The Gate

Hi Sarah,

Well, emotions have been in the past associated with loss of sleep, lack of energy, irregular eating habits, strange behavior, etc. But maybe that all comes from story.

It's been a few days since the realization occurred that "I" is just a part of everything else that arises and falls away. It's been a calm few days, and not a forced calm. It's a calm that has just happened. I can remember times when emotions seemed to have a very strong grip and very strong influence on health and behavior. But the mirror is still here!

A couple of questions came up out of curiosity, "What are memories?", "Are there also memories that have nothing to do with "I"?.

So who or what is bothered by this if at all? Keep looking at this ‘I’ just also being part of what is. It also like everything else – comes and goes.

Yes, it is seen that "I" is also a part of what is along with seeing, eating, speaking, hearing, etc. But "I" certainly does come up a lot!! "I" tried to grab its foothold several times today, and was successful for a short time, and went "Blah blah blah blah blah" and then went away again. And it was okay! But it is hard to say what will happen in the long term. "I" seems to have taken a more relaxed role. Realizing the "I" doesn't actually control anything has been a huge realization. Haven't seen a "who" or "what" being bothered by "I", but it has only been a few days.

Thoughts came up today saying, "No wonder 'I' is always complaining! It can't actually control anything, it can only say things, and that must be extremely frustrating!"

Thank you for all your help. Love, Jessica ♥♥♥

Hi Jessica

A couple of questions came up out of curiosity, "What are memories?", "Are there also memories that have nothing to do with "I"?.

OK – memories give the impression that they are things remembered that happened. But when are memories happening? Then or now? Can they actually bring back and repeat? Are they accurate? The fact that there is a thought floating on by id happening – but the content? Is that imagination? Or a perception of how it was or should have been? Have a look. Take any memory – when is it happening? Then or now? How does it differ from any other thought? Is it ALL story?

Yes, it is seen that "I" is also a part of what is along with seeing, eating, speaking, hearing, etc. But "I" certainly does come up a lot!! "I" tried to grab its foothold several times today, and was successful for a short time, and went "Blah blah blah blah blah" and then went away again. And it was okay! But it is hard to say what will happen in the long term. "I" seems to have taken a more relaxed role. Realizing the "I" doesn't actually control anything has been a huge realization. Haven't seen a "who" or "what" being bothered by "I", but it has only been a few days. Thoughts came up today saying, "No wonder 'I' is always complaining! It can't actually control anything, it can only say things, and that must be extremely frustrating!"

LOL. Yes, it is hard to say anything! Thought may rear its head again – it may not. It comes and goes along with everything else. Keep looking Jessica. Lovely looking as per usual! Any more questions? Anything else you are unsure of? Love and Hugs. Sarah xxxxx

Hi Sarah,

OK – memories give the impression that they are things remembered that happened. But when are memories happening? Then or now? Can they actually bring back and repeat? Are they accurate? The fact that there is a thought floating on by id happening – but the content? Is that imagination? Or a perception of how it was or should have been? Have a look. Take any memory – when is it happening? Then or now? How does it differ from any other thought? Is it ALL story?

Memories are happening NOW. They are not accurate. They can not bring back and repeat. But they are based on events that happened in the past. However, they have tons of holes in them and they will show only a certain version of an event. Memories also are very much subject to being made to fit into particular themes, the same themes seen in repeating thoughts, repeating stories.

Any more questions? Anything else you are unsure of?

The illusion of "I" has been seen through, and it is still settling in. I can't say "I" saw through the illusion of "I", it just happened. There are questions that continue to come up out of curiosity. I don't know if this would be considered a form of seeking.

But seeking to me always meant "finding a way to feel less crazy and happier in daily life", and that has happened. So, it is no longer necessary.

But there is an overwhelming curiosity happening. This life being experienced is much more than "I". I feel like another organism breathing, eating, moving, and living on this planet. But there is a desire to understand this organism better, not only through the lens of "I", but also through looking.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love, Jessica xxx

Hi Jessica

The illusion of "I" has been seen through, and it is still settling in. I can't say "I" saw through the illusion of "I", it just happened. There are questions that continue to come up out of curiosity. I don't know if this would be considered a form of seeking.

Interest may arise in what is happening now – does it behave any differently than anything else that arises? Have a look.

But there is an overwhelming curiosity happening. This life being experienced is much more than "I". I feel like another organism breathing, eating, moving, and living on this planet. But there is a desire to understand this organism better, not only through the lens of "I", but also through looking.

What was/is experienced here is that seeking ended but looking hasn’t. Ill pm you with a book that may help with further investigation into the body etc. Are you the body? Is the body any different from anything else arising in 'seeing'?
Are you being lived? Are you ready for some final questions?
Love and hugs Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

Interest may arise in what is happening now – does it behave any differently than anything else that arises? Have a look.

