Hi, just getting started.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Melissa,

Hi John,
Thanks very much for the guidance and pointers!

All sorts of stuff came up. Most prevalent is the sense of answer-less questioning and contentment. I can’t say what it feels like to be alive knowing that I have no clue what all of this is or what it’s about. I feel like it’s really okay to stop there. It felt surprisingly bland not bland depressing or bland disappointing. Just didn’t feel like asking myself how or why. Not much of a motivation to jump to imaginary conclusions. For example I looked at a hibiscus tree and noticed the whiteness of one its flowers and noticed the petals being moved by the wind. I felt for a brief moment that I was apart of this living painting and had the fleeting desire to slice the canvas where the flower was. I felt curious clueless and content to leave it at. Then I back into work and started getting work done and I felt humorous.

Your description of life as Mystery was striking. It totally is. Mystery abounds and at this point I don’t have a desire to solve any of it or chase my own tail.

Wonderful to hear! Delicious. :)

Share with me what's going on today.

Speak soon...and warmest wishes,
John

[melissa123]

Things have been subtly different. There was this fleeting experience that happened when I questioned my desire to see behind the reality I am sensing I belong to. In examining the brief experience that what constituted reality (the looking, the hibiscus tree, the colors, all of it including the metaphorical canvas that played it all out) I was dumbfounded by the "canvas" It was a very quick thing but I felt like this canvas the backdrop of life experience that included me and everyone and everything... I dont know but it was a realization (very fleeting) of mistaken identity or something. The fabric of reality was also me and was all that I am all the time. Not the best words to describe it. Ive noticed I am somehow more slightly comfortable. All the same range of emotion (except for that one i felt in the previously mentioned fabric of reality experience) happen and I wonder and examine my judgments of them when one lingers to long.
One thing that has been very difficult is interacting with those who are closest to me. There have been several sudden losses over the past six months and we are all experiencing this differently. In engaging with them the impulse to identify with my feelings/thoughts sweeps me away so easily. I have noticed that there is a marked difference here. Its as if our interactions trigger something that initiates total ego state. This helps me to notice the difference in my daily experience...those in which I engage with the false sense of I and those in which this false I is somehow more quite. I cant say what or for how long it will last but something is distinctively subtly different about this experience.
With much gratitude,
Melissa

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Melissa,

Things have been subtly different. There was this fleeting experience that happened when I questioned my desire to see behind the reality I am sensing I belong to. In examining the brief experience that what constituted reality (the looking, the hibiscus tree, the colors, all of it including the metaphorical canvas that played it all out) I was dumbfounded by the "canvas" It was a very quick thing but I felt like this canvas the backdrop of life experience that included me and everyone and everything... I dont know but it was a realization (very fleeting) of mistaken identity or something. The fabric of reality was also me and was all that I am all the time. Not the best words to describe it.

Yep! You got it.

One thing that has been very difficult is interacting with those who are closest to me. There have been several sudden losses over the past six months and we are all experiencing this differently. In engaging with them the impulse to identify with my feelings/thoughts sweeps me away so easily. I have noticed that there is a marked difference here. Its as if our interactions trigger something that initiates total ego state. This helps me to notice the difference in my daily experience...those in which I engage with the false sense of I and those in which this false I is somehow more quite. I cant say what or for how long it will last but something is distinctively subtly different about this experience.
With much gratitude,
Melissa

Yes, context - particularly strongly charged contexts - can trigger conditioning re-actions/re-enactions - hence the apparent identification with the "I" - which all sounds powerful, but it's only a habit of playing a role. Nothing more.

Each time you see the conditioning arise without the "I" it is un-attached and so comes, stays and goes. The next time, less and less.

Nice work Melissa.

Now, don't forget to say thank you to the the hibiscus tree for the gift. This is not LU policy by the way. :D

Catch up tomorrow,
John

[melissa123]

Hi,

I am much obliged to the inviting hibiscus and the beam of sunshine shared. Grateful for a delightful slap and the sense of being consumed in the meeting of welcoming life. Regarding context; there’s always a very steady loving beauty in all experiences. Like a base line of some sort maybe the heartbeat of Mystery. Knowing nothing really frees me to a vast void and the continual reacquainting with presence.

Many thanks,
Melissa

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Melissa,

Hi,

I am much obliged to the inviting hibiscus and the beam of sunshine shared. Grateful for a delightful slap and the sense of being consumed in the meeting of welcoming life. Regarding context; there’s always a very steady loving beauty in all experiences. Like a base line of some sort maybe the heartbeat of Mystery. Knowing nothing really frees me to a vast void and the continual reacquainting with presence.

Many thanks,
Melissa

The heartbeat of Mystery. What a wonderful phrase.

So, Melissa, where are "you" now? Have you seen 100% that you are not, never have been, or ever will be this fictional self labelled "Melissa"?

With best wishes,
John

[melissa123]

Hello,

I will give this some consideration and get back to you tommorow.

Thanks!

[s-p-a-c-e]

Cool Melissa,

Hello,

I will give this some consideration and get back to you tommorow.

Thanks!

See you then,
John

[melissa123]

Thank you for the phrasing of these questions!

I am nowhere and everywhere right now laying on the floor typing. The fictional label Melissa referring to a me that gives meaning to Melissa and her story of absolute non-inclusive separateness is false. Yes, Melissa in this sense I am not, have never,and will never be. Have I seen this 100%? Sure, but some level of healthy skepticism will remain for sake of vigilance over habit. The mystery is that great.

