Introduction

[Wisiwig]

Where were you getting the 'information' about a world?

The information is primarily from seeing it in the visual field. Some information from hearing. All of the following questions are answered without referencing thought.

Was it in the seen?

Primarily from seeing

Are there actual objects out there? Yes/No

No, I only know that there are colors and shapes in the visual field.

If yes, how do you know?

n/a

Is there actual distance? Yes/No

No, the visual field is intimate, there is no distance

If yes, how do you know?

n/a

Can distance be found in the visual field alone?

No

Is there a boundary or any distance between you (the observer) and the visual field?

There is no boundary or distance, the visual field is an immediate experience.

Now flip it around, so that instead of looking out at the world, you sense that the world (visual field) is looking at you!
Now allow your attention to land on an object, any object in front of you.
Experience that you are being observed and that chosen object is now looking at you.

I selected a wooden chair. I sensed an openness and eagerness to be used as a chair. I felt a connection with the chair.

Is there any separate thing or separate "you" to be found?

There is no singular, separate me. Even when being viewed by the chair, I was an openness that received sensory as well as super-sensory inputs.

Is there a boundary to be found between see-er and the seen with this flip?

There was no boundary between me and the chair, although I initially considered the chair to be separate. Once I opened to the chair, I found it to be part of the the same sensory field that populates my experience.

Is there an actual outside or inside that can be flipped around?

No, by broadening my impression of awareness, I find that other ‘objects’ are part of the same field of awareness.

Briefly describe what was experienced, including thoughts and sensations. It is possible to experience some quite strong reactions to the feeling of being 'scrutinized'. If this is the case, simply stay with the sensations with curiosity as the energetic filters are noticed and allowed to disperse naturally.

The approach to this exercised emphasized learnings from the prior exercises. Care was taken to make the same assumptions that advanced my experience in those exercises. Specific modalities of direct experience were isolated. Thought was excluded. In this exercise, seeing was emphasized. It took a while, but when confused, returning to a disciplined approach awarded new insight. No strong reactions occurred. Insights arrived but were subtle.

[Noro]

Is there a boundary to be found between see-er and the seen with this flip?

There was no boundary between me and the chair, although I initially considered the chair to be separate. Once I opened to the chair, I found it to be part of the same sensory field that populates my experience.

Your answers are very precise, and good accounting of the process, but here are some questions that arise. Please contemplate the following questions in your direct experience before answering.


Is there a separate entity, known as "you" observing a separate object labelled a chair?
Or, if no separate entity can be found, is there still a 'sense of self"' present? Look carefully here, because it is helpful to spot that subtle experience.
Is there a "you" that considered the chair, or was it more like some sort of adjustment that was happening as instructions were followed?
Where is this "I" that can make a choice to 'open' to the chair?
Can this "I" be found in direct experience or is it simply an assumption or overlay onto the experience?
What is this sensory field that populates "your" experience? What is your actual experience of it? Is it separate from the experiencing of it?
Where are you in this experience?
Is there any 'you' or anything that can be found to be separate from experiencing?
Is there a "you' that can 'own' an experience?

Is there an actual outside or inside that can be flipped around?

No, by broadening my impression of awareness, I find that other ‘objects’ are part of the same field of awareness.

Were 'you' broadening 'your' impression of awareness? Take a look again, does there need to be a separate "you" for a broadening of awareness to happen?
Is there a subtle sensation of a doing present?
If so, can a sensation 'do' anything?
Can a thought "I" do anything?


PALM FLIPPING MEDITATION
1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and EACH TIME inquire: "How is the movement controlled? "

- Does a thought control it?

- Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

- How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Please don't get analytical with this answer

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

- Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual "I" or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Can a thought initiate anything or is that just another thought story, an overlay to what is actually happening?!

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Wisiwig]

Original instructions:
Now flip it around, so that instead of looking out at the world, you sense that the world (visual field) is looking at you!
Now allow your attention to land on an object, any object in front of you.
Experience that you are being observed and that chosen object is now looking at you.

The instruction sets up the reader to be in a subject/object mindset, which is counter to concepts presented so far. This inversion was not recognized at the time. Several hours were occupied with forcing the exercise to work, lesson learned, instructions must be scrutinized not accepted. Observations from the original shared observations cannot be trusted. The use of subject/object in this exercise is confusing, please clarify if you wish to continue with this exercise, otherwise, we can move on. I have sat in meditation with the confusion, no insights, just relief.

