I want to enjoy life more, to feel lighter and go easier…

[Grateful1]

Dear Elad,
Haven't written as been busy and travelling.

There was a day with what mind labels as 'sadness and fear': tears came, heaviness in the limbs, clenching in the solar plexus. It was allowed and felt. Labels came and went.

Identification appears to be loosening.

Observing the present, and the mind chatter. All is welcome.

Thank you for everything,
Tash

[Elad]

Sounds wholesome.

Identification appears to be loosening.

a) How so ?

b) And: Is there still a belief that there is a self ? If yes, how does this belief show up in direct experience here and now?

c) Here is an exercise to further deepen clarity:


Hand on desk

Please close your eyes for this exercise, just notice any ‘mental’ images or thoughts that
appear and put them aside.

Place a hand on a desk or table (flat surface) - Close your eyes.
Now 'go to' the feeling/sensation which we would normally refer to as 'hand on desk' and
answer from what you can FIND.

1) How many things do you find? Are there two things (hand and desk) or is there one
thing – sensation?

2) Can a ‘feeler’ be found in 'what is being felt'?

3) Do you notice 'one thing feeling another thing'? Or is there just 'a sensation'?

4) Do you find an 'I', a body, a hand 'feeling' . . . or is there just 'a sensation'?
What do you find?

5) Can an INHERENT FEELER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the feeler,
be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

[Grateful1]

Hi Elad,
I can't find the last message I sent and your reply. I didn't receive the usual notification, so came on to check and then I caught a glimpse of a reply from you which started "sounds wholesome" , but now it seems to have disappeared.
I am on my phone, as I'm away, so it's not as easy to navigate and see everything. Any chance you could resend your reply?

Yesterday i spent the day with my dad who has Alzheimers, strolling and sitting in nature. He's become childlike in his wonder of things: the colours of a leaf, the rain drops, a child cycling past. The best way I have learned to be with him is to really 'Be' with him, exactly where he is. Not trying to rush him through his experience. I realise what a gift it is for me: the optimum opportunity for mindful presence. I could feel the pull of mind to pull me out, but I just kept really present with him. (At one point, before putting him in the home, I wondered if he was my opportunity for awakening, as I was living with him in his one bedroom flat for 18 months).

I am alone a lot more here fir these few days. Easier (is it?) to observe how stuff just gets done, decisions apparently are made to go here or there, to eat this or that. Everything is working out.

With thanks,
Tash

[Grateful1]

Hi again.
The last message appeared. No need to send it again.
I will read it now
Thanks!

[Elad]

Yesterday i spent the day with my dad who has Alzheimers, strolling and sitting in nature. He's become childlike in his wonder of things: the colours of a leaf, the rain drops, a child cycling past. The best way I have learned to be with him is to really 'Be' with him, exactly where he is. Not trying to rush him through his experience. I realise what a gift it is for me: the optimum opportunity for mindful presence. I could feel the pull of mind to pull me out, but I just kept really present with him. (At one point, before putting him in the home, I wondered if he was my opportunity for awakening, as I was living with him in his one bedroom flat for 18 months).

Sounds like sharing time with your dad indeed is conducive for clarity and opening of heart.

[Grateful1]

Hi Elad,
Apologies for the delay. I had no Wi-Fi where I was staying so couldn’t use my iPad.

Identification appears to be loosening.

a) How so ?

b) And: Is there still a belief that there is a self ? If yes, how does this belief show up in direct experience here and now?

a) At times there was a sense of seeing things a bit differently and my sense of ‘me’ felt different, like a bit trippy. It’s happened while eating where everything was kind of new and distinct. It also has happened while talking where there was a sense that ‘l’, Tash am not the one talking, like the words are just appearing inside my mouth. Also while walking in town, like it’s someone else’s body that’s moving. These experiences are fleeting.

b) Tash is writing and there's a sense of me behind the eyes, In the centre of my head somewhere looking out.

Hand on desk
1) How many things do you find? Are there two things (hand and desk) or is there one
thing – sensation?

Initially 2 distinct things: The hand feels warm and soft against the cool hard table.
As I go into the sensation, I can feel only subtle throbbing, no sense of 2, no sense of 'I' or 'feeler', just sensation
.

2) Can a ‘feeler’ be found in 'what is being felt'?

There is no sense of a feeler, just the hand sensation.

3) Do you notice 'one thing feeling another thing'? Or is there just 'a sensation'?

Just sensation.

4) Do you find an 'I', a body, a hand 'feeling' . . . or is there just 'a sensation'?
What do you find?

Just sensation. Warmth, sometimes more in one part than another, a twitch, vibration, throbbing.

