Would love to be guided!

[Kellykury]

What is the story you are having to let go of?

The story of Kelly’s life. The drama/romantic comedy that is so entertaining and captivating.

Who created the story?

I guess at the beginning the story was handed out and then it was easy to follow just adding more thoughts to get it going.

Who believed in the story?

Its hard to say, but no one.

What does it feel like to let go of this story?

It feels like than another story is needed to replace the old one. Otherwise you cant be functional. Wow, this was a surprise.

[Kellykury]

thank you so much for the beautiful poem.

have a lovely evening

much love and apreciation
kelly

[Detox]

great Kelly thanks for all the background information.

You write

that’s the fear that arises, now that I have what I wanted so much, should I change things and maybe loose that?

look into the fear, lean into the sharp edges of it, experience it. what is it that you really fear? you name it in one word above. it is important to recognize what this fear is. it will get in the way of you experiencing that there is no self.
Also who has created the story that Kelly is Lazy that Kelly is not enough? who believes in this story?

please can you answer these questions too. they were unanswered. thank you

The confusion is okay - what is more important is letting go of the whole story?
What is the story you are having to let go of?
Who created the story?
Who believed in the story?
What does it feel like to let go of this story?

With kindness have an ordinary but extraordinary day

[Detox]

Ah I see now you had answered the questions... So answer this one that was unanswered how does thought and emotion come together, Tell me from. Your personal experience.

[Kellykury]

Hi Detox,

that’s the fear that arises, now that I have what I wanted so much, should I change things and maybe loose that?
look into the fear, lean into the sharp edges of it, experience it. what is it that you really fear? you name it in one word above.

It is fear of rejection.

How does thought and emotion come together, Tell me from. Your personal experience.

Ok so a thought appear practically at the same time as the emotion, and I guess by a habitual reflex of a continual behavior, it gets mistaken as a fake self. As soon as looked closer it is pretty clear that no self can be found.

I'm loving this experince
thank you

With apreciation
Kelly

[Detox]

okay Kelly lets unpack some of this. thank you for all your answers.

I hear you about the story of Kelly being so entertaining and captivating, it can often be the reason why we don't want to let go of it.

I guess at the beginning the story was handed

who handed this story out at the beginning?
Who added the more thoughts?

out and then it was easy to follow just adding more thoughts to get it going.

Its hard to say, but no one.

if no one believed in the story. How could there be a story. So again Who believes in the story of Kelly?

It feels like than another story is needed to replace the old one.

the above is a great realization. but tell me who replaces the old story?

I hear the fear of rejection. but that is not a word in the sentence below. please read your sentence and see if you can find something else you fear.Read it out aloud and see if you can find the word..

that’s the fear that arises, now that I have what I wanted so much, should I change things and maybe loose that?

in response to thought and emotion please see below.

great you are loving this experience I truly hope it will help you see more clearly. umm so the way I see it. what happens is a trigger.. Something happens, A feeling arises which is physical sensation. this feeling in the body is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. based on that we try to move away from the unpleasant feeling by thought. We identify with the thought and hence an emotion of some degree of aversion arises. When the feeling is pleasant we grasp onto it with thoughts, identify with thoughts hence an emotion of some degree of craving arises. all this can happen in seconds. and part if the excitement and captivating that you talk about is the game of thoughts we play with ourselves.

if you talk about a fake self you are implying there is a true self. and you have entered into this process to investigate that there is no self. exploring how we create the illusion of self. okay that is enough for now. I look,forward to reading your reflections to,the above questions.

With kindness Detox.

[Kellykury]

Wow, lots of things to be looked more carefully.

The fear is of change, that's right.

I've been playing around but haven't looked properly, just assuming that I know. And it is all intellectually. So let's get to work.

I would like to take a little more time with the questions you've asked.

It is a bit busy here today.

So if you don't mind I will answer them tomorrow, if I haven't managed to do it before bed time tonight.

Much love and appreciation
Kelly

[Detox]

Sure. great you are taking the time you need.

[Kellykury]

Hi Detox, i hope you are well.

So here we go.

who handed this story out at the beginning?

My parents and the people they had around.

Who added the more thoughts?

It was just more thoughts appearing about the society around. Friends, family, expectations, likes, deslikes... they werent really added.

if no one believed in the story. How could there be a story. So again Who believes in the story of Kelly?

There is a focus on thoughts, but when looking at this closely nothing is there, am I fooling myself? When Im looking and focusing on your questions no one is there, but during the day, when im busy running after the children, cooking, looking after the house, it gets so dificult not to get pulled back on the habbit of the thoughts rulling.

if you talk about a fake self you are implying there is a true self.

Ok so a thought appear practically at the same time as the emotion, and I guess by a habitual reflex of a continual behavior, it gets mistaken as a fake self. As soon as looked closer it is pretty clear that no self can be found.

Oh yes, what I meant by fake self, was the I.

