seeing not just intellectualizing

[tissetatten]

And an outher thing maybe if no significanxe but im telling it anyway.

When i was a kid i realysed i was NEVER going to see my own face exept for in the mirror or in pictures, reflections. I would never see myself the way i could se another humsnbeing. And that scared the sh*t out of me. I couldt almost not take that thought and had to think of something else. Today i suspect i have a mild form of bbd. I forget what i look like and can get really nervous at times and im always surpized when i look on the mirror.


haha

[vinceschubert]

Good evening T,

Can you explain it differnently. I honestly dont think i really get what im suposed to be doing. Lets say i get som bad news. And the moment i start to think about what this could lead to is that when i smile?

If the moment that you start to think about what it could lead to, is also the moment that you realize that these thoughts have arrived, then yes.
If you have been thinking about the possible consequences for a while before you realize that this is happening, then how could it happen ? It's the moment that you realize that you are thinking these thoughts.
What happens is that at the moment of recognition, you are thinking about thinking.
Before that you are expressing the content of the thoughts.
In the parlance of the books, you are developing the witness.

should i just stop thinking of outcomes

You still don't get it, do you ? How can you control your thoughts ?
If i say "don't think of a pink elephant" - can you not ?
Do this;
Raise a hand into the air.
Which hand did you use ?
Why that one and not the other one ?
Mind will say that you made a decision, but that's obviously not true.
Did you think, left or right ? Which one will I raise ?
Decisions happen. Thoughts arrive and pass through. Is there a self that does these things, or do they happen for unknown reasons? (or only some of the conditions are known)

But he is impressive.

Agreed. He certainly is.

But now willing to try i really want to change and be more stable and happyer and not to negative.

Good. i see motivation and intention there. ...but trying ??

And if i am him i dont know where to start looking for opportunetys.

Opportunities are everywhere. It's not a case of starting to look for them. They will come to you. It is a case of being open to them when they do.

I am trying though.

They won't be recognized through effort or will power.
Recognition is discovery. That happens. It usually happens when you stop trying.
Can you see the shark in this pic ? The trick is to look with soft focus. Be persistent, but don't put effort into it.

Writing that i have to accept my story and let go of it and have positive intentions for 2018.

This is why i wanted you to post it.... You don't "have to accept.." or "let go of it" or "have positive intentions".
If accepting happens, and you see that it's in the past and finished, and you are optimistic, then thinks will certainly happen for you. (see the difference ?)

so then I put more value on ppls lives after that.

It's interesting that the conclusion that you arrived at was that their stories were the important thing about them.

Today i suspect i have a mild form of bbd.

What is bbd ?

im always surprised when i look on the mirror.

Me too. i can't believe that that image has anything to do with what i experience. i see a stranger in the mirror. (who looks a lot like my dad)

love

vince

[tissetatten]

Hi again..

It's the moment that you realize that you are thinking these thoughts.

Oki i think i get it this time and i will celibrate it with a smile as you say. (I did a couple of times then i thought i was doing it wrong)
And yes this is how it usually is for me
Something happens and i realize Im going to go into thinking about outcomes and solutions and then i do just that.
I dont go of thinking scenarios and THEN realize im doing it. Thats why i feel like i have a choise i feel like im activly thinking if a solution. But your right "i" am not doing it because i couldnt stop myself if i wanted to.

I used to hate my mind when i had insomnia because it would run the same thing over and over again and id think why are you telling me stuff i already know? But i couldnt stop it.

Code: Select all

Which hand did you use ? Why that one and not the other one ?

Right, cuz im righthanded and thats whats easyes i guess. I could have thought for a second and my thinking would be i chose the left hand because im righthanded and wanted to do something different. But no i dont know why.

Opportunities are everywhere. It's not a case of starting to look for them. They will come to you. It is a case of being open to them when they do.

Ok well this is what i need to know then. Do or do not there is no try.

They won't be recognized through effort or will power.
Recognition is discovery. That happens. It usually happens when you stop trying.

Ok so no trying? just somehow become more open and somehow accept, but no trying.

