The Gate

There is allways a belief or many behind the experiences of emotional turmoil. Can you recall moments of emotional turmoil and look at what the beliefs in question were?

I had a situation last week that caused the emotional turmoil. The turmoil felt to very much on auto-pilot mode, the closest I came to resloving it that there is something underneath. I am able to observe it but not able to do much about it.The emotional turmoil is a lot of heavy and not-so-good physical sensations. I am not sure what the underneath belief was. Something trying to protect something? This is where I perhaps need to look more.

Something trying to protect something?

Could be. Hard to say without knowing details about the situation, but those details I don't need to know.

The belief behind turmoil could trace back to labeling something right/wrong, good/bad, just/unjust.

Look inside at your inner division. Look for "me vs. other(s)", "me vs. world", "me vs. life", etc. What causes that inner division?

The belief behind turmoil could trace back to labeling something right/wrong, good/bad, just/unjust.

Look inside at your inner division. Look for "me vs. other(s)", "me vs. world", "me vs. life", etc. What causes that inner division?

I would like to take sometime to ponder on this and will get back to you soon, likely tomorrow.

Hi Meg,

Ajay, you don't exist, and never did.

I want to respond to this one again. When you asked this yesterday no thoughts/ feelings were triggered, but Ajay shows up when in an emotional turmoil. I think here Ajay maybe hiding behind the awareness or eternal witness (from past realization) when questioned but comes to surface when there is an issue. I am trying to get this picture clearer so I hope you have some patience here : )

The belief behind turmoil could trace back to labeling something right/wrong, good/bad, just/unjust.

Certainly there is a belief behind the turmoil interpreting a particular situation as bad, unjust or unfair and triggering the emotional turmoil. Mind has that belief or I can say mind is a collection of beliefs here that have been accumulated from the surroundings. It seems that mind takes the outside input and sorts it as good or bad and stores it in the memory and uses it later to derive it's own conclusions that can cause good or bad experiencs.

Look inside at your inner division. Look for "me vs. other(s)", "me vs. world", "me vs. life", etc. What causes that inner division?

Mind/belief is causing this inner divison. I may not be aware of the exact belief but it is there, since it shows up in a divison / turmoil. When I want to enquire into a situation of turmoil or even now, sensations in body becomes a distraction. I feel if I can bring these in awareness then they will disolve.

I am looking forward to your reply.

Hi Ajay,

When I want to enquire into a situation of turmoil or even now, sensations in body becomes a distraction. I feel if I can bring these in awareness then they will disolve.

If you really zoom into those sensations in the body, how can they be a distraction? Aren't they just sensations in the body?

Mind/belief is causing this inner divison.

Right, mind dreams an "I", a separate self, into existence, and that causes inner division

... interpreting a particular situation as bad, unjust or unfair and triggering the emotional turmoil

Mind is just a labeling automation, there are no good/bad, right/wrong labels in any experience itself. But if you get into emotional turmoil at any time, you must be believing those labels, no? It's perfectly OK to express negative feelings like anger at times and it doesn't need to be based on inner division though. An emotion not based on inner division is quickly released from the system while an emotion based on inner division catches you in emotional turmoil characterized by inner stories in your head that you beleive to be true, does this confirm to your experience?

If you really zoom into those sensations in the body, how can they be a distraction? Aren't they just sensations in the body?

These are just sensations but uncomfortable ones, that's what causes the distraction. I think I can overcome these by not giving attention to them but it is a work in progress.

Mind is just a labeling automation, there are no good/bad, right/wrong labels in any experience itself. But if you get into emotional turmoil at any time, you must be believing those labels, no?

Yes somehow. I seem to be labelling these unconsicously. I have been trying to work on this, trying to understand the belief behind turmoil. How can I stop these? They seem to be going on auto mode.

It's perfectly OK to express negative feelings like anger at times and it doesn't need to be based on inner division though. An emotion not based on inner division is quickly released from the system while an emotion based on inner division catches you in emotional turmoil characterized by inner stories in your head that you beleive to be true, does this confirm to your experience?

Yes this does confirm with my experience very accurately.

