Requesting the assistant of a guide, please. :)

[Cosmicvibez]

I realized that Jonathan, and everything else in this experience only exists in language. The reason why there seems to be a separate self is because the labeling done in the mind is with language, instead of a simple KNOWING. I've read The Power of Now and I have also read countless books saying that I'm not the thinker of thoughts, I'm not the voice in my head. This might possibly be why my relationship to thoughts changed and there seems to be "2" people in one. (Obviously, I know better than that, hehe.) In deep reflection, I've noticed that when I close my eyes, images and sounds (not external, but INTERNAL) arise, and although I realize that they are not reality whatsoever they arise to something...(I know it's not a THING but I dunno how else to put it). These images are seen but to who? And it's this...sense of a being that I think needs to be investigated. When I look around me, the objects are seen. That much is evident. But I'm having a hard time understanding how they're arising to no one. If you asked me who was writing this, I couldn't tell you...all I could say is that the words are pouring out, fingers are typing, maybe I'll stop midsentence to rearrange the words I'm typing out if it doesn't sound right in my head. BUT TO WHO DO THE WORDS NOT SOUND RIGHT? Man, this is so slippery...I feel pretty close.

One thing that I've noticed is that whenever I feel like I'm about to break through with this, it's as if something keeps shifting around, preventing it from being seen.

[cosmiK]

Hey Jonathan,

I gave you a lot of pointers and inquiry. Would you please answer each question separately using the quote function, and investigate thoroughly what I have proposed.

You are going to other teachings yet again, and off in stories. Some nice analysis but you still seem to think there is some experiencer apart from the experienced, and it seems like you are trying to think your way through this. This is experiential. Please reply directly to my investigation, then add any comments you have only after.

You cannot figure this out. This is about direct experiential realization.

[Cosmicvibez]

move hands slowly up and down...
- are YOU moving it? OR are hands just moving?

The hands are just moving, no composer, no conductor, nothing.

Is there an experience-er Experiencing?

There is no experiencer, only experiencing. There is a sense that these things are happening to a 'me' but they're not. They're just happening. Fingers are typing. Not "MY" fingers are typing. Because MY does not point to anything...there is no visible connection between a me and whatever is being experienced. Same as "my ukulele". It's just A ukulele. There is no tangible way that the ukulele is connected to a me.

Is there JUST that Experience, and THOUGHTS about it that say "I am experiencing". As such. There is ONLY Experiencing. Is it so?

There is JUST the experience. Again, using the ukulele. There's the experience of the way it feels in my hands, the sounds it makes and even the thoughts about it. That's ALL just experience. I realized that it's the belief that I am separate from life that allows for it to be overlooked. Like a program on a computer that's left to run.

LOOK Deeply Jonathan ... could it be possible there is no separate experience... and there is just the experience?

Is it possible that...

In thinking, ONLY the thought?
In seeing, ONLY the seen?
In hearing, ONLY the heard?
In feeling, ONLY the felt?
In tasting, ONLY the tasted?
In smelling, ONLY the fart?
In Experience, ONLY the Experience?

Yes, it's absolutely possible...it's such a simple realization...but it goes unobserved. Me is just a thought.

[cosmiK]

So...

do YOU exist?

[Cosmicvibez]

"I" do not exist. The body exists. Thoughts exist. Emotions exist. "I" is just a thought.

[Cosmicvibez]

But this feeling of being alive and taking things personally are still intact...when I'm by myself I can feel it...but when I'm around others I get taken away by my thoughts. It sucks.

[cosmiK]

Jonathan,

if there is no you/i... then who gets taken away by thoughts?
how can anything ever be personal?

[Cosmicvibez]

Nobody does...that's just a story that is being believed. It sucks. Cuz the mind is constantly thinking into the future, thinking into the past, thinking that my physical appearance isn't too great and that if I work out or get this kind of haircut or acted like this or like that, then things'll be easier and "I"'ll feel better. This belief in these stories prevents me from fully enjoying this moment. It does this all on it's own, and the present moment gets overlooked. This is the cause of my suffering.

[cosmiK]

Jonathan,

Nobody does...that's just a story that is being believed. It sucks. Cuz the mind is constantly thinking into the future, thinking into the past, thinking that my physical appearance isn't too great and that if I work out or get this kind of haircut or acted like this or like that, then things'll be easier and "I"'ll feel better. This belief in these stories prevents me from fully enjoying this moment. It does this all on it's own, and the present moment gets overlooked. This is the cause of my suffering.