When i started my ritual yesterday of things to accept, i realized that there are al lot of stuff i have to accept (these things have branches i never thought of) And i didnt expect to be so draind. I wrote 2 pages and i was exhausted my stomach was hurting i was exhailing a lot. So strange, i wrote 3 pages total (not a lot i know but like i said it took a lot of energy somehow) I will have to continue i didnt finish in one go.

Can you see the shark in this pic ? The trick is to look with soft focus. Be persistent, but don't put effort into it.

Im not shure its not clear but i do think there are 6 smaller sharks not 1 big one.

If accepting happens, and you see that it's in the past and finished, and you are optimistic, then thinks will certainly happen for you. (see the difference ?)

How will i accept it if i never try? It hasnt "happened yet" so i feel i actually have to sit down with my story and take a look at how i look at what my belives actually are and why.

It's interesting that the conclusion that you arrived at was that their stories were the important thing about them.

Yes. I guess i saw everyone as equal and the same and nothing special. And then they were filld with stuff and that stuff makes everyone different and thay can grow up and contribute diferent things, and touch a lot of ppl. And yes somehow that gave them value in my eyes.

What is bbd ?

Sorry bdd (body dismorfic dissorder) a mild version i think

Me too. i can't believe that that image has anything to do with what i experience. i see a stranger in the mirror. (who looks a lot like my dad)

I was told i look a lot like my mom when she was well. I dont totally see it though.


Do you alsow feel quite genderles and ageless? I feel different at different times. Never one set thing.

/T

[vinceschubert]

Good morning T, (some insomnia here, so an opportunity to respond to you)

i" am not doing it because i couldnt stop myself if i wanted to.

Exactly. So relax and accept whatever happens, (watch how it will change) with a sense of joy that you 'marked' the point of divergence (into suffering, or not) with a smile.

because it would run the same thing over and over again

Ha yes. i sometimes find my mind repeating a word or a name that has some inherent cadence. i used to hate it too, but now i just look on with interest and wonder how long it will last.
Because we can't stop our thoughts or control them, we can recognize the 98% of them are rubbish and allow them to come and go, to pass right on through, without engaging them.
The 2% that are useful, those thoughts will get your attention without any effort from you anyway.
i have tinnitus (a persistent ringing in the ears) but i only notice it when i think about it. Same with thoughts, they flow through, but i couldn't tell you what they were about unless i pay attention to them.

But no i don't know why.

Exactly. Yet most people believe their mind, when it tells them that they had a choice. That they decided which hand to raise. It's part of the common delusion.

Ok well this is what i need to know then. Do or do not there is no try.

Yes, it's the beginning of having a wider perspective. (that eventually will become wisdom)

i didnt expect to be so draind. I wrote 2 pages and i was exhausted

Excellent. It sounds like a cathartic event.

Im not shure its not clear but i do think there are 6 smaller sharks not 1 big one.

No, there is one big one. It is 3d and will be quite clear when you see it.
Like i said, it is a discovery, so just be persistent and relaxed as you play around with your focus.
..and realize the any sense of achievement, of success or failure is a social construct. A story.
When you see it, it will be that all of the necessary conditions are present.

How will i accept

You won't. Accepting will happen (or not) ..and trying is like that positive thinking shit. You can't make acceptance happen. It is also a discovery. Like seeing the shark, when it happens it is because all of the required conditions are present.

body dismorfic dissorder

Ah, i had this as a kid. (why haven't i got a cleft chin like Superman ? etc.)

Do you also feel quite genderles and ageless? I

Hmm, gender and age are only there if i think about them. It is more that i am experience. It's hard to explain.
When i look in a mirror, the surprise is that it appears that there is a body that has the experiencing.
When there is no mirror, there is just the experiencing.
Even seeing hands typing doesn't cause the association with the body. When thinking about seeing the hands typing, there is just typing. When not thinking/seeing the hands typing, there are just words appearing on a screen.

love

vince

[tissetatten]

Hi..

No, there is one big one. It is 3d and will be quite clear when you see it.

Interesting that u picked a shark. My biggest phobia, and yet i cant see it. I will "try" again..

