Looking for more clarity; some helpful pointers...

[Lumi]

Hi Metta
Thoughts are just constructs, they arise out of sensations, feelings, other thoughts..and dissolve. Some of them may point to a truth of how things are, but they (the thoughts) are not the truth.
I feel quite empty today, in a good way, emptied of a tension, perhaps.
There is no 'I' separate from what happens from moment to moment. But the impulses - feelings, thoughts, sensations - that would 'like' to attach to such a notion, still arise. They come, they go. No big deal.

I was sorry to hear you experience a lot of physical pain.
Wishing you well
Ulla

[Metta777]

Hi Ulla,

Thank You. You have had some great insights I think. Are you ready for the final questions? If so, let me know and I will post them for you. If there is something that still needs worked on that you are not sure of let me know. Blessings, Metta

[Lumi]

Hello Metta

This feels like a crucial point in a process of unfoldment. There is a kind of knowing...a movement, a wave that doesn't stop. I trust the process.

I would like you to send me the final questions. That would be great.
Thank you, I feel fortunate.
Ulla

[Metta777]

Hi Ulla, Thank you, it is a pleasure. Here are the final questions. There are no right or wrong answers, just do the best you can.


1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.



3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.



4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.



5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?


Warmly, Metta

[Lumi]

Hi Metta,

OK, I'll have a go at answering, doing the best I can as you suggest.
1. No, there really is no 'me'. It isn't to be seen, or experienced, or got hold of. This particular mind-body has been forming, changing, becoming more complex, perhaps, since childhood, but there is nothing that owns it, or watches or controls it. It is just a flow of events.
2. The illusion of a separate self is something 'extra' as it were; something that supposedly exists apart from the flow of events. It is a seductive notion because it can be used to try and control life, fight and suppress fear, and take care all sorts of needs. But it's a phantasy (a phantom!), a construct. Experiences happen; awareness happens. That's all. The illusion is an obstacle - has been an obstacle- because it has stopped me from experiencing things fully and directly. It obstructs and blocks.
3. Sometimes experiencing things fully and directly can feel a bit 'raw' - but fresh too, and freeing. Pain is pain; contentment is contentment. It seems to me that this how life is meant to be lived. Without paying attention to the false construct which makes everything heavy and sticky, and perpetuates anxiety. At first, it felt like 'dare I'?'; then came the realisation that's this is all quite natural and simple. Whatever arises, just arises. Really? Is that enough? asks the mind. It really IS.
4. We latch on to this illusion because we assume that it serves a purpose, helps us, protects us. It's so easy to believe that it is exists in addition to, separate from, all the thoughts, sensations, feelings, impulses etc. We yearn for it in some way. We attach all sorts of things on to it. But it is just a product of conditioning, a notion we have constructed out of experience and awareness. It is possible to investigate the illusion and see that there is nothing after all; to experience the flow of life as it happens moment to moment. You may resist the idea of doing that...my experience is that seeing through the constructed 'I' brings about a much greater sense of relief & freedom than holding on to it.
5. I think it has been more like a series of shifts & realisations than a single event. You've helped me look more closely at what is happening, and that has continued. 'Awareness has no I attached to it' kept running in the background...The word 'separate' (self) hit me strongly; how can anything exist separately from what is arising?! The metaphore of the bird soaring up into the sky. Do I dare trust spreading my wings? That was very helpful. One day I found myself thinking about some difficult issues very intensely; then asked myself 'who is doing the thinking?' No-one. No separate 'me'. Thoughts arising and passing. That was very liberating, and almost funny. Similarly, on another occasion that really struck me, I felt pain as a result of being misunderstood and a bit 'slighted': OK, that happens, then something else arises. There is no 'me' in charge, or taking care of it all. No need for it. Again - such a relief. There is a growing sense of simplicity; everything can be brought back to simplicity. That makes me feel happy, relieved.

It has been intense, stimulating, rewarding. Thank you Metta
Ulla

[Metta777]

Hi Ulla,
Just one more that we thought might be helpful. Was/ or is there anything that could be obstructed and blocked? Even if there was a "blocking" or "obstruction", is there anyone/anything separate that experiences this? :-) Metta

[Lumi]

I woke up in the middle of the night and saw it all even more clearly. A flow of events...that's all there is. The illusion of an 'I' (believing in it) stops one from acknowledging, experiencing the flow of events as just a flow of events. That's what I was trying to say by using the word 'obstacle'. There is no 'thing' to be obstructed. A belief in something that doesn't exist becomes an obstacle to living 'in tune with' the flow without a controlling, observing 'me'. Hope that's clearer!
Ulla

[Metta777]

Yes, it is. Thank you, Ulla. Hugs, Metta

[Metta777]

Hi Ulla,

There is an aftercare group and the invite will be extended when I register you as confirmed. It is called Luna. Also if you want to give me your name, it's up to you, I can just use Ulla. I can also give you my FB link if you have any further questions or wish to talk again for some reason. Completely optional. Let me know, ty. Congratulations!! Warmly, Metta