The Gate

Hi Metta,

Not much to say today that is obvious anyway. Looking at the sadness, there may be one part of it I overlooked before. There is this narrative of "such and such happened to me" and further elaboration may be "I can't believe that happened to me" and then is gets going. Why is there sadness there? All this is speculation but perhaps it is sad to give that up, that such and such happened to me because there is investment there. If such and such happened, and this person was around to witness it and that is all, what a waste. There is just witnessing that is all.

Take care,

-Kent

Hi Kent,

There is this narrative of "such and such happened to me" and further elaboration may be "I can't believe that happened to me" and then is gets going. Why is there sadness there?

The feelings and thoughts arise and pain is there about whatever happened. But it can't happen again because it is past. No self, means that the pain body that was invested in for so long emotionally is memories and thoughts and feelings about something that no longer exists. But the mind, the ego says, "Why me?" Then a whole thought story starts and sometimes if the event was traumatic it triggers a whole chain of thought stories. There will always be mind chatter, it will be less, but it will be seen for what it is. Right now, what do all the thought stories mean? Look at that, even if it is painful. Isn't pain just as natural as joy? Sometimes there is a deep silence and peace too. Only living in the reality of Now, and seeing no self, being awareness the pain diffuses. Did it happen to a you or did it just happen and there was awareness of it?

Yes, love the woods. :-) Green certainly is Zen.

Namaste and Peace, Metta

Hi Metta,

There is this narrative of "such and such happened to me" and further elaboration may be "I can't believe that happened to me" and then is gets going. Why is there sadness there?

The feelings and thoughts arise and pain is there about whatever happened. But it can't happen again because it is past. No self, means that the pain body that was invested in for so long emotionally is memories and thoughts and feelings about something that no longer exists. But the mind, the ego says, "Why me?" Then a whole thought story starts and sometimes if the event was traumatic it triggers a whole chain of thought stories. There will always be mind chatter, it will be less, but it will be seen for what it is. Right now, what do all the thought stories mean? Look at that, even if it is painful. Isn't pain just as natural as joy? Sometimes there is a deep silence and peace too. Only living in the reality of Now, and seeing no self, being awareness the pain diffuses. Did it happen to a you or did it just happen and there was awareness of it?

After going through a legal land issue the last several years with huge attorney costs and uncertainty (yes it finally ended last summer) I can say that there are some thought stories that are much easier to discard than others at least that is my experience. It is not that there is an argument here, there is just that human nature aspect that some thought stories have at least perceived bigger consequences than others. But yes, in the now there was refuge from the thought stories at times. But when my wife and I were in a legal battle for what we perceived as our property rights, it was very difficult to say there was "just awareness of it" even if at times I told myself it was just a story.

So now with things seemingly calmed down a bit, it is easier to believe that there is just awareness of something. Just being honest. But right now (as you asked) what do the thought stories mean? If the awareness is in the now, the thought stories do start to lose their power on the mind. And their is a lure their, the peace of being in the now. As I write this, glancing over, there is awareness of what looks like a hemlock tree with its green branches splashed in sunlight and the awareness of it provides a kind of peace. A couple of weeks ago, there was awareness of some pain but viewing it there was some sweetness in there much to my surprise!

Thanks,

-Kent

Hi Kent,

I can say that there are some thought stories that are much easier to discard than others at least that is my experience. It is not that there is an argument here, there is just that human nature aspect that some thought stories have at least perceived bigger consequences than others.

The thought stories have no consequences, our reactions to them are the consequences. In reality you found some of what I call bittersweet memories, pain, but some sweetness left of the experience. When the body is left behind and the energy goes elsewhere what will the stories mean? Even the most traumatic, painful, experiences, what happens to them. Like the wind, passes through and moves on as everything does. Only awareness persists. No doing, just being, being aware, " the effortless effort of being alive, enjoying the trees, the smell, the sunlight dappling the branches. What can be better then life living itself? Is there any real control? Or has it been a struggle to try to control outcomes, situations, people, things, etc.? Pain usually comes from the mind imagining that something is permanent and trying to keep it the same, whether it be people or anything else. There is change occurring. Is there a self? Or awareness, being, Now? Couldn't that be reason enough for joy?

Peace and Light, Metta

Dear Metta,

The thought stories have no consequences, our reactions to them are the consequences.