These are just sensations but uncomfortable ones

Well, this statement above doesn't make sense. "uncomfortable" is already a mental label, so it seems that you not are looking at those sensations just as they are, sensations. Possibly there is a story there too: "Ajay having uncomfortable sensations in the body because....".

Let's do an exercise.

Relax into 360 degree reception of sensory data around you: what you see, smell, hear, taste and feel against your body. For example: feet feel warm with some pressure against them, fingers feel plastic keyboard, armchair felt against back, etc. Lose yourself so that only sensations remain. Listen to the noise of fridge, intensively like never before. Let the mind register everything, but relax from the need to label anything as "a thing".

If you do previous exercise well enough, you will end up in a very relaxed state of being where there is no identity of Ajay present. You are relaxed from the "I" thought. Then you can notice how "I" thoughts start to come back, but don't believe those thoughts, just stay relaxed and look at them. Now tell me from your own direct experience:

Are you able to find Ajay anywhere? Sensations happen, mind registers everything, but is Ajay anywhere?

If in this relaxed state, there would pop a thought about rightness or wrongness about something, would you believe that thought? And if yes, why?

When I do this exercise. I hear various sounds and feel various things pressing against the body and sensations in body . I don't find Ajay. What comes up next is that mind labels the sensation in the chest area as not good / uncomfortable. Why should I believe that thought? Mind is probably linking this particular sensation to a belief that this needs to reslove or go away in order for realization or awkening to happen. I may have to repeat this excercise to find out more. but that's all I have for now.

Ok, good... just go deeper into observing sensations around and in the body. There is no any self-hood, no Ajay, found in any of those, right? No stories of "Ajay this or that" based on bare sensations?

While doing the exercise, can you notice a sense of aliveness or I-am-ness there? There's nothing personal about that. No label "Ajay". You can trust that aliveness, it's like your anchor to authentic life.

The exercise 'works' everytime a person does it sincerely. There is a subtle change of tone afterwards. After a glimpse into what is real we just need to tackle the identification mechanism, believing "I" thoughts. And soon after, belief in "I" and its stories are gone forever. Freedom.

Ok, good... just go deeper into observing sensations around and in the body. There is no any self-hood, no Ajay, found in any of those, right? No stories of "Ajay this or that" based on bare sensations?

I just did this again. There is no Ajay in bare sensations. It only wants to pop up with the labeling of a sensation.

While doing the exercise, can you notice a sense of aliveness or I-am-ness there? There's nothing personal about that. No label "Ajay". You can trust that aliveness, it's like your anchor to authentic life.

Yes, aliveness is there / here. I feel like I am familiar with this aliveness. Isn't this same as witnessing or observing?

The exercise 'works' everytime a person does it sincerely. There is a subtle change of tone afterwards.

I feel relaxed whenever I tune into sensations.

After a glimpse into what is real we just need to tackle the identification mechanism, believing "I" thoughts. And soon after, belief in "I" and its stories are gone forever. Freedom

This is where I feel like I need to make progress or become clear. So let me understand this clearly, this identification with "I" can be resolved for once and all? No more turmoil by thought? No more going back to this "I"?
This possibility is very exciting : ) I can't wait for Freedom. This is why I am here : ) Thanks mag.

I just did this again. There is no Ajay in bare sensations. It only wants to pop up with the labeling of a sensation.

OK, good, you have done well with looking.

Yes, aliveness is there / here. I feel like I am familiar with this aliveness. Isn't this same as witnessing or observing?

That aliveness, LIFE, is all that is when Ajay is not. No need for concepts like 'witnessing' or 'observing', those may just confuse you thinking that Ajay is there to witness or observe anything, which is not the case.

This is where I feel like I need to make progress or become clear. So let me understand this clearly, this identification with "I" can be resolved for once and all? No more turmoil by thought? No more going back to this "I"?
This possibility is very exciting : ) I can't wait for Freedom. This is why I am here : ) Thanks mag.

Identificaton mechanism breaks when there is seeing of no-self + stopping to believe in thoughts consequent upon seeing the falseness of mind reality. All this may or may not be all-at-once happening, even afterwards, thoughts try to seduce one to think that there is a somebody at home, but there isn't. No identity is formed.

