For Bill: Arrogant know-it-all ready for guidance

[Steve]

There's a bit more this evening. It continues to feel that the grip of the illusion is relaxing. There are intervals when the feeling that there's someone here, looking out from behind my eyes, is weaker, and intervals when it's stronger.

All the questions about who is doing this, that, or the other thing seem to have outlived their usefulness. The answer is always the same. When I look I can't find anyone or anything doing. Yet the feeling of me persists.

So now I'm intending to concentrate on that feeling, put it under the microscope, and deconstruct it. So far this is seeming much more difficult than what's gone before. Helpful hints appreciated.

Steve

[Bill]

Hi Steve,

There is no one here.... This is all there is.
That is the best summation I know.

I've had some bug that's going around the last day or so, please bear with me on getting back to you timely.
You have the tools to LOOK.
It's good you had the finding out of the little boy and the construct of the I.
Even seeing that you say the grip is relaxing a bit. Great.

The truth is, there is no you or me.
There is no self.
There is no smaller self, there is no higher self.
There is the universe unfolding. If you look closely, honestly, with integrity, and with a certain amount of dedication, it will be revealed that self, or sense of self, only resides in thoughts. Thoughts of a self do
not point to a self, in the same way as thoughts of a unicorn do not point to an actual unicorn.

There’s no “I” — just what’s going on, right here and now. But how we complicate that.
Seeing the “I” as only being just another thought among many thoughts is the key.
And everyday life is still here and goes on.

Is there a you, that exists? Did it ever?
LOOK Steve.

[Steve]

I've had some bug that's going around the last day or so, please bear with me on getting back to you timely.

Don't worry about that. I hope it's a mild bug and that you feel better soon.

Is there a you, that exists? Did it ever?
LOOK Steve.

Still looking! Late night seems to be a good time for observation. Will report tomorrow.

[Steve]

Today I'm still feeling that I want to concentrate on seeing the feeling of me for what it is. And it's still challenging. Frustration creeps back in.

I've been reading parts of this thread, where John (s-p-a-c-e) says:

Let's look at the sense of "me" you mentioned - a "me" looking out, contemplating, sitting, typing...etc. This is the conditioned sense of self made up of 3 things: sensations + label "me" + belief that this IS you. - these all chime together to form the believed in notion of a separate self running the show.

That's what I think I need to isolate and deconstruct.

I took a step last night when I isolated one of the sensations that contributes: breathing. When I saw that, it was so obvious that the "me" feeling is tangled up in feeling the breath. I suspect there are other persistent body sensations that get all tied up in the thoughts and belief of a me, but I'm not seeing them yet.

Any hints about how or where to look? It feels so close yet so far away!

[Bill]

Steve, Steve, Steve... there is nothing to 'get'!
Nothing to 'find'.
Nothing.
No amount of knowledge, understanding, etc et all is IT.
You can't figure it out..... honest!

Let go and relax.
Just LOOK. At what's here in front of you.
Its always been right here.

Here's a good hint.. I 'borrowed' this from someone and doctored it up to fit me
and the real world language I use. Let it in...

See that what you are looking for, searching for is here, right now.
Its always been here. We just haven't noticed it.
We're always looking for something MORE.
LOOK. truly LOOK.
This moment, right now, is the one you've wanted your whole life.
There's nothing, absolutely nothing that needs to be changed
either on your inside, or in your outer circumstances.

The brain says no, No, NO! It can't be this simple.
Its got to be different than this, more flashy,
greater insight, more bliss, oneness.... and on and on and on.
So we overlook THIS precious moment in hopes of a better one.
Of course off in the future. That one that never comes.
This is the delusion. That this moment is not the one.
That THIS is not IT!
See this delusion. It has to be seen.

When you see it, truly SEE it, you can relax and know that this moment is the one.
It's just ordinary everyday life as it is. We don't have to hope for something better.
The seeking can stop. We can put all the books away. No more teachers are needed either.
There's nothing to learn really. We can't really lose this either because whatever occurs on the
inside or outside, it is always still THIS.
We just have to LOOK again to realize.

Its just this moment Steve.... no you, just this moment.

[Steve]

Bill, I promise to stick with this. All my habits go against relaxing with it. Lots of resistance is appearing, mostly in the form of thoughts like "I can't" and "I won't" (image of donkey dragging its heels). Also anxiety.

I will stick with it.

[Bill]

That's what I think I need to isolate and deconstruct.

I took a step last night when I isolated one of the sensations that contributes: breathing. When I saw that, it was so obvious that the "me" feeling is tangled up in feeling the breath. I suspect there are other persistent body sensations that get all tied up in the thoughts and belief of a me, but I'm not seeing them yet.

Steve - look at how you keep looking for the answer.
Seeking, searching, looking.....
I suspect you've been doing this forever.
Am I right?