I wish I was there, I really do, maybe more than you know. The bitter-sweet was actually about a different story. When my wife and I were facing a couple of $5,000 monthly attorney bills, some $3,000 bills with no obvious end in site, there was the thought story about when will this ever end? And you are right it did. But it seems to this one that there was some connection to the mundane reality of the situation and it was more difficult in this circumstance to just be in the ever changing now as the permanent awareness.

Perhaps in the situation I described, there should have been acceptance and this would have lessened the pain.

I am listening and actually love what you said in your last post. It is quite beautiful.

In gratitude,

-Kent

Hi Kent,

But it seems to this one that there was some connection to the mundane reality of the situation and it was more difficult in this circumstance to just be in the ever changing now as the permanent awareness.

There was a connection, the connection was what the thought stories were saying and the beliefs that resulted from it and it becomes suffering. Like a chain reaction without fail. Watching thoughts about it now can the cause be recognized? There is no minimizing the pain in the situation in my next statement. I am divorced myself.
But when beliefs are attached to a thought, this is good or this is bad, this is painful, this is not, this is okay, this is not. Can it be seen that the labeling itself and the beliefs about a particular event is what makes it the experience it is. What if there was no choosing whether to resist an experience and no beliefs attached and it was just experienced moment by moment, would that have changed the experience?

Perhaps in the situation I described, there should have been acceptance and this would have lessened the pain.

There are no shoulds, a friend said to me once," Oh! you are shoulding all over yourself." :-) It happened the way it happened and it was supposed to happen that way because it did and now it is gone into the ether. Now, life living itself is happening until it doesn't happen, reboot, it happens again.

Love, Metta

Dear Metta,

Although not crucial to the story, my battle was with someone else, not my wife, She was with me.

What if there was no choosing whether to resist an experience and no beliefs attached and it was just experienced moment by moment, would that have changed the experience?

Yes it would have but there is that darn old habitual way of thinking that is difficult to shed during stressful times because the fear is up and running. I totally get what you are saying though. Driving in my neighborhood the other day, I followed a car with a bumper sticker that read: "Don't believe any of your thoughts".

Getting back to the sadness, the topic of the other day, I have also noticed that there is getting to be sadness in the searching itself. Like what is with this endless search, when will it end? It is all wearing me out. People talk about some points that they definitely know that some big shift has occurred...some say for them it is gradual. So what is coming right now is the need or desire for " a total acceptance of the moment"

Thanks for listening,
-Kent

Hello Kent,

Yes it would have but there is that darn old habitual way of thinking that is difficult to shed during stressful times because the fear is up and running.

Is it difficult? Or is it a thought about difficulty? What is the fear? Sit with it, look at it, bring it out into the light, What is the message there?

Getting back to the sadness, the topic of the other day, I have also noticed that there is getting to be sadness in the searching itself. Like what is with this endless search, when will it end? It is all wearing me out. People talk about some points that they definitely know that some big shift has occurred...some say for them it is gradual. So what is coming right now is the need or desire for " a total acceptance of the moment"

What makes the search sad? Isn't that just a label? Is it endless? Is that true? How can it wear you out? The ground of all suffering is misperception. There is no need that has not been fulfilled in reality. Is there? Can that be seen?

Love, metta

Dear Metta,


Yes it would have but there is that darn old habitual way of thinking that is difficult to shed during stressful times because the fear is up and running.

Is it difficult? Or is it a thought about difficulty? What is the fear? Sit with it, look at it, bring it out into the light, What is the message there?

Of course this is looking back but the fear has a lure like ”if you are not paying attention to me then,fill in the blanks for dire consequences___”and there is a kind of hyper mode that the body goes into even with a slight stomach pain. The imaginative mind, conjuring up awful circumstances, you get the picture. It is a projection of could be or what would be if this action isn't taken and even if the action is taken...




Getting back to the sadness, the topic of the other day, I have also noticed that there is getting to be sadness in the searching itself. Like what is with this endless search, when will it end? It is all wearing me out. People talk about some points that they definitely know that some big shift has occurred...some say for them it is gradual. So what is coming right now is the need or desire for " a total acceptance of the moment"

What makes the search sad? Isn't that just a label? Is it endless? Is that true? How can it wear you out? The ground of all suffering is misperception. There is no need that has not been fulfilled in reality. Is there? Can that be seen?

