The Gate

Thoughts will always come, Siobhan, they're like clouds in the sky passing by. Glad to see you returned from your strop :-) Was it something in the post that triggered this?

Chris

I have been conditioned to believe that I can do anything I put my mind to. And you're telling me I don't exist.

‘I’ doesn’t hear anything…’I’ doesn’t think thoughts...because there is no ‘I’

That pretty much did it. Well who do you think you are Mr. Chris Enlightenment... etc. followed by anger and then upset

then there was nothing, no questions

today I watched my thoughts and when the 'I' ones came up my shoulders were tense, letting them fall to their natural position also let the belly relax and released the breadth. the body relaxing seemed to let go of the I thought, then Siobhan just got on with the task

:-)

The anger is a good sign, Siobhan, not pleasant, but good nonetheless. It shows the conditioning (ego) is reacting as it typically does in such matters. I won’t inject anymore info here, instead I’ll leave you to focus on the task.

With love

Chris

without questions I’m floating along, not unsure but this is new

the running commentary of sarcasm and questions poofed out of the air, I thought this would be relief, but now it just seems natural to be silent

I’ve created a new pattern, the shoulders check. In my mind I place my index fingers on my shoulders and assess where they are in relation to their natural position, with a tiny push they release back to neutral and this triggers the belly release and letting the breadth out like I said

The constant confrontation of challenge is absent here, the what’s my next move

Instead anticipation for the next experience without the fear of the uncertainly and the anxiety over the preplanning

Chris I’m excited to think that the thought I have is full and present and then here comes the next

‘I’ is still here, but like an interfering little sibling that’s annoying in a cute way, ruffle its hair and send it on its way

Hi Chris,

There is still clearly an I that I identify with here. it's to one side and not in focus but not separate
This may not be the goal but it feels amazing none the less :)
I will continue to look and investigate

Thank you

Siobhan

Hi Siobhan

Brilliant! You seem to be doing great with you investigating really taking it on board and embracing it

‘I’ is still here, but like an interfering little sibling that’s annoying in a cute way, ruffle its hair and send it on its way

I love that description. As you continue looking you will realise the 'interfering sibling' is actually a thought, a label. Whenever you do anything a thought comes along AFTERWARDS and claims the action as ‘mine’ as ‘I’, it says, ‘I’ do this or ‘I’ do that. But there is no doer, action happens, followed by a thought staking claim. This forms a really strong part of the illusion.

Check this link out:

http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/judge.html

Much love

Chris

Hi Chris,

I'm going to stay with that description

‘I’ is still here, but like an interfering little sibling that’s annoying in a cute way, ruffle its hair and send it on its way

because it resonates with me and I claim to have written it. I wrote that. But 'I' don't remember choosing those words. the writing happened and the description is accurate. the brain knows how to direct the hand to the pen to the paper. ink strings the letters together. 'I' had nothing to do with it

a small step for Siobhan. I'm looking differently at all the actions and seeing the process
I still creeps in to snatch the sneeky claim but like the shoulder check
repetition teaches the brain and the body
by looking differently conditioning will change

again and again today I used the shoulder check and again and again I smiled. Such a little things has already made such a big difference

Siobhan

Hi Siobhan

because it resonates with me and I claim to have written it. I wrote that. But 'I' don't remember choosing those words. the writing happened and the description is accurate. the brain knows how to direct the hand to the pen to the paper. ink strings the letters together. 'I' had nothing to do with it

This is excellent, Siobhan, really is :)

a small step for Siobhan.

I would say it’s a giant leap for Siobhan.

I'm looking differently at all the actions and seeing the process
I still creeps in to snatch the sneeky claim but like the shoulder check
repetition teaches the brain and the body by looking differently conditioning will change

That’s an important observation and yes it does, the ‘I’ has had a lifetime being conditioned to do just that, so yes, you’re right, this too will fall away.

Seeing happens all by itself too. Can you have a look at why this is true? For example, close your eyes then open them. Notice how seeing happens all at once, all by itself, no ‘you’ peering out of the eyes.

Can you notice how there is no boundary, dividing line or border line between the seeing, the seer and the process of seeing, i.e. there is no separation in all of this?

