Mindfulness,Meditation,and True Nature - Adam51387

[Sarah7]

Either, and or both! S xxx

[Adam51387]

Hi Sarah, heres what I jotted down:

Things i want out of the gate:
Realization of no self ( i feel i have achieved this to an extent)
A new way of approach to experience that allows me to take in more insight, more beauty.

Out of life:
A letting go, peace, acceptance
I would like to love and be loved by a beautiful intelligent woman.
I would like to be financially comfortable.
I would like to travel and own my own house
I would like to reach a happy medium with society
I want to meet interesting people
I want to further explore my self and better understand my personality
I want to be less clingy
I want non attachment
I want my sense of humor and other qualities to be recognized and appreciated
I want to continue to grow and develope as a person, and be loved.
I want to be strong and wise.

[Sarah7]

Hi Adam

Things i want out of the gate: Realization of no self ( i feel i have achieved this to an extent)

Again – did you expect this state to be permanent? What state is ever permanent? Apart from that which notices.

Out of life: A letting go, peace, acceptance

Who is there to do this?

I want to further explore my self and better understand my personality

What self? What is personality - thought? How do you explore a thought?

A new way of approach to experience that allows me to take in more insight, more beauty. I want to be less clingy. I want non attachment. I want my sense of humor and other qualities to be recognized and appreciated. I want to continue to grow and develop as a person, and be loved. I want to be strong and wise.

Are all of these thoughts wanting something other than what is? Are they all future stories driving you out of now?
What is wrong with right now outside of thought? Really – what is wrong with it?
Hugs Sarah xxx

[Adam51387]

Good evening friend
Interestingly enough, I expected you too expect me too permenetly realize no self, and i felt that it would take years of practice to achieve this, i thought that permenent realization was the only true mark of success.

Thoughts wanting to kill them selfs..hmm. thoughts are literally trying to be something there not. They have ideals that belief (thought) feels will be easier.

this the mental fabrication of self, thoughts seem to be one dimensional, there is not much to explore out of thought, only different thoughts.

yes these are thoughts want something different, future projections.
Well, to get specific, i just sat and meditated for merely 20 minutes, thoughts flooded the mind, i didnt feel it was a very meditative sitting (thoughts again) because the mind was not calm and awareness spent a majority of time on thought.

i was (thought) trying to practice compassion and acceptance towards self, i am upset over a girl sarah, because she is not interested in me the way i am towards her, and the mind and heart is in conflict with this, i tokd her to lmk if she wanted to hang out and she never replied, thought filled in the story, and i felt i should spend this session practicing acceptance of this, there was pain, i tried to feel the sadness, thoughts where struggling to accept, they just want to for acceptance and stop the attraction to her, thoughts want to predict a future where there is no her so that there can be acceptance of this, and to forget about her, the thoughts want something different then what has happend, tge thouggts dont really know what is going on though, they have built a story around what has actually happend (no response) and awareness is spending a great deal of time with these thoughts.


xxxxx

[Adam51387]

I also want to clarify, that i do not want to kill my self, lol..what i meant by that line is that thoughts want to change the content of them selfs and become new thoughts with new beliefs(content). This stuff is very hard to explain through typing on a phone.

[Adam51387]

All of this wanting, is a wanting of new experience by thought. Ego

[Adam51387]

The struggle is over the emotion

[Sarah7]

Hey Adam :)

Interestingly enough, I expected you too expect me too permenetly realize no self, and i felt that it would take years of practice to achieve this, i thought that permenent realization was the only true mark of success.

Who or what would ever expect anything permanent? Where is your evidence in experience for permanent? :)

Thoughts wanting to kill them selfs..hmm. thoughts are literally trying to be something there not. They have ideals that belief (thought) feels will be easier.

Are they the enemy? Can thoughts think? Or is there just love there – all about protection?

i was (thought) trying to practice compassion and acceptance towards self, i am upset over a girl sarah, because she is not interested in me the way i am towards her, and the mind and heart is in conflict with this, i tokd her to lmk if she wanted to hang out and she never replied, thought filled in the story, and i felt i should spend this session practicing acceptance of this, there was pain, i tried to feel the sadness, thoughts where struggling to accept, they just want to for acceptance and stop the attraction to her, thoughts want to predict a future where there is no her so that there can be acceptance of this, and to forget about her, the thoughts want something different then what has happend, tge thouggts dont really know what is going on though, they have built a story around what has actually happend (no response) and awareness is spending a great deal of time with these thoughts.

But again – there is love there – they want you to feel better! However can you just sit with what is? Not wanting it to be any different from what it is? And if wanting it to be different comes up – be with that too? Whatever comes up – be with that too, whether it be sadness or longing. Can you do that? Then what happens?

I also want to clarify, that i do not want to kill my self, lol..what i meant by that line is that thoughts want to change the content of them selfs and become new thoughts with new beliefs(content). This stuff is very hard to explain through typing on a phone.