It seems endless after some 30 years of it. The search itself is not always sad, but it can actually be distracting at times. it is the looking from a point of view, the point of view that asks: are we getting anywhere - that can be sad and when the happiness is not achieved, there is a weariness. The mind wants to get somewhere and maybe that’s the problem. I had a teacher that when I told her that I didn't get it, she replied to me that there was no "it" to get.

There is no need that has not been fulfilled in reality. Is there? Can that be seen?

That is a tough one for me…I am not sure how that works in the mundane world.

Peace,

-Kent

Hi Kent,

Of course this is looking back but the fear has a lure like ”if you are not paying attention to me then,fill in the blanks for dire consequences___”and there is a kind of hyper mode that the body goes into even with a slight stomach pain.

The hyperreality, the impending doom, are feelings and thoughts. Agreed? I feel like something bad is going to happen if I don't expend energy on trying to control and prevent anything bad from happening. Wow, what a vicious, tiring loop! Yet feelings come and go and are they reality. Someone may get up and look in the mirror one day and think, " Not bad, yeah, I look pretty good. " Two days later, same mirror, same face, but shifts in perception due to unreliable moods, " Dam, I look old, look a wrinkle there, a mark there, my hair is thinning, etc. ." What is true? Look and see. Truth, something bad will happen, that's life living. Also true, something good will happen. Truth, something will happen, it is happening now. Is there any control over what's happening? Is there an I that it is happening to? Remember what was said, misperception is the ground for all suffering. Start at the very beginning with the thought that starts the chain of misperception. What is that initial thought that starts the loop? Are thoughts facts? Are feelings Facts? The search is not tiring, the defense system is tiring, it takes loads of energy to keep it up. There is no could be, there is only, it is happening now, everything else is a projection. Did you ever wonder why projections are usually negative, I never heard anyone project winning the lottery, falling in love, getting a new puppy. It just happens now. As long as the illusionary self is grasped suffering follows like a shadow.

Little Story.....

There was a man who searched high and low for God, every country, in the mountains, on the beach, over the sea, in the desert. He was exhausted from the search. But on the other hand, it was exciting, dramatic, fun, scary, emotional, dangerous, full of temptations and risks. Even rewarding at times. Then lo and behold one day he was someplace and he heard that the house of God was near. He was overjoyed, when he saw it in the distance. he started running, crying with happiness, it was overwhelming. He got to the house and sure enough the sign on the door said, " God's House." He put his foot on the first step and started shaking with fear, the second step he thought he would faint, the third step and overcome with terror he fled faster then he had come. He was so afraid that God would hear him and open the door. He sat down and was totally perplexed by what had happened, here he was at his lifelong goal and he had run away!!!!
Then the thoughts came rushing at him, "What would become of him if he didn't have to search anymore? " " No more adventures, no more excitement, no more dangers." "Then what?" So he quietly sneaked away and started his search for God all over again, and anytime he heard of this house he stayed as far away from it as he could. It was so exciting!!!! :-) Could he have become identified with his search?

It seems endless after some 30 years of it. The search itself is not always sad, but it can actually be distracting at times. it is the looking from a point of view, the point of view that asks: are we getting anywhere - that can be sad and when the happiness is not achieved, there is a weariness. The mind wants to get somewhere and maybe that’s the problem. I had a teacher that when I told her that I didn't get it, she replied to me that there was no "it" to get.

There is no self to get anywhere, really look for this imaginary self. Outside, inside. How can a no self have a point of view? Yes, the mind is the problem, exactly. :-) Don't think, just observe, be aware without trying to categorize the experience. Just experience right now, look at your hands, your body, your face in the mirror. who is really there? Isn't there just an awareness thinking thoughts about a collection of memories or projections. This separates, when there is only one awareness. Look around and try to see where the awareness is separated from it's environment. Let me know the result.

That is a tough one for me…I am not sure how that works in the mundane world.

In otherwords, everything that is wanted is already there, fulfillment, happiness, peace, it only requires a shift in perceptions to see it.

Perception is like this, One person says I am the unluckiest person in the world. I lost my job, my house, my wife left me and I fell and broke my leg. OMG!! why is this happening to me?