PALM FLIPPING MEDITATION
1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and EACH TIME inquire: "How is the movement controlled? "

- Does a thought control it?

Upon reading the instructions, a thought visualization of the exercise flashed portraying the activity. The left hand was chosen via thought because the right hand is susceptible to repetitive stress disorder. Where these thoughts an overlay of what would have happened without the thoughts? Perhaps, but I know of no way to know that.

- Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

Once the left hand was selected, the left forearm raised with the palm up (no controller).

- How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Please don't get analytical with this answer

The hand spontaneously flipped back and forth. No control was exerted over the initiation of the movements or the rate of the flipping.

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Once executing the flipping there was a ‘continue or not continue’ thought, which resolved with a ‘continue’ thought.

- Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

There was no ‘I’ that chose the left hand, there was a thought visualization of the exercise, a thought reminder about pain in the right wrist, then a thought instruction to use the left hand, all thoughts arose spontaneiously.

Can you find a separate individual "I" or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No, there is no choosing or separate individual controlling a choosing.

Can a thought initiate anything or is that just another thought story, an overlay to what is actually happening?!

Hard to say from this exercise because thought was generated from reading the instructions, then the actions began. The entire action set was planned in the mind before being done, unlike a spontaneous action like catching a baseball.

[Noro]

Hi Wisiwig,

The instruction sets up the reader to be in a subject/object mindset, which is counter to concepts presented so far. This inversion was not recognized at the time. Several hours were occupied with forcing the exercise to work, lesson learned, instructions must be scrutinized not accepted. Observations from the original shared observations cannot be trusted. The use of subject/object in this exercise is confusing, please clarify if you wish to continue with this exercise, otherwise, we can move on. I have sat in meditation with the confusion, no insights, just relief.

Yes, you are correct in that understanding, it is not always easy to word concepts clearly, and while it is counter to the concepts presented so far, undertaking the switch can engage a subtle filter of pushback of the apparent world of seen objects. You did the exercise perfectly, and there was no apparent pushback or filter. Does that make sense? And I am glad that the confusion ended in relief! :)

What I was getting to was to look into any subtle ownership by a separate someone observing, thinking, communicating etc. Of course we use "I" "me" and 'my" and "they" etc. all the time in our conventional way of living, but I like to throw those questions in from time to time during this exploration to show up any un-noticed threads of the self-mechanism at play.


I also like to ask how this 'exploration' is going for you so far? You wrote:

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Greater insight that is the result of overcoming automatic biases and assumptions which likely restrict what I am able to recognize. While I am not familiar with the guided conversation protocol, I assume that it has a structure that I am unlikely to generate on my own, and thus it may be more effective than continuing without a guided conversation.

Have there been insights that have arisen that have helped 'dissolve' any automatic biases and assumptions? I prefer the use of the word dissolve, rather than overcome, as when insight arises (to no 'one') there is often a kind of falling away of some kind of filter. And since you mentioned: "The writings of Christiane Michelberger are serving as my guide." You have probably already had that experience. I hope that resonates.

I would gratefully receive any feedback, either way totally unconditional.


DRINKS MEDITATION - CHOICE/AGENCY
The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty an "I", doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’?


Warm regards,
Rowena

[Wisiwig]

Working with you has been helpful, especially considering that we started working together only four days ago. The realizations that have coalesced or been fortified so far include:

The visual field is immediate and intimate. Distance cannot be discerned through seeing.
The impression of the body is derived from seeing and sensation, which can be separated to question the existence of the body. The visual field is not connected to sensations.
The visual field is composed of colors, which may form shapes (abstract thought), and objects (labels).
Time does not exist, everything happens in the now. The now is a form of consciousness/awareness.
The I/me is a belief, which can present barriers to new realizations.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

The qualities appeared spontaneously, some as thoughts (it’s healthy), some as thought memories (sensation of the liquid in my mouth). I did not mentally run through a list of possible qualities and select those that applied, the qualities popped up in the mind. The decision to select ‘B’ was not a thought decision, it was more like an impulse followed by a thought justifying the reason for selecting ‘B’.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Counting took precedence without control or direction.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

I did not experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’. On many occasions, daily, I notice as an idea pops into my head ‘go to the store’ and my body jumps up to leave for the store, like a robot receiving and executing an instruction.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty an "I", doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

There was no ‘chooser’ function, decisions pop into my mind. The function was more like an impulse, a no-thought urge.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’?

