The Gate

Hi Kay,

Unfortunately, I am currently under the weather and will respond as soon as I get better.

thanks,
Rio

Hi Rio,

Sorry to hear that you are unwell. Rest and take care of yourself.

Kay

Hi Kay,

So how was it doing that last exercise with sound? What did you find when doing the exercise?

Along with the refrigerator even my ears have now started to humm.
I noticed a constant humm in my ears :)

Can you say with 100% certainty that you have realised that there is no separate self as it is thought to be?

I don't feel that confident. However, looking and breaking down raw experience has brought about more clarity into the workings of the mind and in general about the nature of experience.

If so, how does it feel to realise this?
Can you pinpoint when exactly you felt the shift when realisation happened, and how the shift itself was felt?

when we skyped and entertained the idea of complete and total defeat, there was a sense of letting go/surrender of all desires and conditioning that are constantly running in order to navigate life. This falling back/dissolving/melting into the background/ground level/becoming zero was very peaceful. The ego and all the mental constructs ceased to exist for the time being.

And has anything changed?

Looking made it clear to a good extent as to the role of thoughts and that all psychological suffering is contained in thoughts.
That Thoughts just overlay on top of the other AE's
Looking at all AE's it is clear that all AE's other than thought are simply what they are and don't really suggest anything much except when something instinctual is going on. Thought assumes and makes up a lot of stuff. Eventually resisting what's arising with a story and causing suffering.

Notice that I am perfectly compatible with whatever arises, since it is already the case, I have already borne it. thought says that I can't and resists, but I have the capacity for anything that arises.This realization is still in it's infancy.

And what hasn’t changed?

Believing thoughts, getting lost in them.
After the inquiry/looking there is peace/clarity for some time. Then as I engage in some activity the person-self sneak backs in and before I know it the mind starts judging/evaluation experience from that standpoint.

What is the main difference, if any, from before this exploration started?

noticing the various person-self's that load up at different times, to then evaluate different situations.
More of an automatic inquiry into the presupposition/presumptions already in place from where the evaluation/judgement takes place rather than believing the outcomes blindly.
More and more being in a space of gratitude for whatever is arising and watching with curiosity without a preloaded narrative to judge.
Also emotions are no longer scary, there isn't a tendency to avoid them by engaging in some activity. I treat them as an AE of sensation.

Is there anything that you need clarified...anything you are not clear about?

There seems to be a lot of yoyo'ing , Moments of clarity, then moments of identification and despair, very hard to say where exactly I stand. Also looking back I seem to have difficulty in identifying any achievements etc.
If I were to ask myself what have I learned in the last 6 years studying/practicing spirituality - I can't think of anything much and wonder what have I been doing? I find that strange and was wonder if you had any thoughts.


thanks,
Rio

Hello Rio,

So how was it doing that last exercise with sound? What did you find when doing the exercise?

Along with the refrigerator even my ears have now started to humm.
I noticed a constant humm in my ears :)

This question was asking, more so, if you could find separation. Could you find a listener/hearer of sound, or was listenerhearersound one and the same? Could you find a separate “I” that was separate to sound?

Can you say with 100% certainty that you have realised that there is no separate self as it is thought to be?

I don't feel that confident. However, looking and breaking down raw experience has brought about more clarity into the workings of the mind and in general about the nature of experience.

When you LOOK can you find a separate self, a someone who is separate to everything? Can you find a hearer, see-er, feeler, thinker, taster or smeller that is separate from and to sound, colour, thought, sensation, taste or smell? The mind will tell you that you can find a body and that you are in the body, and because of this, you are in the body, separate to everything else; therefore you are the hearer, see-er, thinker etc. There is always a self in the sense of a human body we can point to, but is there any evidence that this body is independent of every object in the universe?
When you LOOK, is this so?

And what hasn’t changed?

Believing thoughts, getting lost in them.
After the inquiry/looking there is peace/clarity for some time. Then as I engage in some activity the person-self sneak backs in and before I know it the mind starts judging/evaluation experience from that standpoint.

And where does this person-self hide when peace/clarity arises? And is this person-self a separate object to everything else?

"But if I am not a person, then what am I? I want to experience/realise what I really am!" Can a tree be experienced? That is, do you know what it is like to be a tree? No...then you don't know what it is like to be a person either as there has never been an experience of being a person. There are only thoughts that suggest you know what it is like to be a person!

Is there anything that you need clarified...anything you are not clear about?

There seems to be a lot of yoyo'ing , Moments of clarity, then moments of identification and despair, very hard to say where exactly I stand.

Is not everything running on automatic? Thoughts say many things and not all they say corresponds to actuality, as you have seen! Next time you watch a movie, notice how you get sucked into the story; how emotions come up and judgements appear. Then all of a sudden, there is like a flip back to the room - as if focus zooms out. Observe how it happens. Is it different from being sucked into mind movies or getting lost in thought? At which point is there a decision to snap out? Is there one that makes that decision or does it simply happen, effortlessly? Zooming in and out of character happens the same way…identification with the story of being the character is also part of story. Attachment to pleasure and fear of pain are also stories. There is nothing that attaches, only the story about attachment.

Kay

Hi Kay,

I am redoing a few of your previous assignments. Need to do some more contemplation and will reply after that. Hope to have more specific insights/questions by then.

thanks.
Rio

Hi Rio,

I think you should take a month or two...it will give you the space and time to redo stuff and to just let it all filter in.

Kay