Another person says, I must be the luckiest person in the world, I lost my job, but it was driving me nuts anyway and as a result I found one I really like now. I lost my house and I am living in an apt, but no more cutting the grass and so much cleaning. My wife left me, but how lucky is that, no more griping about me playing golf, I can eat what I want, wow, this is great. I fell and broke my leg, boy was I lucky, a huge truck swerved onto the curb and just missed me because I fell first. Hahahaha. :-)

Love , Metta

Hi Metta,

The search is not tiring, the defense system is tiring, it takes loads of energy to keep it up.

That strikes a chord, you have nailed me on that. There is relief writing this to you.

Little Story.....

There was a man who searched high and low for God, every country, in the mountains, on the beach, over the sea, in the desert. He was exhausted from the search. But on the other hand, it was exciting, dramatic, fun, scary, emotional, dangerous, full of temptations and risks. Even rewarding at times. Then lo and behold one day he was someplace and he heard that the house of God was near. He was overjoyed, when he saw it in the distance. he started running, crying with happiness, it was overwhelming. He got to the house and sure enough the sign on the door said, " God's House." He put his foot on the first step and started shaking with fear, the second step he thought he would faint, the third step and overcome with terror he fled faster then he had come. He was so afraid that God would hear him and open the door. He sat down and was totally perplexed by what had happened, here he was at his lifelong goal and he had run away!!!!
Then the thoughts came rushing at him, "What would become of him if he didn't have to search anymore? " " No more adventures, no more excitement, no more dangers." "Then what?" So he quietly sneaked away and started his search for God all over again, and anytime he heard of this house he stayed as far away from it as he could. It was so exciting!!!! :-) Could he have become identified with his search?

You've been reading my mail : )

There is no self to get anywhere, really look for this imaginary self. Outside, inside. How can a no self have a point of view? Yes, the mind is the problem, exactly. :-) Don't think, just observe, be aware without trying to categorize the experience. Just experience right now, look at your hands, your body, your face in the mirror. who is really there? Isn't there just an awareness thinking thoughts about a collection of memories or projections. This separates, when there is only one awareness. Look around and try to see where the awareness is separated from it's environment. Let me know the result.

This morning I did this exercise (although I did not do the part of looking at a mirror). First though some labeling came: the dog lying on the rug, sunlight partially on the chair, my hands. Then the labeling machine was turned off: there was less separation between objects, things appeared quite differently, there was less separation between my body and the rest of the objects, and this one's body started to relax. Finally the thought came: maybe it does not matter whether it is determined if a separate I exists or not. Viewing the world this way is a lot more fun! And perhaps this relaxation is just an effect from viewing the world in a more natural way, that labels are important to navigate through life, but they don't have to be turned on all of the time, only a small amount of time. And it seemed like sometimes I see the world in a kind of dynamic pointillism like Serat the painter except the dots are not static.

Although I meant to get up, walk into the bathroom and look at the mirror, I just did not get to it, having felt entranced by the different perception and feelings, this one just forgot. If you like, I can do this tomorrow.

Affectionately,
-Kent

Hello Kent,

Pointillism , hmmm, maybe thats the reason I never cared for that type of painting,lol.
Can you find a separation between awareness and environment? Not physically, ( In awareness). Looking in the mirror has always been interesting, not for what you see, but for what you don't see and know is there. Another experiment that frees up perception, take a picture and look at it upside down.

Love, metta

Hi Kent,

We all see the world as separate at some point because we are conditioned, we are all pointillists, :-) until we're not. There is a shift in perception here. Let's build on it.

Warmly, Metta

Hi Kent, thought you might enjoy this. Metta

http://youtu.be/kUtH0DDJorM

Hi Metta,

We all see the world as separate at some point because we are conditioned, we are all pointillists, :-) until we're not. There is a shift in perception here. Let's build on it.

Hmmm, I must be missing something essential here. I see the dynamic pointillism that I described as a unifying concept not a separating one as the points (for lack of better description) like a dynamic texture encompassing all of my view, where objects share this dynamic, moving texture, this commonality.

An aside: for the first time in two months I rode my bicycle to work today. One part of the route winds through an old cemetery that has a fairly steep winding road. Right before I reached the top, I saw a kind of pointed white shape against a hazy blue sky. It was intriguing to me, for an instant or two, not knowing what is was, the mind then speculated it was a cloud, then as I rode on, it was revealed to be Mt. Hood, something I had seen thousands of times before, but the not knowing made it a more special experience. It was almost disappointing for my mind to label it Mount Hood.

I do think that there is a shift of perception going on...

Thanks,

-Kent