That aliveness, LIFE, is all that is when Ajay is not. No need for concepts like 'witnessing' or 'observing', those may just confuse you thinking that Ajay is there to witness or observe anything, which is not the case.

Point taken, I am better of with less concepts.

Identificaton mechanism breaks when there is seeing of no-self + stopping to believe in thoughts consequent upon seeing the falseness of mind reality. All this may or may not be all-at-once happening, even afterwards, thoughts try to seduce one to think that there is a somebody at home, but there isn't. No identity is formed.

Seeing of this aliveness = seeing of no-self?

stopping to believe in thoughts consequent upon seeing the falseness of mind reality = This seems to be a gradual process , Thoughts want to seduce you and take you for a ride. This is where the habit of identifying with thought perhaps takes some time?

Seeing of this aliveness = seeing of no-self?

Just focus on examining whether you exist as a somebody, as a separate person. If you are able to find even a trace of Ajay anywhere, tell me, show me. When Ajay is not, then it's obvious what remains.

stopping to believe in thoughts consequent upon seeing the falseness of mind reality = This seems to be a gradual process , Thoughts want to seduce you and take you for a ride. This is where the habit of identifying with thought perhaps takes some time?

Are you able to sit there now with no Ajay anywhere?

If yes, you know how clear view looks. You feel very simple, natural, peaceful. Thoughts are seen as what they are, a virtual reality, nothing else.

While sitting there without Ajay being around, what you think that would be situations in which identification would happen again? Situations in which identification would creep from the back door? Some social situations in which emotional turmoil would rise, like we discussed before? Some social situations in which you would be concerned how others perceive you? Don't care at all what others think about you. If you care, that may sustain belief in "I" thought. There is no center 'Ajay' in which other people's evaluations or criticisms could hit.

We can have a look at different social situations right NOW and see what would be the beliefs operating on the background, and seeing the falseness of those. Those could be last beliefs preventing relaxing into NO-SELF, who knows. So, we can resolve this NO-SELF puzzle right here now, NOT through practice, effort and time.

Just focus on examining whether you exist as a somebody, as a separate person. If you are able to find even a trace of Ajay anywhere, tell me, show me. When Ajay is not, then it's obvious what remains.

As I scan again there is no trace of Ajay. What remains doesn't need a name or concept.

Are you able to sit there now with no Ajay anywhere?
If yes, you know how clear view looks. You feel very simple, natural, peaceful. Thoughts are seen as what they are, a virtual reality, nothing else.

Yes, looking for Ajay takes some effort but not found. It is very simple and natural, not many thoughts at all.
There is some physical pain but that is not Ajay.

While sitting there without Ajay being around, what you think that would be situations in which identification would happen again? Situations in which identification would creep from the back door? Some social situations in which emotional turmoil would rise, like we discussed before? Some social situations in which you would be concerned how others perceive you? Don't care at all what others think about you. If you care, that may sustain belief in "I" thought. There is no center 'Ajay' in which other people's evaluations or criticisms could hit.

Someone could say something that can trigger some emotional turmoil. It would be based on some belief and inner divison. I feel if this happens again I'll be able to spot it quickly and respond naturally. I am there where concerns for how others perceive Ajay are dropping away. I don't know if it is completely dropped but there was/is no concern today. I don't know tomorrow and no need to worry today.

We can have a look at different social situations right NOW and see what would be the beliefs operating on the background, and seeing the falseness of those. Those could be last beliefs preventing relaxing into NO-SELF, who knows. So, we can resolve this NO-SELF puzzle right here now, NOT through practice, effort and time.

I don't have any life situation right now that is a concern. I feel like this is it. There is no need for any big experience to confirm this. There was a subtle expectation and wait for some final experience of oneness to dissolve all.

Do you think that the belief in "I" is lost and you have seen the Truth of no-self? Would it be possible to let "world" to flow through this place of happening, that used to be called "Ajay", without being disturbed, gently noticing all thoughts that would try to seduce Ajay into existence? Do you care about something in the world enough to be disturbed by it? Are you able to accept any life situation without calling the old Ajay to action?