It seems close but yet so far

[CuriousBeing]

Thank you for your patience and interest in helping me with this, Ron. I'll be sure to repay you for it.

I'll do these and report back throughout the day!

[Ronaldo]

Thank you for your patience and interest in helping me with this, Ron. I'll be sure to repay you for it.

You're very welcome 😊 I don't take payments, the thought was kind enough, thank you.

[CuriousBeing]

Hey Ron,

Like I said earlier was a bit busy today and only stopped the hectic work an hour ago. Didn't find the time to sit down and practice today but I noticed catching myself defending the self and realizing "wait what am I defending here?" And getting relief from the thought chatter.

Will do the exercises first thing tomorrow and get back to you. Sorry about this but just so you know I'm still as invested as ever.

[Ronaldo]

Good job catching the thought :)
I'll catch you tomorrow.

[CuriousBeing]

Self
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other
The moon is meant to be full tonight (could this make me feel more anxiety?)
time went by quickly (when will this be over so I can do something else)

It seems like thoughts are all based around me.

Did you choose this? or was it just what came?

The thought came up. I see what you mean. It's not like all countries came up and there was a choice. A thought just came up.

was that limited group of countries selected by you?

No the choice just happened.

did you decide not to include Pakistan?

No, Pakistan just didn't come up.

Did you observe free choice made?
Did you observe an actual thinking process?
Did you do anything at all for these thoughts to appear?

I see that thoughts come up with answers and I'm not actively doing the choice because otherwise I wouldn't be thinking certain thoughts that are sad or cause anxiety but this feeling of me doing it remains. I'll stay with these longer because "I" think they're vital for this.

[Ronaldo]

If you're the thinker of thoughts, try to create a new thought.
Oh tell me how you do it?

Watch what happens, a thought comes up "let's create a thought..."
What do you do next?

Do you ever do anything other than wait for a thought?
Do you ever know what the next thought will deliver?

What is 2+8? Do you know the answer before the thought comes up as 10?
Or is it more true to say that a thought says "I know the answer" before the answer appears?

Give me one example where you create or affect thought?

Is it possible that you do not want to give up the idea of control because "you" don't like the idea?
Does it matter what the thought says about control? Can it change what is already happening?

[CuriousBeing]

I see that thoughts just arise, and the taking ownership is simply another thought but that feeling that they are mine thoughts is there. Without actively remembering there is no I then I fall into the belief that I am thinking and I am doing. There isn't any detachment from the thoughts just because it's clear that I don't choose the thoughts. Does that make sense? Doubt is beginning to arise as to whether I'm actually ready to see this.

Sorry for the late reply. It's been a hectic three days but from tomorrow I'll have more time again for this.

[CuriousBeing]

I feel bad that it's taking this long and taking up your time with no results. You could likely be helping someone who is ready.

Is there something I am missing about this process? Maybe I'm trying too hard to try understand it with the mind or I'm putting too much effort in?

[Ronaldo]

If you wish to take a break from this, it's fine, no need to look for reasons how I benefit from this.
I do suspect there is something that you hold on to, but I can't know if you don't tell me (if you know).

So it's your call, if you want to continue, please do the above questions again tomorrow, and provide a detailed answer to each question so that I get some idea of how you go about it, and know you don't just think this through.

Have a good night
Ron

[CuriousBeing]

If you're the thinker of thoughts, try to create a new thought.
Oh tell me how you do it?

I can't. It gets quiet till the next thought arrives.

Watch what happens, a thought comes up "let's create a thought..."
What do you do next?

Wait and see what comes up.

Do you ever do anything other than wait for a thought?

No. Thoughts can be ignored but cannot be stopped.

Do you ever know what the next thought will deliver?

No. Usually thoughts try to explain the experience.

What is 2+8? Do you know the answer before the thought comes up as 10?

No. 2+8 is in the realm of thoughts. The answer can't be known outside of thought.

Or is it more true to say that a thought says "I know the answer" before the answer appears?

Yes. A thought claiming ownership.

Give me one example where you create or affect thought?

Thoughts happen without any controller.

Is it possible that you do not want to give up the idea of control because "you" don't like the idea?

With this question a lot of fear and anxiety arises. I'll stay with it and watch them for what they are. Thoughts and sensations.

Does it matter what the thought says about control?

A thought can say what it wants, thought content is not real.

Can it change what is already happening?

No. Just like thinking a dog is a cat doesn't change reality.

I don't want to take a break. I want to see reality and get out of this illusion. It's very important to me because I'm tired of being convinced by my thoughts of something I am not and then trying to protect this illusory self at the expense of others.

[Ronaldo]

Hi Simon,

Thoughts can be ignored but cannot be stopped.

Are you sure? What is ignoring the thought, or how do you know it's ignored?

What is 2+8? Do you know the answer before the thought comes up as 10?

No. 2+8 is in the realm of thoughts. The answer can't be known outside of thought.

Let's look closely, if I ask you what is 7+2 do you know the answer before it shows up? Clearly no.
And isn't the first thought that comes up, even before the answer is 'I know the answer' or 'I can calculate the answer'
But the main point here is even something as trivial as a simple arithmetic sum is not something YOU do or control, is it? The thought provides an answer and another thought can claim it to be true.

Does it matter what the thought says about control?

A thought can say what it wants, thought content is not real.

Yes, but even if you use logic here, in reality there is no Simon thinking thoughts, and what more proof is required than to observe the experience called thoughts like you did in this inquiry again and again?

And yet, there is a thought that says "it cannot be true", "that means that "I" is a thought" "that means that Simon is an illusion", and "I don't want to cease being a person", "I don't want to give up control". Does it matter what these thoughts say in reality? Does it change one bit to reality if that thought is believed or not?
Is there an entity believing that thought? Or is it just thought!?! Free floating, no owner, an experience of thought.
There is nothing to fear, it's already the case!
Read this a few times please.


Don't look for something dramatic to occur, just look at what's here in front of you, is there anything at all taking place other than the 5 senses and thoughts? Where is Simon there? Isn't Simon only appearing with these endless thoughts that always carry this "me" everywhere they appear like you've seen?

[CuriousBeing]

I noticed during conversation today a thought came up with an answer and I saw it. I didn't think it, the answer just came. I even responded with "the answer came to me".

I'll stay with this some more.

[CuriousBeing]

I'll keep looking at this because it still feels personal. It is obvious that that's all there is. Thought is mistaken to be reality and the illusion persists. I've noticed a lot of fear recently with this particular inquiry but I'll keep at it till I see.

[CuriousBeing]

Yes that's it. A fear of death. A fear of losing Simon. A fear that I will cease. I will lose all I have and those around me will see I'm not real. That's the intense fear I've been having and why there's been a lot of aversion to this.

[Ronaldo]

Thanks for sharing this.
I did my best to explain how the fear is based on false beliefs, nothing can happen because it's already how it is.
Having that belief, or not, does not change reality.
You also know how to look at the fear, how you take an emotion and break it down to the raw sensation and let it be.

Perhaps you should take a few days or a week, and look at these questions again when things calm down a bit.
I'll be here.
Best
Ron