Above All Else I Want to See

[tnudge]

Aha, I got it. Who doesn't know??? I don't know...LOL....

[tnudge]

Aha, now I see. Who doesn't know? Who is the one that doesn't know? LOL...

[tnudge]

Now I'm going a little crazy...oh, but who is going crazy...LOL!

[Metta777]

:-) The past is a story we tell ourselves that either causes us pain or joy or both. But it is just a story, because the past is dead. It cannot be relived or re-experienced. It is also just labels we were taught, or conditioning. We were taught what to think, how to think and developed stories about it all. Or we developed cognitive constructions around what we were told to believe. Someone taught you the names of colors, red,green, blue, etc. If no one taught you, what colors would they be? If you lived in total isolation all your life with no human contact, what would your thoughts be? Thoughts are not your identity. Sensations are not your identity right. Feeling,sight, hearing, they are just direct perceptions or experiences. So can you find a personal identity anywhere at all in any of this? Or do you find, only the thoughts others gave you, the conditioning they taught you? Memories are just thoughts, usually not even reality. If a group of people see an event and the police come and say describe what happened, they will get 5 different stories. It is only a mental construct of what we think happened. The future is only an imaginary projection based on past thoughts and experiences. Not real. Perhaps a meteor could crash through the roof tonight and we wouldn't wake up. Silly example, lol. , but you see what I mean. So look deeply everywhere , past, now ,future and what is observed? Hugs, Metta

[tnudge]

Dear Metta,
I am looking deeply and agree with all you have to say about all we've aquired and are conditioned towards. I really can't find this self as a separate entity. But there is a reality to this experience merely because I"m expereincing it. I'm writing to you now but it feels very much like I"m writing to myself. I don't know who you are and as I'm writing to you right now, I have no access to where you "really" are and what you are "really" doing. I just have this vague idea that you will sometime open this up and read it and somehow, through language, a connection will be made. But even that is conjecture really. You could be a robot with automated responses. I don't really know, but I've constructed a whole story around this. This construction is serving "me" somehow. This feeling of authenticity and responsiveness to this whole process is serving me...but authenticity to what? To the thoughts that are coming through me and the emotions that they are evoking and sensations that I am experiencing. The actual experience itself in the way I've constructed it is very pleasurable to me and seems to serve some need in "me"...the experience itself is an experience of aliveness...to have thought that evokes emotional resonance, to discover, to connect...all this feels right. I don't need an I to experience those things, right? I don't need an I to enjoy those things, right? There is a little fear coming up that I do need an I but when I look deeply into it, there's no reason there should be a separate I to experience anything at all, except to experience the limitations of I itself...

Metta, am I making sense?
Thuy

[Metta777]

Yes, perfect sense. :-) Are you ready to attempt the final questions? Let me know and I will post them. Hugs, Metta

[Metta777]

A little fear is natural, just stay with it, examine it for what it is. Just the ego, not liking the way things are going. If it settles anywhere in the body in particular. Is there anything to really fear? :-) Metta

[tnudge]

Yes, I am ready.

Is there really anything to fear? I'm not sure. The unknown, but why would there be fear about the unknown if it's unknown? And, actually, everything is "unknown". When I do feel fear it seems to settle in my throat. Perhaps a flutter in my heart, a sinking in my gut. But it passes.

Yes, I am ready.

[Metta777]

In love there is nothing to fear and that is all there is. The individual identity of projection and thoughts and dreams is delusion. But in letting go the ego so much more is gained. :-) Paradox seems the way things are. When letting go there is a feeling of emptiness as you have described, also some have described very often feelings in the stomach and elsewhere. To know there is no doer, no real identity except the light anywhere, the emptiness and the light become One, pure potential. Like emerging from the womb all over again, you are safe friend. But imagine a baby being born into this world, they must be very frightened. Only natural, and when awareness is gained and it will continue once started this is like a new world. Luv and Blessing, Metta

Good Luck with the questions.

