The Gate

Where do you live behzad?

You seem in a very different time zone.

The self is seen through.

There is a luminous flow of life.

The I still keeps reasserting itself and dramas of ego keep playing out. They don't seem to linger.

I think there still may be something off. There's a melancholy present in my body.

Beautiful. So whats left when this is seen?

There's just stuff. Just whatever is going on. Thoughts come and go. Many of them unpleasant. I still get caught in thought games. But they are seen through eventually. There is a sort of heart ache though, tension in the chest that keeps coming up

Nothing I guess. Just life.

Dont guess, look and see whats left? What do you see?

I'm finding some anger and fear coming up sometimes though, there is some doubt about the usefulness of this realization.

What do you mean with usefulness of this realization, can you elaborate that please?

What is there anger about? Did you have some big grandios expectations that it would be a big event? Angels that would come down from heaven and give you youre enlightenment medal? Feelings of infinte peace, love and happiness? where you expecting something else then that wich has been seen?

What is there fear all about? Why is there fear?

I feel confused tonight.

What is confusing?

Love
Behzad

I have a fever and terrible head cold. Will get back to you soon.

Hi Alex,

I saw that I have missed one of youre messages. I live in Sweden.

The self is seen through.
There is a luminous flow of life.
The I still keeps reasserting itself and dramas of ego keep playing out. They don't seem to linger.
I think there still may be something off. There's a melancholy present in my body.

Sounds good. Do you expect that there should not be any melancholy? Should life only be the way you want it to be? Do you expect that there should be happiness and peace?

Whatever is here, should be here because it is. Its fine.

Isnt life free to express itself how it wants. Have a look at the news tonight and see in how many ways life expresses itself. Now there is melancholy, tomorrow there might be pain, then there might be peace, then happiness, then love etc. Are you behind all this experiences and experiencing everything that is happening? Have a look and see...

If there is no you there experiencing things then everything is welcomed, right. Only thoughts can complain about what is.

There's just stuff. Just whatever is going on. Thoughts come and go. Many of them unpleasant. I still get caught in thought games. But they are seen through eventually. There is a sort of heart ache though, tension in the chest that keeps coming up

Nice, when you get caught up in thoughts is there a you that is in thoughts then comes out of thought?
Can you ever be in thoughts and then come out of thoughts? Is there a actual real I/Me that move in/out of thoughts?

Or

Is it just 2 different experiences happening. Being lost in thoughts and then seeing thoughts as thoughts. 2 different experiences. Where is the I/you in those experiences? The experiences is like a camera, zooming in thoughts, being lost on thoughts so to speak and then zooming out, seeing thoughts. Is there a I/Me that moves in and out of thoughts?

Have a look and see how it is.

Hope youre fever and head cold gets better. Take youre time when you feel better and look at the questions and answer them. Take care of youre self.

Love
Behzad

How are things going my frieand?

Finally breathing again. I'll work on these questions.

So here is where things are. I am aware of the fact that what you say is true.

One of the things I do involves hypnosis. In those situations I am instructing and another is following. Sometimes I hypnotize myself, programming myself with new thoughts and creating new actions.

Who is deciding that there is no self?

Who is seeing it clearly?

Who is being realistic?

Is it nature?

Is it nothing?

So here is where things are. I am aware of the fact that what you say is true.

Are you agreeing with me or are you seeing this?

Do you have any doubts about there being a seperate Alex, living his life?

Any doubts, confusion about there being a I/me here?

I see it but there is a resistance to it.

I am spending a lot of time looking at the world, looking at the internal dialogue and while I cannot say that there Is an Alex to be seen, there is a sense that an Alex exists. Alex may not be separate from the world as such.

But I guess I am getting more confused than clear, if I am to be honest.

Yes, I see that the self is the product of conditioning and is just an illusionary thought construct. This does not seem liberating.

Yes I see it. Maybe I don't. I'll try to look deeper.

I am spending a lot of time looking at the world, looking at the internal dialogue and while I cannot say that there Is an Alex to be seen, there is a sense that an Alex exists. Alex may not be separate from the world as such.

There is a sense of existing Alex, a sense of presence, being, alivness, awakeness. All off these words are synonymous. Can you take a look at this sense of existing of being alive and see if that is Alex?
Is this sense personal in any way?
Can you see where it starts and where it ends?
Is it changing?

Yes, I see that the self is the product of conditioning and is just an illusionary thought construct. This does not seem liberating.

What do you expect to feel?

You dont feel any change whatsoever from seeing that there is no self?

Can you take a look at this sense of existing of being alive and see if that is Alex?

No it is not personal. It just is. Alex is just a story.

Is this sense personal in any way?

Only in the sense that Alex's perspective looks at things. But the sense is not personal.

Can you see where it starts and where it ends?

No.

Is it changing?

Yes.

It is all clearer now. There was a sense of desolation and mourning for the last few weeks, but that is fading.

Behzad, you still around?

No it is not personal. It just is. Alex is just a story.

Good.

Only in the sense that Alex's perspective looks at things. But the sense is not personal.

Yes, there is a first person perspective but that doesnt belong to any seperate entity. There is no such thing there as you have seen.

It is all clearer now. There was a sense of desolation and mourning for the last few weeks, but that is fading.

Look around you now there might be sounds, thoughts, feelings and different things happening but is there a seperate you that all these is happenig to?

Is there anything that you control?
Are thoughts happening to you?