Perhaps what this question calls ‘a feeling’ is similar to the impulse or urge that I noted. The urge to select ‘B’ cannot be described as ‘I did the choosing’ because I don’t know where that urge came from, and there is no ‘I’. The urge did not come from the observer, so was it an automatic program or an instruction set from outside of the meat suit robot? An urge like this is often called a ‘preference’ ‘I prefer water’ and a narrative is often fabricated post hoc ‘I want to stay hydrated.’ But I don’t know where the urge came from or why ‘B’ was selected.

[Noro]

Hello again,

Has it really only been 4 days.... we are moving along fast! Thanks for the update, it is always helpful.

I have no comment on the last exercise it seemed as clear for me as I believe it was for you!


FRIEND/STRANGER

Bring up a thought about a character labeled "friend."

Then bring up a thought about a character labeled "stranger."

Compare these thoughts.

Is there an actual difference in these as thoughts?

Is there a true difference or is it just different content?

Now, bring up a thought about a character labeled "friend."

After that, look at a thought about the character labelled "me.”

Is there a difference as far as thought goes?

Is there anything special about thoughts with the content "me-character?"
Let me know what is experienced.

Bring up a thought "me" again.
Compare it with a thought "Mickey Mouse"

What makes one seem more personal than the other?

Let me know what is found?


Warmly,
Rowena

[Wisiwig]

FRIEND/STRANGER
Bring up a thought about a character labeled "friend."
Then bring up a thought about a character labeled "stranger."
Compare these thoughts.
-Is there an actual difference in these as thoughts?

There is no difference. Both thoughts are thoughts.

-Is there a true difference or is it just different content?

The content is different, the narrative associated with the content is different.

-Now, bring up a thought about a character labeled "friend."
-After that, look at a thought about the character labelled "me.”
-Is there a difference as far as thought goes?

Both thoughts are simply thoughts with different narratives.

-Is there anything special about thoughts with the content "me-character?"
-Let me know what is experienced.

The thought ‘me’ is a larger rats nest of beliefs, narratives, and memories. But they generate less and less connection as I continue the work. There are a set of beliefs about responsibility to my children that are particularly sticky. Relationships with other family and friends are clear. Relationships with others will continue throughout my lifetime, but I hope to be free of guilt/shame as a motivator.

-Bring up a thought "me" again.
-Compare it with a thought "Mickey Mouse"

The first reaction thought was ‘Micky Mouse isn’t real’… then I remembered that the ‘I’ is not real either.

What makes one seem more personal than the other?

Habit, beliefs

Let me know what is found?

I know that there is no ‘me’ involved in processing the sensory/perceptual/thought stream. It seems to be a matter of being vigilant to unconscious beliefs/habits that may trigger, then working with them as they present.

[Noro]

The thought ‘me’ is a larger rats nest of beliefs, narratives, and memories. But they generate less and less connection as I continue the work. There are a set of beliefs about responsibility to my children that are particularly sticky. Relationships with other family and friends are clear. Relationships with others will continue throughout my lifetime, but I hope to be free of guilt/shame as a motivator.

Yes, of course, the 'me' is made up of the whole rats nest of beliefs, narratives and memories and it's great that you are seeing through this. Consider this; If there never have been any separate entities at all that can be found to exist separate from the whole through direct exploration of what is immediate and provable. And yet a concept known as responsibility still functions perfectly well, or not, according to a whole rat's nest of conditions, genetics, social and environmental situations etc, is there a need to be concerned that responsibility will cease? Guilt and shame can be examined in the same light. It doesn't mean that there's not accountability, guilt or shame, but such concepts belong to no separate entity, they are simply occurrences happening. Change is the constant, and there is apparent learning and redirecting (or not) happening also.

I know that there is no ‘me’ involved in processing the sensory/perceptual/thought stream. It seems to be a matter of being vigilant to unconscious beliefs/habits that may trigger, then working with them as they present.

Yes, exactly! And this working can become extremely enjoyable as curiosity takes over from the idea of 'work'.


MEMORY 1 EXERCISE
Almost everybody takes a memory about a past event as an actuality; that it actually happened in the way we've been told (i.e. history) or in the way we "remember" a past event. This exercise is not to discount memory, it is pointing to what is actually happening in our direct experience when a memory arises.