I think I understand – but that again is just thought wanting something other than what is – is the answer there – or is it in that which notices thought?

The struggle is over the emotion

No – that would be thought again wanting something other than what is! LOL. See above exercise of just being with what is! :)
Big hugs Sarah xxx

[Adam51387]

While sitting tonight, i had a very interesting experience, there was sonething i could only describe as a tickling sensation in the heart area,i,ve had this before when i try to focus on compassion or self love. and after that there was sometime spent looking at thought, basically i was just sitting there thinking with my eyes closed, all of a sudden i felt a shift of consciousness, i d k how to describe it, because how do you describe the feeling of something you cant feel move, but it dropped into my body, and there was a feeling of depth to it, and then i almost felt like i was floating or melting into the room it felt like disappearing but being here in the room. It was very strange, and thoughts kept saying what is this? Because i never felt anything like that before, the disappearing felt kinda like when i was driving in the car, but what im talking about is the feeling i felt when consciousness or awareness or whatever seemed to literally drop into my body, it was different then just feeling the body, i was trying to focus on the body after watchig thoughts and i did but i was still looking at thought and then suddenly something just dropped down there but it was nothing. It had no weight or feeling to it. Very strange experience tonight.

[Adam51387]

Sarah, i need your help still, because i dont feel i know how to get answers out of awareness, i only hear thoughts, because thoughts form a story, they are the only things that try to explain, awareness just is there it doesnt report anything. I feel lost, although very peaceful today
Love xxxx

[Sarah7]

Hi Adam
My internet has died! Have had to borrow a neighbours connection to let you know! I have no idea how long this will take and I'm so sorry to break into our conversation. I'll let you know when I am back up and running but until then can you keep checking in just in case I'm back! Also on iPad so I can't quote!

You: I need your help still, because i dont feel i know how to get answers out of awareness, i only hear thoughts, because thoughts form a story, they are the only things that try to explain, awareness just is there it doesnt report anything. I feel lost, although very peaceful.

Me: When are you NOT aware?
What tells you you are not aware?
Thoughts trying to describe experience, can it really? What can a thought know outside of itself? Can the word ever really capture the experience? And what experience is ever permanent?
Is it habit sending you to thoughts first? Then what is noticed after thought? Gently push around thought. What then is noticed? What is sense noticing? Watch is touch, smell etc.?
Is thought wanting something other than what is? Is thought adding story? Then that is what is experienced? can you be with this? have a look.
I'll be back with you a soon as poss!
Hugs Sarah xxx

[Adam51387]

Hi sarah
Ohh noo!! Sorry bout your connection, hope you get back to the interwebz soon!! :)

I am not aware when im sleeping and not dreaming.
I never said i wasnt aware, i just feel i am not getting any answers from my looking, thoughts say, you are looking wrong, they want to force an insight, they say there should be something to gather from every moment, and there is, its just not always in big leaps the way thoughts want it to be.
No word can capture the experience it is nothing out side of it self just like thought!
No experience is permenant, not even experience itself!
I naturally do go to thought first, although actually that cant be true because experience comes first then a thought about it, but i look to thought for the definition of the experience, after thought comes more experience and more thought., i feel i am seeing more clearly this morning, ill try to answer more shortly

Love

[Sarah7]

Hey Adam

Ohh noo!! Sorry bout your connection, hope you get back to the interwebz soon!! :)

Im sort of back! But if I disappear again – its because there is a fault in the area!

I never said i wasnt aware, i just feel i am not getting any answers from my looking, thoughts say, you are looking wrong, they want to force an insight, they say there should be something to gather from every moment, and there is, its just not always in big leaps the way thoughts want it to be.

Read this back! Expectations! Thoughts wanting something other than what is!!!!!

I naturally do go to thought first, although actually that cant be true because experience comes first then a thought about it, but i look to thought for the definition of the experience, after thought comes more experience and more thought.,

That’s what I meant – but you said better! LOL.

ill try to answer more shortly

OK! Hugs Sarah xxx

[Adam51387]

I am sorry, lost track with where we were at in the questioning, dont know where to go from here

Been trying to aproach life with a sense of watching, watching qhat it does and what comes up, when theres anger what expectations made me angry, just watching. Hope to hear from you
hugs

[Sarah7]

Hey Adam!

I am sorry, lost track with where we were at in the questioning, dont know where to go from here

Well anything else need addressing? Any doubt? Any questions? Any uncertainty? Confusion? Any seeking? Any expectations still in there – buried!? How are you feeling?
Is there a you to go anywhere or do anything?

Been trying to aproach life with a sense of watching, watching qhat it does and what comes up, when theres anger what expectations made me angry, just watching. Hope to hear from you

Is there a ‘you’ doing that or is it just happening all by itself? Can you see the thoughts that want something other than what is?
Hugs Sarah xxx