Im feeling a little bit of frustration, for looking and not seeing what is just here. I get it and at the same time not really, otherwise I woudnt feel like running around in cercles.

ok, enough for tonight.

sleep tight, and dont let the bed bugs bite.

much love and
apreciation
Kelly

[Detox]

Great Kelly - things are shifting for sure - your not going around in circles - see if you can let go of the frustration - in the frustration will be a story you are telling yourself. Don't try so hard - there is nothing for the mind to take hold of. You can't intellectualize this if you do frustration will arise. Just surrender to the flow - Just start looking for the self in your every day experience and see what flows.

Now I hear you - loud and clear that your parents and the people around you handed out the story at the beginning.

But who believed these stories?

And I hear friends, families added more thoughts.

But who else added the thoughts?

Great change - you said it yourself - a fear of change -- change is the best thing ever in life - just think - things can change - how cool is that?

Okay okay - I know we become attached - to things. Just like we become attached to our stories. And when we begin to let go of our stories things begin to change. Now that can be scary too.

Okay so you say when you speak of the fake self - you mean the I - can you answer these questions for me - Now look - and don't think - before you write your answers

“In direct experience, can you find an “I” that experiences experience?”

“Is there a seer separate from the seen?”

“Is there a hearer that hears?”

Hope you rested well - with kindness Detox

[Kellykury]

Hi Detox, I will get back tomorrow morning with my answers.
It it is ok with you. I get it, just maybe analizing a bit too much the looking.
So I bit more time will maybe help relax.

Have a lovely evening.
Much love and appreciation
Kelly

[Kellykury]

Wow, so many things to say…
Let me see, this morning I told my husband I was going upstairs to right to you, so he should keep an eye on the girls.
Wile writing and looking into the questions, there was a real understanding of things happening for themselves, like breathing, hearing, looking, thoughts coming and going.
Before I could finish the girls came running and screaming, playing like always. But I got really angry.
Stopped what I was doing and came down stairs. (When looking and percieving things differently, after i get so identified again that thoughts and fears, and feelings are so strong, it is like getting punished.)
In the afternoon I went to the supermarket, and when I entered in the car I wanted to relax and look at the driving happening, witch it was very different and also exactly the same as always, when I did something that I once considered a mistake the internal negative dialogue in my head didn’t had any effect. And the car was being driven. Awesome. There was a lightness, maybe floating sensation. i would say Im a nobady.
After I parked the car I was walking towards the shop and again letting things be as they were, and just looking what was going on. The body was walking, one leg after the other, breathing in and out, in and out, hearing happening and seeing too. Then there was this openness like if I was floating, and a feeling of gratitude arising so intensely that I snapped out of it with eyes ready to cry. And poof the moment was gone. The thought that, that wasn’t the appropriate place for that to happen arrived and I identified with.
And to be true this thought has been around a lot. Now I know.
Before starting this process I’ve watched a movie called Satori, in witch a woman is self realizing. She goes from great laughter, to spasms and there is people around to support her. I guess the impression of the video is more intense than I would have guessed.

I will wait for you answer and will quip looking.
Much love and appreciation
kelly

[Detox]

Hi Kelly - sounds like you had an awakening moment yesterday. You are most definitely beginning to see more clearly. Thanks for writing about your experience - What can happen when we begin to see more clearly - the hindrances of the mind come to challenge us - and this is where we are tested. It's like the illusion of the self arises even bigger than it was - sometimes because the ego wants to cling on to these awakening moments - so greed. Or sometime we can move into doubt, or illwill. It sounds like after this awakening moment you moved into a bit of ill will.

It would be good if you could identify the story that was occurring in the moment when you had those strong punishing feelings and thoughts - can you name the thoughts that were arising? Be brave - it doesn't matter how messy they are.

As you name them - can you be in direct experience with them. Just sitting and letting the thought arise and cease -without pushing them away. This can be as toxic as identifying with them.

Now you have had these experiences - can you answer the questions:


“In direct experience, can you find an “I” that experiences experience?”

“Is there a seer separate from the seen?”

“Is there a hearer that hears?”

[Kellykury]

Hello lovely Detox!

It would be good if you could identify the story that was occurring in the moment when you had those strong punishing feelings and thoughts - can you name the thoughts that were arising? Be brave - it doesn't matter how messy they are.
As you name them - can you be in direct experience with them. Just sitting and letting the thought arise and cease -without pushing them away. This can be as toxic as identifying with them.

Yes, I can do that. I just want a little more time with it. And as soon as I had a better look at it I will share that ok?

“In direct experience, can you find an “I” that experiences experience?”

“Is there a seer separate from the seen?”

“Is there a hearer that hears?”

So no separate seer or hearer. I can’t find the I. But this presence focus on thoughts, or feelings, feels like an “I”. I want to wake up, once and for all. It is just here, this presence is mistaken itself. Ahhhh!

I will take a walk later to look again on my on.

Much love and apreciation
Kelly

[Detox]

Okay great Kelly -- I look forward to reading what you find.

with kindness - be well