is one, there cannot exist true loneliness.

Can you find experience IN a body? or is the body IN experience?

Just on the level of thoughts, feelings and sensations that are part of the brain. But if I look directly at that thing what I am, without any labels -- it feels like I am not in the body. I simply exist.

What is the direct experience of a brain processing, producing, existing?

I don't know. What are you after? Signals enter it through different senses, I guess. Visual signals, touch signals, smell signals, audio signals. Then they get processed and compared to what has been learned and put in the proper context for understanding what is seemingly taking place. But that process is separate from me.

So, I don't quite get what is the point with these exercises since I already get that I am not my experiences, sensations etc. etc.

Have a great day!

[dreamer]

Hi Headless!

I don't know. What are you after? Signals enter it through different senses, I guess. Visual signals, touch signals, smell signals, audio signals. Then they get processed and compared to what has been learned and put in the proper context for understanding what is seemingly taking place. But that process is separate from me.

So, I don't quite get what is the point with these exercises since I already get that I am not my experiences, sensations etc. etc.

How can a headless have a brain?
Not looking for guesses as answers!
What is the direct experience of signals entering the brain through different senses?
What you wrote about processing etc is nice theory/knowledge, something you have learned, is it also the direct experience?

I already get that I am not my experiences, sensations

What are you?

Greetings Vivi

[dreamer]

Hi Sami

Where are you?

Vivi