This is also another story.

There is noone or no-thing that suffers. There is just a sense of aliveness, shifting sensations and thoughts. There is just that Experiencing.

Does a 'mind' think? is there a 'mind'? or are there just thoughts, one after another, which are self-referencing?

thoughts cannot prevent a "you" or a "me" from enjoying any moment. there is only that moment. only that Experience.

can thoughts think? can thoughts prevent other thoughts from enjoying moments? can thoughts enjoy moments? can thought suffer?

There is no You to enjoy any moment... whatever-Is, right here, right now, is What-Is. Die to it. Burn in it.

What are you holding on to?

Let go.

Surrender.

Arms wide open... let it destroy you.

There is no You.

[Cosmicvibez]

I felt something today...fear. And I asked this fear what it was trying to protect. "I" create stories to cover up the truth. To detach from it. This fear is trying to protect the "I" thought from the truth.

I'm holding on to the story...it's about time I let go.

In all this searching I asked myself if my memories of the past 2 years were erased, what then? I tried to pretend like that was the case so I could observe my thoughts, and the same ones came through. Then I wondered, if this actually happened, would those same thoughts be produced and would I "look" at them and be confused? Do past experiences produce the same thought loop and stories? If so, how can one ever escape from the past? I've noticed that if something happens and I try to unforget it and move on, no matter how insignificant it is, the mind seems to go back to it. And it's this going back that prevents me from truly seeing, I believe.

[cosmiK]

I felt something today...fear. And I asked this fear what it was trying to protect. "I" create stories to cover up the truth. To detach from it. This fear is trying to protect the "I" thought from the truth

Fear can arise. Thoughts can arise. How can "I" create stories Jonathan? Stories can arise as a stream of thoughts... It's just thoughts. Thank the fear... There is nothing to protect.

And your avoiding my questions again and going off on your stories again thinking that thinking will get you anywhere. They are just thoughts. Thoughts are not You.

If so, how can one ever escape from the past? I've noticed that if something happens and I try to unforget it and move on, no matter how insignificant it is, the mind seems to go back to it. And it's this going back that prevents me from truly seeing, I believe.

What past? There only thoughts and sensations. Who notices and who forgets and who moves on? And where is this mind you speak about that seems to be fighting against something you seem to think is you... ?
There is nothing that prevents anyone or anything from seeing anything.

Look in experience. There are just thoughts and sensations and that sense of aliveness. There is no one or no thing or any separation. In experience there is nothing personal, because there is no claimant.

There is no You. Is it True?

Are you actually investigating? Or just making assumptions? This is your work. I've given you many pointers, and ways to break down experience. I cannot do the work for you.

[Cosmicvibez]

You're right. There is no center...in DIRECT experience, there isn't a "me" looking out of the eyes. There is no separation between what is being looked at, or heard, or smelled, or tasted. And there is just an endless stream of thoughts, and only if the content of them are believed is where the confusion and the loop happens...it's simple...I noticed today that the thoughts that bring emotion, could be unpleasant, could be pleasant are the ones that causes more thoughts to arise, causing the loop.

[Cosmicvibez]

^^^Uh....? O.o

[cosmiK]

You're right. There is no center...in DIRECT experience, there isn't a "me" looking out of the eyes. There is no separation between what is being looked at, or heard, or smelled, or tasted. And there is just an endless stream of thoughts, and only if the content of them are believed is where the confusion and the loop happens...it's simple...I noticed today that the thoughts that bring emotion, could be unpleasant, could be pleasant are the ones that causes more thoughts to arise, causing the loop.

Alright,

so speak to me in brief. Where are you at with this investigation? Talk to me.

Let's begin where you are.

[Cosmicvibez]

Where I'm at right now, is that I know there is no thinker of thoughts whatsoever, I do not control any thoughts that come in. I cannot control or choose which emotion arises from whatever thoughts arise on their own. Sound is just heard, smells are just smelled, tastes are tasted, objects are seen. Without effort.

What does seem like effort is going out into the world with this perspective. Shifting between no-self and the identification. Maybe it'll go away in a bit, I was not expecting to be completely in the flow. This tug is felt constantly when relaxed. This...nameless "thing" that "I" am follows the content of the thoughts that produce the same emotions of pain. I understand this is a story, but it's the only way I can covey to you what's going on.