Give it up.
There is no 'answer' or one thing that's gonna do it.
You know all there is to 'know' about this stuff.
More than enough, really.

There is nowhere to get to.
Nothing to find.
No one to find it.
There's just THIS, right here in front of you.
Its always been here too.
LOOK.

Is there a 'you' that exists?? Can you find it and show it to me??

[Steve]

Steve - look at how you keep looking for the answer.
Seeking, searching, looking.....
I suspect you've been doing this forever.
Am I right?

Yes, certainly you're right.

Is there a 'you' that exists?? Can you find it and show it to me??

Of course I can't.

But apparently somewhere deep down I haven't entirely stopped believing in it. Yes, I know that's just a thought. But it's stuck. Or something appears to be stuck.

I want to say I'm granting too much power to certain thoughts, but that's just another thought. And who exists who can choose to believe or disbelieve certain thoughts? The question only comes up when stuck in the mind. Frustrated.

[Bill]

Hi Steve,
Take a look and see what fears are coming up.
I suspect that's what it is.
It looks like we hit on something big as you seem to be speechless as compared with your earlier posting.

If you can find some fear, bring it up, look at it, welcome it...
It is there for protection of your 'self'.
Its doing its job beautifully.
Find out what its protecting.
Let it be here without rejecting it or thinking it shouldn't be here.
Relax and be with it for a while.

Look carefully and see if you can find anything real behind the fear.
Anything of substance.

Is there anything there??

[Steve]

Take a look and see what fears are coming up.
I suspect that's what it is.
It looks like we hit on something big as you seem to be speechless as compared with your earlier posting.

Yes. I'm sure it's fear. It "wants" to keep recycling and reinforcing old thought patterns about not being able to change. Which is just another way of saying it's trying to protect something.

If you can find some fear, bring it up, look at it, welcome it...
It is there for protection of your 'self'.
Its doing its job beautifully.

Exactly.

Find out what its protecting.
Let it be here without rejecting it or thinking it shouldn't be here.
Relax and be with it for a while.

I'll do this. I'm feeling a bit more relaxed today. Yesterday I just couldn't seem to get any distance from the repetitive thoughts. I have to remind myself to look and see whether there's a thinker. As long as I remember that, I can easily see that there's not.

[Steve]

There's been no opportunity to examine any fear today because nothing has come to the surface. It's been a much more relaxed day. I'll continue to look for fear to come up so I can learn more about it.

Hints and thoughts are coming up throughout the day related to a shift in perceiving. I've probably read something about it here and/or in Enlightening Quotes. What's coming to me is to shift from feeling that all my perceptions are confined in my head to feeling that my direct perceptions, my body, my thoughts, my feelings, and all other objects are all "contained" in the one awareness.

This notion is probably not particularly helpful since it just gives me someting else to add to the story of enlightenment in the future. Yet it does feel like sort of a tugging in that direction, wherever that may lead. Comments?

[Bill]

Hints and thoughts are coming up throughout the day related to a shift in perceiving. I've probably read something about it here and/or in Enlightening Quotes. What's coming to me is to shift from feeling that all my perceptions are confined in my head to feeling that my direct perceptions, my body, my thoughts, my feelings, and all other objects are all "contained" in the one awareness.

Is there a 'you' that can be contained in this one awareness?
Or is there just oneness? And no you? LOOK.

[Steve]

Immersed in work today and not much remembering to look. Any suggestions for specific inquiries or exercises when there's just time for a few minutes breather?

[Bill]

Steve - I would say just do the work you have and come back when you can.
You can always take a 'short moment' to just LOOK.
Whats here is never not here, no matter how busy or engaged we are.

A exercise I like a lot it is this one, it doesn't take a lot of time

Relax into a 360 degree reception of sensory data around you: what you see, smell, hear, taste and feel against your body. For example: feet feel warm with some pressure against them, fingers feel plastic keyboard, armchair felt against back, etc. Lose yourself so that only sensations remain. Listen to the noise of fridge, intensively like never before. Let the mind register everything, but relax from the need to label anything as "a thing".
When you are relaxed like this, LOOK to see if you can find a body anywhere, and if there is any border between the body and what it not the body...

[Steve]

Thanks, Bill. That sounds like a good one.

Here's what seems to be going on the past few days. Even when the focus is mostly on looking, on direct experience, the thought commentary never goes away. During the intervals of looking, the thoughts are mostly about the current experience. In other words, the neverending story about the past and the future is gone.

But the only real difference is that during those intervals the thought commentary is about the immediate past instead of the distant past. It's still all about "me." And the problem is that it has incorporated all the insights from the earlier part of this work, and it now forms a protective wall of thought around the experience. As in "Just a thought. Is there a thinker? No. Good-bye."

In other words, this whole thing has gotten intellectualized, has gotten appropriated by the thought-mind.

Is there a remedy?