What is a memory? We can say it is a thought (and this includes mental images) that seems to refer to a narrative about the past and which may or may not evoke feelings/sensations in the body.

Sit down, take a few breaths to relax and then bring to mind a recent "event". Choose something simple, it could have happened 5 minutes ago as you remember what you were doing before you sat down to do this exercise.

Just let a "memory" be there, and look at it, simply, in your direct experience. And remember, you don't have to know, or come up with some explanation as you answer the questions!!

Look at what is actually going on and not what thoughts say - but what actually is.

What is the memory ‘made of’? What is actually happening in your direct experience?

Now, think of a flying pink elephant flying across the room, let that image go, and now return to the memory thought.

Without a thought to interpret, what is the actual difference between those two thoughts?

Is there a difference, other than the content?

How is it known that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Does it require further thought to affirm the apparent "reality" of the memory thought?

Now, look at a thought about the future.

What is a thought about the future ‘made of’?

What is the difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?

How is it known that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that might happen?

What is this information based on?

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.

What is the difference between the thoughts about past and future?

If there is difference, how is that difference is known exactly?

Can a past event be found anywhere in direct experience, or is there only this present appearance with stories about a past?

Is there any evidence available in direct experience regarding thoughts about the future having any actual bearing upon what is actually happening 'Here/Now!' ?

Warmly,
Rowena

Any further comments?

[Wisiwig]

Look at what is actually going on and not what thoughts say - but what actually is.
What is the memory ‘made of’? What is actually happening in your direct experience?

Accessing memories, snippets of the experience. Some memories are first person view (visual), others are sensory (wet sensation when washing dishes, pressure on my feet as I stood at the sink.)

Now, think of a flying pink elephant flying across the room, let that image go, and now return to the memory thought.
Without a thought to interpret, what is the actual difference between those two thoughts?

They both are made of conjured images. The memory of the actual experience is not an accurate/full representation of that experience, it may even have elements that do not align with the actual experience.

Is there a difference, other than the content?

No there is no difference

How is it known that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

There is a belief that the memory thought represents an actual event.

Does it require further thought to affirm the apparent "reality" of the memory thought?

Yes, a search must be performed for additional memories that support the validity of the ‘real’ memory.

Now, look at a thought about the future.
What is a thought about the future ‘made of’?

Imaginary images/experiences.

What is the difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?

I don’t know the definition of a general thought, but it may be a random thought that pops into the mind. A ‘future’ thought is about a possible future experience that is created via imagination.

How is it known that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that might happen?

A narrative describing a causal chain usually accompanies the ‘future’ event.

What is this information based on?

Hopes and desires form the foundation of the causal chain about the ‘future’ event.

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.

Thoughts about the past are based on memory thoughts and influenced by ego and inaccurate recall. Thoughts about the future are imaginations and influenced by desires and hopes.

What is the difference between the thoughts about past and future?

Thoughts about the past are based on memories, thoughts about the future are based on imaginings.

If there is difference, how is that difference is known exactly?

The memories and imaginings are very similar. Both are grounded in the concept of time. Memories being about the past. Imaginings are about the future.

Can a past event be found anywhere in direct experience, or is there only this present appearance with stories about a past?

Past events are not found in direct experience. There are stories about the past, but they are not present in the now.

Is there any evidence available in direct experience regarding thoughts about the future having any actual bearing upon what is actually happening 'Here/Now!' ?

No, there is no evidence that points to the future having a bearing upon the now.

[Noro]

The questions of this exercise do lead to conceptual thinking, so, lets get back to simple direct experience, its not that there's anything wrong with conceptual thinking, but for clarity and curiosity it is interesting to look deeper into any well accepted and understood concepts taken for granted in everyday communication.

How is it known that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that might happen?

A narrative describing a causal chain usually accompanies the ‘future’ event.

Yes, i.e. thoughts and more thoughts.

What is this information based on?

Hopes and desires form the foundation of the causal chain about the ‘future’ event.

In your direct experience how do hopes and desires manifest?
In other words, what other raw sense data is involved in hoping and desiring"
What is this causal chain to which you are referring? Is it anything more than a concept (i.e. thought)



"I" LABELING MEDITATION All thoughts are about you!

Get a sheet of paper and draw a line that divides that sheet in half.
Label one half 'self' and the other side 'other'. Sit down and start a timer for 5 minutes.
Every time you have a thought make a mark on the sheet.
If that thought is about the self, put a mark on the self side, if it’s about something else, mark the other side. If a thought about food occurs due to feeling hungry, mark that on the self side. Any thought that refers back to a self should go on the self side. (I'm bored, I'm tired, is the door locked (my safety) that video was funny (I was amused), my back hurts, I am frightened), that song, that person! get it?

