Vivien,
First up, thank you for your patience.
I’m wondering how much looking and seeing is happening each day? Could you please share?
Not as much as there should be. Why is that...?
I find myself embarrassed. Even mildly ashamed. Returning here reminds me of it, hence my reluctance I think.
And why would
that be?
Well, why is it that something that is clear and obvious to me intellectually should be so elusive? And not just intellectually. There was a period of weeks when I could sense/feel the truth. I drew back. I was concerned that an old problem had risen up and was occupying the space left behind by the temporary absence of an owning I. That issue is alienation. I feel that - for me at least - this issue is my Achilles heel. It was very much a spur to my first getting involved with Buddhism some 40 years ago.
What do I mean by "alienation"? A disconnect from my own feelings and those of others. Of course, by now I have the social skills and self-knowledge to "style it out" but I know it's there.
My fear is that this results from a misapprehension, a misapplication of seeing. It's possible it's not that but simply a new experience growing out of the "death" of the old. It's difficult for me to know.
Outlandish for who?
WHERE is the one that cannot believe this?
Where indeed? It is the one who makes judgments. Enjoys interesting thoughts. Laughs at funny things. A constantly entertained ego. Someone who decides on this rather than that.
Prove that thoughts and feelings are NOT just arising, but happening TO someone. What is the experiential evidence?
One of the key caveats raise before dialogues are entered into on this site is that there is no "magic bullet" here. Once the illusion is seen as such, there are still floors to be swept and water to be drawn. These things require an 'impeller'. Motivation. This is my experience. At least to this point.
You will have this in your own experience I think. The answer to where is this one for me lies in this impeller. This motivation to simply do this, instead of that.
Why am I attempting to draw on your experience rather than mine?
If I was asked to
show this I, to demonstrate it then I can only do so in the way that I would share the taste of a fresh lime or the colour orange: I would appeal to our shared experience of these things and make the assumption that even if your view of how this works is different from mine that we both at least experience, in the case of "I" rather than fruit, direction and choice in life.
J x
