The Gate

Awesome, thank you, Lawrence. Sounds perfect!

Hi Michael.
This was written in the manner of "real time" as I sat/stood and reflected on the questions. I have tried to avoid over-consideration so as to be caught by any falseness in over considering matters.
(Hi Ilona)
Everyday is different. Every day is new and a challenge. Sometimes I believe/know my wife is a reflection of the processes itself challenging itself. Changes happen all the time. I seem to be able to slip into direct experience more and more and everything becomes a jumble of vision and sounds, but rarely relaxing-when I talk with people direct experience disappears. The only time I can fully engage in direct experience is on late hazy afternoons and walk down to the seafront with trees in the background and am able to dissociate quickly from everything around.
I am neither alone nor with people, am nothing and part of everything; I meld into that which is around . The trees look to me as I look to them. There are sounds around that are gentle sounds engulfing, ; I am neither lost nor found , happy nor sad. Everything blurs and it does not blur;; all is clear but nothing needs to be seen. There is a feeling of staying and a need to break-off so I do not remain there. Perhaps I will sometime, but I breaks off and returns. I want to achieve this state everywhere.

Q2
When I started this investigation I believed I had a personality that was "self" There is no belief now in "self" logically (!) though the day to daY deceives me most of the time and I run with it except when I direct experience. I papered over the walls of difficulties with meditation which I do not now. What is happening is not meditation. am no achieving, letting go or controlling. listening to a" higher self". It is a private oneness--no future, no past, just watching and listening. The processes are changed and like the trees which "watch" .
Q3
The illusion of self is believing there is a greater something that pertains to humanity. "Self" is just an ebb and flow, like a chameleon`s colour change or the chlorophyll leaf colour change and because colour is a relative process-even this is deceptive. Colour has no form or substance, can be be different in different lights and there is no way of knowing that colours are the same in everybody's eyes-the "perfect" colour comparison test has not been made.
So colour is a good analogy to "self" -a process that cannot be compared to anything but itself.

This was all written within twenty minutes real time, except the rephrasing of the colour comparison, which originally went on for a couple of pages but was easily paraphrased on reviwing.
Regards
Lawrence

Hi Michael

It appears to be over a week since I responded. I hope you are OK,
If this is just what I choose to believe...the internet is the perfect place for ego to feed

Hi Lawrence,

I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

I'm waiting to hear back from those to whom this confirmation process is meaningful. Thanks for the reminder though, I'll go and rattle their cage a little and see what gives...

I am fine. The bizarre process of an ego which is possibly in freefall is quite interesting. My wife has short and medium term memory loss and will not at present see the analyst.However earlier this week she started slurring her speech and I took the precaution of her being viewed to verify she had not had a "stroke". I then realised that she was not actually slurring but lisping. She had a lisp as a child and cultivated removing in as a teenager. She just laughs when I tell her.

Hi Lawrence,

I'm happy to tell you that the process has confirmed what you already know. I will send you a private message with further information.

Warm regards,
Michael