The Gate

What might it feel like to have this realized in every cell and fiber, that there never was anything separate and apart from what is happening? How would it be to realize that THIS, whatever seems to be, is IT! It's already it, and there is nothing else to find and nothing that can be looked for, because everything is already EVERYTHING! And the separate, searching presence is found to be the illusion. It never could have found itself and the frustration is integral to it.

I can sense this, it feels free, open, full and empty. No person, just sensing. There is a subtle back and forth going on. During the day while driving, doing the dishes, talking to my wife, grocery shopping I start noticing that everything is happening by itself, no a me doing it. But it falls back into personhood very easily. I feel if I allow this process to happen naturally, there may be a shift happening. The shift from being a person to being aware of the person and everything else at the same time.
It also feels like the more I write about it the more the ego is trying to explain this and I'm not allowing it to be as it is without a doer.
It's so complicated to explain..

If or when I relax or defocus, its clear that everything is simply happening. That time is a construct for the person to have a grip on life and itself as a person. At the same time I see that there is no person, there is just what is happening. The I as in a person I can not find. Wow what a trick!. You refer to is as a set up. That's exactly what it is isn't it.
But how now fully, whole heartedly trust this, lean into this, allow this what is natural to be my permanent experience.
stepping through the gateless gate.
I want this so bad. But I keep thinking about what will happen to my business and relationships once I fully step through the gateless gate. Probably nothing because it is already so.
It is a within/without deceit like you mention!

Now I feel frustration coming up.

If this is clear, let's look at doership and control. Is there a "free will"?

Not quite yet. It's not solidified. I feel like I haven't stepped through the gateless gate yet.
I'm standing on the edge, taking one step through it and then pull back. There are glimpses of clear seeing/experiencing. Clearly seeing at times that there is no doer, no separate "I" .

I'm noticing that your comments pop up many times a day in my head. I find that helpful and reassuring. It brings the attention back from doing to being.

Rene

I can sense this, it feels free, open, full and empty. No person, just sensing. There is a subtle back and forth going on. During the day while driving, doing the dishes, talking to my wife, grocery shopping I start noticing that everything is happening by itself, no a me doing it. But it falls back into personhood very easily.

Sounds good. Is this under anyone's control, whether it falls back or is open and free? Is there anyone who needs to allow what happens?

I feel if I allow this process to happen naturally, there may be a shift happening. The shift from being a person to being aware of the person and everything else at the same time.

Is this what you imagine is going to happen, being aware of everything at the same time?

It's so complicated to explain..

Yes, it is, and complication is a sign the strawman is getting his fingers into things. Only the strawman looks for explanations. Otherwise, there is unexplainably just what seems to be happening.

Is there complication in what happens or only in THOUGHTS ABOUT what happens? EVERYTHING doesn't need to explain itself, lean into itself, allow itself, find itself or know itself. It's simply THIS seeming appearance, just as it apparently is.

If or when I relax or defocus, its clear that everything is simply happening. That time is a construct for the person to have a grip on life and itself as a person. At the same time I see that there is no person, there is just what is happening. The I as in a person I can not find. Wow what a trick!. You refer to is as a set up. That's exactly what it is isn't it.

Yes, good. Beliefs are starting to soften and lose solidity. There is no need to fear that experience is going to fall apart. It's only the beliefs ABOUT experience that are seen through.

But how now fully, whole heartedly trust this, lean into this, allow this what is natural to be my permanent experience.

When the question arises, "How to do this?" and it's believed, that is already to be stepped back, at a distance from THIS. It's the setup in thought, isn't it? It's separating off from what is happening, to question it from an imaginary strawman position.

I want this so bad.

What if this is already it? What is outside THIS experience that could be gotten?

But I keep thinking about what will happen to my business and relationships once I fully step through the gateless gate. Probably nothing because it is already so.

Exactly!

Now I feel frustration coming up.

There may be frustration, but whose frustration is it?

But it falls back into personhood very easily.

It does what it does, and who is separate from it to question it? Was there a sense that it's me who falls back into personhood? Is there a strawman identifying himself as what seems to happen? Take him out and there is only the happening, however it is.

Isn't that the easiest and paradoxically most profound answer to all of this? What was sought after and longed for was never missing.

I'm noticing that your comments pop up many times a day in my head. I find that helpful and reassuring. It brings the attention back from doing to being.

Nice to hear, let's keep at it.

If you sit on a chair with eyes closed, is there any boundary where body meets chair, or does a boundary have to be created in thought, when there is only raw sensation appearing? What else is like this, just a creation of thought?

Thank you for your replies. I will answer all of them.
It’s interesting to notice that all your replies create a checkmate in ‘me’.

We have family over and days are filled with nephews and nieces. I will get back to you in a few days.

Happy New Year.
💙
René

Hi David, hard to believe a month went by. i've been diving deep. Went through lots of ups and downs, still are but it's becoming clear that there is no me in my experience. Just the experience as is. The me has no boundaries, it's all sort of happening in open space. Breathing, seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling etc is simply happening. Now that I'm writing, it feels like a contraction again. Mind stuff happening to or by a person. I'm not writing that much for that reason. Everytime I started to write you, it didn't feel right, it felt like I was just writing thoughts and not explaining what I am experiencing.
I'm forever grateful for your guidance, I feel like I need to explore more. Last night I cried and asked help from God/ Jesus. Something opened in me. I saw that nothing is personal and everytning was held in love. Unconditional love.

This sounds good Rene. But I am not clear whether you are saying you want to continue this inquiry. If you do, I will be happy to respond to your posts. If not, all the best to you. David

HI David,
Thank you for your guidance. I'm deciding to take a pause. I feel writing is coming from mind. I stay stuck. At least it feel that way. Again, thank you for everything. Much love.
Rene