Let me know how you get on and what you notice.

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Wisiwig]

In your direct experience how do hopes and desires manifest?
In other words, what other raw sense data is involved in hoping and desiring"

Seeing and hearing often stimulate hopes and desires. From there, thoughts (associations) can activate imaginations of the senses.

What is this causal chain to which you are referring? Is it anything more than a concept (i.e. thought).

I am referring to an causal chain of thought, a series of imagined events that logicaly lead along a path of manifestation. If A, then B occurs, If B, then C occurs, etc.

"I" LABELING MEDITATION All thoughts are about you!

Virtually all thoughts were about self. The only recorded thought for ‘other’ was about someone else, and that involved an imagined personal interaction with that person, so really, it was self interacting with other. Hence, all thoughts were about self. The title of this exercise was found to be true, ‘All thoughts are about you (self)’.

[Noro]

In your direct experience how do hopes and desires manifest?
In other words, what other raw sense data is involved in hoping and desiring"
Seeing and hearing often stimulate hopes and desires.

Agreed, sensing and hearing often stimulate thoughts labelled as hopes and desires, but look closer:
Is there not also sensory nature to hoping and desire?

Both these concepts are highly sensory (felt body sensations) as well as triggering thought narratives that there is something better around the corner to be had. Feel the engine of 'hope' for a better outcome; or 'desire' to fulfill some maybe still unperceived feeling, interpreted as 'lack'. There is a mine of sensory exploration to be done here.

From there, thoughts (associations) can activate imaginations of the senses.

This may seem pedantic, but it is really good to get clear about the senses as they relate to actual immediate experience.
Which sense, apart from thinking has the capability of imagination?

"I" LABELING MEDITATION All thoughts are about you!
Virtually all thoughts were about self. The only recorded thought for ‘other’ was about someone else, and that involved an imagined personal interaction with that person, so really, it was self interacting with other. Hence, all thoughts were about self. The title of this exercise was found to be true, ‘All thoughts are about you (self)’.

Yes, isn't that interesting, we really cannot pin anything on others! :)


OBSERVING THOUGHTS
The Direct experience of thought is very important in the seeing through of the self illusion. As always take your time to get comfortable and relaxed before beginning this meditation. Take it slowly and trying not to think about the answer, just let it come with what you experience directly. If you like, it can be helpful to get a piece of paper and write as it comes; from the flow of questioning and looking, clarity comes. Each question can be a meditation in itself.

Sit quietly for about 15 minutes and notice any thoughts arising.
Just let them appear as and when they appear. Try your best to not pay attention to what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are thoughts coming from and going to?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

What can a thought do i.e. does it have agency?

Can a thought think another thought?


Please answer ALL the questions.
Look as many times as it is possible during the day even for a few seconds.

Warmly,
Rowena

[Wisiwig]

Rowena, Thank you so much for mentoring me. I have learned a great deal in the short week that we have been interacting. The exercises are well chosen challenges and your insightful comments always challenge me to look deeper. This is taking a surprising amount of mental energy. The brain is tired, perhaps reconfiguring. I wake up in the morning feeling brain tiredness, so something is working overtime while I sleep. But let’s keep it up, no need to slack off.
Again, Thank you!

Agreed, sensing and hearing often stimulate thoughts labelled as hopes and desires, but look closer:
Is there not also sensory nature to hoping and desire?
Which sense, apart from thinking has the capability of imagination?

When this was written I was thinking that imagination would activate senses, thus the thought (imagination) controls the sense. It seems you are suggesting that each sense has it's own activation feature. I don't know how to test that. I tried to access memories of activation but that was all thought based, so It doesn't seem to be a valid approach.

Where are thoughts coming from and going to?

I don’t know where they come from, they just appear. Unless awarded attention, thoughts disappear after a brief stay.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

No, I had no control over what appeared and when it appeared.

Can you predict your next thought?

No, I have no control over the thought.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

No, I can only award attention to thoughts I wish to retain.

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

No, negative thoughts may appear at any time, but my response to the thought decides if it stays or fades.

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

No, I have no control over the thoughts.

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

Thoughts appear in an uncontrolled manner. The only control is the response to the thought.

