Hi Vivien,
sorry for the delay.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, there is no self in actual experience. The Me, the self is just an idea rooted in the belief system. There is no Me inside this body which receives life and does, choose, decides, etc.
2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?
The illusion of a separate self is the conventional belief that there is an entity separate from reality. That entity (a ME) starts developing itself during childhood and during its entire life. This identity is not present right after birth, it is seeded at a very young age and developed during life. 'We' are separate from reality, we interact with the world, we own senses, we own thoughts and emotions. We have a path, the path of life. During this path we have to develop our character, our personality, we have to learn, to improve. We address our lives with our choices, we are responsible for our actions, emotions, feelings, ideas and their consequences.
Through this inquiry, the self continues to pops up as usual, but now it is seen for what it is: a belief, nothing more than a thought.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It's liberating. Before this inquiry started, there were a lot of expectations. The self wanted to see that the self doesn't exist. It's been a very difficult process, thoughts worked to avoid looking. Then, the more this inquiry went deep the more the seeing was clear. Expectations dropped, looking became sharp, thoughts were seen for what they are. This inquiry became effective. Life now is seen for what it is: an immense happening of disjointed phenomena (experiences), without a center, a doer, a receiver, a separate entity. Thoughts triggered nasty emotions, there was anxiety, fear, but also excitement, curiosity, trust. Life doesn't happen TO ME anymore. Life unfolds naturally and seeing that triggers beautiful emotions now. The immense anxiety for a self development, expectations and dogmas dropped. There is no Me to improve, it never was here. It's liberating.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
Everything changed the moment "you" pushed "me" to investigate the experience of body. There was this feeling that I own the body, that I live as a body separate from everything else. Focusing on sensations was the last bit, it was very powerful. :)
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Nothing of those things really exist in actual experience. Everything happens on its own, there are not subjects or objects. Life is verbs, happenings, phenomena. There are no receiver or doer, there are no choice or free will (who has will? who has choice?) Without entities (selves) who does what? Who should decide, control and choose?
When 'we do something' there is just a bunch of beliefs going on. Reality is BEFORE decision, intention, free will, choice and control. All of them are beliefs, things are already going on by themselves, a director is not needed and it is fictional, it's an illusion.
A very simple example: "I am hungry, so I'm going to the bakery store to buy some food. After that I eat my food, I'm not hungry anymore, I'm satisfied."
What's happened here? There is the belief that Claudio is receiving the sensation of hunger. Claudio desires to eat, in consequence of that he decides to go to the store. He goes to the store, then he chooses what to eat, he eats his food and receives the sensation of satisfaction.
Now a very simple example like this is seen in a very different way. There is no Claudio who receives sensations, who decides, goes, walks, eats, is satisfied. All of these experiences are happening by themselves. There is hunger, there is searching for food, there is eating, there is satisfaction. None of that requires Claudio to happen. Reality is under this layer of beliefs (thoughts). These thoughts simply stick onto experiences, providing an illusion that now is clearly seen.
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
As for free will, there is no Me who is responsible or not responsible. It's just impossible. Responsibility is a concept and it is fictional. Everything is already perfect and life is already functioning without the need for a Me who is responsible.
6) Anything to add?
Nothing to add!