You’re doing well, Siobhan.

Much love

Chris

Hi Chris,

I asked the question before where do feelings, thoughts, emotions come from
well they happen as part of the experience
they are not a reaction that I or Siobhan chooses
why do people experience vastly different experiences
thats life
naturally trying out different experiences
life being curious and because it can, why would you not explore new experiences
seeing then
the body Siobhan sees, its a physical function, the physical process of receiving light information to the brain which the amazing mind absorbs in its brilliance and light is only part of the experience of that moment
the mind is also receiving all the other sensory information and putting it all together in one single moment of life that is happening and Siobhan experiences it and the experience is a moment of life and seeing is a part of that

Thanks Siobhan, that’s a great understanding.

In order to deepen this experientially I would like to expand the seeing exercise mentioned in my last post.
We are all used to seeing everything as individual and separate from us, and logically this has apparent validity. So if you stand and look out you will see objects that are independent of each other, that are situated in various locations and distances apart from you and from each other.

With seeing, can you spend some time noticing that everything appears within your awareness with no distinct boundaries or separation. Everything within your view appears all at once and all as one. Now, although the awareness is not you in any way, you should be able to notice that all at once there is the scene being seen, and all that it contains, the feeling of aliveness within the embodiment known as Siobhan, and any accompanying sensations etc., all happening within that one awareness.

You can then incorporate hearing into this, and all the other senses too. But if you are able to focus on the seeing part first, then focus on how hearing works in the same way, you should get a good feeling of being able to see how separation is just a concept, that as well as there being no ‘I’ experiencing these there is also no separation.
We can develop this further later, but for now please try this.

If anything doesn’t quite make sense, please ask for more clarification.

Much love

Chris

Hi Chris,

Yesterday I came back in force
In work, with friends and family
Drama queen, gossip, brat - all the different labels
then I judged myself and round and round on the merry go round I went

Changing the pattern of conditioning is all well and good and there were moments where I was in check but the illusion of I certainly hasn't been blown out of the water

Acknowledging the step that has been taken, the shift in perspective that life happens and the thought I need not, cannot struggle with or to control, choose or plan because it is simply a thought

The no separation isn't clicking yet

No separation between the action, the object carrying out the action and the action occurs
With seeing then
image that I take my glasses off and everything is blurred, Siobhan blends into the ground and the trees, the landscape of life around her
But when she puts her glasses back on everything is sharply in focus as being separate
help needed on this one...

Siobhan

I'm sitting on a bench in a back garden, the air is crisp, the sun is shining
I close my eyes
And imagine the scene that was just seen made of play do
Hands gather all the pieces together & squish them into a giant brown ball
Them the scene is re-created exactly as before (even in the correct colour :))
Siobhan is now part of the grass, the barking dog, the bench as well as part of Siobhan

Play-doh

Hi Siobhan

Changing the pattern of conditioning is all well and good and there were moments where I was in check but the illusion of I certainly hasn't been blown out of the water

Two really important things here:

1. Don’t EXPECT to change, to become someone different, you are what you are now (with no ‘I’ that exists in reality, remember, there is no ‘I’ already, you’re not losing an ‘I’, it never existed in the first place) seeing through the illusion is not about this. And any expectations you may have will definitely be a major block to liberation. The ego always wants to know what’s in it for ‘it’. So any expectations are just the ego doing what it does: looking to expand itself, inflate itself. That isn’t to say there won’t be changes, everyone has a different experience of awakening so it’s impossible to know. There will be changes in one respect or another but you can’t have any expectations - at all. It could be that changes come after going through the gate. It could be a slow gradual change, a whimper, a sudden explosive change, or anything in between.

2. We have read and heard of awakening experiences and in some way become seduced by them and will only accept we’ve been liberated when we have been ‘blown out of the water’. There’s nothing wrong with this but it’s still only an experience, which may not necessarily accompany awakening. There are people who after having some wonderful experiences have gone on to spend the rest of their lives searching for a repeat performance, which may never come. There are people currently seeking guidance in LU who had dramatic experiences many years ago, and have since not felt awakened and have searched to emulate in vain. And there are many who don’t particularly notice but are truly liberated.