What can a thought do i.e. does it have agency?

thought does not have agency, it is a bid for attention.

Can a thought think another thought?

Thoughts cannot think another thought, they are not autonomous cognitive entities.

[Noro]

Hello Wisiwig, thanks for your kind words, and it is my pleasure to have this exploration with you.

I have learned a great deal in the short week that we have been interacting. The exercises are well chosen challenges and your insightful comments always challenge me to look deeper. This is taking a surprising amount of mental energy. The brain is tired, perhaps reconfiguring. I wake up in the morning feeling brain tiredness, so something is working overtime while I sleep. But let’s keep it up, no need to slack off.

I am so glad that you have shared this, it is really important. The brain is tired.... ah yes, these 'exercises' are taxing for those parts of the brain concerned with learning and having things all figured out, and when you are asked to look from your direct experience this undermines the normal way that your brain has learned to operate. So this tiredness is natural, and at the same time, because of the pace we have been going, I am feeling that it would be a good thing to slow down a little and do any exercises that I share as contemplations or meditations. Most important of all, I would like you to focus on how relaxed or not your body is feeling.

You have arrived at LU to see through the illusion of a separate self. When a baby is born, before it starts to recognize the parents or people who are caring for it, it has no experience of being a separate self. This perspective of "me here" and "other over there" develops over time and is never questioned, it is just assumed to be so in our consensus reality. Now the brain that took that program on board is now being deprogrammed! It can be like a rug is being pulled from under the feet!

Here is a lovely simple little contemplation:

THOUGHTS - "I AM" LABEL EXPERIENCE
This is not an intellectual exercise, but a kind of whole-body intuitive exercise so please be attentive to the difference in your experience of the two perspectives. And you can't get it wrong!

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots.
For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the words “I am”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am watching the tv.
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry
I am feeling tired
I am thinking
I am typing

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time drop the “I am” label. Here you can see that experience, in simple language, does not require an experiencer. It can be just as it is without the addition of presumption of a self, of an "I".

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
hearing clock ticking
watching the tv
looking at computer screen
feeling hungry
feeling tired
thinking
typing

Finally, try the two together, first say with the "I am" label and next without: I am walking / walking

Pay attention to body sensations, watch what is happening in the body. Really take time to sense the difference. It may be subtle.
What is the body sensation when you say "I am ….."
What is the body sensation without the add-on of "I am…."?

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Does one feel intuitively 'truer', more spacious, than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without the labels, in your direct experience?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body between the two ways?


And please keep posting how you are feeling (both brain and body!)

Warm regards,
Rowena

[Wisiwig]

Rowena, Thank you for your concern for my well-being. My preference would be to continue to challenge myself. The fatigue will fade as my cognitive structure adjusts to the new framework. So let's keep charging on!

Finally, try the two together, first say with the "I am" label and next without: I am walking / walking
Pay attention to body sensations, watch what is happening in the body. Really take time to sense the difference. It may be subtle.
What is the body sensation when you say "I am ….."

There is a clenching sensation in the body when saying ‘I am’

What is the body sensation without the add-on of "I am…."?

The body is more relaxed, no clenching sensation

1. Does one feel intuitively 'truer', more spacious, than the other, and If so, which one?

Not using ‘I am’ feels more spacious, more relaxed

2. What is here without the labels, in your direct experience?

Without labels, there is openness and ease

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

It is clear that ‘I am’ changed the experience of sensation, seeing, etc. Using labels that refer to a separate self activate an something that consumes energy and narrows the focus.

4. Did you notice any differences in the body between the two ways?

Using ‘I am’ consumed energy, it created a clenching sensation. Not using ‘I am’ did not produce the clenching sensation.

A related extension to this was read in the Gate archives a few weeks ago, and at the time, was used in a meditation. It was also used as an addendum to this exercise. The extension is to replace the ‘I am’ statements with senses/thinking labels. Thus shifting from a complex label to a simple label. Here are some examples of what was done:
I am laying on a sofa; sensation
I am hearing a washing machine; hearing

This extension felt aligned with the work of last week to differentiate and define the senses/thought/sensation. By simplifying, it opened to a fuller awareness of the experience. There was no tension or clenching. Overall, it was interesting to see the impact of using ‘I am’, it seems to invoke a large network of associations that consume energy and attention. Using the most simple labels resulted in ease and openness and actively reminded me of what I have learned in the past week.