Yes, there is a lot of interest arising in what is happening now. I don't yet know if it behaves differently than anything else that arises. I would like to look into this a bit more.

What was/is experienced here is that seeking ended but looking hasn’t. Ill pm you with a book that may help with further investigation into the body etc.

Yes, I would really like to know the name of the book, because there is a really strong interest in further investigation.

Are you the body? Is the body any different from anything else arising in 'seeing'?

That I am not the body is not yet seen. It is understood that "I" am not the thoughts that arise in this head, or the emotions felt, or the pain experienced in the body. But not being the body either? - that is not yet seen. The body still seems to be the reference point for all of the experiences of life. Even though in seeing there is no separation in the seer and what is seen, when thoughts arise it always comes back to the body. Other things don't have permanence - thoughts, feelings, and pain come and go, but the body is always here.

Are you being lived? Are you ready for some final questions?

Maybe I am not yet ready for some final questions, because there is confusion about the body. I'm really sorry about this :( Feel like there is something that is not yet seen.

Thank you for all your help. Love, Jessica xxx

Hi Jessica

Yes, there is a lot of interest arising in what is happening now. I don't yet know if it behaves differently than anything else that arises.

OK – so have a good look as interest comes and goes. How does it differ from say a thought? When interest arises – can you find a one who is interested?

That I am not the body is not yet seen. It is understood that "I" am not the thoughts that arise in this head, or the emotions felt, or the pain experienced in the body. But not being the body either? - that is not yet seen. The body still seems to be the reference point for all of the experiences of life. Even though in seeing there is no separation in the seer and what is seen, when thoughts arise it always comes back to the body. Other things don't have permanence - thoughts, feelings, and pain come and go, but the body is always here.

OK – do you still have the seeing exercise? Maybe re read what you saw earlier? Check again though.

Can you find a dividing line between the object or body and the seeing of it? Or are the object or body and the seeing of it inseparable? Is there an entity called "you" experiencing the seeing? Can you find a dividing line between "you" and seeing? Or is there only seeing? What do you see about the thought, "I'm seeing that object or body"? Is it an accurate description of direct experience?

Can a face, hand or foot know or experience something? Can a face, hand or foot hear, taste, smell or see these words? Or are the face, hand and foot known and experienced along with everything else?

Is our direct experience of the body the same as the idea we have about it. Do you only see fragments and collect them together from memory to make a whole? And if you see it whole does it gives the impression of solidity, permanence and reality? But is that our direct experience? The fragments also are never seen without an aspect of the world – e.g. I am writing this in bed and I see my hands writing surrounded by duvet. The total visual field – one seamless whole, made only of seeing. It is thought that artificially divides. Just as the screen is one seamless whole. From the point of view of the object – all items are separate, but from the point of view of the screen there is nothing separate or independent object there is just the screen. Test this yourself.
No need to be sorry – we can take as long as you like! Love and Hugs Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,

Thank you for the book recommendation. I have it on Kindle and will be bringing it into the countryside with me tomorrow. Thank you for your patience with me and kind guiding.

I can see what happened yesterday. There were so many thoughts arising that created an illusion of separation. And thoughts create that illusion so well, so much so that the illusion is not seen through at those times. So many questions and thoughts about the body came up, but these thoughts are not the body.

I will be working on the questions from your post and on some exercises in the book that you recommended and I will post again on Monday. Thanks for everything. It is becoming clearer now.

Have a great weekend. Love, Jessica xxx

Hi Jessica
Have a lovely weekend! Love and Hugs
Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

Hope you had a nice weekend!

OK – so have a good look as interest comes and goes. How does it differ from say a thought? When interest arises – can you find a one who is interested?

Interest doesn't differ from a thought. "Interest" is just a thought or a group of thought saying "I am interested in something."

Can you find a dividing line between the object or body and the seeing of it? Or are the object or body and the seeing of it inseparable? Is there an entity called "you" experiencing the seeing? Can you find a dividing line between "you" and seeing? Or is there only seeing? What do you see about the thought, "I'm seeing that object or body"? Is it an accurate description of direct experience?

I can not find this separation in direct experience. But I find this separation or "Illusion of separation" always in thoughts. Since I am not the body and I am not thoughts the question "Who am I?" continually comes up. And I still have no idea what the answer is to that question.

Is our direct experience of the body the same as the idea we have about it. Do you only see fragments and collect them together from memory to make a whole? And if you see it whole does it gives the impression of solidity, permanence and reality? But is that our direct experience? The fragments also are never seen without an aspect of the world – e.g. I am writing this in bed and I see my hands writing surrounded by duvet. The total visual field – one seamless whole, made only of seeing

Yes, I am typing and fingers are on the keyboard, feet are on the chair, eyes are on the screen, thoughts are in the head. The body is seen as fragments, and the body is usually SEEN as it interacts with the world around it. Thoughts come in and interpret that experience. Sometimes thoughts interpret well, and sometimes they spin off into story.

