The Gate

Hi Ash.

So I sat with all this today. I realized I added some unnecessary noise to this conversation, probably due to being stuck with this for a long while. I am really grateful for your time and all the questions. Thought content does not matter, even if at the moment it may seem to matter. Questions like "how should I proceed?" do not mean anything really. When I distill everything and remove the noise, what is left is restlessness and movement. Those are the triggers for other stuff. I call movement "seeking" but it may very well be just a coping mechanism for restlessness. At this point I am only guessing. What is undeniable is restlessness and movement. I will spend the following days trying to see if movement is truly necessary, if there can be restlessness without any reaction to it. It maybe have been automatic and not really needed. Or if there can be both restlessness and movement, if it really is something "problematic". Right now, I still regard it as seeking. If you can think of any pointers or questions that may be helpful here, I will be much obliged.

R.

Hi R.,

If you can think of any pointers or questions that may be helpful here, I will be much obliged.

Hehehe, let them commence!

So I sat with all this today.

This was probably preceeded by a decision in terms of how you want to maneuver the situation, yeah?
That decision, the act of landing on a particular choice, was probably preceeded by the arising in your experience of 'options', yeah? (Even if it may not have been entirely black and white as I am describing)

If so...
The options being presented (showing that there is a choice to make), the presentation of those options, did that just happen/arise on its own? Without anybody's consent?
The act of choosing, the making of a decision on how you want to maneuver...
What about that?
Did the choice just end up being made?

If sense of self arose at the time of choice being made, did the arising of the sense of self arise on its own?

And then the actual "sitting with all of this" - that was the carrying out.
Did that happen on its own as well?
Maybe sense of self arose there as well.
Did you have any say in it's arrival?
Or did it just arrive in your experience on its own?

I will spend the following days trying to see if movement is truly necessary, if there can be restlessness without any reaction to it. It maybe have been automatic and not really needed. Or if there can be both restlessness and movement, if it really is something "problematic".

Is the idea that there may be a problem...
Did that idea arise on its own as well?

I will... BLA BLA BLA

This...
Doing whatever this is...
"Because of xyz curiosity"
"Because of xyz thing that is a bugger"

Is that WILLING
That wanting to do something on account of something else in your experience
IS THAT TOO... just happening on its own?
That desire...
Maybe a desire to fix
Maybe a desire to figure out
Whatever it is

Did that, too, just arrive on its own?


What if it goes away?
What if feelings of loss happen?

Would you have made it go away?
Or would it have just gone away?
Would you have created any potential feelings of loss?
Or would feelings of loss just have happened on their own?

Look.
Observe.
Reflect back.
You are doing good, Rhapsody.
Report your findings.

Ash.

By the way, I am grateful of you, too, Rhapsody!