1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
There was the set of thoughts that are labeled as different things such as preferences, memories, etc. that were believed to be the story and identification linked to the sense of I am. As a separate entity, this person never was that imagined person. There are apparent preferences, forms, and decisions happening, but no one in control doing those things. Our being can be observed as a simple freedom from thought and the recognition of ourselves as not the thoughts, but the sense of aware presence that never leaves us. There is this happening, but to no one that was ever here.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
From my experience, you could say, the separate self is just an illusion made from the collected ideas, preferences, projections being attached to the sense of I am. This network of illusion is the source of suffering because you see yourself as a limited person that has to do certain things to feel a certain way. The illusion is chasing feelings and sensation as a source of experience that becomes part of the story. I think it must have started from the beginning when you are given a name and you are told certain things that you come to believe about yourself. You are given a role to play within a family and that forms you identity as a limited functional person that is constantly seeking love and approval in order to feel complete.
It is a tricky thing to have a constant running narrative in your mind. You begin to believe that this is just how life is going to be. Maybe you calm the thinking, but it appears that it will never stop. The judgments, the observations, the comparison constantly operating from an apparent field of lack.
Now I do not experience that constant narrative and comparison. There is just what is happening whether preferable or not.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
It feels great to see this. I could tell something was different and after an hour or so I knew for sure that the shift had occurred. It really did feel that it happened to no one. All the teaching and reading I could remember really made such sense more than it ever had! Things still seem very much the same, but I can feel the difference of how experience is processed. I feel less reactive and more objective in everyday occurrences. There is a feeling of complete acceptance of what is. I feel so grateful for the sharing that occurs at LU in order to stay with the looking and become clear. I feel so much love for my family and the world. I feel more connected to people. I see us all part of the same movement.
I went back a reread some things from different books as a check in process with what had happened, and was just shaking my head in agreement. I completely understood and felt what they were talking about. This may not mean much to say, and could be clarified with some details about exactly what I read, but I don't think it is necessary to do that. I see how language gets tricky when talking about this. We are playing with words in order to direct things, but they can be dropped as well.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you actually take the look?
I think I was looking for a very long time, but there was so much processing and thinking happening that it just blocked my view incredibly. I had so many expectations below the surface. I thought I understood that expectations were not helpful, but that did not mean that they were not there sustaining identity. Understanding that there is not a specific way this will look when understood and that life will not be fixed seemed to loosen up my fixed identity enough to let the real seeing slip in. Then it felt like a switched just flipped.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen?
How does it work?
What are you responsible for?
Give examples from your recent day to day experience.
Those are all appearances. In reality, all those apparent occurrences just happen without a controller. Only thoughts associated with an I am sense make those concepts real. I can't really say how anything happens. Maybe scientifically we can make a distinction, but in direct experience there is no one to decide, to have intent, choose, control, or be responsible.
I am not sure how to give examples of things that do not happen!
6) Anything to add?
I would like to know how to stay solid in this understanding. Is there an after process to stay confirmed with what has been seen? It seems like there would be something further to do, but maybe not. I appreciate how ordinary everything is while being so extraordinary as well. All those ideas of what I may or may not do if I saw what I am not are just not an issue. Thank you so much for this gift! It is very special.
I have been curious about what happens when parents go through this process that have small children. Is there a way to raise a child with this understanding without confusing them! It seems like my entire family is working at creating an imaginary sense of personhood for my son. They don't know it. It's just the way all people in western societies seem to behave. It seems like a waste of time to me, but that is how they show love and I don't want to control that connection. Should someone become an imagined person first before exploring the reality of existence?
Thank you!