No separation between the action, the object carrying out the action and the action occurs With seeing then

Can you notice though how hearing happens, that the hearing, the process of hearing and the heard are all one seamless experience, with no separation in this. That there is no ‘I’ needed for this. And as you know, this can also be noticed with seeing.

The way it works before the ‘I’ steps and claims every experience as its own is there is just direct experience. The reality before any concepts, conditioning, before filters begin the process of editing, distorting, judging, analysing, comparing, loving, hating, envying, reacting, perhaps with anger, or pity, or fear, or jealousy, the running commentary and ‘conversation rehearsal’ floods the mind, and on and on it goes.

So, to experience (even if for only a few seconds initially) reality, open your eyes, and viola, true existence, reality (the universe comes into existence every morning when you awake from sleep). Everything seen at once, there’s nothing separate (before concepts, names and attached meaning) there is awareness, of you, of all within your line of sight, appearing all at once, simultaneously. Here a tree is not known as a tree, a flower as a flower, a house as a house etc., they are not separate in your experience they are one thing. UNTIL the naming comes in, until the ‘I’ thought, conditioning kicks in claiming a me here, a tree there, and a flower over there away from a ‘me’ and apart from the tree etc. There’s the space that holds all of these things, including you, all just the one thing with no separation. The same is true of hearing sound, sound, and the onset of sound, all one experience, no separation, until ‘I’ kicks in, “that car alarm, from the car over the road, is irritating me” etc. This is true of all the senses.

Siobhan is now part of the grass, the barking dog, the bench as well as part of Siobhan

And there you have it :)


(apologies if I’m repeating back to you your some of your own observations I haven’t missed them, just expanding and deepening them).


One last thing before you go on to continue your investigations. Don’t expect to live in bliss, or not to feel emotions, not to laugh at things you currently find amusing, or to cry, or to have preferences, don’t expect not to be HUMAN, because even the most celebrated awakened sages and mystics and gurus throughout time have all remained human to one degree or another and have all had conditioning (social & cultural) that has remained apparent.

I know I’ve gone on a bit here but it is vital that you’re only focus is seeing that ’I’ is a lie, a fabrication, illusion, concept, programmed from birth and perpetuated by language ever since.

Much love

Chris

Hi Chris

I was expecting that I thoughts would be evaporated and never seen again, why would ‘I’ allow that :)
That Siobhan would live every moment in bliss

Can you notice though how hearing happens, that the hearing, the process of hearing and the heard are all one seamless experience, with no separation in this. That there is no ‘I’ needed for this. And as you know, this can also be noticed with seeing.

It is easier with hearing, often the source of the sound is not seen, it just is around and heard. I guess that’s why you wanted me to go sense by sense. Thank you.
Hearing and sound are waves, vibrations. Energy that creates the sensation of hearing.

That idea of waves of sound energy now I can transfer to sight, Siobhan is part of everything as everything is part of her, but to distinguish the grass from the bark from the human is the energy that is rebounded, given and received. Connection between the various parts and communication between them is experienced through the energy.
Wave, vibration, resonance are all words that could be used here but not exactly hitting the nail on the head. Because that is putting a label on it. These sensations are there, felt. Got it.

In the past few days I have written alot. Pages and pages of words and ramblings that are just flowing out. If the thoughts just happen and the body has learned how to put the words on paper then what propels Siobhan to sit and do this action?
Life is everything connected, like you've said no separation, no boundaries
Life as a source of everything creates all physical forms to experience living
Some physical forms are animals, some humans
Some of these humans are skilled - naturally and with practice - athletes, musicians, writers
Through a universal life desire for experiences all physical forms combine to make experiences happen for contrast and experimenting
The purpose of life is to fulfil universal desire and have the experiences as a physical being. All physical beings are expressions of the sources which connects all life - actions, senses, thoughts so no separation no boundaries.
So Siobhan is here to live and give it her all give every moment her full attention, no holes barred and that's the energy flowing, everything giving and receiving in a constant pulsating energy that is life

Siobhan