Here are the final questions, take your time and answer as detailed and to the point as possible.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

[tnudge]

Dearest Mettta,
1) There is no me. There never has been.
2) What felt like me was never a separate entity. It was an illusion created through a compulsion towards separation and the fear that results. Thoughts aggregate through this fear creating a feeling of self--thoughts acquired and conditioned, handed down through others. These thoughts serves as magnets to attract other thoughts that further solidify this idea of the self.
3) At first, it is quite surprising to see this. It seems rather unbelievable. But then it starts to feel like a big joke and like the sudden laughter that spontaneously arises when one gets a joke, there is relief, joy and delight. And after that, there is peace, quiet at the same time everything inside feels more responsive and sensitive to the environment--there is more connection and intimacy with living. There is more love.
4)I find only silence here. I don't know if I could communicate this to another and if I would it would be a very natural and spontaneous reaction to what they draw out of me based on the nuances and energetics of what they are wanting. It is so alive that I can't capture it here, so delicate that is difficult to encapsulate. It is like discovering you are a fish that has been complaining all this time of being thristy. It is like searching the world over to see the face of God and realizing that all you needed was a mirror...and not even that.
5)I think I came here having already looked for a very long time...I had glimpses. But when I first came, I was acutely aware that I was not seeing everything clearly. There were two moments during this process that made a big difference for me. The first was the realization that I was unable to see God because of my story of worthiness. I had not seen that construct so clearly before. So much of my identity was caught up in feeling not good enough. Through that story, doubt sprang up. This was my biggest obstacle to seeing clearly---persistent doubt based upon my feeling unworthy. Seeing that was big. The second aha was when I was trying to figure out who was the one who generated thought and action. I couldn't figure it out, but something happened beyond a simple I don't know. The "me" started to get really wrapped up in the I don't know and a curious I don't know turned into an unworthy story filled I don't know. When I saw that, I don't know took on another flavor. It's not that I suddenly knew intellectually...intellectually, the answer was irrelevant. There was something inside me that knows, if I allow it but the knowing is caught up in the mystery simultaneously and when the me doesn't enter the picture, it is quite allright--the mystery. I have to say that I when I first came to this, I expected a big cathartic moment of emotionality, ecstacy and bliss when I would suddenly feel one with all creation and the God I had been searching for. It didn't happen like that. It was more gradual and felt more like me coming into myself, punctuated with gentle ahas. I don't feel so different from when I first came, though it is clear to me much is different. At this point it feels like I will be putting my energy towards maintaining this awareness, but even if I didn't do that I don't know that I could go back, so to speak or forget. There are still the habits of doubt and insecurity that want to reneter the picture, but I just shine the light of awareness on them or more precisely, I don't put any me energy into them and they leave. But it feels like a constant vigilance. I am feeling some sadness knowing that these are my last questions and wanting to continue a connection after this. Is this okay? I feel a bit vulnerable and still in need of guidance.

Metta, thank you. Love, Thuy

[Metta777]

Oh, for sure Thuy, I will give you my facebook link and there is a group for after the gate called New Arrivals. but for now I will present your questions for confirmation. If any of the other guides has a question, I will post it here. I will get back to you soon. Luv, Metta

[Shell]

Hey there, dear Thuy...

it gives me such joy to read your thread with Metta.

Now, I hope you sincerely know very deeply what I meant when I posted to you are the beginning of your process with Metta. Above all else you wanted to see. You did not abandon the Course. You let it work for you. This way. Open-mindedness is pretty key...and now you know this...and for this...you will become an even more wonderful Course teacher/student. There are many of us here at LU, who still continue the Course. You wont be lonely. And Metta is marvellous. I just wanted to let you know how absolutely happy I am that you have seen through the illusion of "I"...a pretty essential one to see through.

I leave you with the same prayer that I posted to you on this thread. Open-mindedness, vigillance and great willingness work.

With love and gratitude to you and Metta,

Shell xxxx (PS, you can always privately pm me if you would ever like to)

[tnudge]

Hi Shell,
My deepest gratitude to you. Thank you. I will for sure be in touch and am encouraged that there is a community of ACIM and LU! Thank you again.
Love, Thuy

[Metta777]

One of the guides had these questions for you Thuy. If you could please answer them the best you can. Thanks so much. Metta



What is it that makes vigilence or shines the light of awareness on doubt?

Even if light isn't shined, is there ever a separate self? Is there ever separation?

Can doubts of insecurities ever harm anyone? is there anyone there to be harmed?

[Shell]

Just a tip, dear Thuy,

....most people do not know the language of the Course. Just like most people dont know how to speak italian or french or bulgarian if they did not grow up in those countries. And that includes the guides here. I recognise your language, the Course language, because I speak it very very very fluently.

But if one does not know this language...which incluse most of the guides here....well it can not be understood without mis-perception happening.

For your next answers, seek to leave all Course language that is so innate for you aside...and answer in your own words. In that way...everyone will understand what you want to say. Imagine that your audience can only speak very very basic simple english...and write from your heart and mind accordingly.

With love,

Shell xxx