Take Care,
Melissa

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Melissa,

Thank you for the phrasing of these questions!

I am nowhere and everywhere right now laying on the floor typing. The fictional label Melissa referring to a me that gives meaning to Melissa and her story of absolute non-inclusive separateness is false. Yes, Melissa in this sense I am not, have never,and will never be. Have I seen this 100%? Sure, but some level of healthy skepticism will remain for sake of vigilance over habit. The mystery is that great.

Take Care,
Melissa

Lovely.

Vigilance for?

Tell me more about the healthy skepticism. Who's and about what?

Speak soon! :)
John

[melissa123]

Hello,
You had asked if I had seen 100% that this fictional self-labeled Melissa (FSLM) is not, has never, and will never be. I got hung up on the 100% aspect of making that claim. I felt apprehensive about declaring such a certainty. Might have been taking the 100% to seriously. Certainty of inner reality can only be determined individually. In responding to your last post “I” answered the questions very very thoughtfully. I’ll spare you the nonsense of the lengthy circular thought frenzy. Long story short; I indulged the possible reality of this FSLM and dragged FSLM’s into the light and looked at the significance of this in my life experience and the experience of others with a similar false self. Looked at this FSLM relationship with consciousness awareness and experience ….ect ect. Bottom line: Yes 100% its been seen that FSLM is an is not has not and will never be. I am searching for what wisdom may be gleaned for this.

Thanks !
Take care,
Melissa

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Melissa,

Hello,
You had asked if I had seen 100% that this fictional self-labeled Melissa (FSLM) is not, has never, and will never be. I got hung up on the 100% aspect of making that claim. I felt apprehensive about declaring such a certainty. Might have been taking the 100% to seriously. Certainty of inner reality can only be determined individually. In responding to your last post “I” answered the questions very very thoughtfully. I’ll spare you the nonsense of the lengthy circular thought frenzy. Long story short; I indulged the possible reality of this FSLM and dragged FSLM’s into the light and looked at the significance of this in my life experience and the experience of others with a similar false self. Looked at this FSLM relationship with consciousness awareness and experience ….ect ect. Bottom line: Yes 100% its been seen that FSLM is an is not has not and will never be. I am searching for what wisdom may be gleaned for this.

Great - and what is your experience of yourself?

Is there a sensation of self?

See you soon,
John

[melissa123]

I don’t know. No different and consciously self-referential. What’s the experience of being consciousness zombie whore?
As far as a sense of self: Sure, why not. But this can be critically analyzed into dust. Can we really ever Know anything? And If such a claim was made there would be nothing to support its existence other than a belief about something that transcends our nothingness.
Thanks John!

[melissa123]

Also: this belief in nothingness is also just a belief. This is all just totally annoying and senseless. So, where to go from here? I suppose just keep going. I’m grateful that experience has lead me to unshakable beliefs that regardless of where this nonsense is going I honor and respect humanity and the dignity or the individual. I’m grateful that consciousness allows me to experience the belief in acknowledging the freedom of choice (although it be illusionary) and responsibility (also illusionary) we have to go about our lives being the zombies that we are acting in ways that do not harm one another. Escaping into the lofty “oneness” of it all while still living in the illusion that we exist does not negate my belief that self-conduct matters.

[melissa123]

So after all,
Consciousness is all that is. It’s everywhere and impersonal. Consciousness creates senses and through this a fabricated awareness of appearance of life and the fabricated appearance of experiencing being alive in the fabric of life. It’s the fabrication of surrendering by a fabricated I to experience surrounding to this total and complete nothing. Consciousness serves the fabricated self thoughts feelings and experience. This sucked for me to think. Sucked even more to think that none of what I was contemplating came from anywhere. Consciousness serving up a platter of intricately fabricated experience. I felt I was possessed by consciousness then realized there is no person in which consciousness resides. The joke of perception just consciousness experiencing awareness of itself. There is only this simulation of I, self, and experience.

Its pretty hilarious: all the bouncing around and maniacal ranting . Really. Thanks very much John

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Melissa,

So after all,
Consciousness is all that is. It’s everywhere and impersonal. Consciousness creates senses and through this a fabricated awareness of appearance of life and the fabricated appearance of experiencing being alive in the fabric of life. It’s the fabrication of surrendering by a fabricated I to experience surrounding to this total and complete nothing. Consciousness serves the fabricated self thoughts feelings and experience. This sucked for me to think. Sucked even more to think that none of what I was contemplating came from anywhere. Consciousness serving up a platter of intricately fabricated experience. I felt I was possessed by consciousness then realized there is no person in which consciousness resides. The joke of perception just consciousness experiencing awareness of itself. There is only this simulation of I, self, and experience.

Its pretty hilarious: all the bouncing around and maniacal ranting . Really. Thanks very much John

You win my giggle of the day award. :)

Yes, it's one big cosmic joke. On the other hand, life is so mysteriously wonderful and unknown - how could anyone (were they there LOL) possibly be bored or think life is only nothing when life is in every nook and cranny (technical terms).

It is funny when you consider how many of us have spent decades looking to be awakened (choose your term), only to find it taken away from us in the final moment, there is no-one here to claim victory and gloat about it. haha :)

So, where to from here Melissa? You tell me. ;)

Speak soon,
John