1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. There isn't. There never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
It is an idea that there is an entity called 'I' wich thinks thoughts, makes disicions and moves "it's" body any way it wants. It apperas to be able to do all of this independently of anything that happens "outside" of it.
It starts very early, before memories can reach, beacouse all of the memories refer to 'me'. However, memories prior to entering pre-school don't provoke a sense of self as firm as the sense of self triggered by memories from pre-school, school and later.
This illusion works beacouse all the thoughts, in one way or another, refer to I as a key figure. (Eg. If there is a thought "Australia" it refers to an image of Australia, but not just any image of Australia, it is "my image of Australia"-this refers to a memory of 'me' imagining Australia.) Conversations between people create entire story around this I. This story appears to be real beaucouse thoughts (statements contained in them) seem to be real. This is beaucouse thought always contains two opposite statements. (Eg. "i am going to stand up now" and "No, I Am not going to stand up now.") So, whatever happens one of the statements is true, and that is how thoughts always "get confirmed by reality".
) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.
There is this feeling of deep restfullness. It provides joyfull, relxed energie for evereyday activities. It is not always obvius, but when there is a doubt ("is it still here?" "Was it just a temporary thing?") it ussually "presents itself". It is as if it is proving itself to be real whenever necessary. There are moments in wich it doesn't appear to be there. Then I ask myself *:"Does it need to be here? Does anything need to change?"
Many feelings are the same as they used to be, but sometimes they "disolve" themselves into this deep restfullness.
Thoughts still come in series, but these series often get interrumpted by one of the questions you have asked, or with one of the realisations trigered by them.
This deep restfullness also makes feelings and thoughts more relaxed and injoyable.
A sense of self is still firm, especially when I look myself * in the miror. It feels the same as before, and there are thoughts like: "There I am, I am still here". That is ok. Those are just fellings and thoughts.
* It also feels very natural to use sentences like "I ask myself". However, it often provokes a question: "Do I reaaly mean that or is it just a figure of speach?". It is a figur of speech and it also goes along with the sense of self.
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.
"Of course you believe in a separate self. We all have a sense of self, every thoughts implies a self, and conversation would be practically imposiblle without the word 'I'. An idea of self can be very usefull. However, does this mean that self really exists? Can you find it somewhere, except inside a thought?"
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?
When you asked me how do I experience a choice when there is no controller in controll, I waited for a thought wich implies a choice. And it came: "I am going to stand up now." (thought No1) and: "No, I am not goingto stand up" (thought No2). It was always like this, it is just that I always assumed that I have a choice - I can either obbey thought No1 (stand up in this case), or I can think thought No2. And then an idea occured: "What if there are always 2 thougts, no matter what. what if thought No2 is there even if "I do obbey" the thought No1?" I checked it in a couple of situtiotions after that and it was clear that there really are 2 opposite thoughts each time.
Next morning, when you asked how does it feel to see thet there only seems to be a choice, this feeling of deep restfullness apeared. During the day "I realised" that it is ok to feel like there is a chice, it is still clear that there isn't. However, it still feltlike something else needs to happen.
In the evening, when you asked if there is anything miising in seeing trou the illusion of 'I', it was clear that there isn't. "Nothing is missing", "Nothing else needs to happen", "It is fine now". :))
Again, thank you so much :)
Greetings, Nenad