5) Can an INHERENT FEELER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the feeler be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

No, only sensation, tingling, aliveness, warmth.
At one point, there was more tingling in one area and I noticed that mind started saying, “ah that’s the index finger” and then I had more sense of the hand’s outline and surface as distinct, and the ‘feeler’ emerged, but while IN the felt sense, there was just sensing.

Thanks,
Tash

[Elad]

a) At times there was a sense of seeing things a bit differently and my sense of ‘me’ felt different, like a bit trippy. It’s happened while eating where everything was kind of new and distinct. It also has happened while talking where there was a sense that ‘l’, Tash am not the one talking, like the words are just appearing inside my mouth. Also while walking in town, like it’s someone else’s body that’s moving. These experiences are fleeting.

Yes these experiences are good indicators but will come and go. Nothing needs to change in ordinary experience, everything comes back to normal. It just becomes clear that there is no real self in normal.

b) Tash is writing and there's a sense of me behind the eyes, In the centre of my head somewhere looking out.

Do you really believe this?

Where exactly is the Tash writing what is the real evidence she is writing or is in the centre of the head?

Hand on desk
1) How many things do you find? Are there two things (hand and desk) or is there one
thing – sensation?

Initially 2 distinct things: The hand feels warm and soft against the cool hard table.
As I go into the sensation, I can feel only subtle throbbing, no sense of 2, no sense of 'I' or 'feeler', just sensation
.

2) Can a ‘feeler’ be found in 'what is being felt'?

There is no sense of a feeler, just the hand sensation.

3) Do you notice 'one thing feeling another thing'? Or is there just 'a sensation'?

Just sensation.

4) Do you find an 'I', a body, a hand 'feeling' . . . or is there just 'a sensation'?
What do you find?

Just sensation. Warmth, sometimes more in one part than another, a twitch, vibration, throbbing.

5) Can an INHERENT FEELER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the feeler be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

No, only sensation, tingling, aliveness, warmth.
At one point, there was more tingling in one area and I noticed that mind started saying, “ah that’s the index finger” and then I had more sense of the hand’s outline and surface as distinct, and the ‘feeler’ emerged, but while IN the felt sense, there was just sensing.

Good, good clarifying here.

Here is the next exercise:


“I” labelling

Get a sheet of paper and draw a line that divides that sheet in half. Label one half 'self' and
the other side 'other'. Sit down and start a timer for 5 minutes. Every time you have a
thought make a mark on the sheet. If that thought is about the self put a mark on the self
side, if it’s about something else, mark the other side. If a thought about food occurs due to
feeling hungry, mark that on the self side. Any thought that refers back to a self should go
on the self side. (I'm bored, I'm tired, is the door locked (my safety) that video was funny (I
was amused), my back hurts, I am frightened) get it?

Let me know how you go and what you notice.

[Grateful1]

Do you really believe this?

Where exactly is the Tash writing what is the real evidence she is writing or is in the centre of the head?

I don't think I believe it, no, but that's what it 'feels', especially when my eyes are open, taking in information and guiding me through space. But when I close my eyes, that sense of 'me' changes.
I don't have any real evidence that it is 'me' writing, or that it is in the centre of the head.

"I" Labelling.
Let me know how you go and what you notice.

It felt a little awkward, and I tried to remain neutral and not condition my thoughts, but the few times I did it today, I noticed that most of the thoughts were about self, and even when the thoughts started about something else, they often ended up becoming about self. e.g. "the birds outside are very loud".. became "I might find that noise hard to live with in the long term".

[Elad]

You are doing well. The key now might be: Understand it is not about getting rid of the sense of self. It is instead just recognizing crystal clear that it is just another appearence that happens by itself and has its role in normal life, and it is not in your control and not a real self. A real separate self would have control over thoughts or attention or action. The sense of self functions for normal life (if you could not separate you from me conventionally and know the difference between "do you want an ice cream" and "does he want an ice cream" you would be in a mental hospital). It is just seen clearly that in real experience it is not a self, it is a sense of self, spontaneously and mysteriously happening by itself without your control, just like everything else. You know what it means if YOU want in ice cream now, as opposed to me, but the reality of if you want it or not, will just spontaneously emerge without your control, just like whatever thoughts you think and type in response to this. Look and see.

[Elad]

Let me know if everything was clear in last message or any questions?

Exercise:

Listen to the following talk. As you listen your job is not to agree or disagree, get or not get it (although thoughts about agreeing and not agreeing, getting and not getting might happen - just thoughts!). "Your" job is only to listen and be open for the seeing/feeling of what actually happens and what actually is there while listening. I.e. what is in direct experience, what thoughts, what sensations, what experience. Write here what happens.

The talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2UnnObWkgw