A remarkably ordinary experience

[Singhashri]

Hi Sunil,

I suspect the clever self may simply be renaming itself into this awareness that is basically the god concept and enchanting you. Is she really there? Remember we are doing direct experience here, i.e. if we have to imagine this awareness then it s beyond my expertise or interest to follow. So, please ask if ALL I, me, self or its derivatives are nowhere to be found. If not, where are they? Introduce her to me.

Look at this paragraph carefully and see the ruse. "This awareness is no different from me" but there is no me. So simple natural law of algebra says if there is no me, how can there be an awareness?

The ruse is clear. Very clever, indeed. When investigating experience right now there is a body, feelings, perceptions, and volitions that arise within a field of awareness. These processes are different from the awareness in which they arises because the processes are always changing, but the awareness is not. Since there is no self separate from these processes, the self is finally clinging to the awareness as one last stronghold to try to co-opt as its own. But she is not really there, because this awareness does not belong to these processes, is not dependent upon them. Awareness does not have to be imagined, it is always there as soon as there is the intention to open to it. To come back, as you say. In coming back, there is no I, me, self or its derivatives to be found.

This exercise evokes the memory of a time on retreat when the mind was completely overtaken by fantasies. Finally, laying in bed one night, I decided to let the fantasies completely run wild, I invited them to come in completely. At that moment, they ceased. In asking to be introduced to her, you have helped me to see that she is not there to be introduced. Humbling.

Love,
Singhashri

[kvotski]

Since there is no self separate from these processes, the self is finally clinging to the awareness as one last stronghold to try to co-opt as its own. But she is not really there, because this awareness does not belong to these processes, is not dependent upon them. Awareness does not have to be imagined, it is always there as soon as there is the intention to open to it. To come back, as you say. In coming back, there is no I, me, self or its derivatives to be found.

Love,
Singhashri

Hello singhashri,

Awesome work.

You must have read, heard about how it is simpler for simpler minds to achieve enlightenment than it is for more complex and sophisticated ones. And the modern day self is very sophisticated as is your self. She won't let go that easy. Parse your words here. Do you see a claim by her to know " awareness that is always there..."

Dear singhashri, there is no you therefore there is no awareness. Even if it was there, you wouldn't know it. Nothing about it...

Come back.

Love,

[Singhashri]

Only knowing then, that has nothing to do with a self?

[kvotski]

Only knowing then, that has nothing to do with a self?

I will let you discover the answer yourself to that. Share what you come up with.

Let us return to direct experience.

Is there a thinker of thoughts from what you can experience?
Is there an experiencer of these experiences?

For now we will equate awareness to self and vice versa.


Good hunting.

[Singhashri]

Dear Sunil,

Spent the morning looking into this:

I will let you discover the answer yourself to that. Share what you come up with.

Let us return to direct experience.

Is there a thinker of thoughts from what you can experience?
Is there an experiencer of these experiences?

For now we will equate awareness to self and vice versa.

No thinker of thoughts, just thoughts arising in the mind and passing away. Sometimes clung to, and sometimes not. When clung to, a sense of self, when not clung to, liberation from the delusion of self.

No experiencer of experiences. No difference between what is being observed and the observer. Only the sound of a door slamming, no self. A bird song, no self. Cold air on the skin, no self. Simply experience unfolding. So, what I see in direct experience is that awareness is not separate from what is arising in awareness, and what is arising, experience, is not the self. Awareness cannot be known separately from what is directly experienced. Therefore, awareness is not the self. No self to be found anywhere in what is arising.

I also notice that when she (the ego) tries to assert herself through subtle thoughts of me or mine, if that assertion is clearly seen, the thoughts that are trying to make experience into a self liberate, without a liberator.

Love,
Singhashri

[kvotski]

Dear Sunil,

Spent the morning looking into this:

I will let you discover the answer yourself to that. Share what you come up with.

Let us return to direct experience.

Is there a thinker of thoughts from what you can experience?
Is there an experiencer of these experiences?

For now we will equate awareness to self and vice versa.