In the direct experience of the body, sometimes the body feels like it is surrounded with and infused with love. But that only happens when it happens. Thoughts jump in and say, "This is great! Find out how to make this always happen!" But it now seems impossible to "make" something happen. Things happen when they happen.

What is realized now is that everything is in a constant state of change. Thoughts talk about everything like it is permanent. Thoughts complain a lot about something "unpleasant" or they say they want to hold onto something that is "pleasant".

It is thought that artificially divides

Yes, thought artificially divides and it does it so well. What is happening here is that looking happens and then it doesn't happen, it happens again and then doesn't happen again. When thoughts have the attention, they really have the attention. In the times when thoughts don't have the attention, no separation is seen. It is becoming clearer now.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love, Jessica xxx

Hi Jessica
Lovely weekend paddling in the sea! :)

I can not find this separation in direct experience. But I find this separation or "Illusion of separation" always in thoughts. Since I am not the body and I am not thoughts the question "Who am I?" continually comes up. And I still have no idea what the answer is to that question.

Is an answer needed out of thought?
What sees all of ‘this’. In what does all of ‘this’ arise? Are you the mirror across which all reflection happen? Where do you start? Where do you end? Are you limited in any way?

Yes, I am typing and fingers are on the keyboard, feet are on the chair, eyes are on the screen, thoughts are in the head. The body is seen as fragments, and the body is usually SEEN as it interacts with the world around it.

Im repeating this again – keep looking at all the points here when seeing happens:
Is our direct experience of the body the same as the idea we have about it. Do you only see fragments and collect them together from memory to make a whole? And if you see it whole does it gives the impression of solidity, permanence and reality? But is that our direct experience? The fragments also are never seen without an aspect of the world – e.g. I am writing this in bed and I see my hands writing surrounded by duvet. The total visual field – one seamless whole, made only of seeing.
Love and Hugs Sarah xxxx

Hi Sarah,

Lovely weekend paddling in the sea! :)

That's fantastic!!

I'm afraid I didn't have a chance to look at the questions today. It was a very busy day! I will post tomorrow. Have a good evening.

Thank you. Love, Jessica xxx

Thanks for letting me know. S xxx

Hi Sarah,

I can not find this separation in direct experience. But I find this separation or "Illusion of separation" always in thoughts. Since I am not the body and I am not thoughts the question "Who am I?" continually comes up. And I still have no idea what the answer is to that question.

Is an answer needed out of thought?

No answer is needed out of thought.

What sees all of ‘this’. In what does all of ‘this’ arise? Are you the mirror across which all reflection happen? Where do you start? Where do you end? Are you limited in any way?

The mirror is sometimes seen! But it is realized now that the mirror is always there. It's like a breath of fresh air, a wide open space. It is the feeling of freedom - freedom from expectations and wants. It is acceptance of everything that is - without words, without thoughts. It is only labeled after it is seen and not while it is seen.

Is our direct experience of the body the same as the idea we have about it. Do you only see fragments and collect them together from memory to make a whole?

The direct experience is different from the thoughts about the body. Thoughts say, "the body is something to be controlled". But the body is not something to be controlled.

And if you see it whole does it gives the impression of solidity, permanence and reality? But is that our direct experience? The fragments also are never seen without an aspect of the world – e.g. I am writing this in bed and I see my hands writing surrounded by duvet. The total visual field – one seamless whole, made only of seeing.

Fragments are never seen without an aspect of the world. This has been tested and seen many times throughout the past couple of days. It is seen now that the total visual field is one seamless whole made only of seeing.

This work with you has become the start of looking at direct experience. Direct experience had never been looked at in this way before. From now on looking will continue to happen when it happens. In looking I can find no separation other than in thoughts. There is also no self other than in thoughts.

I am ready for those final questions. That is, if you also think that I am ready.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love, Jessica xxx

Hi Jessica

I am ready for those final questions.

OK Jessica – here they are. Take your time – there is no rush. Ill take a look and see if anything comes up that may need a bit more looking. If not Ill let some other guides have a look – just to make sure there’s nothing I have missed. OK. Answer as thoroughly as needed.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?
Love and Hugs Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

Take your time – there is no rush. Ill take a look and see if anything comes up that may need a bit more looking. If not Ill let some other guides have a look – just to make sure there’s nothing I have missed. OK. Answer as thoroughly as needed.

Thank you for sending the questions. I will be able to send a reply tomorrow or the day after. There is no rush here either. If there's something that needs looking at further then that's okay. This concern often comes up that I haven't done any meditation practice, or non-dual reading, and had never heard of any of the famous teachers before doing this work. Lots of people seem to have lots of experience and it's a little intimidating. But that's just thoughts right?

I will do my best to answer the questions and please let me know if there is anything that needs further looking.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love, Jessica xxx