Hmm, gender and age are only there if i think about them. It is more that i am experience. It's hard to explain.
When i look in a mirror, the surprise is that it appears that there is a body that has the experiencing.
When there is no mirror, there is just the experiencing.
Even seeing hands typing doesn't cause the association with the body. When thinking about seeing the hands typing, there is just typing. When not thinking/seeing the hands typing, there are just words appearing on a screen

This sounds so cool! 😊

Hope u can sleep. Ill take a look at the shark

Love

[tissetatten]

Cant see the shark.
Maybe the picture should move or i need 3d glases or something

[vinceschubert]

Good evening T,

Interesting that u picked a shark.

It was just a stereogram that i happened to have. Maybe it's serendipity that this is your phobia.

I will "try" again..

Try and be persistent without trying (ha)

Cant see the shark.
Maybe the picture should move or i need 3d glases or something

No. Take it as a metaphor for awakening.
Do nothing. Don't try. Just want to see it more than anything. ..and keep looking.

love

vince

[tissetatten]

Hi

Sorry no shark. It has to be vary vague and hard to see.


Had a shitty day. Feel like shit. Smiled lots today

[vinceschubert]

Good morning T,

Sorry

Is there disappointment ? (did you smile ?)

no shark.

It's there waiting...
Keep trying not to try.
Do you feel like giving up ? ..or you determined ?

Had a shitty day. Feel like shit.

Do you see the opportunity with this ? ..or are you obsessed with it ending ?

Smiled lots today

Good stuff.
realize that the more you feel shitty, the greater the opportunity to recognize...
The faster your skill level improves.

love

vince

[tissetatten]

Hi

[quoteIs there disappointment ? (did you smile ?)][/quote]

Yes the whole day was disappointing and yes i smiled a lot.


[quote
Do you feel like giving up ? ..or you determined ?][/quote]
To see the shark? No im not determendt. To see the shark i knpw its there. But i think there are better and easyer 3d dot pics out there i think this is a bad pooely done one that is hard to see. Maybe it looks different on your screen. Maybe it moves or something but on mine ita not visible.

Do you see the opportunity with this ? ..or are you obsessed with it ending ?

It could go either or. Im just hoping it will lead to something good. But it is scary.

realize that the more you feel shitty, the greater the opportunity to recognize...
The faster your skill level improves.

God i hope so...

Remember when i didnt really have motivation?
Well as you predicted motivation has come. And its not in a form of a goal or what i want to do or desire. Its life, circomstances. Things have moved and so i must too.



Love

/T

[vinceschubert]

G'day T,

But i think there are better and easyer 3d dot pics out there i think this is a bad pooely done one that is hard to see. Maybe it looks different on your screen. Maybe it moves or something but on mine ita not visible.

Ok, this is a bit of a big issue.
The pic is fine. You are blaming objective reality for being unable to see it (awaken)
You are NOT a victim of circumstances. (you are those circumstances.
Once you 'click' on the attitude (hmm, not quite the right word) to see the pic, you will also realize that you ARE awakened.
Don't ponder this (let mind hijack) Just invite persistence and determination and a burning desire to visit.

love

vince

[tissetatten]

Hi

Iv been looking at that pic and i looked up others like it.
My eyes arnt perfect so i dont know if that has any effect. But ill keep looking.

[tissetatten]

Hej.

Wantet to tell u iv askt other ppl if they see the shark and even posted it on my instagram. So far 1 person has seen the shark. So its not my eyes even though i do have some problems with my sight.
And the guy who saw the shark is not the brightest person i know so i think maybe hes mind is more relaxed

Love

[vinceschubert]

Good evening T,

maybe his mind is more relaxed

Don't compare yourself with others. The actual conditions necessary to see it are unknown. Just as they are for being awake.
You WILL get it if you don't give up.
You'll also see the shark if you don't give up. Try squinting and staring. Don't focus on the details in the pic. Try and look through the pic to behind it.

love

vince

[tissetatten]

Hi

You WILL get it if you don't give up.

Alrighty..