No thinker of thoughts, just thoughts arising in the mind and passing away. Sometimes clung to, and sometimes not. When clung to, a sense of self, when not clung to, liberation from the delusion of self.

No experiencer of experiences. No difference between what is being observed and the observer. Only the sound of a door slamming, no self. A bird song, no self. Cold air on the skin, no self. Simply experience unfolding. So, what I see in direct experience is that awareness is not separate from what is arising in awareness, and what is arising, experience, is not the self. Awareness cannot be known separately from what is directly experienced. Therefore, awareness is not the self. No self to be found anywhere in what is arising.

I also notice that when she (the ego) tries to assert herself through subtle thoughts of me or mine, if that assertion is clearly seen, the thoughts that are trying to make experience into a self liberate, without a liberator.

Love,
Singhashri

Dear singhashri,

I do not have any more questions. For confirmation I have to ask you certain set questions we use in this process, many you have already answered, sort of a concluding finality. Then my mentors here review the answers.

Are you ready for them?

Please review your expectations first and see if you would like to carry on a bit more.

It has been a great pleasure.

Love,

[Singhashri]

Dear Sunil,
Yes, I am ready for the set questions.

Thanks so much for your helpful and gentle questioning.

Love,
Singhashri

[kvotski]

Wonderful. Here they are. Take your time and please give details.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything
happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?

Thank you lioness Shri..

[Singhashri]

Dear Sunil,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything
happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?

No, there is no separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form. There has never been and never will be.

The illusion of self begins when the habit to cling to a thought or feeling arises. For example, at the moment I am aware of frustration at having lost my answers to these questions, which I was typing up when I hit the backspace button and it all went. That frustration comes as thoughts and associated feelings in the body, tightness in the shoulders and belly, heat rising in the head. The illusion of self begins as soon as I cling to these thoughts and feelings as me or mine and believe them to be true. But in reality, there is no me to be frustrated. Simply a conditioned response of thoughts and feelings that arise dependent upon external factors and the habits of a deluded mind. As soon as this process is seen for what it is, there is liberation and a freeing up of energy that moves up and out of the body.

This seeing through feels spacious and liberating. The main difference from before I began this dialogue is that there is no longer a subtle clinging to awareness as a self. At the beginning of the dialogue, I knew that the process of seeing through separateness had begun but was not complete. I was aware of subtle clinging but didn’t know how to get at the root of it. Through the inquiry process I was able to see how the ego was still clinging to a self by trying to co-opt the experience of non-separateness. I now see that there is no difference between awareness and what is being experienced. Since there is no self in experience, then there can be no self in awareness.

The last bit that pushed me over and made me look were the questions that were pointing to this subtle clinging to awareness as a self. By looking closely, I saw how my ego was trying to make a distinction between what I experience directly and that which is experiencing it. But in looking closer I saw that there is no difference between the experience and the experiencer. No self having an experience. Just experience.

There is no “me” that makes anything happen. All is conditioned by previous thoughts and actions. The illusion of self is in thinking that those conditions somehow make up a person, separate from others and the world. When reflecting on the past or fantasizing about the future, there is only the idea of a person living a life. Right now, there is no person to be found in direct experience.

I have nothing to add except deep gratitude.

Love,
Singhashri

[kvotski]

Dear singhashri,

I have put your answers up for review.

I would like to ask you about how do you feel? No, is that all there is?

Love,

[Singhashri]

Hi Sunil,

I would like to ask you about how do you feel? No, is that all there is?

I said I felt more spacious, not sure how else to put it. Spacious in that there is room around all of experience, to see it for what it is and not try to grasp onto it in any way. There is also an excitement, kind of like when you learn how to ride a bike. Like I have a way to see through the self now that is fully accessible in any moment and complete, in that it sees all the way through, even through the subtle ways the ego tries to co-opt insight itself.

I also feel great gratitude and a sense of relief.

Love,
The Lioness of Light

[kvotski]

Thanks.

Love your new name.

[Singhashri]

;)