The Gate

Nothing is left. Just experiencing whatever is there in the moment.

Perfect! beautiful! Wonder-Full !!
Isn't it fucking GREAT ! There is just the experiencing that this Moment IS ! WHICH IS EVERYTHING !
It even includes the thought (fear) generated bodily sensations.
You answered your own question as to why are you feeling so resistant ? when you said "...it's the struggling and suffering"
Strange and wonderful things happen here. We've now got a notion that the actuality that Everything in your current experiencing is What IS, and that includes the fear generated sensations. We also have the notion that Choice is made by the organisms brain some time before the mind (thoughts) kick in. So we have a notion of Surrender. What can we do anyway. There is no choice. So all of a sudden you become Not the Driver but you discover that you were the passenger all along. Surrender, Give Up. Enjoy the Ride. After all, what choice is there?
So with all this going on, guess what happens ?
The bodily sensations evaporate. The brain has been re-wired to to a higher level of efficiency. It now knows of the incredible waste of energy that feedback loop of 'thought-feeling-more thought-more feeling...' was.
The thoughts that generated the fear sensation do have some persistance, that is they are triggered by certain conditions and will be triggered in the future, BUT each time you 'see' it occur, SIMPLE SEEING it will evaporate and be weakened further until pretty quickly it becomes only an occasional visit from the friend of old that has another message for you.

I really see what you are speaking of. This seeing of the illusion of a belief has been happening for sometime in this life. And the resultant ebbing away of them.
This was occurring before and after whatever took place on Monday. So i'm curious, what did happen on Monday?
I really don't know. I can't say at all. Nothing can describe not even thoughts to myself. Absolutely no knowledge or understanding of it. I can say for sure that something totally unknowable to my mind is radically different. Every time i look to see what's different there's nothing.
So back to the questions that were asked by you and Nomad. This is where it's impossible for me given what i've stated above. It's all very curious.

Good night from the UK.
Enjoy your day on the other side.

Antony

what did happen on Monday?

Who knows ?
Who cares ?
or should that be WHO knows ? WHO cares ?
Part of brain conditioning is the establishment of habit. It's good efficiency. Unfortunately of of the habits established is that for the mind to give Meaning or Purpose to everything it has contact with. This adds emotional content to the experience. It's an addiction.
Seeing it, Kills it.
Sit back and enjoy the ride...
But a warning, smugness is a sedative.

Thanks Vince.
I went and met Rupert Spira on Wednesday (you may know of him). It was really helpful and good to be with him. I spoke to him about integration and he mentioned how the feeling experience takes many years to 'get' this.
Much more ease has come over in the last few days. Like you said 'enjoy the ride'. The sense of integration keeps the smugness from showing up. There's so much more to explore.

So just to summarise;
Can you 'see' clearly how the identification with a fictional I/me character occurs ?

There's so much more to explore.

i imagine it as a never ending journey of discovery.

Even since yesterday has your experience been that you recognise thoughts and sensations as what they are without being swallowed up by them ?

...Rupert Spira on Wednesday (you may know of him). It was really helpful and good to be with him. I spoke to him about integration and he mentioned how the feeling experience takes many years to 'get' this.

Sounds like he resonated for you - excellent.
Some people take a long time, some not, for some it's dramatic and some it's subtle - everybody's unique.

Can you 'see' clearly how the identification with a fictional I/me character occurs ?

I can't 'see' how it happens, but i recognise it once it has happened. The seeing is that it was never real.

Even since yesterday has your experience been that you recognise thoughts and sensations as what they are without being swallowed up by them ?

I still go off on a train of thought or feeling but at some point the recognition happens. It doesn't stop it happening.
This was clear before yesterday. What i have wanted is for the thoughts and feelings to not arise at all. I see this is just another. However, this doesn't stop the feeling that i want rid of the unpleasant feelings. This one in particular is understood completely as not real but this is not occurring at the feeling level. There is still squirming happening.
This is ok as i understand that this is what will take some time for the feeling to catch up with what is seen.

Antony

this doesn't stop the feeling that i want rid of the unpleasant feelings.

It's a story about how it will be without the unpleasant feelings - you do see this, but instead of recognising it as a story, you repeat it ad nauseam (pun intended) or you recognise it but for some reason pretend you don't ?

Yes. I see this. This particular mechanism has been the sole 'seeking' activity in recent years. The belief that once these feelings are gotten rid of then i'll be free. It's been an intense activity in mind.
So i understand that this mechanism is a little more persistent or prevalent than others.
Pretending that i don't see it is about right. Haha :)
I kinda understand that this will take some time to drop in. As much as the activity is initiated by a belief thought. The reality of what the belief feeds on is the observation of the feeling itself. Seeing that i can't do anything about feeling because it's already there will loosen this mechanism.

The belief that once these feelings are gotten rid of then i'll be free.

Can you see that these hopes, these expectations are a story that you are identified with ??

It's been an intense activity in mind.

It takes a lot of energy for Thoughts to create, construct and embellish a story.
Some people have a huge release of energy when they Grok it.
back to the question;
Can you see that these hopes, these expectations are a story that you are identified with ??

Can you see that these hopes, these expectations are a story that you are identified with ??

Oh, yes. I was describing the mechanism. I see through what it is.

I see through what it is.

Antony, you can see it, yet you are still identified with it ?
i don't understand.
Then why identify with this story and not another (better) one ?

Antony, you can see it, yet you are still identified with it ?

No. It was the context in which i wrote. Sounded like i was still identifying. I was pointing out the fact that i observe this old belief arising. I see through it but it still comes up from time to time. And that's ok. No problem.

Phew ! you had me worried there for a minute.

So Antony, how's it going. This whole 'no self' thing ?
What's the overall feeling for you ?

To be clear. The 'no self' experience is only gleaming in moments of total cessation, where thought comes to an end. Then experience is utterly empty of an 'I' thought. There is just experiencing itself. The cessation is becoming more regular but the 'I' thought is the most common. As present as it is and as often as the 'I' thought gets played out there is a hollowness to it. It's ok for it to play out and even be believed in for a moment. At any instant it can be seen for what it is. The realisation is that it never really changed anything as it never was what it appeared. It's a funny joke and a play.
The feeling/sensation experience is interesting. Things are not so quick to reveal as illusion. This, i am understanding, is part of this next chapter.
In a nutshell all is well. If it appears not then it is not for that moment of appearance. It always dis-appears back into nothing without a trace of it ever having existing. Amazing!

That's beautiful man.

As present as it is and as often as the 'I' thought gets played out

It will get less and less frequent and weaker and weaker each time it is Seen.
It's also ok to let it be there and just ignore it like the sound of the refrigerator. It gets so you only notice it when you put your attention on it.

only gleaming in moments of total cessation

You may start to notice a background equanimity, regardless of what is happening in the foreground.

Would you think that you might want to help other seekers to see the obvious ?
Try this (again); how would you communicate this 'no self' thing to a sixteen year old.